Eighteen
Just as my father had predicted, the air was lighter the next day. The sky was clear and as I stood in my bedroom, looking at myself in the mirror, I knew Sawyer and Lindsey couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day.
I ran my hands over my dress, smoothing out the skirt. I’d gone with something summery, a pale yellow sleeveless number with a high neck that fell loosely to just above my knees. I’d paired it with some wedges that gave me a little extra height and pulled my sides back, leaving the rest of my hair to hang in waves over my shoulders.
I glanced at the clock. 2:45. The wedding started at four. In an hour and fifteen minutes, my brother would be a married man. Images of our childhood began flashing through my mind. For the entirety of my life, it had always just been Dad, Mom, Sawyer and me. That was all changing now. Our family was getting bigger and while I was excited, I was sad at the same time.
Lindsey’s family had seemed nice at the dinner. They’d driven up from Connecticut where I’d learned Lindsey was originally from, and spent the evening mingling with my family and doing our best to get to know each other. No matter how hard we tried to downplay it, the whole thing had been a little awkward and I was glad when the evening was over and we headed home.
A knock on the door interrupted my thoughts, drawing me back from last night’s dinner and to the present, where I was putting on my earring.
“Come in,” I said and the door opened, my mom walking in a second later.
“You look cute,” she said, eyeing me with a smile. “I always liked you in yellow.”
“Thank you,” I said as I checked out her dress, a simple lavender one with three-quarter length sleeves and lace accents. “You look really nice, Mom.”
“I did the best I could. There’s only so much you can do once you reach my age,” she said with a soft laugh.
“Don’t say that, Mom. You look beautiful.”
“You’re being very kind, Caroline,” she said, raising a doubtful eyebrow.
“I’m being serious. You look great. How can you not know that? Dad is constantly looking at you as if he can’t wait to get you in the sack.”
Her mouth formed into a wide O and then swatted me on the arm, which caused me to laugh.
“Stop it, Caroline,” she said, her cheeks flaming red.
“You know I love to tease you, Mom, but seriously, you look amazing and Dad thinks you’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“Maybe he still sees the same girl he married when we were twenty-five,” she said with a quiet laugh as she sat on my bed, “but there are a few more wrinkles on this face and a lot of extra pounds.”
“Stop it,” I said, sitting down beside her and we were quiet for a few moments before I spoke again. “Are you ready for today?”
She sighed and when she looked at me, I saw tears in her eyes.
“No,” she said with a forced laugh. “I can’t believe I’m old enough to have my baby getting married and having a baby of his own. Time goes by so quickly.” She dabbed at the corners of her eyes and then looked at me again. “I used to think I had all the time in the world. I can still remember the day I married your father. It seems like so long ago, but at the same time, not that long ago. I don’t know if that makes any sense or not,” she said and then looked off for a moment, as if she was being taken back to another time. “I was so scared that day. I knew I loved your dad, but the idea of forever was overwhelming when I really thought about it.”
“When did you stop being afraid?” I asked her and her lips curled up into a smile.
“When I saw him waiting for me at the end of the aisle,” she said, pausing again. “I knew we’d be okay. That no matter what, I’d love him and he’d love me. And he has. We have.” She reached over and took my hand. “And then Sawyer and you came along and it changed everything again. Watching your father with you two made me love him even more. I loved our little family. I wanted you to stay small forever, but I blinked and you both grew up and now I’m about to be a grandma.” She started laughing then. “Can you believe that, Caroline? Me? A grandmother?”
“You don’t look like a grandmother, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“Again, your kindness is too much.” She squeezed my hand. “I’m excited though. I miss having babies around and I know Sawyer will be a good dad. He loves Lindsey so much. She’s good for him.”
“She is,” I agreed.
“Still, it’s going to be hard to let him go. I know he’ll still be here to work, but once their house is built, he won’t just be in the stable house and both my children will be gone.” There was sadness in her voice and I put my arm around her.
“Think of all the uninterrupted time you and Dad will get to spend together. Wild nights watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. You’ll be in bed every night before eight. It’ll be amazing.”
“You’re such a brat sometimes,” she said with a chuckle.
“Seriously though, we’re not gone, Mom. Sawyer and I will always be here for you guys, even if we’re a little further away.”
“I know, honey, and I don’t mean to get so sentimental on a day like today. Sawyer’s getting married and that is wonderful. It just makes me think about our life, just the four of us. It’s been such a good life.”
“It couldn’t have been better,” I said, pulling her close to me.
“We’ll be late if we don’t leave now!” My dad’s bellow carried up the stairs and my mom and I both laughed. He’d yelled at us like that so many times when I was growing up as he and Sawyer waited impatiently for us downstairs while we put the finishing touches on our hair or makeup.
“I wonder if he’s started winding clocks yet,” she said with a grin and I cracked up, thinking of the ongoing joke in our family for as long as I could remember. Whenever he was waiting for my mom and I to get ready, he’d start to pace the house, winding all of the clocks he’d collected from antique shops and family members that were placed sporadically around the house.
“He’s such a dork,” I said and my mom started laughing.
“But he’s our dork and we love him.”
She stood up and took my hand, encouraging me to stand up.
I grabbed my purse and followed her downstairs where my father waited. Adam was with Sawyer and so it was just my dad at the bottom of the steps. He looked handsome in a gray suit and tie. He’d just gotten a haircut and his dusty hair, which now had traces of gray in it, looked impeccable.
My mom stopped and looked at the grandfather clock in the living room and then glanced down at her watch.
“That clock seems a little slow,” she said and my dad’s head whipped around to look at it.
“That’s impossible. I just wound the damn thing!” he exclaimed, clomping over to the clock while my mom and I burst out laughing. He stopped in his tracks and turned to us. When his face turned into a glare, I knew it had clicked. He knew exactly why we were laughing. We loved teasing him about the clocks and he hated it.
“I wish the two of you would grow up,” he said, his voice laced with annoyance. “Sawyer’s smart to get married and get away from the two of you.” His last comment made us both laugh even more and he huffed at us as he reached for his keys.
“You know you love us, Dad,” I said, walking over and kissing him on the cheek and I watched as his annoyance seemed to melt from his face.
“You make it impossible not to,” he sighed, looking at me and then to my mom and their eyes met. He was smiling now and she was smiling back, their stare remaining locked for a few moments and I imagined this is what they might’ve looked like when my mom saw my dad waiting for her at the end of the aisle all those years ago.
I found my eyes moving from them to the house. To the family pictures on the wall, to the recliner that always seemed to have been there, to the kitchen and the table we’d shared so many meals. The memories were heavy and the memories were great. All because two people said yes. Now it was my brother’s turn and I only hoped his life would be just as good.
~~~
I held Adam’s hand the entire ceremony. The only time I let go was when he stood up to give Sawyer the ring. Lindsey looked beautiful in a simple white dress. It had little cap sleeves and a lace overlay over the fitted dress that hung to the floor. Her dark brown hair was left loose in waves. Sawyer seemed anxious, but in a good way. He’d watched, holding back tears, as Lindsey’s father walked her down the aisle. They recited their own vows, simple and to the point. It was obvious how much they loved each other and when they kissed, we all clapped, my brother’s eye catching mine briefly as he and his wife walked back down the aisle. He smiled at me and winked and I smiled back. My big brother was married.
I turned to Adam and saw his eyes were watching Sawyer and Lindsey as well. He was quiet and I couldn’t tell how to read him.
“That was sweet,” I said softly, letting go of his hand and sliding my arm around his waist to be closer to him. I felt his arm slide over my shoulder, pulling me closer and kissing me on the head. We stood there for a few quiet moments, taking in the bittersweet moment. We were happy for Sawyer, but I knew we were both a bit sad as well. Nothing would ever be the same from this moment.
People started walking to their cars to head over to the church hall that had been rented to host the small reception that was to follow. Sawyer and Lindsey had already been whisked off to take pictures and would meet us back at the reception.
We started towards Adam’s truck. He opened the door for me when we got there, his strong hands taking me by my waist and lifting me effortlessly into the passenger seat. I reached for my seatbelt, but I saw he was still standing there, looking at me, a softness in his eyes I didn’t often see.
“I love you, Caroline,” he said out of the blue and then reached up, curling his fingers around my neck and gently pulling me to him until our lips brushed. He slowly pulled back and I didn’t get a chance to respond before he shut the door. A few seconds later, he was beside me and we were easing out of the parking lot and making the short drive to the church.
Adam didn’t say much. He held my hand though and hadn’t let go of it by the time we pulled into the parking lot. Inside there were tables set up with white cotton tablecloths and clear vases in the middle with a sunflower in each of them. It was a simple set up, but beautiful nonetheless. Soft piano music played over the stereo system and a buffet table was set up by a caterer from Burlington since there wasn’t a local one in Silver Falls.
We found our seats at the head table. While there hadn’t been an official wedding party, Sawyer wanted Adam and I at the table along with Lindsey’s sister and her best friend, Angela. It was admittedly a little awkward since Lindsey had set up Adam and Angela on a blind date when he’d returned to our farm in Silver Falls before we were together. I tried not to dwell on the jealously I’d felt that night. After all, he ended up with me in the long run.
The guest list was small, fifty people at best, and most of the guests were family, so it didn’t take long for everyone to get situated. Sawyer and Lindsey arrived not long after and we all stood up and clapped for them as they walked in.
My brother already looked different. Happier than I’d ever seen him. I could say the same for Lindsey too. She couldn’t stop looking at Sawyer and I wondered if she’d ever stop smiling. They seemed to be in their own little world, which they never seemed to come out of even after we’d all gone through the buffet line and we all watched as they shared their first dance.
Adam sat close to me, his arm draped around my shoulder, as we watched. They were both smiling, their eyes never leaving each other’s. The way they looked at each other made me believe that love could last forever.
When it was over, Sawyer danced with my mother and Lindsey danced with her father. I didn’t make it through that dance without a few tears and as I looked around, I knew I wasn’t the only one.
They cut the cake and when all the formalities were over, the party began. The dance floor filled and it wasn’t long before everyone was laughing and drinking and having a great time. I’d hardly said two words to Sawyer though and when I saw him alone, I decided to take my chance.
“I’ll be right back,” I said to Adam and then walked over to my brother.
I stopped in front of him, meeting his eyes and then I walked over and hugged him just as a slow song began to play.
“Do you think you could spare a dance for your little sister?” I asked him with a smile. He nodded without hesitation and a second later, we’d joined everyone else on the dancefloor.
I’d never danced with Sawyer and we both knew we weren’t doing a very good job, but neither of us cared at that point.
“So, how do you feel?” I asked him as we danced.
“Awesome. I’ve only been married for two hours, but so far, it’s the best decision I’ve ever made,” he said and then grinned. “You should give it a try.”
“I’ll get right on that,” I scoffed.
“I mean it, Care,” he said, his grin fading as his eyes drifted to where Adam was drinking some punch and talking to a group of older men from Lindsey’s side of the family. I knew they were talking baseball and I could tell by the look on Adam’s face that he was less than thrilled since we’d learned the majority of Lindsey’s family were Yankee fans.
“I’m only twenty-four. I’ve got time.”
“You hope.”
“What?” I exclaimed.
“You never know about life,” he said and I rolled my eyes.
“Do you have to be so macabre on your wedding day?”
“I’m not. Just trying to instill some brotherly wisdom before you disappear back to Boston.”
“I’m not disappearing. I’ll be back more. Especially after the baby comes,” I told him and he nodded.
“Don’t feel obligated. Your life is in Boston now. I understand.” I knew by the look in his eyes, he meant what he said.
“It won’t keep me from that kid,” I said with a smile and it grew quiet for a few seconds as we continued to sway to the beat. “This is my niece or nephew we’re talking about.” When I looked at my brother, he had a nervous smile on his face. “You okay?” I asked him.
“Yeah. It’s all getting real now,” he said with an anxious laugh.
“For what it’s worth, I think you’ll be an amazing father,” I told him and I might’ve been reading into it, but he seemed to relax.
“Thank you,” he said before I saw his head turn away quickly.
Erica was standing next to us, her hands on her hips and a wide smile on her face.
“You’ve been hogging the groom too long. Can I cut in?” she teased and I stepped away.
“Be my guest,” I said, smiling over to my brother before Erica took my place. He winked at me before they disappeared onto the dancefloor.
I stood for a moment, looking around. Adam was still talking. Our eyes met for a moment and I couldn’t help the playful smile that formed on my face. I knew he’d had it talking ball with the old men, but I also knew he was too polite to excuse himself.
Then my eyes focused on my father and I headed towards him. He was sitting at the table, drinking a glass of wine. His suit jacket was off and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows.
“Wanna dance?” I asked him. He looked up and smiled.
“I’ve got two left feet, but I’m willing to overlook it if it means I can dance with my baby girl,” he said, smiling at me as he took my hand that I’d outstretched for him.
“I inherited my left feet from you, so we should be a perfect match.”
He laughed and we joined the crowd on the dancefloor. I couldn’t recall the last time I’d ever danced with my father. It had probably been when I was a little girl and forced him to dance with me around the living room. Regardless of when it had been, it was too long.
“What’d you think of the ceremony?” I asked him.
“It was real nice,” he said.
“Yeah, it was,” I agreed softly and we were quiet for a few moments until I was suddenly overcome with emotion.
Seeing my brother get married, knowing he’d be a father soon, thinking of how our lives were changing, but so grateful for the life I’d been given, the man dancing with me being a primary reason for that happiness.
“I love you, Dad,” I said, feeling tears burning at the backs of my eyes. He looked at me and smiled. I thought I saw tears in his eyes as well.
“I love you too, Care Bear,” he said and then I hugged him tightly as I caught Adam’s eye over my father’s shoulder. He smiled at me and I smiled back. Life was good.