Thirty
I was nervous walking into the office the next morning. I had mentally prepared myself for the condolences I was sure to receive from my colleagues. I would smile and say thank you and tell them I was doing alright after the death of my father. The usual standard answers in a situation like this because I wouldn’t break down to strangers and tell them how I was really feeling.
Erica had left when I did. She had a dinner shift at my grandparents’ restaurant and needed to get home before then. I wasn’t looking forward to coming home to an empty house at the end of the day, but that’s what would be waiting for me and I would be fine.
I passed a few people in other departments on the way to my desk. I was still fairly new, but I at least knew who most everybody was and just as I’d anticipated, most of them expressed their sympathies to me. I handled myself like a trooper though before I finally set sights on my desk.
I was relieved to see it. I wanted to dive back into the project. I wanted to keep my mind busy, to lose myself in my work so I couldn’t think of anything else.
I was grateful to see I was the first one there and I breathed a sigh of relief when I sat down at my desk and started working. I heard a door open a few minutes later and I turned to see Ron standing in the doorway of his office, looking sympathetically at me. Looking at him made me sad. He had always reminded me of my father in a way.
“Good morning, Caroline,” he said, crossing the room and standing by my desk.
“Good morning, Ron,” I replied.
“It’s good to have you back. You’ve been missed.”
“Thank you. Sean filled me in on what’s been going on with the project and I’m anxious to get back to work.”
“That’s good to hear, but if you need to take a break or anything, we understand,” he said and then paused for a moment before continuing. “I remember when I lost my father. It’s hard.”
It wasn’t that I was glad Ron’s father had passed away too, but like with Sean, it was comforting to know I wasn’t alone; that others had lost someone too and they were okay.
“Thank you, Ron. I really appreciate it, but I’m hoping being back to work will help my mind stay occupied.”
“How’s your family? They own a farm, correct?”
“Yes, a dairy farm in Vermont. My brother assures me they’ll manage,” I told him, wondering if he heard the doubt in my voice.
“You’d be surprised how families pull together in times like this,” he said as if speaking from experience.
“Thank you,” I said genuinely, wondering what my brother was doing right now. He’d probably finished the morning milking and was moving on to clean up. I hoped he was okay and he wasn’t overwhelmed.
“I wanted to speak with you about something else as well, Caroline,” he said, his voice changing back to business and it made me nervous.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“I want you to know what a valued member of our team you are. I also want you to know I’m aware of how Frank has been treating you.”
“I told Sean not to say anything…”
“He didn’t. Not in so many words, but I had my suspicions and they were confirmed. His behavior was not acceptable and he has been warned. We’re lucky to have you here at Logics. I’m glad we found you before someone else did. You have a bright future ahead of you.”
“Thank you,” I said timidly, grateful in a way that the subject had been broached, but also disappointed we’d had to talk about it at all.
“I’ll leave you to your work then,” he said and then retreated to his office.
I turned back to my computer, getting back to my work and trying not to think about the conversation with Ron or my father.
It wasn’t long before the others came in. Sean first and then Brett, who greeted me right away with condolences. Luckily, he didn’t press me at all and we got to work. Frank strolled in not long after. I wasn’t sure if he knew Ron had spoken with me, but he seemed different.
“Morning, Caroline,” he said as he settled into his chair.
“Good morning, Frank,” I replied.
“I was sorry to hear about your father,” he said.
“Thank you,” I responded and then nothing else was said.
I worked for a little while longer before leaving my desk and heading to the lab. Sean was inside when I got there.
“I forgot how much I missed this place,” I said, walking beside him. “Show me what you’ve been doing.”
He handed me the prototype and began explaining the changes he had made since I’d been gone and then started discussing possibilities for what we could do next.
“Ron talked to me today about Frank,” I said after a while and I could see Sean tense up.
“I didn’t tell him. I respected your wishes, but when he asked me directly about it, I wasn’t going to lie.”
“I’m not mad, if that’s what you think,” I began.
“I thought you might be since you told me not to bring it up.”
“But you didn’t bring it up. You stuck up for me though and I appreciate it. Hopefully this will stop Frank from treating other women the way he treated me.”
“I think it most definitely will.”
“And it felt good to hear Ron tell me I was valuable to the team.”
“So, it only means something when coming from him? I tell you all the time,” he grinned.
“Well, he’s my boss. You’re not,” I said and we both laughed.
“It really is good to have you back,” he said.
“It’s good to be back.”
“Did Erica go back to Vermont yet?” he asked and I could hear the hesitancy in his voice. He didn’t want me to pick up on the eagerness in it, but I did.
“She left this morning,” I told him.
“Oh,” he responded and just like I had with the eagerness, I picked up on the disappointment too.
“She had a good time though. Thank you for meeting us.”
“It was nice to see her again.”
“Maybe it won’t be the last time,” I said with a smile.
“It will be, so just give it up, Caroline, okay?”
“Fine,” I said, but the smile didn’t leave my face.
“Can we just get back to work?” he asked, an edge of annoyance to his voice that reinforced what I thought about him and Erica.
“Whatever you say,” I said and we did just that. I dove back into my work, just like I’d planned and just like Sean had told me I would last night, I made it through the day. I considered it a personal victory.
~~~
I knew I would be coming home to an empty house, but it didn’t prepare me for the overwhelming quiet that greeted me when I opened the door at six o’clock. I’d stayed later than normal to catch up on some things and if I was being honest, to avoid the lonely townhouse. I couldn’t avoid it forever though and here I was.
I walked into the kitchen, placed my purse on the counter and looked in the fridge. I still hadn’t gone to the store. I hadn’t had time. It didn’t matter though. I wasn’t that hungry anyway. I had to eat something though and so I threw together a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and turned on the TV for background noise.
When the sandwich was done, I went upstairs to change and then parked myself in front of the TV. This would be my spot for the rest of the night.
My phone started going off, signaling a video chat request. I smiled immediately, knowing it had to be Adam. Sure enough, I picked it up and saw his picture. I quickly accepted and a moment later, he appeared on the screen, dressed in his uniform, waiting for the game to start. He smiled widely when my face came into focus.
“Hey,” he said. “I wanted to try and catch you before the game starts.”
“It’s good to see you, Adam,” I said, unable to contain the smile on my face.
“How was your first day back?”
“Better than I thought. I survived.”
“I’ve been thinking about you all day. I thought about calling you at work, but didn’t want to distract you.”
“It’s probably better you didn’t. I just threw myself into my work today.”
“And it helped keep your mind off of things,” he concluded and I nodded.
“It was good to be back.”
“I can’t wait to see you on Sunday.”
“Me too,” I told him, imagining him beside me.
“Have you talked to your brother or your mom today?”
“Not yet. I’ll give them a call when we’re done.”
“I called Sawyer earlier,” Adam said. “He seemed okay. Said your uncles came over to help. I guess they’re going to do a rotation until Sawyer can get the life insurance money and everything else in order to hire someone.”
I don’t know why I was offended that Adam knew this and I didn’t and I hoped he didn’t see it on my face.
“That sounds like a good idea. I can’t wait to talk to him about it.”
“Why don’t you go ahead and call him? I’ve gotta get going anyway. I love you, Care. And I’ll see you soon.”
“Love you too,” I said, blowing a kiss to him almost as a reflex. He reached up and grabbed it before smiling once more and then the screen went black.
I cradled my phone in my hand for a few moments before calling Sawyer. I finally called him though and when I heard his voice, he sounded relaxed. I wondered if he was putting on a show for me, just as I was with him. He confirmed what Adam had told me about my uncles helping and he told me everything should be settled within a few weeks.
We didn’t chat long. He said they were having dinner with my mom at The Silver Falls House. When we hung up, I called my mother, hoping to catch her before her dinner with Sawyer.
“How are you, Mom?” I asked her.
“I’m okay, honey. How are you?” she asked, sounding more like her usual self than when I’d left the day before.
“Hanging in there,” I answered.
“Did you go back to work today?”
“Yes. It was good to be back. It kept me busy.”
“See? Sawyer and I told you it’s what you needed and we were right.”
“You were,” I agreed, but then I heard a voice in the background.
“That’s Sawyer. He’s here to take me to dinner. I’ll talk to you tomorrow though, okay?” she asked hopefully.
“I’ll call you after work. I love you, Mom.”
“Love you too, sweetie,” she said and then the phone went dead and I was alone again in the cavernous townhouse. I missed my family and I missed Adam, but this was life and just as everyone kept reminding me, life had to go on.