Eight
As I approached the barn the next morning, it felt like any other day, but in my heart, I knew it wasn’t. I’d made the walk a million times, but it was different today. My family was trying to act like it wasn’t, but I knew in a few short hours when I was gone, they would be feeling very different.
I pushed open the door. Frank Sinatra played quietly in the barn. Sinatra was one of my dad’s favorites to play for the cows. He claimed Old Blue Eyes increased their milk production and my brother and I simply humored him.
Sawyer was hooking up a cow to a milker when he looked up, his eyes meeting mine as I stood in the doorway. It took him a moment to smile, but he finally did.
“Morning,” he said to me, his voice echoing in the hollowness of the barn.
“Morning,” I answered, walking toward him.
“Did you come to help milk the cows one last time before you head off to the big city?” he said with a quiet laugh as he finished hooking the cow up to the machine and standing up.
“No,” I answered, “but I can if you need some help.”
“Go for it then,” he said, gesturing towards the next waiting cow.
I stepped in, going through the motions like I’d done so many times. This was the life I’d always known. My simple life out in the country. It was strange to think how much that was about to change.
“When are you and Adam taking off?” Sawyer’s voice interrupted my thoughts and I stopped to look at him.
“Soon. He should be here within the hour.”
“You’re really itchin’ to get out of this place,” he concluded.
“Not really,” I said softly and Sawyer stopped what he was doing. He stood up, his curious eyes meeting mine. “I think I’m going to miss Silver Falls more than I want to admit.”
He was quiet for a few moments and I could feel my eyes burning as I looked at my brother. He’d always been there and I couldn’t imagine not seeing his face every morning or listening to one of his ridiculous taunts. He was my brother. A Grade A pain in my ass, but I loved him and I would miss him.
“You’ll be fine, Care,” he said. His voice was strong and I knew he was trying to encourage me. “You were meant for more than this town.”
“What’s wrong with Silver Falls?” I asked, suddenly defensive.
“Nothing’s wrong with it. I’ll be here till the day I die, I’m sure of it. I’m okay with that though. This is who I am. A farmer, but this town isn’t you.” He paused for a second, bringing his eyes back to me. “Not right now anyway.”
He turned his back to me, tending to one of the cows and I wondered if he’d turned away on purpose. Maybe my leaving was having a bigger effect on him than he wanted me to see.
“You’ll come visit, right? Especially when Adam’s gone?” My voice was hopeful and he turned around, looking at me with a smile.
“Of course, I will,” he said and I could feel my bottom lip start to tremble.
“I’m…I’m gonna miss you, Sawyer,” I said softly. He looked away for a moment and when he returned his eyes to mine, I could see the sadness in them. He walked the few steps between us and wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly.
“I’m gonna miss you, too, Care,” he said, his voice cracking before he pulled back, holding me at arm’s length. I could see his eyes were wet. My ever-stoic brother was trying not to cry. “You need to do this.”
“It just seems surreal. This has always been my home.”
“And it will always be your home,” he interjected, smiling supportively at me, forcing a smile to form on my own face.
“I know,” I agreed softy.
“And you’re welcome back any time you’re missing the smell of cow shit.”
I burst out laughing and my brother pulled me into his arms again for another hug. When he let go this time, the humor from earlier was gone.
“Make sure Adam’s good to you,” he said and his words surprised me.
“I thought we were past this,” I said, a pit starting to form in my stomach, recalling the tension between Sawyer and me after he found out about me and Adam.
“We are,” he began, “but, you’re my little sister and I’ll never stop worrying. If you need anything, you call me, promise?”
“Promise.” I nodded, but didn’t get to say anything else when I heard the sound of tires rolling up on the dirt outside the barn. Sawyer and I turned our heads to see Adam’s black truck pulling up. I wasn’t expecting him already and my stomach started to knot knowing his presence meant it was almost time to leave. I could feel the nerves, fear, excitement and anticipation all rolling together as one.
The closing of the truck door rang through the air and a moment later he was standing in the doorway looking entirely too good in his faded jeans and t-shirt, his old UVM ball cap pulled down tight. Our eyes met and he smiled, causing the bundle of nerves that had been taking over my body to suddenly calm inside me.
“Hey,” he said, his deep voice echoing in the barn.
“Hey,” I answered.
His eyes moved to Sawyer and I turned to look at him. He was looking back at Adam with a stern expression. It was as if they were speaking to each other without any actual words and then I turned back to Adam.
“You ready?” he asked me and I hesitated a second until I felt a hand on my back, encouraging me forward. I turned again to see my brother, only this time his face was softer.
“You got this,” he said softly, pushing me forward. I took his hand and gave it a squeeze before turning back to Adam.
“I’m ready,” I told him. Adam smiled at me, holding out his hand. I reached for it and then took the first steps toward my new life.