Nineteen
I felt like I’d hardly seen Adam during the reception. The old men had grabbed a hold of him and he was too polite to tell them to back off. We’d managed a couple of dances together, but not nearly as many as I would have liked and it was good to finally be alone with him in the truck, driving back towards the farm after the reception ended.
It was nearly ten o’clock and Adam held my hand as we made our way down the dark roads. I was tired from the day. I wondered if Adam was too. I was just about to ask him when he suddenly made a right turn instead of continuing on the highway.
“What are you doing?” I asked him.
“Let’s go for a walk,” he said and it registered with me where we were going.
“It’s ten o’clock. We can’t go for a walk,” I protested.
“Why not? We did it last year and it turned out okay.”
I looked over at him, the lights of the dashboard illuminating his face, which had an adorable smirk on it. My mind instantly flashed back to that night a year ago when I’d followed him up the mountain until he’d shown me the most beautiful spot overlooking Silver Falls and Burlington.
“I’m in a dress and wedges,” I told him and his eyebrow raised.
“That could be problematic,” he said. “But, it could also be worth the risk. It’s up to you.” He smiled again and he knew I wouldn’t be able to resist the chance to be completely alone with him.
“I’m game,” I finally said and he grinned at me again before the road turned bumpy and he pulled the truck off the road.
I met him in front of the truck and he held his hand out to me. I took it and followed him into the woods.
I couldn’t help but think how out of place we looked, me in my dress and him in his suit. At least he’d ditched the jacket. The sleeves of his shirt were rolled to his elbows and his tie was loose. His hair that had been styled so meticulously at the start of the day was messier now, his hair falling onto his forehead, just the way I liked it.
“You doing okay?” he asked me a few minutes into the walk as the mountain got steeper.
“I’m managing,” I said as I stepped over a fallen tree.
“Want a piggyback ride?” he said with a laugh.
“I’m just fine, Adam, thank you very much,” I said and he even though it was dark, there was just enough moonlight so I could see the smirk on his face. He loved to tease me and truthfully, I didn’t mind.
We didn’t talk much on the ascent to the top. We were too focused on watching our footing and making sure we didn’t get snagged on a tree or trip over something on the ground. When we got to the top though, the ridge was clear, the trees opening up to the view I hadn’t seen in a year. I stopped and stared for a moment, taking it in as Adam stood beside me, holding my hand and looking out at the spattering of lights below.
“I’d almost forgotten how pretty it is up here. And so quiet,” I said softly.
“That’s why I wanted to come here…before we leave tomorrow and head back to Boston.”
“I’ll never forget when you brought me here last summer…when we were still trying to figure everything out.”
“And do you think we’ve figured it all out?” he asked turning to me, a sweet smile on his face.
“I think we’re getting there,” I grinned back.
“After all this time and all we’ve been through, you think we’re just getting there?” He raised an eyebrow and I slid my arm around his waist, resting my head against his chest as I stared out into the darkness.
“Life is complicated, Adam,” I began and then paused for a moment. “Love is complicated,” I continued. “It’s always changing. You and me…our lives are always changing, but we’re figuring it out. We always do.”
He was quiet for a second, but then I felt him kiss me on the top of the head and hold me a little bit tighter.
“I guess that’s what keeps it exciting. Never knowing what’s going to happen next,” he said and I laughed softly.
“Yeah, the suspense is awesome,” I said and it was his turn to laugh, the quiet settling in again for a few moments.
“Today was a good day,” he finally said.
“It was,” I agreed.
“The only thing I didn’t like was the fact I barely got to dance with you.”
“The old timers had you pretty busy,” I said and he laughed again.
“Hazard of the job.”
“I think it’s sweet that you take the time to indulge them.”
“Yeah, but I was looking forward to today. To just being you and me. No jobs. No road trips. Just us and some good music.”
“I wish we could’ve danced more too.”
“Who’s to say we can’t?”
“Here?”
“Yes, here.”
“And with what music?” I said with a laugh as he suddenly took my hand, spinning me away from him before wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me back to him.
“I can sing.” He looked down at me with a half-smile and I laughed again.
“You’re gonna sing? I didn’t know Adam DeLain sang.”
“I guess there’s still a lot you have to learn about me then.”
“I guess so,” I said as he started swaying, pulling me close as he began to sing softly in my ear. He was completely out of tune and I had to stifle my laugh. “You’re a terrible singer, you know.”
“Yeah, I know, but you love me anyways.”
“That, I do,” I said.
“And who says we need music,” he said as I raised my head so I could look into his eyes. I stretched on my tippy toes and gently brushed my lips over his, pulling away slowly, and we continued to dance, even though there was no music, just the sounds of crickets and peep toads. It didn’t stop us from swaying together though, our feet scraping quietly against the dirt as we danced.
“It’s hard to believe Sawyer’s really married,” I said after a few quiet moments.
“Yeah. I think it’ll take a while to get used to,” Adam added and when I looked up, his gaze was off in the distance for a second before looking back at me. “I envy Sawyer.”
“You do?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.
“He’s got everything he wants. Lindsey. A new house soon. The baby. He’s set.”
His words took me aback and the sway of our dance started to slow.
“You’re not happy, Adam?” I asked and I saw his eyes widen for a second.
“Of course, I’m happy, baby,” he said, smiling at me. “You make me happy every single day. That’s not what I’m saying.”
“What are you saying?” I wasn’t being defensive. I wasn’t accusing him of anything. I simply wanted to know.
“I’m only saying Sawyer’s at a different place in his life. He’s set. He knows for the next fifty years Lindsey will be there. They’ll probably have a few more kids and stay near the farm the rest of their lives.”
“I…I didn’t know you felt this way,” I said softly.
“I guess I didn’t realize I did until today.” I felt one of his hands leave my waist and then he ran his fingertips slowly over my cheek, leaning in and kissing me gently.
“What do you see when you think about your future?” I asked, our lips still hovering close.
“I see you and me,” he answered quietly, his warm breath tickling my skin. “What do you see?”
“I see that too,” I whispered, my heart beating faster in my chest.
“Good. At least we’re on the same page,” he said softly, kissing me sweetly. “I hope you know what you mean to me, Caroline. Really. I love you.”
“I love you, too,” I said and then reached up, resting my palm on his cheek and we stopped dancing, standing still and looking at each other. “Are you okay, Adam?”
“Yeah, I’m perfect. I’m here with you, aren’t I?”
“You just seem different is all.”
“I guess maybe I am,” he said softly, pausing for a moment before continuing. “But, I promise you, Caroline, I’m okay.”
I met his eyes and for a few seconds, the world disappeared. He pulled me into his arms, bringing me close and it was just Adam and me for this moment. A moment that wouldn’t last, but one I would always remember.