Twenty-Two
I sat on the couch, wrapped in a blanket even though it was the middle of summer. I was cold, down to my core and nothing I did could help me find warmth. I couldn’t even completely remember how I’d gotten home. My mind had shut down after Adam’s words. I remembered crying into his chest. I remembered Adam saying something to me, but I didn’t remember what it was. Somehow, I’d gotten out of the building and into his truck though and somehow I found myself on the couch, my knees tucked tightly into a knot as I stared off into nothing.
I could hear Adam upstairs. He was packing our bags to head home to Silver Falls. Other than that, the apartment was silent and I was doing my best to keep my mind from forming any coherent thought. I couldn’t let my mind process what Adam had told me because then it would be true and I couldn’t let it be true.
I was lost in my nothingness, but the sound of his footsteps forced me to turn my head to see Adam walking slowly down the stairs, two small bags in his hands. He set them on the floor at the base of the stairs and then he looked up, locking his eyes with mine. He wasn’t smiling. He hadn’t smiled since I’d walked into the conference room to find him standing there waiting for me. I wished he would smile because then that would mean everything was okay. The smile didn’t come though. Instead, he took a few hesitant steps until he was at the couch, slowly taking a seat next to me.
His hand crawled under the blanket, curling his fingers with mine. His hand was so warm. I wished I could make that warmth spread throughout the rest of my body that was still so cold. He inched closer, closing the gap between us until our bodies were touching and then his arm was around me, pulling me close.
“I…I don’t understand what happened,” I whispered after a few moments, my throat catching and a fresh batch of tears forming in my eyes. My chest was tightening as I tried to keep myself calm.
“I don’t know much either,” he said softly, kissing me on the top of the head. “Sawyer didn’t say much. Just that your dad was out tending the cows in the field when Sawyer found him. I don’t know what happened.”
I blinked and tears fell silently down my cheeks as I nuzzled in closer to Adam, needing his strength more than I ever had.
“This can’t be happening,” I whispered again, wiping at my wet cheeks.
“I’m so sorry,” he told me, his words soft and gentle. His apology did nothing to alleviate my pain though. No matter how sorry anyone was, it would not bring my father back.
I shut my eyes tightly, trying to hold myself together, but I couldn’t do it and my chest started to heave as I began to sob. Adam let go of my hand then and wrapped me in his arms, holding me as I cried. I prayed I would wake up from this nightmare. I prayed when I opened my eyes I would be in bed and realize it had all been a dream. A terrible dream, but only a dream. I would pick up the phone and call my dad. I would tell him that I loved him and I would thank him for everything he’d done for me during my life. And not just the big things, but the little things, like the way he’d always let me get the sugary cereals my mom hated so much or the time Erica and I had snuck out to go to a movie to see a boy I liked. He’d caught us coming back in, but he’d never told my mom. Or the time I’d gone to Erica’s and watched the scary movie he told me not to. I couldn’t sleep for a week and every night, my dad would hold me until I fell asleep. There were so many memories with my father. Too many to think of and too painful to think about right now.
When my eyes opened though, I wasn’t in bed. I was still on the couch and it still wasn’t a dream. I pulled away slowly from Adam as my sobs began to lessen and I wiped at my face with the back of my hand, taking in a few deep breaths as Adam brushed a piece of hair away that had gotten stuck to my damp face.
“How’s my mom?” I asked quietly and I watched as his mouth turned into a deep frown. I hadn’t called her. I hadn’t been able to bring myself to.
“I don’t know, Care,” he answered gently, taking my hand again. “I hardly know anything. Sawyer called and told me. He asked me to tell you. He wanted to make sure someone was with you when you found out.” I felt him squeeze my hand and he kept the tight grip as our eyes met. “We need to get home. Back to Silver Falls, so we can all be together.”
I nodded, not saying anything for a few seconds before I stood up, looking down at him.
“Let’s go home, Adam,” I said softly. He stood up beside me, pulling me in for a protective hug, his arms wrapping tightly around me as he pulled me close for a few moments before pulling back and taking my hand again.
“Let’s go home,” he repeated quietly. He picked up our bags and I followed him out the front door. We got in his truck and without any words, Adam put it in drive and we began the long drive back to Silver Falls that neither one of us wanted to make.