Seven
Graduation was merely a formality. I would’ve been content with not walking across the stage in my cap and gown, but it meant a lot to my family, to Adam too, and so I’d donned the get up, smiled as my name was called and waved to my family who was cheering wildly from their section in the bleachers.
It was quiet now back in Silver Falls, in the bathroom of my family’s restaurant where I’d escaped for a moment. It felt good to be alone for a little bit after the day I’d had. My parents were all smiles as they hugged me and my grandmother pinched my cheeks in pride like she used to when I was a little girl. I wanted just a little more time to myself before stepping back out into the party though. Unfortunately, the solitude was abruptly ended when the door swung open and Erica waltzed inside.
“You always were Gram’s favorite. She’s never thrown a party like this for me before.”
The door closed behind her and she stationed herself next to me so we were both looking in the mirror now.
“You know, Erica,” I said, glancing over at her reflection, “if we weren’t related, I’m not sure I’d be friends with you.”
“Bullcrap. You know we’d be BFFs no matter what.”
She elbowed me in the ribs and I winced, pushing her back until we both started laughing.
“Seriously,” she said, turning and leaning on the counter, crossing her arms and looking at me, “I can’t believe you’re not going to be here tomorrow.”
“I’m only going to Boston.”
“It might as well be Mars.” Erica’s voice faded and I turned myself so we were facing. My cousin looked sad, her eyes now staring down at the floor. She didn’t look like herself. She was the lighthearted free spirit of the family, but she looked anything but that at the moment.
“Hey,” I said softly, resting my hand on her arm, causing her to look up into my eyes. I was surprised to see they were glistening. Erica actually had tears in her eyes. “What’s the matter? You were fine when I told you about the position at Logics. You actually encouraged me.”
She looked off to the side, the way someone does when they’re trying to keep tears from falling. She failed though and one escaped down her cheek. She batted it away quickly and sighed.
“I was fine. But that was before it was real. Now I don’t know what the hell’s the matter with me,” she said, her voice catching in her throat. “I guess I don’t want to believe that tonight’s your last night in Silver Falls.”
“I’m not dying, Erica,” I said, laughing. She didn’t join me though.
“You know what I mean, Care. You’ve always been here. We’ve always been here. Whenever I needed something you were never more than fifteen minutes away and now…” She paused for a second, taking in a deep breath to calm herself. “Now you’re not.”
Erica was more like a sister than a cousin and everything she’d said was right. We’d gone through school together. She’d always been there to pick me up and I’d done the same for her. She knew me better than almost anyone and I felt my own eyes growing warm as I thought about our impending separation. I’d been so busy with finals and making plans with Adam for my move to Boston, I’d selfishly not given much thought to those I’d be leaving behind in Silver Falls. But now, looking at Erica and being reminded of what I’d be missing when I left, my heart hurt and seeing the pain in my cousin’s eyes, I knew hers did too. I reached over and put my arms around her. She did the same and we were quiet for a few moments until she pulled back, wiping at her now soaked face with the back of her hand. I reached for a paper towel out of the dispenser and dried my tears with it.
“I’m sorry,” she said, still wiping her cheeks. “I don’t know what came over me. It just seems like the end of an era or something. I don’t know why I always thought you’d stay here in Silver Falls.”
“Because I always thought I would. No one ever leaves this place.”
“Except Adam and now you,” she added softly.
“Stop this,” I insisted. “I’m only going to be a few hours away.”
“For now. Who knows where you’ll be a year from now? Who knows if Adam will get traded to the Mariners or something? You’d be all the way in Seattle then!”
“Let’s not worry about that right now,” I said, not wanting to think about that situation either at the moment. “You can come and visit whenever you want and I’ll come home too. Adam’s going to be gone so much during the season, I’d welcome the company.”
I took her hand, squeezing it as I smiled at Erica and she reluctantly smiled back.
“Are you ready for it, Care?” she asked. “The move to Boston? Living full time with Adam?”
I didn’t answer right away. I looked away for a second, thinking about how everything was about to change and then I felt a slow smile curling up on my lips.
“Yeah,” I finally answered. “I think I am.”
“Then I’m ready for it,” she said. “But don’t forget about us back here in Silver Falls.”
“I could never do that,” I answered quickly.
“It’ll be good for you in Boston,” she said and I wondered if she was saying it for her benefit or mine.
“I think so too,” I agreed and the sly smile so customary of my cousin formed on her face.
“I shouldn’t have expected you to say no when he asked you to move in. I mean, who could turn down a nightly hit from Adam DeLain?”
My cheeks turned bright red and I slapped her arm, causing her to laugh.
“Seriously! Would you stop making cracks about Adam’s sexual prowess?” I said, trying not to laugh. I should be used to it by now. Erica had been relentless about the subject ever since Adam came back to Silver Falls.
“Maybe I would if you ever gave me the details I’ve been asking for,” she smirked. I couldn’t help but laugh this time and in order to avoid responding to her, I grabbed her arm and yanked her back into the dining room.
My family was all there. My parents were smiling. My grandmother looked content running around making sure everyone had what they needed, the way she always did, and Sawyer had his arm draped around Lindsey, the small diamond on her finger flashing for everyone to see. Their engagement was no longer a secret and my mom was already talking non-stop about wedding plans. From the looks of it, everything in our little world of Silver Falls seemed to be going perfectly.
My gaze moved from my family across the room to where Adam stood. He’d been cornered by my Uncle Jim, Erica’s father. My family had gotten used to having Adam around, but that didn’t mean they didn’t sometimes take the opportunity to talk baseball with him or give him pointers on his curveball. Uncle Jim was especially opinionated, which wasn’t all that surprising to Adam since he’d created Erica.
He must’ve felt me watching him because his eyes drifted away from my uncle for a moment and met mine. His mouth curled up into that crooked grin I loved so much. I smiled back, appreciating that he was humoring my uncle. Adam turned back to the conversation then just as Erica linked her arm with mine and pulled me over to the ice cream sundae bar that had been set up.
“It’s like Gram knows us or something,” she said with a grin as she started piling vanilla ice cream into a bowl. Erica and I had drowned many a sorrow over bowls and bowls of ice cream. “We should’ve invested in an ice cream bar a long time ago.”
We both started laughing as I picked up the chocolate syrup and started squeezing it onto her mound of ice cream that was having a hard time staying in the bowl. She swatted my hand away and I started making my own sundae.
I was just squirting on the whipped cream when the feel of hands sliding around my waist startled me, causing me to jump and almost lose the bowl I was holding.
“You’re rather jumpy there, Miss Hale.” Adam’s soft voice floated into my ear and I immediately smiled, knowing he was there behind me. Nothing had ever felt so good as being wrapped in his arms.
“I wasn’t expecting to be accosted from behind,” I whispered back.
“That’s because I’ve hardly said two words to you tonight. Either you’re with someone or one of your family members starts talking ball with me.”
I set my bowl down and spun around in his arms until our eyes met. He was smiling. It was that content smile I loved to see on his face, the one that said everything was right with him. The one it’d taken so long to see after his unexpected return to Silver Falls a year before.
“Thank you for tolerating my family,” I said, stretching up and brushing my lips over his, giving him a grateful smile when I’d pulled away.
“Anything for you, Sweet Caroline,” he said, looking down at me again before Erica cleared her throat, causing both of us to turn towards her. One eyebrow was raised as she looked between us.
“You guys really are nauseating,” she said and Adam pulled me closer, giving me another kiss, a little deeper this time, before he pulled away with a smug grin. “You’re an asshole, Adam.” This caused Adam and I both to laugh this time. “Seriously though, Adam, you’d better take care of Caroline. She’s not a city girl. We both know that.”
“I’m also standing right here,” I interrupted.
“Yeah, I know and I don’t care,” she said, glancing at me for a split second before looking back at Adam. “Got it, DeLain?”
“Erica, you have my word, but we both know Caroline doesn’t need anyone to take care of her,” he said, humoring her.
“You know what I mean. She’d never even think of moving to Boston if it wasn’t for your fine ass, so I’m holding you personally responsible for her well-being,” she said, not batting an eye with her comment, although I swear I saw a tint of red grace Adam’s cheek when she said it.
“Yes, ma’am,” he said, giving her a half-hearted salute.
“As long as we’re clear then,” she said, fluttering her fingers at us in a wave before she turned and walked away.
“You know she’s harmless,” I said with a laugh, but before he could respond, we heard his name being called by Uncle Jim again. We turned and saw him motioning Adam back over. This time another of my uncles was with him. “Your public awaits,” I teased.
He squeezed my hand and then went to them. I picked up my bowl of ice cream that was starting to melt and scooped a bite into my mouth as I looked around at everyone who had come to support me, everyone who had made up my entire life in Silver Falls. They loved me. They loved this place. It was all I’d ever known and I told myself tomorrow when I left, I wouldn’t miss it that much.
~~~
Adam and I sat in the back of my parents’ car on the way back to the farm. He held my hand as we talked with my mom and dad. Mostly about Sawyer and Lindsey’s wedding. I wasn’t sure if the subject of me leaving tomorrow was purposefully avoided, but the subject never came up. I knew my parents were excited for me, but I also knew deep in their hearts, they didn’t want me to go. They’d never tell me that though and so they simply didn’t talk about it.
When we pulled up to the house, Sawyer and Lindsey hadn’t arrived back yet. They’d offered to take my grandmother home and it was anybody’s guess when they’d be back. They’d probably stay and chat with her or she might wrangle them into a game of dominoes.
My dad parked the car and we got out, walking up the porch steps and into the house. My mom set her purse down and yawned while she did so, which caused me to glance at the clock. It was almost nine, which was past my parents’ usual bedtime. Getting up at the crack of dawn to tend to the cows resulted in my dad falling asleep on the couch most nights after dinner and my mom nudging him awake until they both went upstairs.
“I’m exhausted,” my mom said and I saw my dad nod in agreement.
“It’s too late for me,” he said and then he walked over to me. “I think I’m going to hit the sack, kiddo.” He wrapped his arms around me in a hug, pulling me close. “I love you, Caroline, and I’m so proud of you,” he said into my ear as he held me. It wasn’t the first time he’d said those words to me in my life, but it was different this time and I felt a lump form unexpectedly in my throat.
“Thanks, Dad,” I said softly and he squeezed me again before walking over to Adam to say goodnight.
“I’m tired too, sweetie,” my mom said, giving me a hug. “Today was a good day,” she said softly to me. “We love you so much.”
I felt the lump in my throat start to burn and then she pulled away, giving Adam a hug as well before they disappeared up the stairs, leaving Adam and I alone in the living room.
“You okay, Care?” he asked, causing me to look over at him.
“Yeah,” I said softly and his eyebrow raised in doubt as he closed the space between us.
“What’re you thinking about?” He turned my body so I was facing him, his hands gently brushing over my cheek. “And if you say nothing, I’m not going to believe you.”
I paused for a moment, but then sighed.
“I don’t know,” I finally said. “I guess it’s just hard to believe this is my last night in Silver Falls.”
Before I could stop it, a tear I hadn’t even known was there was streaming down my cheek. He reached up, gently wiping it away as our eyes met. He smiled at me in that kind, sweet way only he could and then he took my hand.
“Where are we going?” I asked as he led me to the door, opening it and leading me out into the cool night air.
“On a walk,” he responded as we walked down the stairs.
“It’s pitch black out here,” I protested, stopping in my tracks. He stopped too, turning to look at me.
“Don’t you trust me?” he asked, the moonlight casting shadows on his face.
“Of course, I trust you,” I answered and he held out his hand again. I looked down at it, but then found myself placing mine in his. Our fingers curled together and we started walking away from the house and towards the base of the mountains, which were nothing but a black silhouette against the dark sky. I knew where we were going then: Silver Falls and I didn’t protest anymore.
It was quiet as we walked, the bright moon overhead giving us just enough light to make our way through the woods. We probably didn’t even need the light. We’d both made this trek so many times we could have made it with our eyes closed.
I held his hand tightly though, our feet crunching underneath the dirt as we made our way deeper into the woods until I heard the falls. I stopped at the edge of the clearing when the pond Silver Falls fed into came into view. The moonlight rippled off the water causing it to look more like a sheet of aluminum foil than water. I’d always thought it was called Silver Falls because of the granite on the falls, but looking at it now, it could’ve been because of this.
“I never realized how beautiful it was out here at night,” I said, my voice low as I looked out at the sight I’d seen so many times in my life and it suddenly looked so different. I’d never been to Silver Falls at night. The closest I’d come was before Adam returned to Boston. He’d woken me up at dawn and brought me out here to watch the sunrise. We’d made love and it had been amazing, but the falls looked different now. Darker. More mysterious and incredibly beautiful.
“I haven’t been out here this late since Sawyer and I used to sneak out when I’d sleep over,” he said with a quiet laugh.
“Are you serious? You and Sawyer used to come out here in the middle of the night?” I asked him and he turned to me with a smirk.
“We did,” he answered.
“How often?”
“More times than you probably think.”
“What would you do out here?”
“Nothing really. I think we did it to prove we weren’t scared. We had to be tough,” he said with another soft laugh as he led me closer to the falls, stopping at the edge of the pool.
“Were you scared?” I asked.
“Back then? Yeah, but don’t tell Sawyer.” He grinned at me. “You never did anything like that though, did you? Snuck out like your brother and me?”
“You know I didn’t,” I told him and he smiled again.
“Of course not. Not Sweet Caroline.”
I wanted to dismiss him. To tell him I wasn’t the goodie-goodie he’d thought I’d been growing up, but I couldn’t because in regards to most teenagers, I had been, which is what made my move to Boston so uncharacteristic. I was certain everyone thought I’d always stay in Silver Falls. It was my home. It was where my life was, but as I looked up into Adam’s eyes, I knew my life was changing. It was with him.
He reached up, gently brushing away the hair from my forehead and tucking it behind my ear before his smile faded and was replaced with concern.
“I was so proud of you today,” he began softly. “I know the whole pomp and circumstance isn’t your thing, but I liked it and I know your family did too. You worked hard and you should be proud, Caroline. I’m glad I got to be there for it.”
“Me too,” I said and he took my hand with his.
“You seem uneasy though and I hate seeing you that way.”
“I guess I’m more nervous about leaving here than I thought,” I told him, looking away for a moment, my eyes resting on the falls briefly before looking back at him.
“Are you ready for this? To leave Silver Falls?” he asked, his fingertips brushing lightly over my cheek.
“I think I am,” I answered before adding, “I hope I am.”
“It’ll be okay,” he told me, a soft smile returning to his face. “You’re strong. You can do anything.”
“You have entirely too much faith in me, Adam DeLain,” I said with a soft laugh.
“Or maybe you don’t have enough faith in yourself.” His words were soft, but their meaning was not. He knew I’d struggled with self-esteem, especially after my high school sweetheart broke up with me and when Adam and I had gone public with our relationship. I thought I’d gotten past it, but maybe I hadn’t done as well as I thought.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly and he smiled sweetly at me.
“Don’t be sorry, Care. Not for anything. I love you,” he said, pausing for a second. “So much. And I want you to be happy with me in Boston and with your new job.”
“I will be. I’m just nervous and I’m going to miss this place.”
“I miss it too when I’m not here. Even during those years I was gone and I pretended not to, I missed it. I know you’ll miss it, but at least we’ll have each other.” He stopped again, bringing his eyes back to mine. “All those years ago, I thought I could leave here and not think twice about it. And for a while I did, but when I came back here, I realized this place is special and I know how much you’re going to miss it, but I’m here for you, Care. When you’re missing home, I’ll be your home. A little piece of Silver Falls you can always have with you.” And he was right because whenever I looked into his eyes, I saw the boy I’d grown up with. A boy who had been a part of my home growing up and as long as we were together, we’d always have those little bits of Silver Falls with us.
I smiled, reaching up for him and pulling him close to me.
“You always know what to say to me to make things right,” I said to him and he laughed quietly.
“I’ve gotta have some reason for you to keep me around.”
“There are a million reasons to keep you around, Adam.” I smiled again and he leaned in closer, brushing his lips lightly over mine before slowly pulling away. He turned me around so my back was resting against his front. His arms wrapped around me as we stared out into the falls. It was so peaceful and I closed my eyes, trying to remember this feeling because I knew once we were in Boston, it wouldn’t be like this anymore. He was in the middle of baseball season and I was starting a new job. Our lives were changing, but knowing he’d be there made me think we’d be alright.
“Did you ever think we’d be here? You and me, like this?” he asked quietly.
“Never,” I answered honestly, thinking back to all our years growing up together when he’d been nothing but my brother’s best friend and I was just the pesky little sister that followed them around. I never thought we’d be anything more.
“I’m glad we’re here though. I need you in my life, Caroline. I love you.”
I turned away from the falls, sliding back into his arms and looking up at him. I rested my palm on his cheek and smiled at him.
“I’m glad we’re here, too,” I said.
“It’ll be okay. Everything will be okay.”
Before I could respond, his lips were on mine and I could do nothing but believe him.