Thirty-One
I was grateful for my job and the escape it offered me. While I was at work, I could focus on things that kept my mind busy. I felt useful too. Frank hardly spoke to me and I was perfectly okay with that. As long as he kept his Neanderthal comments to himself, we would get along just fine.
When the weekend came though, I had too much time to think. Too much time to miss my dad and worry about my family back in Silver Falls. We’d talked every night and every night they assured me everything was fine. I told myself to believe their words because I still felt guilty I wasn’t there to help.
I spent Saturday finally going to the grocery store and filling the bare cupboards and fridge before parking myself on the couch to watch the Red Sox and Indians game. It was Adam’s day to start and I always had a knot in my stomach whenever he was pitching. He did well though, lasting almost seven complete innings and left the game with the score tied at two. The Red Sox won after extra innings. I didn’t mind a longer game because I had nothing else to do. After the game was over, the loneliness settled in. I didn’t want to watch anymore TV and so I turned it off and went upstairs to read. After talking to Adam, I was asleep by eight o’clock.
When I woke up Sunday morning, the loneliness was replaced with anticipation. The Red Sox played at one o’clock and Adam would board the plane shortly after the game ended. If everything went according to plan, he should be home by eleven o’clock and that gave me something to look forward to.
I spent the day cleaning the house. It was surprising what a mess one person could make and then I watched the game. I was disappointed the Sox lost, but grateful the game ended on time. Adam texted me before they took off and the butterflies in my stomach grew stronger as the hours passed. I hated missing him this much, especially now. I needed him home and when I heard the sound of the door unlocking from where I sat on the couch, I nearly leapt off, walking to the end of the hallway that led to the front door. It opened and there he stood.
I don’t why, but I burst into tears and practically ran to him. He dropped his bags just as I threw my arms around his neck.
“Caroline, what’s the matter, baby?” he said softly into my ear as his arms folded around me.
“I’m just really happy you’re home,” I said, burying my face into his chest as he held me in silence. His hand moved gently over my hair and I stood there, breathing him in and memorizing the feel of his body against mine.
I don’t know how long we stayed like that, but slowly I pulled back, wiping at my eyes and looking up into his crystal blue ones.
“I missed you,” he said softly, running his fingertips over my cheek.
“Not as much as I missed you,” I told him and he smiled.
“Is this a competition as to who missed who more?” he asked and I laughed softly.
“I’m just really glad to see you.”
He leaned down, pressing his lips to mine, causing warmth to spread through my body. I was smiling when he pulled away and then he took my hand and scooped up his bag. I followed him into the kitchen, where he set the bag down again and looked around.
“It looks amazing in here,” he said, his eyes moving over the immaculate kitchen.
“I wanted you to come home to a nice, clean house.”
“Well, you accomplished your goal then, but I hope you didn’t go to any trouble.”
“I needed to stay busy. Cleaning kept me busy,” I said and he nodded in understanding as I noticed his mouth turn down into a slight frown. He reached over, draping his arm around my shoulder, kissing the top of my head before pulling back.
“The place looks great. Thank you, Care.”
“No problem,” I said. “Can I get you something to eat?” I asked, even though it was nearly eleven o’clock.
“I had something on the plane. I’m good. What I really want is to go to sleep in my own bed,” he said, turning me to face him. I saw the way he was looking at me. It was the same way I was looking at him. I’d missed sleeping beside him. I had missed feeling his body next to mine. I had missed him making love to me. It had been too long and after the mix of emotions I had been feeling lately, I wanted nothing more than to escape with Adam, giving me relief in only the way he could.
“I want that too,” I agreed quietly, not realizing I was biting my lip until he was running his thumb over it.
“Let’s go to bed then,” he said, swallowing hard, his fingers trailing slowly down my skin, his eyes moving leisurely over my face before turning to lock up the house.
I went up the stairs first while he finished up downstairs, locking the doors and turning out the lights. I don’t know why my heart was beating so hard in my chest, but the anticipation of being with Adam again was reminiscent of when we’d first gotten together, when everything was so new, when we were still getting to know each other as something other than friends.
I walked into the bedroom and over to the dresser. I pulled out a t-shirt to sleep in. I didn’t bother with any shorts. I pulled off the one I was wearing and was just about to slide the new one on when I heard his voice from behind me.
“Sometimes when we’re apart for so long, I forget just how beautiful you are, Caroline.”
I turned to see him leaning against the doorframe, his arms folded and his eyes traveling lazily over my body. I felt my cheeks blush at his words. Slowly, he pushed himself from the door and crossed the room until he was in front of me, causing my heart to beat even harder. I felt him take the shirt from my hand, dropping it on the floor next to us so I stood before him in just my bra and jeans. He reached behind me, undoing the clip in my hair so it spilled over my shoulders.
“I don’t deserve you, Caroline,” he said softly, his voice deep and rugged. “I hate being apart from you.” His fingertips were tracing my collarbone now and I felt goosebumps explode on my skin. “I know with everything that’s been going on I shouldn’t be wanting you this badly, but I do. It’s all I can think about. You.”
I was certain my heart was going to fly out of my body. I reached for him, resting my hand on his chest. His heart was beating just as hard as mine.
“I shouldn’t be wanting you this badly either, but I do,” I said softly, raising my eyes slowly until they were locked with his. I felt his hand on the small of my back, pulling me close to him. I could feel how much he wanted me. “I don’t want to think about any of it anymore,” I continued, my voice low and wanting. “All I want to think about is you and me. It’s what I need right now. I need you, Adam.”
“Then you can have me,” he said, his deep voice like music to my ears at that moment. His lips were on mine then, deep and hard as he pushed me against the wall, virtually trapping me against it and his strong frame. His hands dug into my hair as his mouth moved greedily with mine. My mind was completely shut off from everything. From the pain. From the fear. From everything but him. This man I loved more than I thought I could love another human being. This man who was my everything. I felt myself kissing him harder, plunging my tongue deeply against his, sloppy and raw, but so wonderful at the same time.
I felt my bra release then and I moaned softly when his hand cupped my needy breast. I’d nearly forgotten what it was like to be touched like this by him and I wanted more.
Using all my strength, I pushed him off of me. He looked at me with confusion until I reached for the hem of his shirt and pulled it off him until his muscular chest was bare before me. I ran my hands over his muscles, the goosebumps appearing on him this time. He was trembling beneath my touch and I knew we both couldn’t wait much longer.
I pushed him towards the bed and then he laid me down, crawling over me until he undid the button of my jeans and then slowly slid the zipper down and pulled the denim from my skin until there was nothing separating us. He reached for his own jeans then and soon he was just as vulnerable as I was. He crawled back over me, the feeling of his bare skin on mine causing me to tremble in anticipation. His lips met my jawline and then down my neck and back up again until our mouths were hovering dangerously close to each other. His breath was warm and sweet and coming as quickly as my own.
“I’ve missed you, Caroline,” he whispered. “I hated leaving you here alone. Every night I thought of you, wishing I could be with you, to help you not hurt anymore. I’d do anything for you. Anything. I’m sorry I wasn’t here.”
“You’re here now,” I whispered back. “And all I want right now is you.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever understand how much I love you,” he said softly before his mouth was on mine again as he settled in-between my legs. I gasped when we became one, the feeling even greater than I’d expected. There was no doubt Adam was here now and as we moved together, I dug my fingers into his back, pulling him even closer and telling myself to never let go.
~~~
I reached for Adam before my eyes even opened. His spot in the bed beside me was empty and for a moment, I thought last night had been a dream. I opened my eyes and saw the indention in his pillow that told me it hadn’t been a dream. He was here. He was home.
I sat up, looking around the room for any clue to where he could be, before getting out of the bed and reaching for one of his t-shirts. Knowing it was way too big for me, I slipped it on anyway. It hung to the tops of my thighs so I didn’t bother putting on anything else.
When I stepped into the hallway, I could hear him downstairs and by the aroma that greeted me, I suspected he was making breakfast. I glanced at the clock. I had to leave for work in an hour, but I could make time for breakfast with Adam.
I made my way downstairs and found him by the stove, using the griddle to make pancakes.
“Morning,” I said and he turned, greeting me with the adorable smile I loved so much.
“Morning, beautiful,” he said, leaving his post by the griddle to wrap his arm around my waist and giving me a good morning kiss. My heart was full when he pulled away.
“If only every morning could begin like this,” I said breathlessly and a confident smile curled up on his lips.
“Then it wouldn’t be as special, now would it?”
“I guess not,” I said, reaching up and kissing him once more before following him over to the griddle.
“I know you don’t have a lot of time for breakfast, but I wanted to make you something,” he said, using a spatula to scoop three silver dollar pancakes onto a plate and handing it to me.
“Thank you. It was very sweet of you.” I kissed him again and then sat down at the counter. He joined me a second later as I was dousing my pancakes with syrup.
“How’d you sleep last night?” he asked, picking up the syrup when I was finished with it and pouring it over his own plate.
“Better than I have in a very long time,” I said, reaching over and resting my hand on his for a second.
“You don’t know how good it is to hear you say that,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze. “I’ve been so worried about you here by yourself.”
“I survived,” I sighed.
“That doesn’t make me feel any better,” he said and I tried smiling over to him.
“I’m trying to take it a day at a time and I keep telling myself it will get better. Sean gave me a different perspective. I think it’s helping.”
“Sean?” he asked curiously and I smiled at the glimmer of jealously I detected.
“He sent me some flowers when I got home and I called to thank him…” I said, but he interrupted.
“He sent you flowers?” There was annoyance in his voice now.
“Jealous much?” I grinned.
“C’mon, Caroline. Cut me some slack. How would you react if some chick sent me flowers?”
“Relax, Adam,” I said, resting my hand on his cheek and then leaning in for a long, slow kiss. “They were sympathy flowers. He’s my friend, nothing more.”
“That’s impossible. No man could ever look at you and say, ‘Yeah, I’m just gonna be friends with this incredibly hot chick. I’m not thinking of ways to get her in the sack.’”
I started laughing and slugged him playfully.
“I love that you find me irresistible, Adam, but not every man I meet wants to sleep with me,” I said and he snickered.
“You don’t know men.”
“I think you’re adorable when you’re jealous, but I assure you, Sean is just a friend. He’s into Erica, which is why I asked him to go out to dinner with us when I called to thank him.”
“I thought him and Erica were a no go,” he said.
“I’m not counting them out yet, especially not after seeing them at dinner. The sexual tension between them was palpable,” I said with a grin. “And even if they don’t see each other again, I think dinner with Sean might’ve helped her to see she deserves a nice guy like him, not the jackasses she seems to attract.”
“Let’s hope you’re right,” he said and then turned to me. “What did Sean say to you?”
“He told us about when his sister was killed in a car crash. He seemed to understand in a way no one else I’ve talked to does. He gave me a little hope that each day will get easier and I’m starting to think he might be right.”
I watched Adam’s expression curiously, waiting to see his reaction. I could still sense he was skeptical of Sean.
“Then I’m glad you have him around…if he can help in a way I can’t. All I want is to make sure you’re okay, Caroline.”
His hand rested on mine and he looked at me with tender eyes.
“I know that’s what you want, Adam, and you’ve been amazing.”
He lifted my hand to his lips and kissed the back of it before taking another bite of his breakfast.
“How’s everything going back home on the farm?” he asked a few moments later.
“Sawyer says it’s going well. My uncles are still helping out. My mom seems to be doing better too…I mean, a little better or she’s putting on a good show for our benefit. They’re having a meeting next week to settle up everything with my dad. I know Sawyer’s anxious for that so he can hire someone and hopefully get back to some sense of normalcy.”
“I know it’ll never be okay, Care, but it’s good to hear hope in your voice. I was afraid this might completely break you,” he said softly, meeting my eyes again.
“Me too,” I admitted. “I thought it might break my whole family. I’m thinking maybe now we’ll be alright eventually. It might take some time, but maybe we’ll get there.”
“Of course, you’ll get there and I’ll be here for whatever you need.”
He squeezed my hand and then I stood up, resting my fork on my plate before turning the stool Adam was sitting on so we were eye to eye. I wrapped my arms around his neck and locked my eyes on him.
“Thank you for being in my life and knowing what I need sometimes even when I don’t know myself. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had and I hope nothing ever changes that.”
“You’re stuck with me, Caroline Hale, through good times and in bad,” he said with a grin and I laughed softly.
“Are we getting married or something?”
“Not yet,” he said with a wink, setting butterflies loose in my stomach. “Doesn’t mean I can’t love you as much as if we were.”
His lips were on mine then, kissing me deep and slow, my body pressing against his. For the first time since my father died, I didn’t feel the complete hopelessness I had when I first lost him. Sean had helped me to toy with the notion that I would be okay, but it wasn’t until this moment with Adam, that I truly believed it.