CHAPTER 7

JARED

God, I was tired. And why the hell was the sun so bright? All I wanted to do was to crawl back into bed and spend the rest of the day sleeping, reading, or letting out some of the lyrics that had been swimming around in my head onto a scrap of paper or one of the notebooks I had lying around.

Most people would probably have been surprised to learn that I actually read a lot when I got to be myself instead of the Emperor of Rock, but that didn’t happen often enough.

No time to switch it off these days, but I didn’t mind. The persona was an inseparable part of me nowadays, and I loved it.

Reading was a part of my childhood that I’d never lost, though. My mom used to say that every child should play at least one instrument, spend at least an hour a day reading, and at least double that amount of time with their parents. Caleb and I grew up that way, and while our parents were no longer around, I missed them, and reading made me feel closer to her.

Not that I would ever admit any of that out loud. It would make me sound like a pussy. Our parents were long gone. A car accident when I was twenty-one had ripped them from us. I was thankful every day that I’d legally been an adult when it happened, so neither Caleb nor I had had to go into the foster system.

We hadn’t grown up with money, and we’d sold everything our parents had to stay alive for a while there, but they’d always encouraged our music, and I was sure they’d be proud of us. I just didn’t allow myself to think about it, or them, too often. We were living the fucking dream and thinking about losing them only brought me to a dark place that I didn’t have time to wallow in.

Sliding my sunglasses over my eyes like a douche, since I was still indoors, I grabbed my keys from the half-moon table by the door and headed outside. There was always somewhere else I had to be.

I was lost in thought and not expecting to find Melanie… uh, Madison waiting for me in my driveway.

All remnants of me, who I really was, slipped away as soon as I noticed her presence, and I easily slid into the persona of the world-famous rock star, their Emperor. “This is a surprise. Did you forget something the other day?”

A part of me was worried about why she was back, another part of me was really not in the mood to deal with a freak out, and the last part of me was wondering if our hot new PR agent’s number was already programmed into my phone, in case this turned into the shit show that it had the potential to be.

Madison, however, was surprisingly calm as she stalked toward me. A sharp, bright, pink fingernail scratched down my abs when she reached me. Her eyes were almost level with mine as she dragged her nail over my torso. “I didn’t forget anything. Except maybe round two.”

That fingernail came to a rest where my ribs met beneath my breastbone, and as enticing as I knew it was supposed to be, it was anything but. I stepped back and tried to gauge how to defuse the situation by myself when Madison continued.

“We had so much fun together, you and me. What do you say we give it another go?”

Oh, for heaven’s sake. I couldn’t have been any clearer with her before she left. What was she doing here?

For the first time ever, I wished that I had at least considered Gerry’s advice before putting a down payment on this house.

“Listen to me, kid,” he’d told me. “This place is great. It’s beautiful. It’ll provide fantastic views for your lady friends and random fuckery, but listen to me when I tell you that you’ll get tired of how open it is. Find yourself a nice place with high walls and a big, strong gate.”

Turns out, today was the day that I got tired of it. Madison wasn’t any the wiser, though. No doubt, all she saw was the playboy, badass rock star who didn’t have any real feelings.

And if that was who she wanted, I was more than ready to give it to her. With a cold smile, sunglasses still in place, I cocked my head at her. “Don’t flatter yourself, sweetheart. That’s what I’m here for, to show a woman a good time. You didn’t have to come all the way down here to see me. Even if I never saw you again, I gave you good memories, didn’t I?”

A hurt expression, that had no business there, crossed her face, but she forced another smile and took a step closer to me again. “You did. I feel like you can give me more, though.”

They all wanted sex from me. A vigorous fuck to tell their friends about, and she’d had hers. “What more do you want from me? I gave you the memory of sleeping with someone famous and some pretty decent orgasms if I’m not mistaken. That was all there was to it.”

Her bright blue eyes darkened in insult, but she didn’t give up. “You did, and I appreciated that so much that I thought you might want to do it again.”

No, I didn’t. I hadn’t climbed the same mountain twice in years, and I wasn’t planning on starting now, especially not for her. I was aware of the fact that even though I’d been dubbed the Emperor of Rock, there were also those who referred to me as the Manwhore or Player of Rock, as a slight to my so-called title, but I had earned those, too.

What few people knew, except maybe Caleb, was that I’d actually grown up with a great example of what true love looked like. I just understood that it likely wasn’t going to happen for a man in my position. I’d stopped thinking that maybe it would, and as a result, never allowed myself to get close enough to feel anything for anyone any more.

Besides, I enjoyed sex. I loved the release as much as I thought anyone else did and gave the world exactly what they expected from me. I was having way too much fun to be looking for anything more.

I wasn’t jaded. I hadn’t had my heart broken like Caleb had, and I didn’t simply fuck around because I thought I deserved it, like Nick did. I honestly just loved the lifestyle I’d busted my balls to be able to call mine. I held the world in my hands, and the possibilities were endless. Why wouldn’t I take advantage of them?

“Yeah… No. I don’t want to do it again,” I told her, turning toward my garage to make a quick escape. “I’ve got somewhere to be. Feel free to see yourself home.”

Madison caught my wrist and pulled me against her. “Come on, Jared. We were so great together. I know we could be again. Don’t resist me, baby. Take me inside, and show me how much you missed me.”

Shaking my head, I gently tried to pry my wrist away from her surprisingly strong grip. “Can’t. I really do have somewhere to be, and even if I didn’t, you knew that what happened between us was a one-time thing. You were great, really. But I’d hate to give you the wrong idea.”

Smiling what I hoped was a contrite-looking grin, I reclaimed my arm. The only reason why I was flirting back even a little bit with her was because I honestly didn’t get off on hurting women, but I also needed to make her understand that it was useless coming back here.

“Jared,” she purred, bringing both hands to my black tee and gripping my pecs uncomfortably hard. “Don’t be like that. I promise I’ll make it good for you.”

She actually batted her eyelashes and stared up at me with her blue eyes as if I held the answers to every problem in her universe. I didn’t. I didn’t even have the answers to my own most days. I just fucking winged it.

Whatever it was she was looking for, she wasn’t going to find it here. “I’m sure that you would have. I’m also sure that with an offer like that, you’ll make somebody’s day, possibly even their night, but it’s not going to be mime.”

Hell no. It definitely wasn’t going to be mine.

“But I want you, baby,” she said, her voice becoming more desperate by the second as her hands shot to my arms. “I want you now.”

Careful that I couldn’t be accused of having hurt her later, at least not physically, I clasped her wrists and removed them from my person. It occurred to me that what had started as a flirtatious encounter had turned into a desperate one. “What are you really after here, Madison?”

A lot of people assumed that I was ignorant, stupid, or just plain oblivious, but I wasn’t. I just chose to let them believe what they wanted to, and while I didn’t give a fuck about what was going on with Madison, I needed for her to turn her desperation elsewhere. Pronto.

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m after you, Jared.”

Of course, that was obvious, but my gut was telling me that it was something more. It was, however, not my problem to figure out what that was.

“And I told you, I’m not interested. You’ve had your shot, Madison. You pretended to know a lot about my reputation, in which case, you knew that it was the only shot you were going to get.”

Her blue eyes went glassy, and her shoulders dropped before she visibly rallied and pushed ahead. “I did, yes, but you were so good to me. Please, Jared?”

The blatant desperation in her tone now was a serious turnoff, as was the fact that she was suddenly begging me for it. As much as I hated to do it, my voice turned rough, and I took yet another step away from her. “Please, Jared, what?”

“You know what. I’m asking you to make love me to me again.”

Make love? We did a lot of things that day, but that wasn’t one of them. I’d needed the release, the human connection, and she’d been right there with me. I really didn’t understand what this was all about.

“That’s not happening. I’m late to an appointment, and frankly, I think you knew that you were taking a long shot coming all the way out here.”

Madison’s eyes weren’t blank or stupid, which meant that she had, in fact, known exactly what she was getting into and that she’d been taking a chance coming here today.

She twirled a lock of hair between her thumb and forefinger, her eyes pleading. “I did know that it was a long shot, but I thought that there was something between us. Don’t tell me that you didn’t feel it? Please, Jared. Be honest with me.”

Her tone matched her eyes. Eww. Begging didn’t do it for me. Not outside of, Please, let me come, Jared, when I was in bed with a chick anyway. “Fine, I’ll be honest with you, but you might not like what you hear. I like confident, sexy women. I hate beggars like you.”

Madison looked as surprised as if a clown had jumped out from behind me to slap her, or if a mariachi band had jumped out to proclaim my feelings, or lack thereof, toward her. “I’m not a beggar.”

“On the contrary, honey. You might not have been, but you definitely are right now. Which means that whatever minuscule chance you might have had with me again, you just blew it.”

“I have no chance with you?” Her eyes lit up, fury replacing the desperation in a way that would have gotten me going if not for our situation. Well, probably. Passion of any kind was something that I loved in a girl.

“Your minuscule chance at getting with me again,” I repeated, in case she needed further clarification. “It’s not happening. At this point, the only thing that you’re doing is embarrassing yourself. Please don’t do that on my behalf. I’m not worth it. Get going, Madison. That’s what I need to do.”

I figured that our conversation was over, and I had already allowed her to get in the one slap she’d deserved, so I turned away from her and headed to my garage. Suddenly, I wasn’t in the mood for the SUV that I was holding the keys to, but something that could give me more of a thrill, and banish that waste of time of an encounter from my mind.

Luckily, there was a gleaming new Aston Martin sitting on the tiles of my four-car garage, and I went to fetch its keys from the hook instead. Sliding onto the cream leather seat, I tried my best to lose myself in the purr of her engine and the soft grip of the smooth leather that covered her steering wheel.

I didn’t activate my security system every day, something that was a great thorn in the side of my management team, as well as my bandmates, but I made sure to click the remote that day, even waiting until I heard the siren that indicated that it was on.

Madison was still there in my driveway, arms folded, eyes narrowed as she watched me leave in the sports car, and I didn’t want her doing anything to my house, or god forbid, be in it when I got home.

My tires squealed on my paving stones as I got the hell out of dodge and left Madison glowering in my wake. I wasn’t an animal, contrary to popular belief. I did actually have feelings—from time to time, anyway.

Part of me was worried about her and why she’d been acting the way that she was when she clearly knew that there had been no chance, but the far larger part of me was contemplating why women so often pretended to enjoy one-night stands when they were, more often than not, so hung up about them afterward.

I wasn’t a chauvinist, and I never had been. In fact, I fully supported a woman’s right to do what she wanted to, and I fucking adored it when what she wanted to do was me. But what puzzled me was why some women, like Madison back there, engaged in casual sex at all when they weren’t able to separate the physical from the emotional.

Why would anyone put themselves through that? It was always sad when women didn’t know when to let go. For all that I knew, men in the same situation were the same way, but I wasn’t qualified to talk about that or to even think about it, so I let it go.

Contemplating the sad realities of unrequited expectations, I realized that perhaps the most important element of perfecting the great one-night stand was the ability to recognize it for what it was and not to think it was anything more.

If there was one thing I was an expert at, it was that.