CHAPTER 46

JARED

“Welcome back, gentlemen.” Gerry was the first to recover when we arrived. I didn’t think they were expecting us to get here so early, but I’d wanted to get this meeting over with.

The others stood and rushed over to Caleb, who brushed past me into the conference room and was met with three one-armed hugs and a lot of backslapping. Matt reached him first, a relieved smile softening his features.

“You gave us a fucking good scare there, little brother. Glad to see you back on your feet.”

“Thanks,” Caleb replied gruffly. None of us ever displayed much affection toward each other, and I could see the emotion in the room was getting to him.

“Next time, I’m imposing a limit,” Nick told him. Caleb and I exchanged a quick look. We’d talked a lot since leaving the hospital, and at least for now, we had a plan. And it didn’t involve there ever being a next time.

But we would get to that soon enough. I’d let them have this reunion before breaking the news to them.

Dominic gave Caleb a long once-over and then pulled him in for a wordless hug. I could see how happy the guys were to have us back, how relieved they were Caleb was okay. They were going to flip when I told them how serious his condition had actually been.

I just hoped that would make them understand why we had to do what we’d come here to tell them we were doing. Matt, Nick, and Dom descended on me next while Gerry spoke to Caleb.

“You don’t call. You don’t write.” Nick grinned, but his heart wasn’t in it.

I shrugged. “Had to take some time to regroup.”

Nodding, he stepped aside to make space for Matt. He placed one hand on my shoulder and squeezed lightly. “Good to see you, bro. Everything okay?”

Matt had a look in his eyes I hadn’t seen for years, not since his mom practically disowned him after we’d hit the big time for refusing to fund her bad habits. I couldn’t lie to him, and I wouldn’t, so I didn’t. “We’ll talk about all that in a minute.”

“We’re with you, whatever’s going on,” Dom said quietly when Matt released my shoulder, and he came to stand next to me. Dom always had been intuitive. He noticed much more than most people gave him credit for, and though I hadn’t spoken to him yet, it seemed that in itself had clued him in that I’d made a decision.

Gerry fawned over Caleb but allowed Alicia to give him a quick hug hello before ushering him to a chair and making him sit down. I’d been trying not to look at her since we’d walked into the room, but I’d been watching her from the corner of my eye anyway.

Of all the people in the room, she was probably the only one with a shot at changing my mind. The boys were my brothers. Even if they were pissed at me for what I was about to say, I would always have them around. As for Gerry, well, fuck him, in all honesty. We were a paycheck to him. Nothing more.

Alicia, however, saw me in a way no one else did. She wouldn’t let me hide behind bullshit, and she wasn’t going to take this lying down. I was also almost irrationally afraid this would change things between us forever, and I wasn’t really ready for that to happen.

But this wasn’t about me. Or about Alicia. It was all about Caleb. Besides, I’d never let fear make decisions for me, and I wasn’t about to start now. Come rain or shine, though it looked like rain both literally and figuratively, I was seeing this through.

“Have a seat, Jared,” Gerry said, sweeping his hand out toward the table and settling back into the seat he’d vacated when we got here.

One by one, the others drifted back to their chairs too. I shook my head. “I’ll stand, thanks.”

Alicia frowned. Dom sat back, curiosity burning in his eyes. Those two had definitely caught on that something was up. I wished I’d had time to speak to Alicia before this meeting, to warn her, but that wouldn’t have been fair to the others.

All eyes turned to me, and I rested my palms on the back of an empty chair, taking a deep breath. “When we started this band, it was because we loved music, right?”

Matt, Nick, and Dom looked slightly confused by the question but nodded. Alicia and Gerry didn’t react at all. Gripping the seat tighter, I continued. “It was getting to do what we loved every day for the rest of our lives, which was making music.”

“Was?” Dom mumbled the question but motioned for me to continue.

“Is,” I corrected myself. “It is what we love doing. It wasn’t about fame or money or the ability to get a table anywhere any night of the week.”

“But those things have been fun perks,” Matt quipped. He was trying to lighten the mood, and while I appreciated it because it was Matt being who he was, the mood was going to get a lot worse before it got better regardless of how many jokes he cracked.

“True,” I agreed, a ghost of a smile on my lips. “But it was never meant to put any of us in danger.”

Nick looked up at me, startled. “Danger? What the fuck?”

I gave a quick rundown of what the doctor had said and watched them all grow pale as they absorbed the realities of what I was telling them. “Thing is, what happened to Caleb has shone a light on what this band has become.”

“Which is?” Gerry asked, his expression turning to stone.

“Dangerous. A hazard to us,” I told him, keeping my tone as even as I could. “It happened without any of realizing it, I think. We got so caught up in everything that we started thinking we were invincible.”

My gaze fell to Caleb’s as I repeated those words he’d told me in the hospital days ago. “We’ve been living in this fantasy world where we can do whatever we want, consequences be damned.”

I paused to let the guys think about what I was saying and saw the moment when each realized it was true. Nick smirked. “Consequences? What are those?”

“Exactly, but that’s how we’ve been living, isn’t it?”

They all nodded. Encouraged, I continued. “The doc made me realize that consequences are a real thing. I think we’ve been lucky to avoid any real consequences for as long as we have.”

Matt inclined his head to Alicia. “Thanks to our magnificent team.”

She gave him a tight smile but didn’t say anything. He was right, though. She worked around the damn clock to make sure we could keep living our lives the way we wanted without it staring us in the face all day every day. Who expected that from someone else?

Oh, that’s right. Me. I expected other people to clean up my messes. Alicia was only one person in a long line of those who were tireless in their efforts to keep things running as seamlessly as possible for me. I’d done a lot of soul-searching these last few days and that fun little tidbit was just one thing I’d come up with.

“True. We’ve been lucky to have found such dedicated people.” I met Alicia’s eyes fully for the first time, and what I saw there already started weakening my resolve. Tearing my gaze away from hers, I looked at Gerry instead. “I’m grateful for everything you’ve done.”

“I sense a but coming,” Gerry muttered. Maybe he was more observant than I’d given him credit for.

“But it’s over.”

The room went so quiet, I swore I could hear the waves crashing even through the tempered glass. It was like everyone was holding their breath.

“What?” Matt whispered.

“I’m fed up with all of this,” I admitted in a low voice. My heart was breaking little by little, but I couldn’t let them know that. I hadn’t wanted any of this to happen, but now that the shiny haze had lifted from our lifestyle and I was seeing the stark reality of what we’d become for the first time, there was no unseeing it. “And I’m not going to put my brother’s life, any of my brothers’ lives, in jeopardy because we don’t know when to stop.”

“It was one rough night, Jared,” Gerry said smoothly, taking on a tone that reminded me of a frustrated parent trying to coo to a toddler. It grated my nerves.

I jerked my head from side to side. “It’s not about that one night. It’s about what our lives have become. Someone has to put on the brakes before we let it destroy things, and that person is me, and the day to do it is today.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Alicia asked quietly. Her blue eyes were as wide as baseballs and her jaw loose.

“If you’re thinking the band is breaking up and Caleb and I are leaving, then yeah, that’s what I’m saying.” The words left me feeling cold and empty. So much of my life had gone into Destitute and everything we’d become. This was the hardest decision I’d ever had to make, and I hadn’t made it lightly, but it had been made.

I was serious about it not being worth our lives. And if that was what it’d come to, then it was time to walk away. I had no intention of joining the ranks of those who perished early because they didn’t know when to pull the plug.

“Hang on,” Nick said. “You’re leaving?”

His eyes pierced me and then he swung his head to look at Caleb who hesitated but nodded. “We are.”

“After everything we’ve been through?” Matt’s voice was flat. He looked a little dazed as he raised his brows.

“Because of everything we’ve survived. How many chances could we still have left?” No one had an answer to my question.

“Things will get better, Jared,” Dom added solemnly. It didn’t sound like he was trying to convince me, more like he was stating a fact. “We could change our lifestyle. It’s ours to change, so why not?”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing,” I told them and then jerked my head to the door. “I’m changing it.”

“Jared, wait,” Matt called out when I started to turn to leave. “Let’s talk about this.”

“We just did.” I wasn’t trying to be an asshole about it, and I knew they were all in shock, but that wasn’t changing today. A couple of days to think things through were necessary for all of us. We’d all be able to speak with clearer minds once they’d had a chance to adapt to this news.

“Let’s go,” I said to Caleb, who pushed up from his chair and shot the others an apologetic grin.

“Give us a call later?” he asked, looking at each of our bandmates in turn. “We’ll talk.”

The guys were too shocked to say anything or to protest more. They let us go, none of them looking like they could believe this was happening. I couldn’t either, not really.

Caleb and I walked out of the room, out of the building we’d longingly stared at for years while we imagined what it would be like to be represented here. It felt surreal, but it was done.

Footsteps sounded behind us, and Caleb’s eyes went wide when he turned to see who was following us. I wasn’t surprised when I saw it was Alicia hurrying out after us.

“Jared, wait. Just listen to me for a second,” she called out, her hand grabbing my wrist to drag me to a stop when she got close enough.

“There’s nothing you can say that will change my mind.” It wasn’t true, but I couldn’t let her know that. The statement came out harsher than I intended because I was trying to keep up the cocksure attitude I had going on about this decision.

“You can’t do this,” she told me. Her big eyes were bright and confused, filled with hurt and maybe even anger. Those eyes of hers were so expressive, it nearly killed me to see what this decision was doing to her.

“I can. And I have.” Wasn’t that all there was to it?

“No,” she replied stubbornly, folding her thin arms in front of her. My mind flashed on all those times she’d had her arms wrapped around me, and I couldn’t help wanting to have them around me now. Too bad that wasn’t on the agenda for today. “The band is positioned right where you need to be. Walking away now is a mistake.”

“I’m sorry, Alicia.” I genuinely was. I wished there was some way I could make her see how much, but I knew there wasn’t, not when my mind was made up and I didn’t want her prodding the decision I’d come to.

Fuck, I really never thought it would come to this. All the blood, sweat, fights, and late nights and this was what it came down to. Feeling like I was crashing into a brick wall as reality slowly started sinking in, I squared my shoulders and told her the truth. “It’s over.”