CHAPTER 53

JARED

Matt and Nick broke out into a slow clap when they saw me. Matt shot me a sideways smirk. “If it ain’t the lone ranger. Ready to get back to work?”

“Actually, I just came to watch you,” I quipped, but I dropped my phone, wallet, and keys onto the couch we had in the studio and walked over the mic stand. Late yesterday afternoon, some roadies came by and broke down all the gear in my garage, carting it all back here.

Nick clasped his heart and pretended to be hurt. “You can’t just come watch us whenever you feel like it. You’ll make us feel used.”

“You are used,” I retorted teasingly. “Just the way you like it.”

“You know me too well,” he lamented, laughter in his eyes. “Seriously, though, you ready to get started?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Let’s do it then,” Dom said, playing a short, fun little drumroll.

I held up my hand. “Can we get some stuff out of the way first?”

On the way over this morning, I’d gone over a few things I wanted to say to them. I’d specifically left my house early, hoping I would get here before the rest so we could talk while they got set up.

Guess I'd underestimated how eager they were to get back in the studio. They were already here when I arrived, and everything was completely set up, ready for us to dig right back in.

"You don't have to say anything," Caleb said. "I think everyone already knows."

"Maybe." But I still felt like I had to do this. There were things that needed to be said, and I knew that if I didn't say them out loud and something happened, I would always regret it.

"Take it away then." Matt made a sweeping gesture with his hand as if to say the floor was mine.

Inhaling a deep breath, I met the eyes of each one of my brothers before I started. "I didn't walk out because I didn't want to be in this band anymore or because I stopped loving the music. I walked out because I never wanted to see any of you get hurt. It got to a point where it felt inevitable that was going to happen. Hell, we got this close to losing Caleb."

Every time I allowed myself to think of the seriousness of the situation Caleb had been in, it felt like there was an arrow slicing right through my heart. "When I said we could carry on recording today, I meant it. I don't expect all of you to stop partying or drinking, but I do want to ask everyone to take some responsibility and stay safe."

"I know I'm nobody's parent," I continued, hoping against all hope they'd let me finish what I needed to say before they started teasing me about acting like the mom of the group. "I also know I have no right to ask any of you to be careful or safe. I mean, fuck, I'm responsible for at least half the shit we get into. But I'm asking anyway. Caleb may be my blood, but you're all my brothers, and losing any of you would kill me."

To my relief, no one looked like they were about to mock me for my little speech. And judging by the solemnity on their faces, they understood exactly why I had to make it.

"We don't want to lose you either, bro," Dom said, walking around his drum kit and inspecting it was set up right before sitting down on his stool and reaching for his sticks. "What happened with Caleb scared the shit out of all of us, and whether you have a right to ask or not is irrelevant. You asked, and I'm saying yes."

Caleb and Matt echoed Dom's sentiment and took in their places. Nick nodded when I looked at him, his eyes faraway. I had no doubt he was remembering having to tell me about Caleb and quite possibly a lot of other close calls he'd had with so many people he knew.

"I'm all in," he said finally but didn't pick up his guitar. "Before we get started, there’s something else you should know."

My palms immediately got clammy. What could be so important, he would delay our first day back in the studio more?

Clearing his throat, Nick's eyes darted to the door just as Alicia pushed through it. "Gerry isn't here."

"He left," Alicia announced, the heavy studio door slamming shut behind her. "I've just found out he's gone."

"What the fuck?" Why did it feel like I was asking that question at least ten times a day nowadays?

Alicia's sighed and leaned with her back against the closed door, folding her arms. "I'm sorry, Jared. I didn't know he would be leaving so soon. You're just going to have to do this recording without him."

I closed my eyes, wanting to kick myself for not seeing this coming. "We can't do this without him. If we’re doing this, we're doing it together as a family. Gerry is a part of that."

The guy was an uptight asshole, sure. But he was our uptight asshole, and the guys hadn't given up on me, I wasn't giving up on Gerry. If he was gone, it was my fault, and I would have to make it right.

I'd gotten so used to having people cleaning up messes as big as this, it'd been years since I'd had to do it myself. I didn't involve our team in everything, but you could bet your ass I wouldn't have wasted my time on management issues a month ago. Now, however, I knew this was my problem to deal with.

The times they are a changing.

Alicia wasn't moved by my declaration that we weren't doing this without Gerry. She remained at the door, shaking her head in exasperation. "You don't understand. The album has already been pushed back as far as it can go. There is no more wiggle room."

I shrugged, stepping away from the microphone and walking toward her. "That's too bad because we aren't doing this without Gerry."

Reaching for my arm when I neared her, Alicia pulled me to a corner of the studio. "Listen to me. I understand how you feel about not wanting to carry on recording without Gerry here. I will go and search for him, but you have to start recording."

Determination flashed in her eyes, and her arms were crossed so tightly over her chest, she was inadvertently pushing her boobs up almost all the way to her chin. My eyes fought a battle with my brain, begging me to sneak a peek.

I hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since she walked out on me yesterday. Never before had a woman just upped and left me after sex. Usually, I was the one jumping up and leaving like my ass was on fire.

I was going to suggest watching a movie together since she'd mentioned that was on her agenda for the day and then perhaps going upstairs for a second round. Possibly staying in bed until this morning. But before I could do any of those things, she was fully dressed, joking, and ready to get out of my house.

I didn't know what to make of it, but I didn't have time to figure it out now. Turning my head to the band, I made a decision on the spot.

"We'll have to start tomorrow. Alicia and I are going to find Gerry."

Alicia huffed out a breath, and I half expected her to stomp her foot out of the aggravation I was clearly causing her, but she didn't. Her features smoothed as she dropped her arms to her sides and planted her hands on her hips. "You're right. Gerry is a part of this, and we need to find him."

I did a pretty good job of hiding my surprise at how quickly she'd conceded the argument. Score one for the home team!