CHAPTER 50

ALICIA

My heart, courage, and determination all sank as I watched Jared walk away from me. Again. I was getting so used to seeing his back that I was starting to forget what his front looked like.

Okay, that wasn't quite true. It was impossible to forget any part of him. He was impossible to forget. Every inch of his body, mind, and soul, at least the pieces of those he'd allowed me to see, were tattooed onto my brain, never to be forgotten.

There was no point in hoping he would change his mind and come back. I knew he wouldn't do that. Regardless of how much I begged him mentally to do it, he wouldn't turn around. I refused to stand there watching his taillights disappear and went inside to pay for our meal instead.

I was half in a daze as I paid and made my way to my car. I couldn't believe how quickly my dinner with Jared had gone south. I had thought things were going so well for us, and then the next thing I knew, he was practically jumping up from the table and running away.

Disappointment nearly crushed me while I watched him leave, but I'd shaken it off and followed him anyway. I think a part of me was hoping he would push me up against his car and kiss me, maybe throw me onto the back seat and have his way with me.

To be honest, I was still slightly disappointed he hadn't done either of those things. Didn't even look like he considered it.

The slight sting of disappointment, however, didn't begin to compete with the variety of other emotions I was feeling. The first ones that jumped into my head were rejection, dejection, failure, hopelessness, grief, anger, and even a bit of shock.

If I had any hope of getting a wink of sleep, I needed to work through at least some of these. I hadn't seen or spoken to Kelly, my sister, for a couple of weeks because we'd both been so busy with work, but I was hoping she'd be up for a glass of wine and maybe some ice cream.

Pressing my phone to my ear, I said a silent prayer that Kelly would answer and wasn't sleeping yet. It wasn't that late, but I knew she had early mornings.

Mercifully, the Diamond family all tended to be night owls. Kelly proved this when she picked up on the third ring. "The prodigal sister returns again. How are you doing?"

"How am I doing? Could we have a drink while I answer that question?"

"Sure," she agreed. "I'll unlock the door, pour the wine, and open the ice cream so long, but I’m already in pajamas so I’m not going out to meet you. See you soon."

Infinitely thankful I had a sister like her, I started my car and drove to Kelly's. As she promised, the door to her apartment was open after she buzzed me into her building, and there was an ice cold glass of wine and a bowl of ice cream waiting for me.

Kelly gave me a hug and a long once-over when I stepped into her living room. "You look like hell."

"Feels like I've been there too." Dramatic, yes, but that didn't make it any less true.

Kelly's brow scrunched, and her eyes narrowed. "Out with it. What's going on here?"

I wanted more than anything to tell her, but Kelly was a reporter. An entertainment reporter, no less. The Chinese wall between us when it came to our professions was high and well established, but Destitute breaking up would be the scoop of a lifetime.

While I wanted to speak to her to work through some of the things I was feeling about Jared, I’d stupidly been hoping to leave Destitute out of it. Looking into her green eyes now, though, I realized that had never been an option. If I really wanted to talk about it, I would have to talk about it all. And I didn’t know if I could do that.

Sensing my hesitation, Kelly crossed her heart over her flannel, kitten pajamas and pretended to stick something in her eye. "You can talk to me about anything, and it won't leave these four walls. Promise, hope to die, the whole nine yards."

"This is big. I don't want to put you in a difficult position."

She rolled her eyes and sank down onto one of her ratty old couches. "If it's that big, the more difficult position for you to put me in is to know something like that is going on with you and not letting me help you."

"Okay,” I said finally, sinking into the couch across from hers. “But I'm talking to you as a sister, not as a reporter. You can't repeat anything I tell you tonight."

"I've already crossed my heart. I won't tell a soul." Kelly picked up her bowl of ice cream and tucked into it, waiting for me to gather my thoughts before I got started. I was still a whirlwind of emotions, but I managed to get a hold of myself and, little by little, told her the whole story.

Ending with my dinner with Jared earlier tonight, I pinched the bridge of my nose and tried not to be overwhelmed by the helplessness I felt saying it all out loud. Kelly had finished her ice cream while I talked, though her spoon had fallen a few times while she listened, and she was gaping at me.

"So that's it? Destitute is done?"

"I think so," I admitted. I hadn't even wanted to admit it to myself before, but lying to Kelly was harder than lying to myself. Tonight's dinner had been my Hail Mary pass at Jared, and I'd failed.

I was fresh out of ideas, and as a result, probably fresh out of clients. Tears stung the backs of my eyes, and I blinked, trying my best to hide them or just to get rid of them altogether.

"No. This can't be it. There has to be something else."

Shaking my head, I finished the last few spoons of my own ice cream. "If there is, I can't think of it. I just don't know what to do anymore. Everyone’s telling me that once Jared's mind is made up, it's made up. The guys thought if there was any chance, it would be me talking to him, but I tried, and he wouldn't listen."

I hated the way my shoulders were sagging and how acute the sense of failure I was feeling was becoming. It was like I had dipped my toe into it, only for the failure to swallow me up like a pool of quicksand. Kelly watched me quietly, looking as depressed as I was feeling. But then suddenly, she perked up and dropped her empty bowl onto the couch.

I couldn't help it. A spark of hope shot through my heart. "What is it, do you have a plan?"

"I might." She chewed on her bottom lip, telling me that she was uncertain, but her eyes were wide and excited. "I don't know the band, so I don't know that this will work, but it's worth a shot."

"Anything is." I was that desperate. Short of selling both my kidneys or clubbing a baby seal, I would try pretty much everything. A week wasn’t a long time to change Jared’s mind, especially not about something this big.

Gerry wouldn’t give me more time since he was already ready to move on. He thought it was a lost cause, and I didn’t blame him for it. But if Kelly had any kind of idea that might help, then she was right. It was worth a shot.

She stared down at the floor as she turned her idea over in her mind and then lifted her eyes to mine again. "How about if you can show him the band isn’t the same without him? That they miss him, and they want to carry on, but they can't do it without him?"

Contemplating her plan, I squinted in thought. Jared felt a tremendous sense of responsibility toward all the guys. I'd told him how much they missed him, but was that enough?

Actions spoke louder than words. If I could show him how much they missed and needed him, show him Destitute without him, just them, stripped down to only the boys and their music, then I might still have a chance.

Mentally crossing my fingers, I allowed my first real smile in hours to come to my lips. "That might just be a great idea."