CHAPTER 15

JARED

Absolute silence descended in the studio when I belted out the last note to the song we were recording. This.

This feeling was one of the many reasons why we had the best job in the world. And why we didn’t need drugs to get high.

We got it from being the fucking kings of what we did, and we’d proven it once again by laying down an unbelievable track. When the light blinked on to tell us we were in the clear, a chorus of “Fuck yeahs” erupted.

I threw my fists into the air victoriously, turning in a slow circle to see Matt and Nick high five each other, while Nick threw his ass back and put a finger to his mouth. “Oops, we did it again,” he said.

Even Dom was smiling as widely as a kid who got told that there was no math class that day. He slow-clapped and looked at Nick. “You’re ruining it, but yeah, we did.”

It was only Caleb who was still wearing the same scowl he’d been wearing all week.

The song we’d managed to nail and record for the album had an epic guitar solo of Caleb’s in it, and he’d rocked it. Yet judging by his expression, if I hadn’t known that he’d just made that solo his bitch, I would have thought that someone had just kicked his puppy or he got told he could never have vodka again.

The guy was clearly in a dark place, and I didn’t like seeing him like that.

“We done?” he asked, his fingers hovering over the fretboard of his guitar while his other arm hung limply by his side.

Dom and I nodded in unison. “Think so. It doesn’t get much better than that. I think that’s it for that track.”

Caleb gave a relieved sigh, lifted his guitar over his head until he was clear of the strap, and put it in its stand beside him. “Great, I’m out of here then. See you fuckers later. Or maybe not. Cheers.”

Matt, Nick, Dom, and I shared a look, but all of them widened their eyes and shook their heads. No one knew what was going on with him, which wasn’t necessarily odd since we didn’t sit around braiding each other’s hair and talking about our feelings, but it didn’t make me less worried about him.

He should’ve been feeling the same good vibes as the rest of us, but he clearly wasn’t. I was riding cloud nine over that track. There was a spike of adrenaline in my blood, and I was feeling like something had just clicked into place in the universe, knowing that we had another hit on our hands. There was no other feeling like it, and I wondered why my brother wasn’t feeling it.

He was already hurrying to the door, his back turned to us as he tossed his hand up for a final wave. I immediately followed him out, catching up to him in the quiet hallway. Turning when he heard my footsteps behind him, he crossed his arms as if expecting a confrontation and narrowed his eyes.

Everything about him, from the way that his shoulders were locked, to the way that his eyes were almost black in warning, told me that he wanted me to fuck right the hell off. Too bad for him, I sucked at heeding warnings. I stopped only when there was just about who feet between us and dipped my chin, demanding an explanation from him.

“What?”

I held my palms up to show that I came in peace, then stuffed my hands into the back pockets of my favorite pair of black leather pants. “You know what. You’ve been cranky and pissy all week. I’m beyond confused about why you’re even mad. That went great in there.”

Caleb shoved a hand in his hair, dragging it through a few times before it came to a rest at the back of his neck. Defiance mingled with defeat in his dark eyes until he blinked it away, sighing and rubbing at his side like he always did when something was bothering him. I knew that the words, Always Remember, were tattooed on the skin he was touching over his black Henley.

I had the same words tattooed in the same place. We’d gotten them done together to mark the five-year anniversary of our parents’ death, and Caleb had a habit of touching his when he was searching for strength. I didn’t think that anyone outside of the band knew that, though.

“It’s not about the song,” he finally said, dropping his hand back to his side. “I know we sounded great, and I agree that the track is done. I just need to get out of here.”

“What’s it about, then? Are you still hung up on the arrest?”

Caleb paused, then nodded. “Kind of.”

“That was a week ago. Alicia has taken care of the press, and the charges were dropped. No harm, no foul. It’s time to let it go, dude.”

“How am I supposed to do that? We got arrested for assault. That’s not exactly something to be proud of.” Caleb’s eyes darted to the framed picture of Axl Rose on the wall beside him before he squeezed them shut.

“The only reason assault even became a thing was because you took a swing at the bouncer,” I pointed out, still not understanding why he seemed mad at me, when for once, it hadn’t been me who had gotten us into the situation.

“I know, okay. I got steamed up. I admit it. And I take full responsibility for that. I was just so angry that that chick came onto me, when she had a boyfriend, that I wasn’t thinking straight. I didn’t want to fight the guy. I didn’t even see him or know that he was her boyfriend when he swung at me. I only realized what was going on when he asked me what the fuck I thought I was doing with his girl, but by then, he was already hitting me, so I hit him back. I knew I was the one in the wrong for being on my way to fuck his girl in the first place, but I had no idea, you know?”

He put his palm to his side again and huffed out a sigh that mirrored the pain in his eyes. It was suddenly clear as daylight what he was hung up on, and what had been going on with him since we got arrested. Fuck, I was an idiot for not seeing it sooner.

Putting my hands on his shoulders, I spoke to him as his brother, and not his bandmate or the egomaniac rock star that I portrayed, just me. The ass who should’ve pieced together where, or to who, his mind had gone. It was a miracle that he’d managed to nail the solo while in this frame of mind.

“I know. I know that you didn’t want, or mean, to fight him, and I get that the chick being down to fuck you when she was in a relationship triggered you. That girl wasn’t Liz though, man. You need to chill out, calm the fuck down, and let it go.”

“You keep telling me that you understand shit, but you don’t. How do you suggest I do that, Jared? How does the great Jared-fucking-Larsen propose that I chill out and get over it?” He stared daggers at me for having brought up the woman who’d betrayed him, ripped out his once-romantic heart, and made him believe that relationships were for idiotic fucks. I deserved it, but it didn’t make what I said any less true.

“I’m not sorry for bringing her up. You know she was at the root of what happened, and you know that I’ll always have your back. If punching out half of LA is what it takes, I’ll be swinging right beside you, but there has to be a better way. I don’t know. Maybe you should consider taking a long break by yourself when we’re done recording. There should be enough time before we start the tour.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Caleb said, tension still rolling off him in waves. Then he sighed and stared off past my head, as if he were talking to himself in an empty room. “There might be time, but there’ll also be all the promotional shit that we’ve got to do. So probably no time to get away.”

“There are also four other people in the band with you. If you want to go, go. We’ll deal with it as it comes. Being a rock star is supposed to be fun. I don’t like you being unhappy, and if seeing you happy again means stepping up and doing more interviews or whatever, then I’ll do it.”

“Thanks man. I’ll think about it.” His eyes, so much like my own, met mine, and there was a tiny amount of life there. Tiny, but I would take it. “You’re right that it might be a good idea. Thanks for having my back that night. I don’t think I got around to saying that.”

“Always.”

With a nod of his head and, at least partially, seeming lighter, he turned and walked away from me. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I hoped that he would take my advice.

I also hoped that it would work. Contrary to what Alicia believed, I knew what responsibility was, and I still felt it for Caleb. I just wanted him to be happy and to actually enjoy the life that we’d made for ourselves. Was that really too much to ask?

I headed the other way down the hallway, surprised when I turned the corner to find Alicia lurking there. Shit, I wondered how long she’d been standing there.

That was a private conversation that I knew Caleb wouldn’t appreciate someone else hearing. I also didn’t like the thought that she might have heard me when I was just being me. Time to rectify that, just in case.

Pulling my lips into a knowing smirk, I folded my arms across my chest and gave her a look that said, you’re busted. My tone was purposefully mocking when I told her, “Well, well, well. Eavesdropping, are we? That’s beneath you.”

Indignation sparked in her shimmering blue eyes, but she might as well have had the word “Guilty” stamped on her forehead as she blurted out, “Why didn’t you tell me what the fight was about when you called?”

I shrugged, playing the part of the disinterested star all too fucking well. “It didn’t matter then. It doesn’t matter now. We got arrested for assault. You needed to know that so you could get out ahead of the press. It wouldn’t have made any difference for you to know the reason behind the assault. The press doesn’t care about shit like that. They only care about the fact that we were arrested.”

Alicia was quiet for a second, regarding me like I was some kind of anomaly, or a riddle that she was trying to solve. “That might be true, but I will always care about the story behind the story. Besides, you should have told me, if for no other reason than I probably wouldn’t have insulted you quite as much had I known the truth.”

“No, you would have. You enjoy yelling at me too much to have passed up the opportunity.” I grinned as I pointed out the obvious, then stressed the important part of what she’d overheard. “I was just backing up my brother, but you should know that whether or not he was justified in having thrown that punch, I would have protected him anyway. And you didn’t insult me that much.”

I stared her right in the eye as I said it, needing her to understand that she would have to be prepared for me getting into more completely unnecessary fights and not giving a single fuck if it made headlines, as long as it was to have my brother’s back. I cocked my head, fully expecting another lecture.

What I got, however wasn’t that. Not at all. Instead, the woman managed to do what not many could. She surprised the living daylights out of me.

“Yes, I did,” she muttered, her voice just barely above a whisper. “But even so, can I still take you up on that offer for dinner?”

If my poker face was anything but perfected, my jaw would have hit the floor, and my eyebrows would have shot up so far they would have disappeared into my hair.

Where the fuck did that come from? She looked as confused as I was feeling, but she didn’t take it back. Instead, she planted her hands on her hips and kept her eyes on mine. My lips curled into a slow smile, because as much as I had no idea what had caused this change in attitude, I wasn’t going to turn her down.

“I like a woman with the balls to ask me out, so sure. Pick me up at seven on Friday, and don’t forget the flowers.” I batted my eyelashes and pressed a hand to my heart.

Alicia rolled her eyes so hard that I was worried they were going to be permanently stuck to the ceiling, then she glared at me, the tiny daggers those eyes were hurling at me lodging themselves firmly in my eyeballs. “I’m so going to regret this.”

Shaking her head, she spun around and started walking down the hallway while I called out after her. “Call me!”

She didn’t look back, but she threw a hand into the air with her thumb up, telling me that she’d heard me. I didn’t know whether she realized that I was actually being serious when I told her to call me.

But as I watched her walk her tight ass away from me, covered today by a short, navy-blue dress with white dots on it, I decided that if she didn’t call me, I would call her. She’d given me an in, and as I imagined how good she would look naked as she disappeared down the hall, I knew that I was going to take advantage of it.