Chapter Thirty
Shawn
For the next few days, I was able to keep to my word. My mother didn’t return once for almost a week and that was plenty of time for Valerie to get settled.
We didn’t talk much though and I had come to the conclusion, the hope really, that she just needed a little bit of time. I knew that what had happened was really hard on her and I was all for helping her work through it.
I knew what it was like to finally realize that no one in your family wanted you. It sucked and made you feel awful. That was the kind of terrible feeling I had almost all the time, but especially when I dwelled on it.
However, I had learned to work through it and rely on my friends and even Valerie, regardless of whether or not she was angry with me. I had learned that no matter what, there were people, even if they didn’t have any relation to you at all, that would do anything for you.
Valerie’s mother used to be one of those people, but I was terrified that she would never become that again after what happened, either for me or for Valerie, and that was sad.
However, I didn’t talk to her about it, even when we went through the stuff to get rid of or sell so that she could make some money, and she broke down and cried.
I just held her and told her that everything was going to be okay. That was really all that I could do though, because I was fairly certain that she didn’t want my advice.
Valerie barely even wanted to have a conversation with me about the weather, much less open her heart to me over a problem that I caused.
So, I was just there, always, in case she felt the need to talk. Sometimes, I would get a smile and some days, I would just get a glower that didn’t leave her face until she was out of my presence. But no matter what, or how she was feeling, I vowed that I was going to help her through this.
There was nothing that I wouldn’t do for her. I knew that, but by this time in my life, I was actually ready to prove it.
I knew now that for as long as it took to get her feeling better, I was going to be there to support her, or even be her punching bag, if need be, because anything was better than losing her.
Besides, living in the same apartment for that span of time, which was close to a week, we basically lived separate lives.
She didn’t come to talk to me and I didn’t dare disturb her. I slept on the couch and gave her my room. We took separate cars to school, even though I thought that was kind of silly, but it seemed to work for her and it kept Valerie from leaving. So I was willing to do some things that seemed stupid.
I figured that she couldn’t very well stay mad at me forever. She had to come around and at least have some closure, so I knew what I was dealing with at some point.
Right?
Yet, as hopeful as it was, we almost settled into living completely different lives under one roof.
Then, one day, while I was working on a homework assignment, having literally had nothing else to do, I noticed that Valerie was staring at me.
I looked over at her and stared back, but I didn’t want to upset her by trying to make conversation. I just swallowed hard.
“Hi…” Valerie said after a few moments. The tension had risen extremely high by that point, so when she spoke, it almost startled me.
“Hi…” I answered and then asked with genuine concern, “Is everything okay?”
She nodded. “I was just…I just…” As she spoke, I wasn’t sure if she was trying to think of the right words to say, or if she was upset, but her breath kept growing increasingly shallow and her eyes began to redden, before she bit her lip and I saw tears begin to gloss over her eyes.
“Valerie…” I stood up and moved toward her. “It’s okay…” I reached out to her and hugged her into my arms.
She sobbed loudly and began to cry. I felt the wet spots lining my sleeve almost immediately. “It’s okay…” I answered carefully. “Everything is okay…”
“No!” She yelled finally, now backing away from me almost completely. “Everything is not okay, Shawn.” She sniffled and narrowed her eyes. “I have lost everything! Everyone I know is mad at me, with the exception of you and to be honest, I am still very mad at you.”
I nodded before I replied in a thoughtful, considerate way, “I know you are and I don’t blame you. You have every right to be furious with me, but I am here for you, no matter what you need.”
“I need this to be fixed!” She exploded, now completely breaking away from me. “I need things to go back to the way they were! We should have never done this!”
I tried not to take offense, but the serious nature of her tone made me feel extremely bad. I didn’t want to be hurt by what she was saying, but even with everything that happened, I didn’t think that our relationship was a mistake. I liked the way our relationship was going and I wanted to keep it working well. There was no reason that it shouldn’t, once we got through this hurdle.
I was hopeful about it, but right now, I certainly didn’t think that it was wise to tell Valerie that.
Instead, I just nodded, but didn’t say anything, for fear of what might slip out if I opened my mouth.
She stomped around angrily for a moment and then screamed, sharp and loud before she thrust herself back around and demanded, “What am I supposed to do?”
I sighed, trying to remain calm. I wasn’t growing angry with her, because I didn’t feel attacked, but I did begin to feel a sense of unrest. I was growing agitated, seeing her in such distress. “Honestly? I think that you should focus on the problem one step at a time instead of focusing on the big picture.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she demanded, while her eyes glowed with hate and rage.
“Well…I mean…Take it one step at a time…Have you heard from your mother since you left? Has she called you?”
Valerie stopped, shook her head and broke down again. She ran to the couch and collapsed on it. “What did I do that was so terrible?” I really had no answer for her.
I sat down next to her and thought about something to say that might make her take the pressure off of herself, if I couldn’t actually make her feel better. “Family is supposed to be the only people on the planet that you can count on for everything…But apparently, my family and your family were cut from the same cloth.” I shrugged. “The only difference is that you were the good kid until recently.” With a sinking heart, which compounded so much stress onto me that I felt the weight of it heavily on my chest until I exhaled deeply, I added sadly, “Because of me…” I looked up at her with a genuinely upset expression. “God, Valerie, I am so sorry. I never meant for this to happen.”
I knew that this conversation was bound to happen sometime and while I wasn’t exactly thrilled about it, I knew that if I started it, or at least attempted to start it, I would have a prayer of getting through it and having things improve, instead of getting through it and her never wanting to talk to me again.
Yet, instead of opening a new dialogue, my conversation inadvertently took a stunning turn for the worst.
Valerie stopped crying and froze in place for a long moment before her reddened face and tearful eyes turned to glare at me. “You’re sorry? I have no one left, all because of you and your stupid mouth, but you’re sorry and that is supposed to make it all go away? You didn’t pull my hair on the playground, Shawn, you ripped me away from my family. That is going to take a hell of a lot more than just a simple, whoops, my bad!” She stormed to her feet and was back in my room, with the door slammed shut before I could call out another word.
“Valerie? Wait! Please!” I got up off of the couch and ran toward her.
“Go away! I knew it was stupid trying to talk to you!” she screamed from behind the door. “I hate you!”
At this, I stopped short. Her words cut through my heart like an arrow, passing straight through and leaving a massive hole. I staggered back and breathed, “You…” but could not bring myself to speak the rest of the question aloud. It was just too painful and I realized that I didn’t even want to try to give her a chance to clarify, because if it hurt this much now, I couldn’t imagine what it would be like if she actually went through with the confirmation of it. I felt like I was going to be sick.
However, as I turned around, I heard my phone ring. Desperate for a distraction, I picked it up without even looking at the caller ID.
“Hello?” A woman said. As my brain made the connection to who the voice belonged to, I found that I was completely stunned. “This is Diana…Valerie’s mom.”
“Hi…” I answered, now really feeling like I was going to be sick, “Yes...Of course…” My voice sounded lame, but that didn’t seem to matter to my stepmom.
“Shawn, I know you are probably furious with me, but I need you to tell me the truth.” She sounded as though she was crying and immediately, I feared for her safety, since her voice was frantic.
“Of course. You’re family. What’s wrong?”
“Is Valerie with you? I have been trying to reach her…but her phone has been off.”
“Yes,” I responded quickly, even though I had a million questions flooding my brain at the moment. “She is with me. She is safe. She is fine.”
“Oh, thank God!”