Chapter Nine
Valerie
Distraught, I didn’t come out of my room all afternoon. I wasn’t quite sure how I was feeling about my boyfriend. I knew that I would probably, eventually feel guilty for being so hard on him and that would require a nice apology, but no one insulted my friend and got away with it.
More like an older sister, I supposed, than a friend, I could say anything I wanted about Shawn; but no one could say anything against him, or I would fight them tooth and nail, even if they were right.
I didn’t think that Zachary was right. After all, he didn’t know the ins and outs of Shawn’s strange family dynamics. Not like I did. I had grown up with them. I had watched his mother destroy his spirit, again and again, while also witnessing his father crash down on him and then turn around and say something nice to me, as though nothing had happened.
In a way, I wished I did know why his father did those things, but I hadn’t the faintest clue. Shawn’s father was a mystery to me. He was nice and he was always good to my mother, but there were certain aspects of his relationship with Shawn that I had never understood.
When we were little, he seemed to be a doubting, supportive father. Shawn and his father were almost friends, even though he always had respect for him. Shawn’s father, Paul, always treated me nicely and had concern for me, when no other male figure did, which was always great.
Every time Paul and Shawn went anywhere, Paul would always offer to take me and he would teach me, right along with Shawn; but it did seem as though the moment he married my mother, his perspective on how he treated his son changed.
They instantly seemed to grow apart, but neither me nor my mother could figure out why. It seemed that Paul refocused himself from his son to his new family, all but cutting Shawn out of the frame.
He had always been strict about grades, but Shawn had never done well; yet it never seemed to be much of a problem until we all became a family. Then, it seemed that the hammer came crashing down on literally anything that Shawn tried to do. Where his father was once encouraging, he was now even more strict and constantly borderline of being mean about it.
I had hated when he said anything about Shawn in relation to Zachary, because while I was happy about my parents liking my boyfriend, obviously, I knew that, just like Shawn, there were issues that Zachary had that they had no idea about.
Zachary wasn’t a bad guy, but just as I wouldn’t be so quick to judge Shawn’s reactions, I also wouldn’t be so quick to assume that Zachary’s excellence in virtually everything he did was completely genuine.
Zachary always had to be the best. He put that pressure on himself and that bothered me quite a bit. I tried to help, but after dating him for as long as I had, I realized that there was no way to get him to ease up on himself.
He felt as though he had something to prove to everyone, since he didn’t have a father figure to prove it to. Personally, I thought he should seek council, since I was afraid that one bad failure would send him reeling into insanity, but that was just me apparently. Everyone else seemed to think he was absolutely wonderful and that failure wouldn’t even grace his life, no matter what he tried to do.
For Zachary’s sake, I hoped they were right.
“Valerie!” my mother called as she knocked on the door to my room. I thought I had heard her talking to someone.
I took a deep breath, trying to decide if I really wanted to answer her or not, considering the sense that I received from her voice. I knew that I had to say something, since she knew that I was in here, but I had really just hoped to be alone.
“Yes?” I tried not to sound so upset over literally everything.
“Zachary is here. The sweet boy brought flowers.” She laughed, but then turned serious. “He said you had a fight. What would you like for me to do?”
I rolled my eyes, suddenly realizing that his effort to make up with me first was the trigger that made me feel intensely guilty. “Please tell him I’ll be right out. Thanks Mom!”
“Can I come in? Just quickly…”
I slapped my hands against my face, trying to relieve it from the rush of tears that were previously flowing down it. “Sure…” I sniffled up my last bit of sadness, at least for the time being.
My mother opened the door with a concerned look on her face. “Are you all right?”
I nodded.
“You’ve been crying. Honey, what’s wrong?”
“I’m fine,” I insisted and then sighed. “I’ve just had a long day…”
“Zachary?” She asked in a careful tone, turning her head sympathetically. As I shrugged, trying to be more convincing then I was, she sighed and added, “Shawn?”
I nodded.
“Both…in one day?” She asked, almost as though shocked.
“It’s a new record,” I answered, trying to lighten the mood. “But, it’s okay. It’s not my fault with Shawn…I know that.”
“I was afraid something like this would happen…” She sighed and dropped on my bed.
I shrugged. “It’s okay, I guess. No real harm done.” I smiled sadly at her. “I don’t know.” I stopped and looked up at her before I answered as her comment clicked, “Wait…What do you mean?”
“Well, it isn’t like I haven’t noticed that you and Shawn have been on the outs with one another and then had a miraculous, slightly random rekindling of your friendship over the weekend.” She sighed. “But that kid is so angry, I don’t think he can actually forgive himself, or anyone else for how he is feeling. I was hopeful that you two would start to actually be friends again, like you were before, but I was afraid that once the medicine wore off and you got back to our daily routine that you would just go back to being…whatever it was that you two have started to be.”
“Yeah…I know. It sucks.”
She nodded. “It does, but if Shawn wants space, it is best just to give it to him. I know it’s hard, but sometimes, that’s just what we have to do for those that we care about.”
I thought about this before I smiled, genuinely enlightened this time. “Thank you, Mom. Maybe you’re right.”
She smiled as she patted my shoulder. “I know I’m right. If nothing else, I know you two kids. Come on! Get going! You don’t want Zachary’s apology flowers to wilt out there.”
At that, I got up and walked out onto the porch. Zachary stared at me for a moment while I closed the door, but did not speak until we had the assurance that we were actually alone.
“So…” he said carefully, “um…These are for you…” He extended his hand out with the flowers.
“Thank you,” I answered easily and took them. “They’re beautiful.”
“Thanks,” he smiled, before he started to say something else, but I interrupted him.
“Hang on,” I put my hand up in the air. “Before you say anything, I just wanted to say I’m sorry. It was completely wrong of me to say anything like that. I was out of place and I was upset, so I just said things that I shouldn’t have.”
“But, not that you don’t mean?” He asked, staring at me suddenly with a hard expression.
Now I was caught off guard. “I…Well, it wasn’t my place.”
“No,” he replied, “You’re right. I understand where you were coming from and I also completely get that what I said, how I said it especially, was not right and I am sorry for that. I know that you two are close, or were close…but I just don’t like to see him hurting you, especially when his reasoning has absolutely nothing to do with you.”
I smiled at him and kissed him. “You are forgiven.”
He beamed at me. “I was never really mad at you. I’m sorry that I overreacted, about everything. You know I could never really be angry with you.”
At that I stopped and even though my lips were smiling, the last thing I felt was happiness.
In fact, I felt just a little bit guilty. Still, I ignored the feeling and moved forward. “Thank you.”
“Hey listen…I was thinking…Maybe I could make it up to you? Get your mind off of this whole Shawn fiasco.”
“Okay,” I sneered in a teasing manner. “I’m all for being made up to.”
He chuckled. “Well, I know that new movie that you wanted to see is coming out and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?”
“You want to go see that?” I asked, narrowing my eyes and looking at him suspiciously. “You really must feel the need to make something up to me. Are you sure that all you are repenting for is our argument this afternoon?”
He shrugged and easily replied, “I don’t know…I’m a glutton for punishment?” His smile was cute and reminded me exactly why I liked him so much.
“Must be,” I answered, still eyeing him with mock suspicion. “But before you come to your senses, sure! I would love to go!”