Chapter Twenty-Three
Reed
I was starting to feel better about everything. It was Friday afternoon, and I still hadn’t heard back from Angela after we’d talked on the phone. Not one message or visit. And things with Kennedy were going well. We were starting to finally act like a couple, although we still hadn’t come right out and said anything to Trinity.
Anyone older might have picked up that there was something going on between the two of us, but she didn’t seem to notice. I had no doubt in my mind that she would be delighted at the prospect of me dating Kennedy. She loved Kennedy more than I’d seen her love anyone other than me before. When Ryan and Blaire had spent the week, she’d been all over Blaire. And I figured this thing with Kennedy was going to be a phase too. But there was something about the two of them that was unlike anything that I had ever seen before. They had bonded so quickly, and it felt almost like they were related. It was a very sweet thing to see. Kennedy told me that Trinity had made her feel something she had never felt before.
“Do you want kids?” I asked her earlier in the week.
She smiled. “It’s something I’ve never really thought about. I know that sounds crazy, but it honestly didn’t cross my mind all that much. People have asked me before, and I always used to say one day, but I never really felt strongly about it the way that some people do. I always thought that there might be something wrong with me. Either that, or I just hadn’t found the right guy, or met the right child to make me change my mind. I actually didn’t think I was much of a kid person until I met Trinity. Flip, Reed, she’s amazing. I’m not sure if you have any idea how special that little girl is.”
“Oh, I know,” I had replied.
I was smiling at the thought when Warren walked in.
“You look happy. What’s going on?”
“Oh,” I said casually. “I’m just going through these CT scans. I have some results to send back to a few patients today. Thankfully, all good news. I hate giving bad news to someone. I always stress endlessly about how I’m going to tell them. This is much better.”
“Oh yeah? And you really think I’m going to believe that you are sitting here smiling about a CT scan? Liar.”
I laughed. “I am actually very happy about the scan. But that’s not why I’m smiling. You’re right. I was thinking about something Kennedy said. That’s all.”
“You were thinking about Kennedy without any clothes on, weren’t you?”
“You’re a sick man, you know that?”
“Oh please. Like you don’t think of her naked all the time. I know you too well.”
“Fine. I do. All the time. Happy?”
“That’s better,” he said, and we both grinned at each other. “So, sounds like things are going well between you guys. Are you officially an item?”
“Yes and no. Still keeping it under wraps, but yeah, we’re seeing each other. It’s hard not to with her at the house all the time, anyway. We’ve been getting to know each other a bit more each evening when Trinity goes to bed. It’s the only time we can really act like a couple. But we haven’t set any titles or boundaries on what we are. We’re still taking it one day at a time. We’ve been through kind of a lot together already so we’re not putting too much pressure on each other.”
“Good for you. I like her. And I’m not just saying that because she’s easy on the eye—although you know I’ve always had a thing for redheads. She actually seems like a genuine person, and your daughter clearly loves her. What’s happening with Angela? Did she call you at work again?”
“She hasn’t called since the last time. I don’t know if I’m just being incredibly optimistic or what, but I have a feeling this might be it. She might not be calling again. Which would be amazing! Maybe she finally realized that I was serious about the whole thing. I think she could hear that I’d had enough. That she couldn’t mess me around anymore. What does she really expect? That she can just come back into my life after six years? She’s crazy.”
“Good for you. You know, I think it’s good that she came back,” Warren said.
I looked at him in shock. “Good? Why? There’s nothing good about her being back in my life.”
“Actually, there is. I know you say that you haven’t thought about the whole thing for six years, but you’re just saying to make yourself feel better. Of course you’ve thought about it. Six years ago your wife walked out on you and your daughter, and it’s been killing you ever since. It’s been eating away at you every single day. You needed this closure from her. You needed a chance to say ‘screw you’ right in her face. Look at you; you’re like a different man now that you’ve had your say. And you know that you don’t love her anymore. You’ve been face to face with her, and you know now that you feel nothing. This is finally your chance to move on from all of this.”
“Hey, maybe you’re right,” I said. I really was feeling a lot better since talking to her. I felt lighter and more in control of my life.
“I am right. And I’m happy for you. She didn’t deserve someone like you. And you deserve a hell of a lot better.”
“Like Kennedy?” I asked with a grin.
“Exactly like Kennedy. Ah, the red-headed nanny. Ooh, now I’m starting to think about her without clothes on too.”
“Don’t you dare!” I said, but Warren was laughing.
“I better go; keep on smiling, CT scan boy,” he said and walked off chuckling to himself.
For six years I questioned whether I was a good father or not. I didn’t have anyone to help me with the job, and I had no idea what I was doing. I grew up without a mother for most of life, and now my own daughter was going through the same thing. My father did the best that he could, but for a long time, he was a lost soul. He’d turned to drinking and would leave us for hours at a time to fend for ourselves. Thankfully he changed his ways and eventually became the doting father that he might always have been if my mother hadn’t died. But even when things were bad in our house, at least I had my brothers to rely on. I may not have gotten along with them in a best-friend sort of way, but I always knew that they had my back. Trinity, however, had nobody.
It was only since meeting Kennedy that I started to finally see that I had done the best that I could with her. Kennedy had made me believe that I was a good father and that I should be proud of what I had done over the years. It felt good to finally get rid of the guilt that had been weighing down on me for so long. I was still in a good mood, thinking about how lucky I was, when there was a knock on my door. I’d closed it to get some work done without any interruptions, and assumed it was probably Warren again.
“Come in,” I called out.
The door opened, and instead of Warren walking in, it was Angela. My heart started beating faster at the sight of her and I could feel my good mood slowly start to diminish.
“Angela, what are you doing here?”
“Reed, we need to talk,” she said. She closed the door and came to sit in the chair opposite me, where Warren had sat not so long ago.
Angela wasn’t the same as she’d been six years ago. She had lost a lot of weight and looked a little bit more disheveled than before. The result was a sort of manic look that seemed to overtake her. She was still a very pretty woman, she always had been, but there was something a bit off about her. I tried to remember if she’d always had that look.
“We don’t need to talk.”
“Reed, it’s so good to see you again,” she said. She offered me a smile which took away a little bit of the mania from her face.
“I wish I could say the same, but I can’t,” I said.
“Ouch.”
I sighed. “Angela, what do you expect me to say? You left me. Do you have any idea how difficult that was for me? You left me alone with a baby. I had no idea what I was doing.”
“Oh, come on, Reed. You were the one that always wanted to have a family. You were born for that kind of thing. I wasn’t. I was always a bit more of a wild child than you. You were good for me because you calmed me down. But I was never good at being a wife and a mother. Maybe I shouldn’t have just walked out on you, but I didn’t know what else to do. Sometimes, walking out is just the easiest solution. I never for one minute thought that you wouldn’t be able to handle it.”
“Wow, how kind of you,” I said.
“I mean it, Reed. I knew you had it in you.”
“Angela, what do you want from me?”
“I want us to start over.”
“Are you crazy? Why would I do that?”
“I’ve changed, Reed. I’m not the same woman that walked out on you six years ago. I’m different now. I’m more mature. I’ve grown up. I’m the woman that you always wanted me to be. I am ready to be a wife and a mother now. And I really want to meet my daughter. Please Reed, just take me to her now.”
I thought of Trinity, sitting at home with Kennedy, and I felt a pang of sadness for both of them. I couldn’t imagine what they would say if I had to come home with Angela in tow.
I shook my head. “I know that you are not going to let this go until you see Trinity. But not today, Angela. You need to give us time. Also, she’s with Kennedy right now, and I don’t want to upset the two of them.”
“Who the hell is Kennedy?”
“Kennedy looks after Trinity. And she’s a wonderful woman. She’s been like a mother to Trinity lately. It was exactly what Trin needed,” I said. Perhaps I shouldn’t have added in the part about her being like a mother, because the look on Angela’s face said that I had taken it too far.
Her face, which had looked soft when she walked in, had suddenly hardened. “Are you seriously telling me that there is another woman taking care of my daughter? You need to let me see her, Reed. This is not okay.”
“There’s no way I’m letting you see her. Look how easily you freak out. Kennedy is a good influence on Trinity. It’s time you start realizing that. For once, think of her rather than yourself.”
“Oh, like you’ve put Trinity first all these years? Look at you. You’re a workaholic. Look at the time, Reed. Is this what time you usually finish work? How can you stay here knowing that your daughter is home with a stranger? I have no idea who this Kennedy woman is, but she’s not Trinity’s mother. How well do you know her, anyway? What kind of a father are you, Reed?”
I sat back, as her words washed over me. And suddenly, all my confidence disappeared. Suddenly, I was back to being the same man that I was all the years ago when Angela and first left me. Was Angela right? Had I been a terrible father?