Chapter Eighteen
Shawn
I had a slight pain in my stomach all day, wondering what could have happened. I knew that Dalilah was behind whatever it was, because that woman would not go down without a fight and she loved to concoct plans behind everyone else’s back, thinking that she was far smarter than everyone.
However, I couldn’t imagine what had gotten Valerie so upset.
Yet, when I saw her face, glowering at me from across the park, I had a pretty good idea that my inclinations about what Dalilah had shared with her were fairly spot on. For the entirety of the day, ever since I had received that first text message from Valerie, I had tried to convince myself that as rough as Dalilah was on me and as sneaky as she was, there was no way she would betray my trust.
However, now, I knew the truth and it made me extremely angry. I knew that I shouldn’t have trusted her, even with a lie, but now that I had, it hurt me that she would go behind my back, stab it and turn the knife so methodically.
As I walked up to Valerie, I figured that my best shot at a saving grace was telling her, “I am so sorry…”
“Yeah, you should be,” she spat without the slightest sense of empathy. She lay into me, heavily and angrily, but I knew that she was hurt, which made the scolding even worse. “How dare you! Why would you tell her anything about my personal life, whether it is true or not? You had no right to incorporate me or my mother into your lie…and to say what you said about her…That’s awful!”
“I had to say something,” I blurted, realizing what a lame defense that was, but not really caring all that much.
“And that was the first thing that popped into your mind?” she demanded. “That’s terrible! Next time you have to lie and you feel that it needs to be so absurd, tell her that your own mother is sick and leave my mother out of it…at least then, you wouldn’t actually be too far from telling her the truth.”
I opened my mouth to retort, but then was struck with a sense of anger and hurt. Now, it was I who could not believe what Valerie was saying. I felt my eyes narrow as I glared at her. My breath became slightly heavier, before I answered in a cold, hurt fashion, reflecting all of the terrible thoughts that were rumbling around inside of my mind at the moment, “You know what really sucks? The fact that if I tried to be so concerned for my own mother, she wouldn’t have believed me. I care about you and I care about your mother. I used to think that you both cared about me far more than either of my own parents did, but the more this…whatever this is that keeps going on between us lasts, the more I am starting to realize that this has nothing to do with you wanting me to come home, or even…” I couldn’t bring myself to say it, but I was sure that the look in my eyes gave it away. I peered at her intently, willing her to see me the way that I saw her, but the look that I received back confirmed that I was not that person to her and I probably never would be. “But lately, she is the only one who is there for me. Like her or not, she is the only constant in my life.”
At this, Valerie stepped back, as though I had slapped her, and scoffed at me before saying, “You’re the one who left…and if you remember, you’re the one who called it off the first time, so don’t try to turn this all around on me and make me out to be this terrible person. I was right…” She hissed, looking me up and down with a sense of disdain in her eyes. “You are despicable.”
With that, she turned around and began to walk away. But after a moment and a sigh, through which I released all of my aggravation and anger, I couldn’t bear to let her walk away from me like that again. “Valerie, wait!” I ran after her. She turned around and stared at me, as though she was trying to pierce me with laser vision and turn me to dust. Still, I took solace in the fact that she had stopped.
I knew then that I had a chance.
“Wait…” I exclaimed again as I caught up with her, sighing heavily. “I’m sorry.”
“For what, exactly? It’s a pretty long list.” She crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes at me, as though to increase her concentration so that I would inevitably fall into a pile of ash on the ground.
Since I was still standing there, however, I figured it hadn’t worked. “For everything. I know why you are upset about what I said…and I am sorry that I hurt you. I was angry then. I didn’t realize that I had hurt you…”
“You didn’t care, either,” Valerie replied earnestly, now making her eyes wide as she spoke.
I nodded and after careful contemplation, I replied, “You’re right. I didn’t care. That’s on me. When our parents announced they were getting married, almost to the day, I was going to ask you to go out with me. I knew that it was strange, being that our parents were dating, but they had dated for years, so I figured that we had a shot of it not actually being strange. By that point, I figured they were content in their relationship and would never take the next step into making it official. I had never thought that their status would change. They were always just…dating. So, when they said that they were getting married and that we were going to be living together as brother and sister, I was angry. Everything changed and then, to make matters worse, even my relationship with my father changed and that screwed up the whole dynamic.”
She nodded, showing that she was listening to me intently.
“Therefore, I never told you how I felt and when you came to me that day with your suggestion, I was scared. Everything was happening so fast…and I didn’t want to have to worry about losing you too. I thought if we could stay friends, without the complications of a relationship, especially of our relationship, given our new parental status, that I would have a better shot of things never coming undone between the two of us.”
“But you hurt me,” she said again and as I looked in her eyes, I saw that she was remembering the words that I had said to her.
Reluctantly, my mind flashed back to that as well and I heard my own, panicked voice ringing in my ears; “Eww…We’re about to be step-siblings. We can’t date now…Besides, I never felt that way about you anyway. We’re friends, Val…That’s all we can ever be.” I then remembered her heartbroken expression, which was a lot like the one she was wearing right now. When my mind came back to the present, I grasped her hand and pulled it toward me. The familiar feel of her skin was comforting, even though in my mind, I was a barrel of nerves. “Look…When I said what I said, I wasn’t telling you the truth. I only said that so that you would stop making me hope for an us, but at the time, I did mean that I thought all we could ever be was friends.”
“But we’re not even that now…”
I nodded solemnly. “I know and I want that to change.” I grasped her other hand and brought it toward me. I rested her touch against my chest and looked deeply into her eyes before I told her honestly, “I know I have made a lot of mistakes and I probably will make a lot more, but I still want a chance. I want to be what I told you we could never be…Forget what everyone has to say. I want to give it a shot.” I smiled at her, but my heart began to ache when she did not smile back.
I could tell that she was thinking about it though, which gave me hope, until she lightly pulled her hand away and began a justification of her own. “That explanation is great. I completely understand,” Valerie answered finally and I was once again hopeful that I had just read her initial reaction wrong when she paused; but then her voice dropped in that pause. “But, unfortunately, as always, the truth and the explanation for your actions came about two years too late.” She backed up from me, ignoring the blatant sense of hurt that was clear on my face. “I’m sorry, Shawn.” Then, she turned and walked away from me…again.