Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ryan
I woke up that morning with a heavy sadness weighing over me. In my dream, I had just been involved in the biggest fight of my life. It wasn’t Ron that I was fighting, but some sort of strange hybrid of him mixed with all the other men I had fought before. With every punch, their face seemed to change. In the audience were all my brothers, my father, my mother, Nick, and Blaire. They were all cheering for me and shouting my name. And then, just as I was about to be announced as the winner, I woke up.
For a few seconds, I forgot that I did not have a fighting career and I even lay there smiling. And then, as I turned and saw Blaire next to me, I suddenly realized what had happened. My fighting career was over, and I was never going to have that feeling again. Never again would someone tell me that I had won a fight. For the first time since finding out about the head trauma, I lay there wondering what I was going to do with my life. I still remember someone once telling me that I should have a plan b in case anything ever happened, and I’d laughed at them. I’d told that I would never need a plan b because I would never be doing anything else with my life other than fighting. Why had I been so cocky?
When Blaire turned around, she looked even more beautiful than normal to me. The one good thing in my life. She smiled at me, and I felt everything around me crumble. She was the only one that had that effect on me. I woke up feeling depressed about my life, then she smiled at me, and I felt happy again.
“Good morning,” she whispered.
“I don’t understand how you can wake up and look that good,” I said and kissed her gently on the mouth. “I’m starting to wonder if you’re actually real.”
She giggled. “You’re lying. I look horrific in the morning.”
“I didn’t know that horrific meant gorgeous.”
“Ah, I like waking up to compliments. You look pretty darn good yourself. Did you sleep okay?” she asked.
“Yeah, I did,” I lied. “How about you?”
“I did. I sleep much better when I’m next to you. You’re incredibly cuddly to lie with. Did you know that?”
“Are you calling me fat?”
She laughed. “Cuddly might not have been the right word. Although you do give awesome cuddles. Are you staying home today?”
I shook my head and tried not to look her in the eye. “I . . . I have to train today. I’m going in this morning. But I’ll be back a bit later.”
She nodded. She looked like she was about to say something but then changed her mind. “Okay. Be careful.”
“I will.”
When I got to the training facility, I expected Nick to either not be there this time, or else sit me down and try to convince me not to do this. But he didn’t. He was there, waiting for me with his cup of tea just as he normally was. When he saw me, he nodded.
“So, do you have a plan for your training today?” he asked. He didn’t even bother saying hello and I could tell that he was annoyed with me.
“I do, actually. I’m going to use that training schedule of yours. I’ll probably modify it a little as I want to get more into the training per day then what I was doing before,” I said. “I have a lot to do in a very short space of time, but I know I can do it.”
I wasn’t sure if Nick was going to even help me with the training. He didn’t say that he was, which was why I had gone in there with my own plan of action. I had a feeling that he didn’t really want to be involved.
“Okay,” Nick said. He turned back toward his paper and took a sip of tea.
“Will you help me train?” I asked.
He sighed and continued to look at the newspaper in front of him. “I’m helping one of the other guys today,” he said. Then after some thought, he added, “But I’ll be right here to help whenever I can.”
I smiled at him. “Thanks, Nick.”
I got changed and began my training. I could hear Nick training one of the other guys, but I could clearly see him looking my way every now and again. I knew that as much as he didn’t want me to fight, it was hard for him not to be a part of the training. It was just who he was. I could see that he was desperate to have his say, but for the most part, he kept quiet and at least pretended he wasn’t interested.
That morning I trained harder than I had ever trained in my entire life. I had never before put that much effort into something. I always knew that I was good when it came to training, mostly because I enjoyed it so much, but this was the first time that I had felt this much drive. I wasn’t sure if it was purely ego-driven, the fact that I wanted so badly to beat Ron, or whether it was just because I knew that it was the last time I would ever fight again. I just knew that I didn’t want to be known forever as the guy that backed down from a fight. My fighting career was over, but I didn’t want my reputation to be. I was going to make a name for myself, and I was ready to give Ron the biggest fight of his life. He had no idea what was coming for him.
When I was finished, I showered and was just about to make my way out when Nick stopped me.
“Oh, hey,” I said to him as casually as I possibly could. I wasn’t used to feeling so awkward around him. It was not a feeling that I enjoyed.
“Leaving without saying goodbye?” he asked.
“Sorry, I thought you were busy. I didn’t see you.” It wasn’t entirely true. I saw him talking to one of the guys, but it was obvious that their training session was over. We both knew that I was just avoiding him.
He laughed. “It’s okay. I know you’re avoiding me.”
“What? No, I’m not.”
“Of course you are. And it’s okay. I’ve been avoiding you too.”
I sighed. “Sorry.”
“Me too. We’re hopeless. So, training went well today I see.”
“You think?” I figured that he had been watching me.
“I’ve never seen anyone train as hard as you did today. I didn’t really have much to add to your training session, to be honest. I thought I’d have a long list of all the things that you were doing wrong, but there’s nothing else I can add. You worked like a machine today, and you did everything that you were supposed to do. You’re clearly out to prove a point.”
“I hope so. That’s the intention at least.”
Nick sighed. “Look, Ryan, you know I’ll always support you. You’re more than just a training partner to me. The two of us have been friends for a very long time. I think that’s what makes this all so hard for me. It would be different if this were one of the other guys. I’d laugh and tell myself that they were just being idiots, and then I’d put the thought behind me. But it’s different with you.”
“Are you calling me an idiot?”
“I guess I am. Are you sure you won’t reconsider your decision?”
I shook my head. I’d never been surer of anything in my whole life. “I’m sorry, Nick. But you know I won’t do that. I have absolutely no intention of backing out of this fight.”
“It’s not too late, you know,” Nick said.
“Of course it’s too late. I’ve said I’m fighting, so that’s what I’m going to do. I won’t go against my word. I’m going to do this.”
“Ryan, I did the same thing all those years ago. You know I had problems with this one eye for ages. I should never have pushed myself the way I did. But I did it to try and prove a point. Who was I trying to please, though? That’s what I want to know. Because looking back, I realize that the only person I should’ve been worried about was myself. What did I really prove to the world? That I was stubborn enough to go half-blind. That’s all.”
I sighed. I knew that Nick was going to try to convince me otherwise. I suppose I didn’t blame him at all. But we were different people, and just because it happened to him didn’t mean it was going to happen to me.
“Thanks for caring, Nick. I knew you would say this and I suppose if the roles were reversed, I’d say the same thing to you. But I need to do this. And I promise to be careful. I won’t let him get in any head shots.”
Nick laughed. “You really think you can prevent that from happening? Come on; you know what this guy is like. He’s out for your blood. You can’t stop him.”
“Trust me, Nick. I know what I’m doing. I’m going to walk away from this without looking like a complete fool. I’m going to show him and everyone else what I’m made of.”
Nick shook his head sadly. “I know I can’t stop you. But have you ever stopped to think that it’s not just you that you’re going to hurt.”
“What do you mean?”
“If you and Blaire have a future together, which I’m assuming is what you want, then maybe you should think about how much you’re going to hurt her too. Just think about her, Ryan. It’s not just you now.”
I shook my head. Nick had no right to tell me what to do. This was my life and I had every right to make this decision. I grabbed my bag and started to walk out.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Nick.”
“Tomorrow?”
“For training,” I said and walked out before he had the chance to say anything else.
On the way home, I thought about what Nick had said about hurting Blaire. But so far she had not said anything to me about not fighting. She said she didn’t want me to do it, but she seemed willing to support me. If she could support me, then I didn’t see why Nick couldn’t either. In fact, I was going to do this fight for her. I would prove to her that I was a good fighter and that I would never let someone like Ron dictate what I am.
When I got home, I parked the car and sat for several minutes just calming myself down. I didn’t want to think about the fight and the drama anymore. The only thing I wanted to think about was Blaire. When I finally found some sort of inner peace, I got out the car and went inside. I opened the door, locked it behind me, and went straight up to the bedroom to find her. She was sitting cross-legged on the bed, looking through a magazine. Her long brown hair had fallen over her face, and when she looked up at me, she smiled brightly.
“Hey you,” she said.
I didn’t answer her. Instead, I walked right up to her and started kissing her.