Chapter Eighteen
Reagan
I spent the whole of Sunday working. I thought of popping into see Dana, but I was afraid she was going to figure out what I had done. I told Dana almost everything that went on in my life, so the fact that I was keeping so closed-lipped about what had happened meant I knew it was wrong. I was sure that I would eventually tell her, but right now I barely wanted to think about it myself. It wasn’t easy, though. Josh kept running through my mind. I would be making a cup of coffee and then suddenly find myself staring into space and thinking about the way his lips had felt against mine. I’d be working on a project and find that for the past ten minutes, I’d been thinking about him being inside me. I had to keep telling myself to stop letting my mind wander in his direction, but it wasn’t easy. It had been one of the best sexual experiences of my life, and it was very hard to ignore that. Thankfully, being so busy did help, and for the most part, I was able to push the thoughts aside.
By the end of Sunday, I had managed to stop thinking about Josh, and I’d gotten through so much work that I felt ready for the week ahead. Of course, all that crumbled as I made my way to the office. I suddenly felt nervous to see him again, borderline scared. I almost wished that we had talked about what we were going to do, or how we were going to handle things. I had no idea what he was thinking or whether he regretted what had happened. I hoped that things weren’t going to be awkward between us all day, and I hoped that people wouldn’t notice that something had happened between us. The last thing we needed right now was an office scandal. I wondered if Josh was going to make a big deal out of it all or just pretend as if it didn’t happen. Just as I had done with the conference, I thought of every possible scenario, and I couldn’t figure out which one I wanted to happen. Why had I even gotten myself into this mess in the first place?
When I got to the office, I saw that Josh wasn’t in yet. I felt relieved as I made my way to my desk and said hello to a few other members of staff. I put my computer on and got out my notes, and was just about to get started on work when Ralph came over. Ralph would kill me if he found out that I had slept with Josh, especially since he was the one that had gotten me the job in the first place. He’d hired me to help out with the campaign, and not to mess it all up. I had to make sure that he never found out about it. In fact, I had to make sure that nobody found out about it. I wasn’t going to tell anyone, and I hoped that Josh would do the same. We couldn’t let it get out into the public. Just telling one person could ruin the whole thing. Thankfully, I didn’t think that Ralph had any idea. Also, we were so busy at the moment that it was easy to just focus on the work and nothing else.
“Morning, Reagan,” he said and smiled at me. “Coffee?”
“Always,” I said.
“Be right back,” he said and came back carrying two mugs.
“Thank you. Isn’t it weird how normal it feels to be working together now? From college days to this,” I mused. “It’s like a dream come true for me. I don’t think I can ever thank you enough. Do you know that when you called me, I was considering going to work at a café just because I couldn’t find a job? Your call definitely came at the right time for me.”
“I’m so glad to hear that. It would be such a waste to see you doing something else. You were meant for this line of work. I was thinking the same thing about us just the other day. I like having you here. And you’ve done a great job of the campaign so far. Have you seen the poll? We’re in the lead, and I things are looking much better than they were a few weeks ago. I think you’ve saved our skin, Reagan.”
I smiled and tried not to feel guilty about the fact that I’d almost messed it up too. “Thanks, Ralph. I appreciate you saying that. I don’t think it’s completely down to me, though. But I’m glad to be part of it. It’s a nice team to be in. And it’s good that we’re all feeling positive again. I still remember how bad the mood was on that first day I joined.”
He laughed. “I remember that too. What a bad time to start. I felt so bad asking you to start at such a horrible time during the campaign. But you held yourself well, and now you’re just part of the team.”
“Part of the furniture,” I said and laughed. “It didn’t take me long to feel comfortable. There was no time to be nervous.”
“Yeah, that’s true. Well, we have a few things to get through today. Time is slowly starting to run out. I can’t believe how quick it’s going.”
“Tell me about it. I remember saying we still had so much time. But we don’t anymore.”
“Let’s just make sure we stay on the up and up. Oh, here comes Josh.”
I tried to act casual as I saw Josh walking into the office. My immediate thought was how attractive he was, followed almost immediately by the fact that I shouldn’t be thinking of him in that way. He said hello to everyone, and then as he got to his office door, he turned to look at me.
“Reagan, please can you come and see me when you get a minute?” he asked, and I couldn’t make out what his tone meant. Was he happy to see me? Was he annoyed? Was he angry? I had no idea.
“Uh, sure,” I said, swallowing hard.
Ralph looked at me and pulled a face. “Ah, a date with the boss first thing in the morning. Unlucky you.”
Before the night with Josh, I would’ve laughed and made a joke back, but I suddenly felt too nervous for the banter. I was sure that Josh was going to talk to me about what had happened, and I just hoped that everything was going to be okay. I didn’t want to lose my job over one night of passion. I sighed.
“Be right back,” I said to Ralph and made my way to the office.
I walked over to the office and closed the door behind me.
“You didn’t knock,” Josh said as I walked in.
“You asked me to come,” I said.
“You still should’ve knocked,” he said, and when I looked up, I saw that he was smiling. Relief washed over me. He was still joking with me like he used to. That was a good sign.
“Why? Do you have something to hide?” I said.
He laughed. “Only my good looks and charm.”
“You’re right—you hide those very well,” I said and grinned at him. He seemed relieved too that things were fine. “So, what can I help you with this morning?”
“I have a meeting today with the men that are helping with the funding of the campaign.”
“Oh yeah, I saw that in the schedule. That’s a very big meeting.”
“Very big. Very important. And, because you’re so much better at these things than me, I was wondering if you could give me some advice as to what tie I should wear. If you don’t mind of course. I know that’s not your only job, but I knew you would be better at this than me.”
I laughed. “Ah, so you’re finally admitting to the fact that how you present yourself is important.”
“I’m doing no such thing,” he said.
I laughed. “Well, I’d be happy to help. And yes, I am better at this than you are. What are the choices?”
He held up three ties, and after quickly assessing what he was wearing, and trying not to imagine him out of his clothes, I pointed to the dark blue tie. He’d actually look good in any of the ties but I decided not to say that to him. If there was one thing I wasn’t going to do, it was flirt with him. Although it was proving to be a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. It didn’t help that Josh was a natural flirter himself. He just couldn’t help himself, and he made me want to do it right back to him.
“That one for sure,” I said. “I think that would look great on you.”
He put it on and smiled. “Thanks. That’s the one I was thinking of too.”
Once his tie was on, we discussed the upcoming meeting and ran through a few points. I took him through all the work that I had done the previous night, and he seemed impressed by how much I had gotten done in one day. I was glad that he noticed just how much effort I was putting into the campaign. I wanted him to think that it was important to have me around. The last thing I wanted was for him to think I was only good for one thing. Also, I really didn’t want to lose my job over it all. I was pleased to see that we were able to talk about work without letting what had happened get in the way.
Still, I felt strange about the whole thing. I wanted to know that everything was going to be okay and that we’d be able to move forward. I wanted to know how he felt about what had happened between us, and if he regretted it or enjoyed it. I had a million questions swimming through my head at the same time, and I thought that if I didn’t at least ask one of them that my head was going to explode. I was just about to leave the office when I turned around to face him. I had to at least ask him something. Otherwise it was just going to drive me crazy all day.
“Uh, Josh . . .” I started.
“Yeah?”
“I was just checking to see if you were okay?” I asked. It wasn’t exactly what I wanted to say. But it was the best I could do for now.
He frowned. “Okay? Why wouldn’t I be okay?”
“Uh, you know, with uh, with what happened?” Did he really have to make me outline it for him? I was feeling awkward about it in the first place, and I could feel a blush playing at my cheeks. I hated how easily I blushed at things, and I was certain he had noticed it.
“I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Everything is great. I just hope that this meeting goes well today. But at least I know I look the part,” he said and smiled at me. “Thanks for the help with the tie. I knew you’d find the right one for me.”
“Oh, well, okay then. Good luck. I’m sure you’ll do great.”
So Josh’s plan was to act like nothing had ever happened between us. I should have been glad; after all, it probably shouldn’t have happened in the first place. Ignoring it was by far the best thing that either of us could do. And yet, the fact that he was so dismissive about the whole thing made me feel uneasy. I told myself that it was for the best, but deep down I couldn’t help but wish he had at least acknowledged it. Does that mean he regretted it? Had I enjoyed it more than he had? I left the office feeling worse than when I had gone in. I had never been more confused about a situation in my life.
“Everything okay?” Ralph asked as I made my way back to my desk. Ralph was still sitting there, looking through some of his notes to go through with me.
“Yeah? Why?” I asked. Could he tell that something had happened? Am I that obvious? I felt so annoyed at myself for not being professional.
“You just look lost in thought. What did Josh want?”
I shook my head and tried to act casual again. “Oh, he just wanted some fashion advice.”
Ralph laughed. “You buy the man one suit and now he can’t get changed without your help.”
I laughed. “Who knew I would one day become a fashion consultant?”