Chapter Thirty-One
Reed
I’d tried all week to talk to Kennedy, but she refused to talk to me about what was going on. I even called Camille, but she told me that Kennedy was someone who believed wholeheartedly in honesty.
“But I wasn’t lying to her,” I insisted.
“Look, Reed, I like you. But Kennedy is my best friend, and right now I have to stick up for her. She’s hurt. You have to understand where she is coming from. I don’t you have any idea how hard it has been for her to open up to you. You’re the first guy that she’s allowed herself to be close to in a long time. Trust me; I know this because I have been trying to get her to date forever. She’s been so closed off from men.”
“But why?”
“Kennedy spent her whole life being thrown from one foster home to another. I’m sure you know that already. What you don’t know is how much it hurt her. What you don’t know is how she became very close to one family in particular. They promised to adopt her and said that they would never leave her. She stayed with them for a full year, and they promised her that they loved her more than anything in the world.”
I didn’t know any of this. I leaned forward. “And then what happened?”
“The woman got pregnant. And just like that, she didn’t want Kennedy anymore.”
“But why? Why couldn’t she have Kennedy too?”
“Well, that’s a question I’m sure Kennedy asked herself a million times too. But this woman went from loving her to suddenly not needing her anymore. She had only been a replacement when the woman thought that she couldn’t have any kids. That has stayed with Kennedy forever. I think it was since that day that she stopped getting too close to people. It’s a miracle she’s so close to me. But when it comes to love, true love with a man, she puts on her armor. And you have been the only man that has been able to get through it.”
“And now I messed it up.”
Camille had sighed. “I’m sorry, Reed. I do like you, and I know how much she means to you. But Kennedy has closed her heart again, and right now I’m not sure how much you can do to get through to her.”
“I love her, Camille.”
“Really?” she asked.
“Of course I do. Doesn’t she know that?”
“Have you told her?”
I thought about the question. Had I actually told Kennedy to her face that I loved her? I shook my head. Why was I such an idiot? “No,” I said quietly.
“Well, there you go then. Reed, I’ll do my best to get through to her. I promise. But you’re going to have to prove yourself to her. And right now, you’re going to have to give her some space. And get a divorce, dammit.”
No wonder Kennedy was so upset by the whole situation. I had no idea how badly she’d been hurt before. That was probably why she was having such a hard time leaving Trinity. Every day I could see how much it hurt her. For now, I was doing what Camille had suggested. I was giving Kennedy space. It was hard not to pick up the phone and beg for her to talk to me, especially since I knew that during the day, Trinity was at school, and she was alone. But I forced myself not to.
I was deep in thought when Warren came through the door.
“Whoa. You look depressed, man. What’s going on?” Warren said.
I sighed. “Want to go for coffee? I feel like these walls are caving in on me right now.”
“Yeah, sure. Let’s go. Going to have to be at the cafeteria downstairs, though. I can’t go any further. I have a patient coming in about forty minutes.”
“That works for me,” I said, and we both made our way downstairs. I grabbed us both a coffee and took it to the table where Warren was waiting for me. I took a sip and sighed.
“So, what’s going on?” he asked.
“Everything.”
“Uh oh. I thought things were going so well between you and Kennedy. Don’t tell me Angela is back on the scene? Although, I’m not surprised. It didn’t sound like she was ready to give up so soon.”
“Oh, she’s more than back on the scene,” I said and told him all about her visit after we’d come back from Disney World.
“What? You’re not divorced? Seriously?” he said in shock.
I stared at him. Warren was my best friend. I may not be much of a talker when it came to my personal life, but I still figured he would know.
“Didn’t you know that?” I said.
He shook his head. “Well no. I mean, you never told me. And you always refer to her as your ex-wife, so I just assumed. Dude, it’s been six years. Why haven’t you gotten a divorce?”
“I don’t know. I guess in the beginning I didn’t because I thought she was going to come back. I know it’s crazy to think that I would’ve taken her back after she walked out on me and Trinity, but I was so messed up from it all. I think I just figured we’d have a massive fight and then be able to talk it through. I envisioned us going for couples therapy and making her happy again. Argh, it’s so crazy thinking about that now, but that is honestly what I believed. And then . . . as time went by, I guess I just distanced myself from the whole thing, and I guess I forgot. Plus, I mean, I didn’t even know where she was—so how could I even serve the papers? I mean, in my mind we were no longer together. No paper was going to change the way I felt about her. I didn’t even think about it. Also, for a long time, I didn’t think about marriage again. I didn’t think it would matter because I simply never thought I would ever find someone I could love again.”
“And then you met Kennedy,” he said.
“And then I met Kennedy.”
“So, what happened? Is Kennedy still in the picture?”
“She’s there. I mean, she’s still looking after Trinity. But she’s given me a week of notice. She doesn’t want to leave Trinity, but she doesn’t want to be around me, either. Turns out she was hurt a lot many years ago by someone that had lied to her. I think she’s just angry that I never told her the truth. And I think a part of her thinks that I didn’t get a divorce because I was secretly hoping to get back together with Angela. The whole thing is a mess. I don’t know what I’m going to do without Kennedy. And not just for Trinity’s sake. But for my sake too. I was really starting to fall for her, man. And tomorrow is her last day. I can’t handle it. I don’t even know how I’m going to tell Trinity about it. I feel like I’m completely losing my mind. What should I do?” I asked.
Warren sighed. “Ah, man, this is a huge mess up,” he said. “I don’t know what to say. I think the only thing you can really do right now is to sort things out with Angela.”
“Angela? Shouldn’t I sort things out with Kennedy? I mean, she’s the one that I care about.”
“Yeah, but it’s because of Angela that you’re in this mess in the first place. No, focus on figuring things out with Angela. You can only fix things with Kennedy once you’ve done that.”
“I hate to admit it, but I think you’re right. Although the last thing I want to do is see Angela again. I just wish she’d leave me alone. She left me alone for six years. I really don’t want to see her again. And neither does Trinity.”
“I know. But this is not going to go away on its own. Deal with Angela first, and then do your best to get Kennedy back.”
“Think I have a chance?” I asked.
“There’s always a chance.”
There’s always a chance. I let the words play around in my head as I finished up the day’s work and made my way back home. I needed to believe that a life with Kennedy was at least possible. I hated the idea that tomorrow was going to be her last day.
I got home and attempted to smile at Kennedy. She was sitting in the living room with Trinity, and the two of them were drawing. There’s always a chance, I said to myself again as I looked at her. I could see that Kennedy was trying hard to look happy for Trinity’s sake, but her sadness was overwhelmingly clear to me. I hated the fact that I had done that to her.
“Daddy!” Trinity yelled. “Come and see what we’ve been drawing,” she said and held up her paper in the air.
I walked over the table and admired their pictures. “They are incredible. You get better and better every day.” Then I looked at Kennedy. “Hey,” I said softly.
“Hey,” she said quietly back. “You’re home earlier than usual.” She kept her eyes on the pictures rather than on me.
“Yeah, I wanted to come home and see my girls.” I smiled at her and hoped that I had said the right thing.
She seemed to consider it for a moment but didn’t answer back. I wasn’t sure what was worse—the wrong answer, or complete silence. Her unspoken words seemed to linger in the air.
“Daddy, I’m so glad you’re home early today because usually I’m sleeping when you come home. Now we can all have dinner together again just like we used to. Kennedy made the most delicious chicken curry tonight, but she didn’t put any spices in it because she knows I don’t like things that are hot. And I told her that you don’t, either. But I tasted it, and it is delicious. And it smells so good. Like a restaurant. I tried to learn how to make it, but I couldn’t keep up.”
I smiled. “Chicken curry? That sounds amazing. I can’t wait. And I could do with a glass of wine. Trin, would you like a glass?”
She giggled. “No!”
“Okay, how about some whiskey, then?”
“NO!”
“Juice?”
“Yes please.”
“Uh, Ken, would you like some wine? I’ll dish up too and we can all sit together.”
She shook her head. “I’m so sorry, but I have to get home.”
“Ah, why?” Trinity said.
“I forgot to feed Merlot before I left,” she said, and I knew she was lying. “And that cat sure gets grumpy when he hasn’t had anything to eat. I’m so sorry, but I hope you guys eat lots and lots,” she said to Trinity.
“We will! Daddy, you can put me to bed tonight then,” Trinity said. “And I can tell you all about school.”
I forced myself to smile. “Sounds great. Let me walk Kennedy out and then we can sit together.”
“No, no. Don’t worry. I know the way out. You can dish up for Trinity. I’ll see you both tomorrow,” she said and then walked out.
I pulled my eye away from the closed door and looked at Trinity. “Okay, how about we have some food and you can tell me all about your day. Can you clear the table while I dish up?” I asked.
I spent the rest of the night ignoring the sadness that had descended upon me. Instead, I focused on Trinity. I listened to her tell me about her day, and I sat and drew some pictures with her. Then I tucked her in bed and told her that I loved her. Right now, she was the only woman in my life that hadn’t left me.