Chapter Seventeen
Josh
I wasn’t sure what to make of what had happened with Reagan. I hadn’t had sex like that with anyone for a long time. I was still surprised that it had happened. She’d been on my mind throughout the entire gala, but I never for one minute thought that the end result would be having her naked in my living room. Reagan was a mystery to me. I’d always known that she would be that sexy without her clothes on, but I hadn’t realized how ravenous with desire it would make me feel. But she’d turned down my offer to sleep over, which was a clear indication that it wasn’t going to happen again. I knew she had liked it, but I was her boss, and even I was aware that it couldn’t happen again. Not with the election so close. Which was a pity. I would’ve been more than happy to do it again. And again . . .
I put the thought out my mind, took a hot shower, and climbed into bed. I slept well that night, better than I had in a very long time, and when I woke up the next day, I felt refreshed. I had just changed and was about to make myself a cup of coffee when there was a knock on my door. The first thought that came through my mind was that it was Reagan. Was she coming for more? Or was she coming to tell me that it had been a mistake? But when I opened the door, I was surprised to see Kason standing there, looking even worse than he had the last time I had seen him. Kason had lost even more weight. His face was thinner and there were dark circles under his eyes. It had only been a few weeks and he looked like a different person. Was this what stress did to someone?
“Kason?”
“Sorry to bother you so early. I was hoping you’d be up.” It wasn’t like him to come over without calling first.
“It’s not that early. Come on,” I said and then closed the door behind us.
“What’s up? You don’t look too good.”
“I . . . I just needed company.”
I smiled at my friend in kindness, but inwardly I felt sad for him. I hated seeing him in this way. He’d always been so confident and sure of himself. “What you need is a cup of coffee and something to eat. And you’re in luck, because that’s exactly what I was going to get for myself. Sit down; I’ll bring something.”
“Just coffee would be great. I don’t need any food. Thanks, Josh.”
I walked over to the kitchen to make the coffee, and popped two chocolate croissants into the microwave to warm up. I put it all on a tray and carried it back to the living room.
“I bought you food, anyway. You look like you could use some. You’ve lost weight. Just have as much as you can, but at least try and have some,” I said and realized that I sounded just like a parent talking to a child.
Kason nodded and attempted to smile back. “Thanks, Josh. I know what you mean, though, I’ve never been this skinny in my life. Remember how I was complaining not so long ago that I was starting to develop a paunch? Well, I’d take that paunch back any day. There’s nothing worse than losing weight from stress. It never looks good.”
I watched as he took the croissant and started eating it gratefully. For someone that hadn’t wanted anything to eat, he sure must’ve been hungry. He finished the croissant within seconds and then sat back to enjoy his coffee.
“Thank you. I needed that. I think I’m forgetting to eat. I didn’t even know I was hungry.”
“I’m glad you ate. I always feel better when I’m eating. Want another one?”
“Do you have more?”
I smiled. “Of course. Let me get you one.”
“Only if it’s no trouble,” he said.
“Since when are you so polite with me? Let me get it for you.” I walked over to the kitchen to warm it up and brought it back for him. He practically gobbled it up in seconds as well. “So, what’s going on?” I asked.
“It’s Linda.”
I sighed. I was wondering when his wife was going to come back into play. “What happened?”
“She’s threatening to take more than half of what I own.”
“She wants your money?” I asked. I was surprised. I had liked Linda, but I didn’t expect her to go after his money. Then again, she was probably hurting and wanted a way to get some revenge.
“Yeah, I know she’s upset, and I know she’s embarrassed because the whole world found out what I’d done, but half of what I own is a lot. Right now, the only thing I have going for me is my money and my possessions. I know that sounds shallow, but it’s the truth. I don’t have a wife or children, or even a dog. I just have my things. And I feel like I’m being made a fool of. I mean, she always knew that I was sleeping around. Now that it’s public knowledge, she’s completely lost the plot and making me look like such a fool in front of everyone. I don’t like feeling this way. I feel like the whole world is caving in on me. I honestly feel like I can’t breathe sometimes. She won’t listen to reason, and I feel so damn lonely at home. It’s all just getting too much.”
This was the first time I’d ever known Kason to be this way. He’d made mistakes in the past, but he’d always bounced back from them. I’d never seen him like this. The worst part was that I had no idea what to say.
“That’s rough, man,” I said. “I’m sorry. Maybe you should just give her time. Don’t push anything. Things are always worse at the start. And the media has probably made it seem even worse too. Just give it time. It will all come right.”
“Usually I’d agree with you. But I’m just not so sure anymore. I don’t know if anything is ever going to come right again. I’ve messed this one up good. I feel like my life is over.”
“Kason, your life is not over,” I said.
“I don’t know what to do with myself every day. Without work and with all these things going on in my mind, I feel completely helpless. I literally walk around the house in circles wondering what to do with myself. I’ve picked up a million books, but I can’t seem to concentrate on any of them. And I end up just sitting and staring at the TV screen like a zombie. I’m not sure if stepping down was the best thing for me to do, but there seemed to be no other option at the time. It’s not good.”
“Want to go out for a day of golf?”
“Aren’t you busy?” he asked, but I could see the hope in his eyes at the thought of going out and doing something.
“It’s Sunday, and I could use a morning out.” Also, I thought, I could stand to not be thinking about what had happened the night before. But he didn’t need to know that.
“Thank you, Josh. I’d love that. That would be great, but only if you don’t have anything else to do.”
We made our way to the golf course and started to play. I hoped that it would help get his mind off everything, but it took him a long time to get better. It was definitely one of the worst golf days that I’d ever had with him. Usually, we were very talkative and laughed about everything that was happening in our lives, but this time we barely said a word. Every now and again one of us would say something about the game, and that was it. But, by the end of the day, I could see that he was finally in a bit of a better place. The fresh air and exercise had done him good, and slowly but surely I could see him coming out of the fog. The whole thing was his fault, but I wouldn’t tell him that. That wouldn’t help matters. Anyway, he knew that what he had done was a mistake and he didn’t need anyone else to tell him that.
“So, want to go have a beer at the clubhouse?” I said as we were finishing up.
“Yeah, I’d love that. And something to eat,” he said, and I grinned at him. If he was talking about food, then he was definitely on the path to feeling better.
We walked over to the clubhouse, ordered a beer and a sandwich, and sat down. The clubhouse was busier than usual that day, and once we’d said our hellos to some of the other members, we went to sit down.
“I’m always so nervous that someone is going to talk to me about what happened,” Kason said. “It’s one of the reasons why I don’t like to go out. I really don’t want to have to explain myself constantly. There’s also just nothing to say any more about it. I made a mistake, and I’m living proof that it was a dumb idea. But sometimes I just feel like staying at home so that I don’t have to talk to anyone.”
I shook my head. “Nah, you can’t let that stop you from going out; like you said, you’re going to go mad if you stay at home for much longer. First, you just have to own up. People want to see your human side and to know that you have regret. Second, I highly doubt anyone will actually say anything to your face. They might be thinking it, but they won’t actually say anything to you.”
He took a sip of beer and sighed. “Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Well, thanks for going out with me today even though I came to your house unannounced. You’re a good friend. And I do feel better.”
“I’m glad. And anytime, Kason. Honestly, I don’t mind. I’m just glad to see you’re feeling a little better. Do me a favor and try to eat more. It will help.” Again, I was sounding like a parent to him, but I felt it was important to say something.
Kason nodded. “I know. You’re right. I get so caught up in everything sometimes that I almost forget how to live a normal life.”
“Don’t worry. It’s all going to start feeling normal again. It hasn’t been much time at all.”
“Yeah. I guess you’re right. You know, you’ve got it good. You’re living the good life.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“You’re single; you have no commitments, nobody to answer to. You can do whatever you like, and sleep with whoever you want and nobody will say a thing. It must be nice to have that sort of freedom to do whatever you want. That’s how we should all be living our lives.”
“Well, that’s not quite true. I still have to watch myself,” I said. I most definitely did not feel like I could do whatever I wanted. If anything, I felt more pressure t to maintain a certain composure in front of the world.
“Sure, but not as much as you would’ve had to if you were married.”
“Yeah, I guess so.”
“You’ve always been the most carefree man that I know. I didn’t realize up until now how lucky you were. I hope you realize it too.”
I bit my lip and refrained from telling him that he had been lucky too. Linda had been a good wife to him, and he’d had a good life. He could’ve been just as lucky if he had held onto all of that. But he was feeling better, and I didn’t want to bring him down, so I didn’t say anything. He knew he had messed up.
“You know, why don’t you come out with me tomorrow night? We can go to a club. Let loose. Get a few drinks, that sort of thing. I can’t stay cooped up forever, and I need to get out. And I’d way rather go with you than by myself.”
“A club?” I said and shook my head. I hadn’t been to a club in forever. “No, count me out on that one. The last thing I need before the election is to be seen in a club. I have to be sensible. Or at least make them think I’m sensible.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Kason said. “Well, do yourself a favor and carry on doing what you’ve been doing. I know I used to go on at you about getting married, but clearly I had no idea what I was talking about. You can make it big without some woman on your back telling you what to do and trying to take all your money. You had it right all along, Josh. You can do this by yourself. You don’t need anyone else but yourself.”