Chapter Thirty-Six
Shawn
Valerie was in the room a long time. I wasn’t quite sure what they were talking about, but I did hear her laugh from time to time and so, I guessed that everything was going all right.
When she walked out though, I made sure that I asked, “How did everything go?”
Valerie smiled and I wondered if the glow that I saw radiating from her was because of how I felt about her, or if it was just a byproduct of us having sex. The afterglow as it were.
She shrugged and crashed onto the couch next to me, now fully dressed. “I think it went well. She’s really upset over someone tampering with her phone, but she doesn’t seem too upset with me…”
I stared at her, trying to figure out if that just extended to herself, or if it also pertained to me.
I didn’t have to ask. Instead, she offered, “I don’t think that she is even really mad at you either. She said she was shocked, but not overly surprised. She just needed to get past the initial weirdness before she was actually able to talk to me again, but I was, ‘kicked-out’” She illustrated with air quotes, “before she could figure out how to approach the subject.”
I made a face and sat up. “So, do you think she’s okay with it?”
Valerie shrugged and for a moment, it was almost as though nothing had changed. I had the feeling now that we were just best friends again. After all, the feelings that I had for her had not changed. I have loved her almost from the moment I was able to love in that way and so, there was always that underlying attraction. I relished in the familiar feel, despite the unfamiliar subject that we were actually speaking about.
“Umm…” she answered thoughtfully before she squinted her eyes, which wrinkled the carefully placed freckles that were scattered over the fair skin of her nose. “I think it’s too soon to tell?” Valerie then raised her eyebrows and shrugged. “I hope so, but I also think that would be weird, you know?”
“Yeah, then they’d want to double date and that would just be strange…” I replied in a dorky way.
The awkwardness was proven completely when instead of laughing and just going with it, Valerie stopped and stared at me.
“What?” I finally asked.
She shook her head slowly. “Please, never...ever mention us double dating with our parents again. Or dating, even exclusively, in the same comment. That is just gross.”
I smirked while I shrugged and teased an easy, “Give it a few years.” I watched her body twitch and quiver uncomfortably.
“Too soon?” I chuckled.
“Never, Shawn,” she replied with a shake of her head, “Never.”
I moved toward her and placed my arm around her. She leaned into me and smiled with a sense of contentment and I realized that this was definitely something that I shouldn’t take for granted.
Even though we seemed to be nicely settling into our own ways, this was definitely a new perk of being open about the way we felt and I was ready to enjoy every minute of it.
We sat there quietly for a few moments before finally, I asked Valerie the question that I was just waiting for the right timing to inquire about. However, the longer I waited, the more I really wanted to know and the stranger the time seemed to ask it. “So, what is going on with your mother’s phone?”
Valerie shrugged. “I’m not really sure. She thinks that someone tampered with her phone. When she compared the number I called her with, my cellphone number, the number for her contact information was one number off.”
Confused, I narrowed my eyes and thought aloud, “Do you think it could have been a mistake?” Then, I amended, “But that’s a lot of steps to take to make an error like that, I think.”
Valerie agreed. “I told her that she needs to come over and we need to work this out together.”
I nodded, still thinking about the phone. “It makes sense that someone could have tampered with her phone…” Then, for the question that I really wanted to know. “If your mother didn’t write the note and kick you out of your house, then who did?”
At that, we heard the front door open. I tensed and whipped around, ready for a fight, but soon realized that it was just my mother.
She looked at my pugnacious stance strangely, but either did not notice or chose not to mention my injuries. Instead, she replied, “Different girl, huh?” She gave a sly smile and I rolled my eyes, hoping that Valerie was not offended by her comment.
“Mom, this is Valerie,” I answered.
My mother shrugged. “I know. It’s just that you had another girl here before. I was curious about it.”
Valerie said hello to my mother, but not much else. That was perfectly fine with my mother though, since she had always viewed her and her mother as the reason she and I never had a good relationship; despite the fact that if she really thought that was true, then she was even crazier than I gave her credit for.
“How are you, Mom?” I asked, trying to be causal and end the awkwardness that my mother was purposefully creating between Valerie and me.
“Fine…” she answered and rolled her eyes. She observed the remnants of Valerie’s belongings around the house. “I didn’t know she was staying here.”
“She just got here,” I answered flatly. “You haven’t been home.” I wasn’t surprised that my mother noticed this right away though. After all, she had a knack for finding women’s clothes that didn’t belong to her. With the company that she kept most of the time, she had to know whether her boyfriend was sleeping around, or if she was the only woman in his life.
It was sad that I even knew that about my mother, but it was a fact that was common knowledge.
Instead of acknowledging my comment, she looked directly at Valerie. “Why are you here?”
Valerie looked at me as though she was slightly ashamed, or perhaps just confused, considering the situation that we found ourselves in and was unable to accurately explain the reason for her being here.
I stepped in and answered immediately, “She got kicked out.”
At first, my mother looked surprised, but then that expression faded and she shrugged before she grumbled, “Paul is really cleaning house, isn’t he?”
“Paul?” Valerie asked and then looked at me apologetically as though she had not meant to say anything.
I was curious too though. “What are you talking about? Why would you think that Paul had anything to do with this?”
“Because he was the one who kicked me out of the house,” my mother answered, as though she was revealing something that I should have known a long time ago, as though just a casual reminder. Staring at my blank expression, she must have either realized that I didn’t know for the first time, or decided that perhaps the way she told me wasn’t the best, because she moved toward me. “Shawn…Honey, I didn’t leave you. Not like your father told you I did.”
“What?” I demanded, not sure if I should believe the woman who had never been there for me throughout my entire life over the man who had at least raised me and gave me a good life for the majority of it.
“Yes,” she answered, now slightly upset by the rush of emotions that seemed to be spiraling back to her. She took it upon herself to sit down before she continued. “You see, right after you were born, your father and I were having some marital problems. I had a touch of post-partum depression and he was using it to his advantage. He was egging me on, telling me that I was an unfit mother and wife. One night, I was so upset, I demanded to know what I should do and he told me to leave. Afterward, whenever I would try to make it back into your life, he would tell me that it would be worse for you if I just randomly showed up. He told me that you didn’t need me in your life and for a long time I believed him.” She shrugged. “Then, you came to live with me.”
Skeptical, I answered harshly, “Yeah and you never actually even tried to work with me. You just came in and out of my life randomly, even though I wanted you there.”
Seeming upset by this, my mother’s face fell before she answered, “I’m sorry, Shawn. I could hardly get past your father. He was the one who made everything so difficult for us. He was the one who told me that you didn’t want to see me. He was the one who kept us apart all of these years.”
At first I didn’t respond. It was a lot to take in and I was very nervous that she was just trying to make things worse. After all, she had never even tried before now. She would always cancel and my father would always be there, telling me how much she loved me and how much she wished she could be there. I had always thought he was just lying to make me feel better, but the thought that he was actually the mastermind behind my ultimately motherless childhood was a far more intimidating option.
When I didn’t respond right away, she sighed and shrugged. “Look, I know this isn’t a conversation that we should have in front of anyone and I understand that it is a lot to take in, but I am telling you the truth when I insist that your father is the reason that I was such an absent parent. I never wanted to be this way.”
I narrowed my eyes at her before I finally got up the courage to ask, “Then why are you this way? Why now? After all this time…After all of this time that I have been living in your house and you were still absent, why would I believe you?”
My mother was quiet for a moment before she answered, “Honestly, I was afraid that you would leave. I was terrified to upset you.” She shrugged. “I’ve had a very long life. I have gotten into some situations that I am not proud of and I have some habits that I wish I could denounce, but right now, all I want you to do is to worry about your father and what he is capable of. He is a master manipulator and I do not want you to get caught up in it.” She shook her head. “It just isn’t worth it.”