Chapter Thirty-One
Valerie
The second I slammed the door shut, I put my headphones in my ears and focused on the music. At first, I allowed myself to get distracted by Shawn, but after I had said my piece, I just turned the music up louder and drowned him out completely.
Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t hear him. I didn’t want to hear him. I was so fed up with him and with the course of my life that I just wanted to leave everyone behind and never come back.
I checked my phone again and began to read through past text messages that were now almost two weeks old that my mother had sent me.
She still hadn’t sent me anything and I was beginning to be far more hurt than I was angry. The more time passed, the more that the phone calls and text messages began to represent a life that I had a very long time ago.
Like many other things that had happened before the night that Shawn had single-handedly ruined my life, the simple pleasures of talking to my mother were a memory, at least for now. However, I treasured the reminders of the experience that I had and knew that no matter what happened, I would always have these memories.
I wasn’t quite sure what had happened with my mother, since she of all people should have been able to understand. She had watched me grow up with Shawn. She had seen how I looked at him, even before I knew what I was doing. She had probably known, long before I even had a hint of how I would grow to feel about him and yet, it still seemed that she didn’t understand. What was worse, she didn’t even want to try to understand.
I just couldn’t get it. If I couldn’t talk to Shawn, which I obviously couldn’t, then who else was I supposed to be able to talk to? I was scared and I felt increasingly alone; didn’t she understand that?
What hurt the most of the whole experience was my mother’s betrayal. Sure, I was angry at Shawn for being an idiot and I could completely understand why my mom and stepfather were upset. But at the end of the day, the fact that I didn’t feel like my mother wanted me anymore, that her marriage was more important, not the relationship that she and I had as mother and daughter, was increasingly hurtful.
Every second that passed without her calling, even to ask where I was staying, cut me deeper. I didn’t want things to be this way, and the idea that this might go on indefinitely was almost more than I could stomach.
I sighed and my mind inadvertently focused on the fact that Shawn was still residing outside of my bedroom door, probably begging to be in. I heard him knock a little and I heard his voice, but I had no idea what he was saying and I didn’t care. The last person I wanted to speak to at the moment was Shawn.
So, I just told him to go away again and focused on something else in order to drown out the sound.
Eventually, he gave up I supposed, because after a little while, I didn’t hear him any longer. I was glad.
I enjoyed the silence for a little while before I finally had to go to the bathroom. I didn’t want to have to leave, considering I knew that if Shawn was home, he would probably attack me as soon as I walked out. Then again, I knew that I couldn’t stay in here forever, so I slipped my phone into my pocket and made my way over to the door. When I opened it, I automatically saw Shawn sitting there, staring at my door with a hard glower, waiting for me.
I tried to walk past him, but he stood up and grabbed my arm. He yelled something, but I had my headphones up so loud, I couldn’t hear him.
However, he was insistent. He finally pulled one of my earbuds out and before I could say anything, he yelled, “Your mom called me.”
I opened my mouth to retort, tell him something nasty in hopes that it would wound him bad enough that he would leave me the hell alone, but then, my mind caught up with what he said, seeing past the anger and feeling a sense of anticipation and excitement. “Are you serious?” While I spoke, I popped the other earbud out of my ear and paused my music.
He nodded.
“Why did she call you?” I demanded, easily finding something to be angry at him about; all I wanted to do was be angry with him. It made me feel even the slightest bit better and right now, I needed all of the help I could get.
Seeming as though my snotty expression didn’t bother him he answered calmly, “She wasn’t looking for me. She was looking for you…”
At this, I was suspicious of him, figuring he was trying to fool me. He probably had the best intentions, because it wasn’t like Shawn, even when he was angry to be spiteful, but intentions were worthless. I needed solutions. “Why would she call you?” I spat. “If she is this angry at me, she must absolutely hate you.”
I could have sworn I saw Shawn flinch at that, but instead of coming back with a retort he answered, “She wants you to call her. She misses you. She was really worried about you.”
“Then why didn’t she call my phone? I’ve only been staring at it every second I am alone…” I wasn’t sure if I was angry or just fed up with the situation, but either way, I didn’t need this right now. I felt my eyes well up with tears. This was the absolute last thing I needed today. I didn’t want to have him or anyone else meddling around in my business and now, it just seemed like every day, someone somewhere knew more about me than I even did. This whole situation was so majorly screwed up! I just couldn’t take it anymore.
“She doesn’t know! She tried to call you, but she says your phone has been off every time she has tried to call and her texts are never responded to.” At first, he was yelling over me, but when I stopped to actually listen to him, Shawn lowered his voice and squinted his eyes in a confused manner. “And one more thing. She didn’t know anything about the note.”