The drive back to Chad’s house was quiet and filled with awkward tension. We both know we nearly kissed. We both know I’m in a relationship with Danger, so that type of thing can’t happen. But I can’t help the butterflies that occur whenever I think of how utterly adorable and honorable Chad was with Oliver. He was so kind and generous, and even though Chad is a child most of the time, he does have his moments where he’s the most sensible person around me, and it shocks me to my very core. Seeing Chad with Oliver was the most humbling experience and I’m so honoured I was there to witness it. But the tension in the car afterward was not something I was happy about. Luckily, however, it was only a short drive back to Chad’s.

When we pulled up, I told Chad I wasn’t feeling well and that I was going to head home. The tension was giving me a headache, and I just wanted to go home and try to forget all about the almost kiss. He was okay with that and walked me to my car then watched me drive off. The drive home has me thinking of Danger and the fact that I feel guilty for having a fun day with Chad, and then for feeling confused about how our day ended. Chad is a good guy and I want our friendship to be on track again. I hope he does too. I will message him when I get home and make sure we’re still okay.

After an hour and a half drive, I’m home and my mood is somber. I’m sad thinking about Oliver and I hope he isn’t terminal. I’m optimistic that Oliver’s mother will email Chad and we are able to find out more about him. I’ll have to ask Chad to tell me if she does email him.

I slide out of my car and walk up to the front door and let myself in. Snaggy and Sassy come bolting up to me barking and wagging their tails joyfully, and I pat them both. At least they’re happy to see me.

“Ella, is that you?” Mum calls out and I walk into the kitchen and smile at her.

“Yep, just me,” I say and take a seat at the kitchen table.

“How was your day? You’re home earlier than I thought you’d be?” she says as Annie walks in and sits down next to me.

“Yeah, we had fun. We went to Madame Tussauds and saw statues of Slayed. It was so weird.”

“Those things look so real, hey?” Mum says as she brings over a jug of freshly squeezed orange juice.

“Yeah, it’s freaky actually.” I look at Annie and she seems a little brighter today which is nice.

“We met a young boy, Oliver. He has Lymphoma and he loved Chad, said he watched all our shows on YouTube and that Chad’s the best drummer in the world. Chad gave his mum his email address. Chad wants to buy Oliver a drum kit and send him some merchandise and stuff,” I say and Annie and Mum both look at me with their eyes wide open.

“Wow! That’s so sad,” Annie says.

“Yeah, he looked so sick, poor little guy. But Chad was amazing, he really took him under his wing and he really wants to help him out. It was kind of amazing to watch.”

Mum smiles and stirs the jug of juice and then pours the glasses.

“Wow! Chad Everly the humanitarian, who would have thought?” Annie says and I nod while picking up my glass of juice.

“I know, right?”

He’s such a practical joker and a kid at heart that doing something so honorable surprised me, and it actually made me see another side of him. He cares about people, more than he lets on, and I really like this new side of him. It makes him more dimensional, more than just the kid I grew up with who likes playing Xbox and wears disgustingly dirty socks all the time.

“Well, I think Chad is a great young man. He has a lot of his father in him, which is why he is childish and a joker. But he also has his mum in him too, and she’s a practical thinker, a smart, headstrong woman who cares about people and how they feel. Chad is a remarkable young man and a great catch,” Mum says and Annie and I both look at her and giggle.

“You wanna date him, Mum?” Annie asks. I laugh as Mum frowns and throws an ice cube at Annie.

“No, of course not. I’m just saying he’s a catch, and any young woman would be lucky to have him. Wouldn’t she, Ella?” Mum says looking at me smiling widely and winking at me.

“I don’t know. It’s not like I want to date the guy or anything. Geez Mum,” I say a little too defensively and Mum and Annie both laugh.

“Okay, well, let’s just agree that Chad will make some lucky lady very happy one day,” Mum says. I roll my eyes at her obvious attempt at trying to see if I like Chad as more than just a friend.

Which I don’t.

I’m with Danger for crying out loud!

I just wish I could tell her, but Danger wants us to keep it from Dad for a little while longer, and if I told mum I’m sure she’d tell Dad. So for now, I need to keep my relationship under wraps.

Suddenly my phone starts to ring in my pocket. I pull it out and notice it’s Danger calling. I smile and stand up to walk out.

“Is that Chad?” Mum asks.

“No, just a friend,” I reply and Mum furrows her brows and nods.

“You don’t smile like that, for just a friend,” she says.

Annie laughs as I race out of the kitchen ignoring them and run to the stairs. I swipe the screen and answer the call.

“Hey you,” I say and continue up the stairs to my room.

“Morning, sugar.” His broad American accent with a sleepy drawl makes my knees feel weak.

“What time is it there?”

“Just woke up. It’s seven, which should make it about three in the afternoon there, right?”

I smile as I get to my room and shut the door behind me walking over to my bed and laying down on the large, soft, queen sized mattress.

“Sure is, you’re getting good at this time zone thing. How’d you sleep?”

“Okay, I dreamt I was inside you last night. Woke up with a raging boner and had to call you and hear your sweet voice.”

“That’s equally sweet and gross at the same time.”

He chuckles. “So, what have you been doing today?”

“I went to London and hung out with Chad. He took me to the wax museum, and we met a little boy there who has Lymphoma. He’s a huge fan of ours and he loved Chad. So Chad signed a baseball cap and gave his mum his email address. He asked her to email him so he could help them financially with hospital bills, and so he could have a replica Staked drum kit built for Oliver, and also send him some merchandise. It was so amazing Danger, you should have been there,” I gush remembering the awesomeness that was this morning. Danger is quiet on the other end of the line, and I furrow my brows wondering if he’s still there. “Danger?”

“I’m here,” he says.

“Well, isn’t is great that he’s helping little Oliver?”

Danger exhales and says nothing.

I swallow hard, there’s a thick tension down the line. “What’s wrong?”

Danger is quiet for a moment and then exhales again. “Why were you out with him? I thought you were mine?”

“I am yours? He’s just a friend, remember? You know that’s all there is between Chad and me.”

“Ella, it’s not just friendship for him.”

“It is Danger, there’s nothing going on,” I say trying to convince not only him but myself as well.

“You’re meant to be mine, Ella. How can I deal with this if he’s the one who’s with you all the time, huh?”

“Deal with what?”

“The fact that you’re not mine. You’re his, aren’t you?”

“Danger, no, I’m yours. I’m all yours. I promise.”

He huffs and hangs up the phone. I open my eyes wide as I hear the end dial tone. My heart races and my stomach knots as I bring my phone up and dial Danger’s number. It rings and with each ring of the phone my heart runs a little faster, but he doesn’t answer. It ends and I decide he doesn’t get to end our conversation like that. So I dial again, but I’m met by his voice mail.

He’s turned his phone off.

My chest tightens and the tears well in my eyes so quickly I don’t have time to register before they fall down my face. Danger thinks I’m giving up on us and I haven’t. I backed off from kissing Chad today because I still believe Danger and I can work. I just hope he will talk to me before he gives up on us altogether.

I’m so annoyed that Danger won’t even give me a chance to talk to him about this. He’s letting his stupid male ego get in the way and I’m really annoyed. I throw my phone across my bed and fold my arms over my chest as another tear falls down my face.

“Stupid idiot,” I murmur and shake my head.

Is it wrong that the first person I want to call right now is Chad? I want to talk to him and tell him how Danger reacted. But I won’t, Danger is angry because of Chad, so calling him right now would only make matters worse. I need to wait for Danger to calm down and for him to call me back. In the meantime, my heart is racing a thousand miles a minute and I’m shaking. He’s so far away, and I can’t go to him to fix this. I just hope he calms down soon and will call me back.

 

***

 

A week has passed without me hearing from Danger. I’ve tried to call, he doesn’t answer. I have emailed him and get nothing back. I’ve sent multiple text messages and nothing. Facebook messages aren’t getting a reply either, and nothing I seem to do is working. I’m so upset that something this small has set Danger off, and for him to not talk to me for a week is a big deal. I don’t know if this means that we’re over already? We’re only two weeks into this long distance relationship.

If he doesn’t trust me, then what am I going to do?

I’ve avoided Chad ever since Danger’s call and subsequent hang-up because he’s the reason Danger isn’t talking to me. But I’ve been bottling this up inside seeing as no one else knows about Danger and my relationship and I need someone to talk to. Chad is coming down with Caleb for a rehearsal today, so I’m going to see Chad whether I want to or not. I may as well take advantage, and let off some pent up steam while I can. Hopefully, Chad will be willing to listen to me and offer some advice.

An hour later Chad and Caleb arrive and are making their way into the music room. I’m standing in the corner as they walk in. I know we have rehearsals, but I have other things on my mind. I gnaw on my bottom lip as I look at Chad, who notices me and smiles brightly. His smile falters and he traverses to me raising an eyebrow.

“Are you okay? You look a million miles away?”

“Not really, things are crazy. I can’t concentrate on anything right now.”

He nods looking at the rest of the band and my dad who are busy talking. Grabbing my elbow, he pulls me out of the music room and into the hall, then drops my elbow and looks at me.

“Is this about, Danger?”

I nod and then look upward, gesturing with my head for us to head upstairs to my room so we can talk in private. He gets the hint and takes my hand and we make our way to my bedroom. He closes the door behind us and we walk over to my bed.

“What’s going on, Ella. You look miserable.”

I slump onto the mattress and put my head in my hands as he sits next to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders.

“It’s Danger. We’re supposed to be trying this long distance thing, but he isn’t even trying. We haven’t spoken for a week. A whole week, Chad. He’s completely ignoring my calls.”

Chad exhales and groans slightly. “Ella, maybe he isn’t in this like you thought he was? Why is he ignoring you anyway?”

“Because I told him I went to London with you. He got all jealous about it and hung up on me, and hasn’t spoken to me since.”

He shakes his head and looks away from me.

“Maybe he isn’t worth the head fuck? Maybe I’m fighting a losing battle and should give up?”

Chad is quiet and is not saying anything, but tightens his arm around my shoulders pulling me to him and leans in kissing my head.

I swallow hard as a tear falls from my eye and I quickly wipe it away.

“If you feel like you need to give up on him, then I’m not going to be the one to stop you. You know my feelings and thoughts on Danger. All I will say is follow your heart. What does your heart tell you?” he asks.

I look up at him and my heart starts to race. My tummy starts to flutter, and as I look into his bright green eyes, I see that intense gaze staring back at me. The one where I know that in Chad’s eyes, I mean everything to him. That look scares me but excites me at the same time, and I can’t help but feel drawn in by it. My breathing increases and becomes laboured, and my chest is heaving as I stare into his eyes. His hand comes up and caresses my cheek and I lean into it as the warmth of his hand radiates through me sending a calm peacefulness right to my very core.

He licks his lips slightly and I can’t help but focus on his lips as his body starts to move closer to mine. His lips inching closer to me. As he parts his lips slightly, my entire body is trembling at the thought of kissing Chad. I know I shouldn’t, but everything in me right now can’t stop staring at his delectable lips. And as I inch forward, he closes the gap between us.

Sparks shooting off through the air are unmistakable, and the adrenalin firing through my body is making me feel suddenly boiling hot. We both lean in closer and I look right into his eyes, as he looks at me with such an intense lust that if I weren't sitting I would’ve fallen over. His lips inch closer to mine. I move that fraction closer and his mouth grazes the edge of my lips. I close my eyes as a spark ignites through my lips like an electrical surge. I inch closer wanting our lips to meld together completely.

Suddenly I’m jolted by my ringing phone. Chad and I break apart breathlessly as I look down at my phone.

“Shit,” Chad says as he tries to calm his breathing. The phone call scared us both and my heart is racing frantically as I look at the caller ID.

“Don’t answer it,” Chad says caressing my face. My chest constricts and I gasp for air.

“I have to, it’s Danger,” I say and show him the screen.

He huffs dropping his hand from my face and swallowing hard. “Ella, don’t answer it, please,” he reiterates.

I shake my head and swipe the screen. “Danger?” I say into the phone and Chad huffs standing up. His face contorts as his nostrils flare and his chest heaves.

“Sugar, I’ve missed your voice,” Danger says and the overwhelming emotional guilt I feel right now is flooding over me and I start to cry.

“I missed you, too,” I say.

Chad shakes his head throwing his hands in the air and storms out of my room. I watch Chad leave, and my stomach lurches as the tears fall down my face. I feel sorry for him and I feel guilty for nearly kissing him again.

“Oh, Ella, please don’t cry,” Danger says.

I bring my hand up to my face and cry harder. I’m a mess right now. The guilt is eating me up, but also the emotion from finally talking to Danger is too much all at once.

“I’m so sorry I haven’t called in a week. I was angry. It’s not an excuse and I should’ve trusted you with Chad. I know you don’t like him like that, and I do trust you with him, sugar,” he says and my stomach churns on itself.

I feel so guilty because we almost just kissed, and now Danger is going on about trust. I’m a terrible girlfriend. I let out a small sob, not able to actually say anything and Danger exhales.

“I fucked up, Ella, I know I did. I got so busy with recording the new album with Recoil and I put you second. I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, sugar. I had a spare moment between recordings and I couldn’t wait to call you any longer. I miss you, and I want to see you so bad. Do you think, that is if you can forgive me, that we can Skype later? I need to see your beautiful face.”

He’s really trying here and I feel terrible about what nearly happened. So I need to make it up to him.

“I’d love that. I wish you could have messaged me back, though. Even just once.”

“I know, I’m an ass, a real dick. I lost sight of what I want. I forgot that you are worth the fight. I just needed to remember sugar, and being without you for so long made me realise what I was missing. I need you in my life Ella, and I was a real jerk for avoiding you over something so stupid. I know you’re not into Chad. I know you’re mine.”

I clench my eyes tight as the ache in my chest hurts so bad that I feel short of breath.

“So, Skype later?” he asks again.

“Yeah, for sure, I’d love to see you. You can tell me all about your recording. I’d like to know how it’s going.”

“It’s a head fuck really, but we’re getting there. Ella…” he says and pauses.

“Yeah?”

“I really am sorry and I miss you like crazy.”

“I know. I really miss you too, this week was driving me mental,” I say honestly and he exhales.

“I won’t do that to you again.”

“You promise?”

“I promise, baby.”

I light up at him calling me baby again. He doesn’t say it often, so when he does it’s like all my Christmases come at once.

“I’ll let you know when I’m ready to Skype you. It’ll probably be in about four hours or so. Will that be okay?”

“Yeah, that should be okay. Doesn’t matter what time, even if I’m in bed I’ll get up for you.”

“Well, that’s nice, thanks, sugar. But should only be four hours, tops. We should be finishing here about two-ish, so what’s that, like ten at night for you?”

“Yep, but I’ll be up and waiting in my room, in my bed, for your call. I’ll put my iPad on charge right now. I want to know everything you’ve been up to.”

“Okay, it’s a date,” he says and I smile. “I really do miss you, Ella.”

“I miss you, too. More than you know.”

“Danger, we’re up,” I hear Ryan call out.

“You have to go?” I ask and Danger huffs.

“Yeah, sorry sugar, but I’ll be back with you in four hours. Think of me until then?”

“I will, have fun recording.”

“I will. Don’t cry anymore, okay?”

“Okay, I promise,” I say.

“Laters, sugar.”

“Bye,” I reply and then he hangs up the phone.

I swipe the phone and throw it on the bed and slump down on the mattress. Clenching my eyes shut, I flop my arm over my face and exhale.

“What the fuck are you doing, Ella Slade?” I say to myself as I break my promise instantly and a stray tear slides down my cheek.