Once I opened up and told Lia everything she said I was doing the right thing giving Indi space. She also said calling her was a good thing too. She said even though she isn’t answering and probably isn’t listening to my messages, the fact that her phone isn’t off and that I can still call at all, means she’s expecting the calls and wants them. She explained when she and Colt broke up, Colt would call and she would ignore the calls and the voice messages. But knowing he was still trying even though Lia wanted nothing to do with Colt, still made her feel loved, and in the end it was what kept Lia sane. So, if Indi is letting the calls come through there is still hope, but not to get too caught up in that fact. She needs time and I will give it to her.

In the meantime, it’s been two weeks since I last saw Indi and I feel like my sanity is slowly creeping away. In rehearsals, Annie and Chad are trying to cheer me up while Aston wants me to talk to him and open up. The press are hounding me all the time, and I see photos of Indi every now and then, mainly shot at the hospital, so I gather she’s still there. It’s taking all of my willpower not to go there, and I mean every ounce of strength I have. Every time I feel like I’m about to give in and go to the hospital, I message Lia or Dad and they both tell me to hold off. Because it will only make matters worse, and that I could embarrass her at work which would only make her angrier. I just hope her friend Kenzi is taking care of her.

I haven’t heard any more from Sasha since I threatened her, thank God. I feel sorry for talking to her like that, but I was beyond angry and I honestly felt that way at the time. She seemed to not be listening, so I saw it as the only way to make her see what I needed from her. Although, if she came near me I probably would have hurt her and that scares me. So I’m glad she has stayed away.

The performances we’ve had the last few times have been good. It’s been nice to be on stage, but it has been a double-edged sword. I love performing, but the reason I started singing was because of Indi, and so I’m not enjoying it like I used to. I’ve lost my edge and my performance is suffering.

I just wish that I could make her see that us being apart like this isn’t what’s best for either of us. I know I’m not coping. I don’t know how I got through six years without her to be honest. Two weeks so far feels like an eternity. I just wish there was something, some grand gesture I could do to make her see that I love her more than anything in this world and would do absolutely anything to have her back.

 

***

 

I’m steadily declining and another three weeks has passed, making it five weeks post Indi. I’m utterly miserable. Even though on stage people say they can’t see my sadness, I look at the photographs from the shows and I see the agony in my eyes and the slouch in my stature. I’m utterly overwhelmed with feeling alone, and even though my family and friends have surrounded me and made sure I’m with someone all the time, I still feel completely and utterly isolated.

I still call her, probably up to five or six times every day, but as usual she never answers. I leave messages telling her about my day, sometimes just saying I love her, sometimes begging her to call me back, sometimes I don’t say anything. I just feel lost and I know Annie is worried about me. Well, I know they all are, but I just don’t know how much longer I can hold it together for. I need to see her. It’s driving me crazy.

I’m at the manor and I’m really tense. We don’t have a show tonight which is good because I’m feeling on edge. I need to do something I just don’t know what.

“Hey, now that rehearsals are over want to come back to my place for a guy’s night? You, me, and Chad, we can hang out and do manly shit without these chicks for a change?” Aston asks and Annie scoffs and slaps his chest.

“Chicks? Is that all I am to you?” Annie asks.

“Yeah, just some bird that won’t leave me alone and give me my guy time,” he replies and Chad chuckles while Annie scowls at Aston.

“Mate, beware of what you say, it will come back to haunt you later,” Chad says.

“See Chad has his head screwed on. You should take a leaf from his book, right Caleb?” Annie asks and I was miles away.

“Right, yeah, whatever,” I say and run my hand through my hair.

“Caleb, come over, let’s have a guy’s night? We’ll try and have some fun, yeah?” Aston pleads and I shrug.

“I dunno, I just—”

“Oh, go on, cuz. It’s not often I let Aston have a night off. You’d be doing him a favour,” she says and I know they’re all trying to do this for me, so I figure I may as well try and appease them.

“Guys night! Guys night! Guys night!” Chad starts to chant like a kid, and Annie and Aston start to chant along with him. I shake my head and half laugh at their idiocy.

“C’mon Caleb, guys night!” Aston says slapping my arm.

“Okay, okay, guys night, but I’m hiring the strippers—”

“What?” Annie yells glaring at Aston while he stares at me.

“I’m kidding, cuz,” I say smirking. She scowls and slaps me across the back of the head.

“You suck,” she says and then giggles. “You scared me for a second.”

“That was the idea,” I reply. “Guys night! Okay, I can do this,” I say wrapping my arm around Annie and bringing her close, giving her a tight squeeze while she squeals slightly.

“You better have a good time. Aston, make sure he has a good time, okay?” she demands and Aston chuckles.

“Yes, ma’am.”

We finished our rehearsals for the day and then I drove me and Aston back to his place and Chad followed. We pulled up at Aston’s parents’ manor and it is similar to Colt’s but not quite as big and lavish. But still massive in its own right.

We make our way inside and set ourselves up for the night. Johnny walks into the man cave where we’re watching Chad play on the Xbox. He stands next to Aston and me by the red leather lounge suite.

“Guys night?” he asks and Aston nods.

“I think it’s more of a subliminal, cheer Caleb the-fuck-up night,” I say and they all look at me and Johnny smirks.

“I think your cover is blown, Ast,” Johnny says and Aston sighs.

“Are we that obvious?” he asks and I laugh.

“Yes, yes you are,” I say.

“Oh, well, at least we get a night away from the girls. We can fart and burp and be guys like we’re meant to be,” Chad calls out and we all chuckle as he lets out a massive fart that reverbs throughout the room.

“True,” I say and Johnny laughs.

“Is this a Staked only party?” he asks and I look at Aston ‘cause this is his idea and I don’t want to cramp his style.

“Nope, I’m happy for you to be here if Caleb is?” Aston replies and I pat the seat next to me and Johnny sits down. Suddenly the wave of stench hits us and we all gasp and wave our hands in front of our faces.

“Jesus Christ Chad, what the hell did you eat?” Johnny asks while Aston and I chuckle. Yeah, Annie and Ella definitely wouldn’t like this.

“Dunno, that’s just my usual odor, but I’ve been holding it in for ages. Ella was around me all day today and didn’t wanna stink her out. So it’s been brewing for hours,” he says and we all laugh and for a moment I don’t feel as terrible as I have been. This little bit of light entertainment from Chad and a good solid laugh is making me feel semi-normal again. But only briefly.

“How are you doing?” Johnny asks and then the memories and emotions flood back and an image of Indi’s face jolts into my mind.

“Not great. I miss her, you know?”

“Breakups suck, mate. I know how bad they are, but if it’s worth fighting for, somehow it will work itself out. The world works in mysterious ways. If it’s meant to be, it will be. No need to force it,” he says and I nod and take a deep breath.

“Right, what food do you dicks want?” Johnny says slapping my knee.

“Chinese,” Chad calls out and we all look at each other and smirk.

“What? Not pizza?” I ask.

“Nah, I want some veggies,” he says and I look at Johnny, who’s smiling and I shrug.

“Okay, Chinese it is. I’ll ring it up and order. Be right back,” he says and gets up and goes to walk out.

“Johnny,” I call out, gaining his attention.

He turns back and looks at me. “Call Boozeline too, yeah?” I ask and he smiles widely and nods.

“Now it’s a real party,” he says and winks at me and walks out.

I turn toward Aston, who’s frowning at me. “Should you really be drinking?” he asks and I tilt my head and frown.

“What are you, my dad?” I ask and he puts his hands up in surrender.

“Okay sorry, it’s just last time you got drunk you made a terrible decision, remember? I just don’t want you doing anything stupid,” he says and I see his point, alcohol has helped me make some foolish decisions lately.

“Can I stay here tonight?” I ask.

“Of course, you don’t even need to ask.”

“It’s settled then. If I drink, I have to stay here ‘cause I can’t drive anywhere to do anything stupid, yeah?”

Aston intakes air quickly and shakes his head slightly and nods. “Okay, but I might take your phone off you before I go to bed, so you can’t call anyone to come here,” he says and I actually think that's a very good idea.

“You’re smart, you know that? Here, take it now,” I say and hand it to him. He takes it and places it in his pocket.

“You’re gonna be okay, you know that, right?” Aston states and I swallow hard and shake my head.

“I don’t know man. It sucks being without her, not knowing where she is, or how she’s doing. It kills me thinking she’s hurting like I am and I can’t take the pain away.”

“I can’t imagine losing Annie like that, it would kill me too. So I can understand where you’re coming from. Just know that I’m here for you, anytime you need me.”

“Thanks, mate, I know I can count on you. You’re like a younger brother to me, and well…I really appreciate you.”

“Is that your weird way of saying you love me?”

“What? No way, I don’t love you!” I tease and he laughs harder.

“Yeah, you do. You love me!”

“Shut up, do you want me to marry you or something? Going through my cousin to get to me is that it?” I joke and Aston batters his eyelids.

“Oh, you caught me out. I love you, Caleb, say you’ll be mine?” he says and makes a kissy face at me.

“Shut up you dick!” I push his chest as he comes toward me trying to kiss me.

I laugh and shake my head as he chuckles and falls back onto the lounge suite.

“Made you laugh though, right?”

“Yeah, you did. But if you ever try to kiss me again, I’ll punch you.”

“Duly noted,” he says, just as Chad lifts his arse to the side and lets out another giant fart.

We both laugh and shake our heads.

 

***

 

After gormandizing ourselves on Chinese and Johnny and I getting plastered on copious amounts of bourbon, Johnny went to bed. Aston and I are sitting at the poker table playing Black Jack while Chad is still lost on the Xbox. That kid is seriously addicted. I’m definitely on the other side of the scale of tipsy. I can’t seem to be able to count to twenty-one anymore, so I’m winging it and hoping Aston’s honest nature is helping me out with this game.

“Hit me,” I slur and Aston smirks.

“Really?” he asks and I shrug and nod.

“You’re on twenty,” he says and I chuckle and hiccup.

“Oh yeah, so I am. Hit me,” I say and Aston laughs and throws a card down and it’s a ten of clubs.

“Awwww crap!”

Aston laughs as I throw my cards down onto the table and sigh, then place my arms on the poker table and put my head on my arms.

“I think we’ve had enough Black Jack for tonight.”

“Yeah, just cause I’m winning,” I murmur against my hands and Aston chuckles again.

“Yep, sure thing, mate,” he says slapping my back as I close my eyes and imagine Indi’s face. “She is so beautiful. How did I ever score someone like her anyway? I mean she is stunning, and I’m a long-haired bad boy. No one likes guys with long hair, not girls like Indi anyway.”

“Yeah, how did you score her?” Chad asks and I look up from the poker table.

Did I say that last bit out loud?

“What would you know? Mr. I’m-in-love-with-Ella-but-will-never-tell-her,” I blurt out. “Ha, that rhymed,” I say and Chad scoffs and shakes his head.

“Shut up dude, you’re drunk,” he says and I laugh and nod.

“Yep, drunk I am,” I say and put my head back on my arms on the table.

“I think maybe we call it a night, hey?” Aston asks and I suddenly look back up at him through hazy eyes.

“You love, Annie!” I call out and he looks at me smirking.

“Um, yeah, I think that’s public knowledge,” he says and I shake my head.

“But you haven’t told her, right?” I say and he shakes his head.

“No, it just hasn’t been the right time,” he says and I scoff and wave my hands in the air.

“Man, you gotta tell her. Do it before it’s too late, because they leave you know? The girls always leave. You’re lucky though, I can tell she loves you back. Even though you guys are weird and don’t say it to each other,” I mumble, and Aston exhales and sits back down next to me.

“I wanna tell her. I just think it will scare her away.”

“You’re right, don’t tell her. Women, dude, they get scared so easily and then they fly away like little birds. Flying, flying, flying, till there so far in the sky you can’t see them anymore, and then bam they shit on you from high above. Then you’re left here on the ground with shit all over your face, that’s what women do,” I say and Chad and Aston smirk.

“So let me get this right, being in a relationship—”

“Is like being shit on by a bird. Yup, a big sloppy bird shit all over your brand new shirt, and that shit stains man. No matter how hard you scrub, you can’t get that shit out, you know?” I say slurring my words as Aston and Chad chuckle.

“Okay, I think we’ve had enough for tonight,” Chad says taking the glass of bourbon from my hand and putting it over on the benchtop. I frown, and a growl gurgles in my stomach and filters up my chest and I let out a huge burp.

“That’s better,” I say and the two guys laugh.

“Better out than in,” Chad says and I nod and exhale.

“Right, I better go home,” I say and Chad and Aston both stand up and shake their heads.

“No way, you’re staying here the night, remember?” Aston says.

I rub the back of my neck as I stand up and stumble slightly grabbing hold of the top of my chair.

“Yeah, right. Okay, where’s the guest bedroom?”

“Upstairs,” he says with a hint of humour in his voice.

“Right stairs, I can manage stairs.” I step away from the chair and wobble on the spot falling flat onto my face. The guys laugh as I roll onto my back and stare up at the ceiling.

“Can you make it to the lounge suite?” Chad asks and I look at where the lounge suite is located just a metre away. So I nod and crawl over to it as my head spins viciously.

“Urgh, when did I drink so much?”

“Well, you’ve been drinking for about six hours. So you’re pretty wasted,” Chad says.

“Chad, can you go to the cupboard and grab a pillow and throw rug?” Aston asks. Chad nods as Aston helps me. I fall back into the softness and my throat already feels like it’s closing up slightly from snoring. But I still feel awake. I hear the guys laughing some more as my head is lifted and a pillow is placed under it, then warmth encases me as a throw rug is laid over me.

“Goodnight Caleb,” Aston says. My eyes are closed, I can’t really focus on anything as the room goes black.

“Aston,” I call out suddenly waking up.

“Yeah,” he calls back.

“Don’t waste your time with, Annie. Let her know every time you’re with her that you love her. Every…damn…time. ‘Cause when you lose them it’s too late,” I say and my eyes close as unconsciousness pulls me deep into the blackness.

 

***

 

I wake to my head pounding and I still feel the effects of the alcohol, but I was dreaming and I remember it vividly. Indi was calling out to me and she wanted me to be with her. She missed me and needed me to explain everything. The time to act is now, and I need her to know that I still love her. I sit up on the lounge suite feeling slightly disorientated and I realise I’m still at Aston’s. I check my pockets for my phone, but I can’t find it. Standing up, I stumble slightly then steady myself as I search the man cave for my phone, but I can’t find it anywhere. I figure I left it in the car.

It doesn’t matter I need to go and see Indi. My head is in a fog, but that doesn’t matter either. All I know is that after talking with Aston about not letting go and telling the ones you love that you love them endlessly, I need to take my own advice. It’s been five weeks. Five miserable, torturous, fucking, long weeks, and I need to tell Indi I love her, and I need to do it now.

I look down at my watch, it’s one in the morning. If I leave now and Indi is on night shift, I’ll get there just in time before she leaves for the night. I gather my things and make my way to my car to drive to the hospital in London. I think I’m okay to drive and driving an hour and a half into London just seems like the right thing to do. The rest of the house is silent as I make my way out of the house and to my car. I try to be as quiet as I can as I leave, but I keep walking into things.

I make it to the front door and look back to see if anyone can see me. There’s no one there so I walk out and down to my car. I get in, start the ignition and drive off toward the streets of London.