I stayed in my room from the moment I got in there until the moment Dad came and got me this morning. I didn’t even leave to go to the bathroom. I didn’t want to do anything else to upset Dad. He had every right to yell at me like he did. I can’t believe there are semi-naked photographs out there of me for everyone to see. That guy was such an A-grade arsehole to do that to me, but then again I deserved it for taking those drugs and acting like a complete arsehole myself.

I’m in the music room waiting for everyone to arrive. We’re having a crisis meeting and they are all coming over, including Rob, to see what we can do about the photos. Ella and Dad are sitting at the desk while I sit on the lounge suite, waiting and hoping, that somehow Aston hasn’t seen the images. Knowing he more than likely has, is making me feel sick.

Mum walks in with Caleb and Chad, and I look up and Chad doesn’t look at me any differently, but Caleb half-smiles and nods, showing me some sympathy.

“Hey guys,” Dad says and they both nod.

“Hey Annie, how you doing?” Caleb asks coming over and sitting down next to me wrapping his arm around my shoulders and pulling me close to him. His little show of support makes me want to cry.

“I’m okay, just feel like a bit of a fuckhead really.”

He chuckles. “Well, I won’t argue that it was a dick move, but I know you didn’t do it on purpose, and I know you wouldn’t want those photos out there. I’m sorry this has happened to you.”

“Thanks cuz, I just wish I’d never gone out. I don’t know why I’m so stupid all the time.”

“You’re not stupid, Annie. You just make stupid decisions remember, but I’m pretty sure you’ve learned from this one, right?”

I nod emphatically. “Oh, shit yeah. I’m never… ever drinking again,” I say and he smiles.

“Or taking drugs, I hope?”

“That goes without saying. I’m never touching anything illegal or alcoholic again. It fucks me up.”

“Good, glad to hear it, and you know if you were in trouble you could have called me?”

“I know, I think I was on my way to call you when I passed out. Just didn’t make it in time, and that’s obviously when he took the photos,” I say. A shudder runs through my body thinking of the images that I can’t get out of my head.

“Hopefully there isn’t a next time, but please remember to call me Annie. Anytime you need me. We’re family and I love the shit out of you, okay?” he says making me laugh. He always has a way with words.

“Okay, I love you too.”

“Right, we’re just waiting for Aston and Rob to show up. Then we can start talking about how we’re going to proceed,” Dad states and Caleb nods and unwraps his arm from around me.

“How bad is it likely to get?” Caleb asks and I tense up.

“It could be detrimental to the success of the band Caleb, I’m not going to lie. People don’t like drugs, let alone accompanied with a nude photo scandal. It’s going to be a sensitive subject for a long time, I’m sure. I just hope Annie knows the mess she has gotten you all into,” Dad says and I exhale.

“I know Dad, you don’t have to rub it in,” I say and he stands up angrily and flares his nostrils at me.

“I do have to rub it in Annie. Your attitude is what got you in this big fucking mess to begin with, and I don’t know how your bandmates are so fucking calm about this. It could ruin everything I’ve worked so hard for. Annie—”

“Everything you’ve worked hard for? We’re the band Dad, not you. Yeah, you might have helped us make it, but it’s our music that made us what we—”

“And who taught you to play music, Annie? Or have you forgotten everything about where you come from—”

“No one knows where I come from Dad. You have no idea about my history. I don’t even know. So why the fuck do you think you can judge my birth parents—”

“Annie, that’s not what I meant and you know it!”

“Oh really? Why don’t you just admit that you wish I was never born and that you never adopted me, huh?”

“What the hell? Where did that come from Annie?”

“See, you don’t even deny it!” I scream and he shakes his head as my body tingles and the hairs on my arms stand up.

“How could you even think that, Annie?” he says back to me and I turn around to see Aston and Rob standing in the doorway watching me and Dad fight.

“You know what? How ‘bout you all discuss what you need to without me? I’m the reason we’re all here anyway. I’m the fuck up. So you all decide what the best course of action is. If it means I’m out of the band, so be it. Just save Staked, and I’ll leave if I have to. But I can’t be here while you all talk about how much I screwed up and how much of an awful person I am. Don’t worry, I hate myself enough for all of you,” I say and storm toward the doorway where Aston and Rob are standing. Every part of my body is reacting to the anger flowing through me, but also at the close proximity of Aston. That never changes. I push past Aston and feeling his skin against mine sends a shiver down my spine as my arm brushes his.

“Annie!” Dad calls out, but I start to cry and keep walking without turning back to look to see if Aston is watching me walk away from Staked for maybe the last time.

I make my way to the kitchen and sit down abruptly on the dining room chair. I rest my elbows on the table and place my head in my hands as I silently cry into them. I feel the lowest I’ve ever felt and I have felt pretty low lately. No one hates me more than myself right now. I’ve fucked everything up, my relationships, my friends, my career and I did it all myself. How anyone can think of me as a normal is beyond me, and I’m sure everyone thinks I’m a nutcase and a complete brat even though I am twenty.

No wonder my birth parents didn’t want me. I can’t believe I ever wondered why they didn’t. It’s obvious they could see the screw up I would become and they didn’t want anything to do with me. I don’t blame them, I don’t want anything to do with me either.

I hear footsteps enter the kitchen and the hairs on my arm stand up. I move my head from my hands and glance up to see Aston standing in the doorway, looking at me like he’s miserable. His eyes are drooping and his frown is so big it’s like his lips are falling off his face. He must be so glad he’s free of me. I wipe the tears from my cheeks as we look at each other. That surge, the pull I feel toward him is still there, and it makes me want to run to him and wrap my arms around his neck and hold on to him for dear life. But I don’t. I stay seated and watch him watching me.

“Are you okay?” he asks and I huff and shake my head.

“Like you care,” I say defensively and he scoffs and throws his hands in the air and turns to walk away.

Panic rips through me. I don’t want him to leave.

“Aston wait,” I call out and he stops and turns around looking at me raising an eyebrow. “Can you just sit with me for a little while?” I ask and his body slumps. He nods walking toward me. With each step he takes, my heart races a little faster. Being close to him makes me feel more alive than I have in the last two years without him, and I love that him walking toward me can make me feel that. He pulls out the chair next to me and sits down. I rest my hands on the table and to my surprise he takes one of my hands in his sending a wave of pleasure right through my very soul.

“It’s no wonder my parents didn’t want me,” I say and he furrows his brows.

“Why would you say something like that?” he asks tightening his hand on mine and I can’t help it as I start to cry again.

“Because I’m such a serial fuck up!” I admit and he lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around my shoulders pulling me to him.

“You’re not a fuck up. You fucked up. There’s a difference,” he says and I sniff and look up at him. He’s so close that his smell is invading my senses and I love every second of it. But he belongs to another. My eyes lock with his and I swallow hard as I gaze into the endless blue sparkling pools. I feel like I want to kiss him. Everything in me is pulling me closer and closer to him. I open my lips and lick my bottom one inadvertently, and then I remember about Amber. I close my mouth and quickly look down, trying to avoid the trance he’s putting me in.

“Did you go out and get wasted because of me and Amber?” he asks quietly and I swallow hard again and drop my chin to rest on my chest. I don’t want to say yes and make him feel bad, so I say nothing. He exhales and pulls me a little closer to him. “I’m sorry I hurt you, Annie, but you hurt me too, you know?”

I nod and look back up at him wanting to see his gorgeous blue eyes again. They’re sparkling and they have that same intense brilliance in them that he always used to have, well before we broke up anyway. In my head, images of us making love in the green room and of him touching and kissing me, the way he caressed my body and made me feel like I was the only person he cared about, keep circling around my head. All I want to do is wrap my arms around him and have him hold me for the rest of my miserable existence. If he did that, my life wouldn’t be so miserable anymore. I miss him so much, and as I stare into his eyes I get the feeling that maybe, just maybe, he misses me just as much.

“I think I still love you, Aston,” I blurt out before I have time to think about what I’ve said. He opens his eyes wide and smiles leaning in so close that our foreheads meet. Being so close to him is making my heart rate spike and my breathing heavy. I want him so bad, but he belongs to someone else.

He swallows hard and brings his hand up to caress my cheek. “I think I still love you too, Annie,” he whispers and I gasp at his confession. He certainly shouldn’t be saying something like that when he’s in a relationship with someone else.

I can’t help but look into his eyes willing him to kiss me. Even though I’m thinking of Amber right now and how much this would hurt her, but my heart and my need to be with Aston is overruling my head.

I gulp and continue to look into his eyes. The sparks shooting between us are electric and it’s taking everything in me right now not to jump into his arms and kiss him. “What about Amber?” I say breathlessly because the way he’s looking at me is taking my breath away.

He exhales and caresses my cheek again. “I broke it off with her after our argument at your dad’s party. I was only with her to fill the gap from losing you. Once I knew you felt something for me I couldn’t look at Amber, in the same way,” he says and I can’t hold back my smile.

Poor Amber. Lucky me!

I know what it’s like to lose Aston and it sucks, so I do kind of feel sorry for her.

Both our breathing is rushed and I can’t stop myself from looking down at his lips as his forehead is still leaning against mine.

“So what does this mean then?” I ask and he exhales and backs away from me. His hand falls from my cheek and a sudden rush of panic floods over me as he backs away from me.

Even though we professed our love for each other, he’s still going to reject me!

“It means that if we do this, and I mean really do this, then I need to know that you’re with me one hundred percent. And you won’t just throw me away again when things get tough or you get scared,” he says.

A wave of excitement and joy floods my veins and I open my eyes wide and nod my head emphatically. “I promise, I won’t freak out again, Aston,” I say almost begging for him to make us official.

His eyes lock with mine and he brings his hand back up to my cheek and caresses me softly. I lean my cheek into his hand and he pulls me forward. He leans toward me and I lick my lips as he moves us so close together.

“Promise you won’t freak out when I tell you I love you,” he whispers and I nod.

“Tell me again,” I whisper back and he smiles brightly.

“I love you, Annie,” he says and I smile and lean forward kissing his lips. For the first time in nearly two years, the world feels like it is back on its right axis again. Everything is spinning and my heart is pounding so fast as I open my mouth and his tongue dances with mine. Music floods the air and the colours are shining brightly again. Everything is back to how it should be, and right now nothing could make this moment more perfect. I feel like my old self again, and with Aston kissing me showing me how much he loves me, I finally believe him. I know more than anything right now that Aston loves me and I love him right back.

He eases the kiss and my world is still spinning, but it’s moving slower as he pulls his head from mine and looks into my eyes with so much love I feel like I want to burst.

“But we take this slow. Let me take you on a date. The band is an issue if things don’t work we need to know we’re going to be okay to still work together,” he says and I smile and giggle to myself.

“I ignored you for two years, I’m pretty sure I could do it again if I had to. But I don’t plan on letting that happen again. Do you?” I ask and he shakes his head.

“No, I’m all in Annie,” he says.

I smile and it finally touches my eyes. “Well then, I’m all in too. For real this time. No backing out because we get scared.”

“Agreed,” he says and leans in kissing me again gently, but with passion. He pulls away slowly and looks deep into my eyes. “So you believe that I love you, right? Forgive me if I’m a little insecure about it.”

“I know you love me, Ast. I can tell by the way you’re looking at me. I may not deserve your love, but I have it and I think deep down I always knew that you loved me. I just couldn’t understand how or why.”

“Lennox, you’re one of the easiest people in the world to love. Yes, you might make things difficult, but you can’t help that. It’s just the way you are, and even though sometimes you make me want to pull my own hair out, I love you, warts and all,” he says and I screw my face up and frown at him.

“I do not have warts!”

“It’s a saying, Lennox. It means I love you even with all your flaws.”

I relax my glare and smile at him. “Oh!”

“Oh, indeed,” he says and then leans in kissing me again softly.

He pulls back and wipes a tear from my cheek that I didn’t know had fallen. “Happy tears?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.

I sniff as I nod and smile at him. I can’t seem to wipe the smile off my face. How can it always be that after the storm comes the rainbow? It’s in this moment of realisation I believe that Aston loves me and that people can actually love me for me. Maybe I am worth loving. Maybe just because my birth parents didn’t want me doesn’t mean I am not worthy of love. I think I finally get it now. It’s like even though I wish what happened with that guy had never happened, maybe if it didn’t Aston and I wouldn’t be back together right now. I just hope this doesn’t affect the band too much. My actions in the past two days have been something I wish I could forget, but I know that won’t be possible.

“So, did you and the guy taking the photos…” he pauses and I raise an eyebrow at him.

“Did you and Amber?” I ask and he frowns.

“I guess maybe some things shouldn’t be talked about, right?” he asks and I nod because honestly I couldn’t stand knowing that he has been sleeping with her. Even though he practically just confirmed it for me with his silence.

“Right. I just want to remember my time with you and make new happy memories. I want to forget all about the miserable past two years and just be with you.”

“Me too, baby, me too.”

I wrap my arms around his neck and run my fingers through his hair.

God, I’ve missed doing that!

“I missed you,” I whisper in his ear.

“I missed you too, and I’m never letting you go again. So you better be in this for the long haul.”

“Forever. I knew I was always yours.”

“I knew you were always mine,” he says and we chuckle at the use of the song lyrics that he wrote for me. “Well, I guess we should get back in there. See what miracles they have come up with,” he says and I nod as my stomach churns.

“What if they say I’m out of the band?”

“Lennox, that won’t happen,” he says taking my hand and standing up. “We go in together, okay?”

I nod and squeeze his hand standing up and walking with him back toward the music room to await my fate.