I know I’m in that dazed state, somewhere between awake and asleep and I like it here. In this place, only harmony and melody speak to me. The treble and bass energising my system and coursing through my veins sends me into a deep, blissful state. The rhythm of music washes over me as I see the music notes flying through the air making new riffs and stunning sounds as they combine together to form a new and intense reverberation right through my soul. I love this place, it’s where all my musical thoughts merge together and that’s where Staked’s songs come from. I need to stay asleep, so I can hear the entire song in my head and then I can wake up and quickly jot it down on my music book next to my bed.

“Annie,” my name is sung in an angelic soothing voice and I bathe in the light that it casts into my musical world.

“Annie!” The song is getting quieter and softer as the voice saying my name becomes louder taking over the melody and invading my safe place.

“Annie, get up,” I hear as I’m ripped from my musical plane. The harshness of reality grips hold of me as I fall back to earth with a thud and open my eyes slowly.

I look up to see Mum picking my clothes up off the floor and rushing around like we’re running late. I crash my head back to the pillow and groan as I clench my eyes tight trying to rid the bright light from waking me up further. I want to go back to my perfect world where everything makes sense.

“Annie, honey, c’mon. Susan will be here soon,” Mum says and I groan again in response and pull the pillow over my head.

“I was making music, Mum, and you pulled me away from it,” I murmur in disgust. It was a really great song I was writing, and now because I was pulled from it so abruptly, I can’t remember a single note.

“What? Annie, you’re making no sense. Now get up and come downstairs for breakfast. Aston will be here soon. It’s almost nine o’clock,” she declares and I pull the pillow from under my head and throw it in her direction as she walks toward the door with my laundry under her arms.

“Turn the light off,” I call out and force my head into my remaining pillow to shield the light.

“No, Annie. Get up, now!” Mum berates as she walks from my room out into the hallway.

I pull my blankets up higher and snuggle down comfortably again in bed. I’m exhausted and school can wait for another half hour. The notes start to flow back into my brain as the blackness engulfs me. The same song, on repeat, and I feel so ecstatic to be here listening to this masterpiece. There’s no lyrics, only music floating around, but it sounds brilliant.

“Lennox,” Aston says and I’m pulled from my exquisite dream state again, but quicker this time. I crash back to earth and moan loudly as I roll over to see Aston sitting on the edge of my bed looking at me with a smirk.

“Were you dreaming about a new song?” he asks and I sit up rubbing my eyes and gaze at his smiling face. I’m still half asleep and then I realise the song has vanished again.

“Oh crap,” I say and lean in punching Aston on his arm.

“Ouch! Shit Annie, what was that for?” he asks rubbing his arm.

“Because I had the best song ever floating around my head and now this is the second time I’ve forgotten it because I was woken with a start.”

“They need to invent something to record your dreams. The way you’ve described them to me sounds like they’re pretty awesome.”

I stretch and yawn. “They are, I love my dreams,” I say and he stands up facing me.

“Well, you better get downstairs. Your mum is making you breakfast and she already said if I can get you up I can have extra bacon. So get up ‘cause this little pig needs to eat some pig,” he says making me shake my head and laugh at him.

“You’re a dick.”

“I looove bacon, so sue me? Now get up! It’s already nine-thirty. Susan will be here in like thirty,” he says and grabs my hand pulling me from the bed.

I giggle and stand in my Slayed T-shirt that just covers my underwear. I rake my hands through my tangled hair and rub my face as Aston waits for me to come back to the land of the living. I open my eyes to see him looking down at my bare legs. He’s grinning and his eyes are bulging out of his head.

“Hey,” I say and push his shoulder breaking his trance and making him look back up at my face.

“What? Huh?” he asks looking at me with those guilty blue eyes.

“Get your butt downstairs so I can get dressed, and then I’m going to have your extra bacon for gawking at my legs,” I tease and he chuckles.

“You would’ve eaten my extra bacon anyway even if I wasn’t checking out your legs. We both know that,” he says with a smirk.

“Well, if that’s the case then I get to eat all of your bacon then.”

“Hell no, not if I get to it first,” he replies then leans in kissing my forehead and runs out of my room closing the door behind him.

I chuckle to myself and then attempt to get dressed. I pull on my trusty baggy grey joggers and pull on an old flannelette long sleeved shirt. I know they look horrendous. But they’re so damned comfortable and it’s only me, Ella, Aston and Susan who are going to see me. So I don’t see the big deal in getting dressed up every day like Ella does. For some reason, she always wants to look her best. She even wears nothing but the best designer labelled pyjamas to bed. Me, I just want to be comfortable. I don’t get the whole hype thing over fashion. It’s just a way to make posh people think they’re better than everyone else, and I don’t buy into that. No one is better than anyone else. We’re all equal, it’s just how we behave that makes us all different.

I walk downstairs to the smell of bacon invading my nostrils. This is the kind of invasion I don’t mind at all. I take in a deep lung full of the bacon fuelled air and I can feel my stomach growling at the thought of something greasy today. I bet this is what a hangover feels like. I’m tired, definitely grumpy and I have a headache that’s pounding so hard I feel like my head might vibrate off my neck and crash to the floor. Okay, maybe it’s not that bad, but I would like some painkillers. I walk into the kitchen to see Ella in her beautiful dress, and Mum and Dad at the stove cooking the food and making coffee. I walk in further toward the dining area and the hairs on my arm stand up and I get a tingling sensation all over my skin, and I know Aston is here somewhere. I walk to the table and sit down checking my phone for Facebook updates.

“You could put a little effort into your appearance, Annie. You look like trailer trash,” Ella whispers, so Mum and Dad can’t hear.

“Shut up! Just ‘cause you need to look like little Miss Prissy Princess all the time doesn’t mean I have to. I’m happy with how I look, thank you very much!” I retort and pull at my top while swinging my hair over my shoulder.

“You look perfect to me, Lennox,” Aston says walking in from outside with the two dogs in tow.

“See!” I scold Ella and she rolls her eyes as Aston comes in and sits down next to me.

“Whatever,” Ella says and then picks up her phone and proceeds to ignore us.

I smirk at Aston and he winks at me. I know he will always be on my side when someone is bagging me out. Especially Ella.

“Okay kids come and get it,” Dad says and I scoff and fold my arms across my chest.

“How many times do I have to tell you, Dad? I am not a kid!” I yell at him and Ella and Aston laugh at my expense. I glare at them both and they quickly shut up.

“Annie, don’t start this again. Just stop with the attitude and come and get your breakfast, or you can go to your room without any. The choice is yours,” Dad replies and my stomach rumbles as I watch him place the bacon and sausages onto a plate.

“Damn it,” I say under my breath and get up following Aston and Ella toward the kitchen bench for my breakfast.

 

***

 

We finish our breakfast and I’m overly full from Aston’s extra pieces of crispy bacon that he gave me. He said he didn’t want to ruin his body, and well I’m skinny enough so I can handle a little extra bacon now and then. Plus, bacon makes everything better. So now, after that delicious meal my mood has shifted slightly. I’m still tired and grumpy, but at least I’m ready to get back to school after a weekend off. We all walk toward the study just as I hear the buzzer sound for the gate. I see Mum heading toward the controller, so I keep walking with Aston and Ella into the room we use for our education. Dad left a few minutes ago, he has some stuff to do with Rob, Slayed’s agent. He wants to talk to him about doing another tour and things, which sucks. As much as Dad and I clash heads, I still hate it when he’s gone for weeks on end, and I know Mum hates it too. Maybe when my band is famous, we can go with him and be the backing act or something. Then we can all be together doing music which is all I want and need. Mum finds it especially hard, seeing as she is the PR Manager for Slayed. Staying home watching Ella and me when he’s on tour, means she has to work much harder from home to keep up with everything. But she’s good at her job and Slayed are as popular now as they ever were, even though they’ve been together for nearly two decades.

I take a seat on the chair behind my desk. Dad thought it would be good to have a school-like environment when we’re learning. So he bought three individual desks that sit in a row in front of a large desk for Susan, who has a SMART Board situated behind her desk. The walls are lined with bookshelves filled with books, mainly about music, but there're some encyclopedias and other actual school stuff there too. We’ve been taught by Susan ever since I can remember. Dad had us going to ‘school’ before we could even walk. Not really. I do know we were younger than most kids are, when they start school. But I don’t mind, I get to spend nearly every day with my sister and best friend and life can’t get much better than that. Well, except for when we have math and science, nothing in this world could make that better.

I sit down and open my laptop on my desk. Mine is right in the middle, and I have Aston to my left and Ella to my right. Susan walks in and we all smile as she carries in her big bag full of stuff.

“Morning guys,” she says in her soft, high-pitched voice.

She’s so sweet with her brunette hair pulled back into a bun and her glasses sitting on the edge of her nose like they always do. She’s awesome and I’m so glad she is in our lives.

“Hi Susan,” we all say and then laugh at our synchronicity.

“So today we’re going to hit algebra and hard. So you better pay attention,” she says bending into her bag placing her arm inside almost the entire way. An image of Mary Poppins flashes through my mind and I inwardly giggle as I picture Susan pulling a lamp shade or some dancing penguins out of her oversized bag. Instead though, she pulls some books and I hear a groan from Aston. He hates math as much as me and we would both rather be strumming our guitars than finding out why X equals seven or whatever the bloody hell algebra is. I’d rather sit playing the E note on the sixth string, and be all depressed by its low, somber tone than doing algebra!

“Okay, so if you would all like to take notes on your laptops we can get started,” Susan states and I exhale and open a word document. I look across at Ella and she’s smiling happily and taking down every single word that Susan is writing. She’s such a goody-two-shoes always wanting to be smart. She doesn’t even need to try, she just understands everything Susan teaches us. Whereas Aston and I always need a little extra help. But I guess when it comes to music Ella is behind us, and she’s the one who needs help most of the time, so I guess that makes us even.

I look back at the SMART Board and start to type in my word document and then the little email icon shows up on my screen. I gaze up at Susan to make sure she isn’t looking and then open the email from Aston. I smirk and glance sideways at him. He smiles and looks back at the board like he’s paying attention.

 

To: Annie Slade

From: Aston Soulding

Subject: Booooooring!

 

OMG, how crap is it that it’s math again today? Maybe we should change our Friday trip to the strip club and bar to now? Think she’d notice if we snuck out? Tattoos are on me. lol

 

I chuckle to myself and look back up to see Susan still writing away on the SMART Board blabbering on about the ‘commutative property of addition can add numbers in any order’ or some bullshit. I’m not even listening. So I hit reply.

 

To: Aston Soulding

From: Annie Slade

Subject: Re: Booooooring!

 

I think, seeing as there are only four people in the room, two of them missing might be a little too obvious. Maybe we have to stick it out until lunchtime and then we can say we’re violently ill from our lunch and we have to go to the music room across the hall to rest. lol Doubt that will work either! Crap! I think we just have to sit through this boring shit until one of us dies from lack of brain excitement.

 

I hit send and glance sideways at him again to see if he has gotten the email. I giggle to myself because this is how we spend most of our days in class, emailing back and forth until something actually interesting and useful comes up.

I see the little icon pop up again, so I open the email and laugh out loud at the emoticon of a green face throwing up.

“Annie, is something funny?” Susan queries turning around and looking right at me. For someone so nice she really can look intimidating.

“No. Sorry. I just was daydreaming about dancing penguins coming out of your bag,” I say and Aston chuckles as Ella casually leans back to look at my computer screen with the email application open.

“You really do live in a creative world don’t you, Annie. Maybe you should stop daydreaming and concentrate on things that actually matter,” Susan demands and I scoff. She raises her eyebrow at me and I exhale.

“Well, seriously though how often in my music career am I going to use A plus B equals B plus A? I mean really? What the hell do we need this stuff for?” I ask and she exhales and sits down at her desk.

“Do you not want me to teach you anymore, Annie?” she asks and I furrow my brows in concern.

“Yes, of course. I just think we should learn stuff we need to know, not should know,” I say and she smiles.

“Okay, I’m listening. Tell me what you think you should learn then?”

I raise my eyebrow wondering if she’s really considering this or whether she’s just stringing me along. “Well, I would rather learn how to kick someone’s ass like karate or MMA or something. Surely with being a rock star it’s better to know how to defend yourself rather than having to yell letters of the alphabet at someone in self-defense. See algebra can’t help me with crazy minion fans, now can it?” I ask and she smiles and nods her head.

“You’re right, algebra can’t help with that. But I don’t think I know anything about self-defense, so unfortunately algebra will have to do. I suggest you pay attention or I will have to tell your father that you’re misbehaving again—”

“Oh, c’mon Susan, don’t bring my dad into it again. Okay, fine, I’ll pay attention, but I’m going to sulk while I do it. Is that okay?” I ask with a smile and she laughs and nods her head.

“That’s fine by me, Annie. Sulk all you like, but stop emailing Aston and pay attention,” she chides and Aston and I straighten and look at each other wondering how the hell she knows.

Aston smirks and I smile as I close my email application and try to pay attention to the most boring crap Susan has ever dribbled.

 

***

 

After a long and boring day at school, Aston stayed late while Caleb and Chad came over and we had a jam session. Aston and I wrote a song together for the first time, with some help from Caleb. It was nice to include Aston in on the writing process and I felt even more at home with him by my side, helping me.

I’ve just crawled into bed after the long and boring but productive day. I’m still tired and a little grumpy from being woken up this morning, so crawling into bed right now feels incredible. Ella went to bed hours ago while I stayed up downstairs in the music room playing the new song I’ve just finished writing.

I flick the switch of my bedside lamp and roll over getting comfy in my queen sized bed. I love that I have a bed this big. I close my eyes willing my dream from this morning to awaken within me once more when I hear my door creaking open. I open my eyes and roll over to see Ella standing there in her designer pyjamas and I think she’s been crying.

“Are you awake?” she asks so softly I can barely hear her.

“Yeah. Are you okay?” I ask turning to face her fully.

“I had another dream,” she says and I sit up in bed and pat the mattress for her to come in. She walks in closing the door behind her and sits down on my bed and I can see tears falling down her bright pink cheeks. I lean in and hug her tightly.

“Elle’s Bells, you know that your dream isn’t real, right?” I ask and she nods, wiping her cheeks.

“But what if it is real? Like a subconscious memory or something?” she asks and I shake my head.

“Ella, you were given up at six-months-old, how could you remember anything? What did they do in the dream this time?” I ask and she exhales and climbs up the bed to sit next to me leaning against the pillows.

“Their faces were dark. I couldn’t see what they looked like, as always, but somehow I knew they were my parents,” she says and I nod knowing she just needs to get this out.

“They were leaning over the top of me and saying how much they didn’t want me and that I was a waste of space and that they wish I was never born.”

I can’t help it as my eyes well with tears. Not only because this is hurting my sister, but because these are the same thoughts I have as well.

“Well, even if that is the case you know that we’re better off with Mum and Dad, right?”

“I know, but I just wish the dreams would stop. I have them all the time, and they’re always different, but with the same meaning behind them. That my parents, my birth parents, didn’t want me. How am I… how do we deal with that?”

I purse my lips and shake my head because I don’t know how to answer her. I hate that this happened to both of us, but at the same time it’s the very thing that makes us connected to each other. We may not be related by blood, but we are very similar in our backgrounds and that it is what connects us as sisters. Our troubled pasts that neither of us know about.

“Well, I guess we just talk to each other like we always do. We keep being here for each other on our down days. You know you can come in here anytime you like. You’re my sister and I love you, Ella, and I know exactly what you’re going through, because I feel everything you’re feeling,” I say and she cuddles into my side needing the comfort she craves.

“Don’t tell Mum or Dad, okay? I don’t want them to worry about me,” she says and I nod and kiss her forehead.

“I won’t, I promise. This is something we share and no one else has to know about it,” I say and she sniffs back as her tears subside.

“Do you think I can stay here tonight? In case I dream about them again?” she asks and my heart breaks for her. In some ways, I handle this better than her, but then again I guess my anger doesn’t make my reactions any better.

“Of course, Ella, you can stay every night if you need to,” I say and she smiles brightly and pulls the covers back and we climb under the purple sheets. I lay on my back and she snuggles into my side and I cuddle her. When she has the dreams, it’s not only her that needs this close comfort that we give each other it’s me too because when she hurts, I do too. I guess that’s what happens when you’re so similar.

“Thank you, Annie,” she whispers and I pull her tighter into me.

“I love you, Ella.”

“I love you, Annie,” she whispers back and I close my eyes trying to fight the images of faceless adults that haunt Ella’s dreams.