After Danger had left, I stayed in the hotel room and cried for my broken relationship. I’d spent so long wanting to be with him that when I finally realised that he wasn’t the one I wanted after all, it hurt and I was in pain. I cried so hard I almost vomited. The emotion was too much for me to bear and I crawled into bed and cried into the pillow letting all the emotion of the past twenty-four hours envelop me.

There’s been an incessant knocking at my door and I really don’t want to move from my bed, but as it seems like it doesn’t want to stop I drag myself out of bed and walk to the door. Opening it, I see Annie standing there and when she sees me she frowns and shakes her head.

“I spoke to Danger, he said you broke up with him and by the way you look I can see he’s not joking. Ella, what’s going on?” she asks and my bottom lip trembles and I start to cry all over again.

Annie rushes forward and takes me in her arms embracing me tightly. “Oh God, Ella, I’ve never seen you so broken. Talk to me,” she says holding onto me as my knees give way. She eases us to the floor as she pulls me into her lap and comforts me stroking my hair. “Jesus Christ, Ella,” she says as I sob uncontrollably. “Please take a breath and try to calm down, you’re scaring the hell out of me.”

I look up at her and shake my head. “Danger’s gone, I left him for Chad, but Chad doesn’t want me and I’ve screwed everything up. Chad needs me and I threw myself at him when he was grieving and I can’t even believe I did that. I told him I loved him and what did I expect, he’d just lost his parents. I’m a fucking idiot,” I murmur and Annie half smiles and pulls my head to her chest and comforts me.

“Shh, it’s okay, it will all be okay. Chad is hurting. Give him time. He loves you too, and he’s going to need you, now more than ever. Just be his friend at the moment, that’s who he needs right now,” Annie says as my crying subsides.

“I can definitely do that,” I say.

“I know you can. You’re stronger than you think,” she says and then glances into the hotel room and notices the broken lamp and the hole in the wall. “Doing some redecorating?”

“Danger,” I say and she tenses.

“Did he hurt you?”

I shake my head and look at her so she knows I'm serious. “No, he would never hurt me, just the wall, and himself. He was so utterly destroyed, Annie. I think I’ve broken him.”

“Try not to think about it, you did what was right for you. You haven’t been in the relationship for a while, it was the right choice ending it. It would’ve happened sooner or later,” she says and I nod and wipe my cheeks.

“Yeah, I should never have agreed to marry him in the first place.”

Annie runs her hand up and down my arm comforting me. “Hindsight is a wonderful and horrible thing,” she says and I nod. “How about we get you cleaned up and then we’ll head downstairs. We’re all getting ready to head back home, Dad thought there was no point in staying for the holiday. No one wants to be here, plus there are funerals to arrange, so we’re all heading home,” Annie says and I tense up.

“How are we getting home?” I ask and she frowns.

“On a jet. Dad’s hired one and got the best pilot in America to fly us home. Going by sea would take too long and Dad says the chances of it happening again are impossible.”

“I don’t like it, though, and I bet Mum is scared shitless,” I say and Annie nods.

“Yeah, Mum’s petrified. She was already scared, now I think we’ll have trouble even getting her on the plane,” Annie says and I tend to agree with her.

“You might have trouble getting me on the plane,” I whisper and Annie nods.

“Yeah, me too,” she replies and then pulls me away from her and stands up. “C’mon, let’s get you cleaned up and looking semi-alive and less zombie apocalypse,” Annie says and I manage a small laugh.

“Thanks,” I say sarcastically.

“Anytime,” she says helping me up.

 

***

 

As I board the new jet which is so different to the only jet I’ve been on my entire life, my nerves are through the roof and everyone is quiet. Mum is silently crying as Dad comforts her, and I walk on to see Chad sitting by himself. I decide I don’t want him to be alone on this journey home, so I go and sit down next to him.

“Is it okay for me to sit here?” I ask and he looks at me and nods. “How are your brothers?” I ask and Chad shrugs. I bite my bottom lip at the tension between us. So I sit back in my chair and say nothing further. I just want to be here for him. Even if that means it’s in utter silence.

The plane ride was long and arduous and every little bump was torture and had us all on edge. Chad didn’t talk for almost the whole fifteen hours and it broke my heart that he’s hurting so much and he won’t let me in.

We finally arrive at the airport and Mum, Dad, and I are staying at Chad’s house with him and his brothers in London for now, until we can figure out what’s going to happen with Carter and Carlton. Chad is old enough to take up guardianship of them, but he might not want to. So if he doesn’t, or isn’t capable of doing that, then we’re going to have to figure out who will look after the twins until their eighteen. I know Mum and Dad are seriously thinking about taking them on. Sia would’ve wanted that, but it would mean moving them an hour and a half away from their home, friends and family, and after the life adjustment they’ve already had it would be a big change for the boys.

We arrive at Chad’s house and we all walk inside. The twins are so quiet just like their brother, which is so surreal because the twins are never quiet. This whole situation is crazy, and as we walk into their house and see the photos of Dingo and Sia lining the hallway, I bite my bottom lip as we make our way to the kitchen.

“I’ll make us something to eat,” Mum says as Dad brings the bags in and Chad and the boys sit down at the table. I move in and sit down next to Chad. I can see he’s shaking and I want to help him so I reach out under the table to his hand on his leg and lace my fingers with his. He looks at me and his breathing hitches like he’s trying to hold himself together. It brings tears to my eyes. He takes a deep breath and holds my hand tightly and it soothes me to know he doesn’t absolutely hate me.

“I know no one wants to think about this, but we need to start thinking about what we want to do for the funerals,” Dad says. Carter begins to cry as Carlton pushes his chair back and runs out of the kitchen and upstairs, I guess to his room. “Sorry Carter, maybe I shouldn’t talk about this in front of you and your brother,” Dad says and Carter shakes his head.

“No, it’s okay, we know they’re dead. We know there’s going to be a funeral. It’s just so hard to know they’re never coming back. I only had them for twelve years. It’s not fair,” he says and Chad sniffs and inhales sharply.

“No, it’s not fair bro, none of this is fair,” Chad says.

I tighten my grip on his hand.

“Why don’t you go to your room and have a sleep, I’m sure the jet lag will kick in soon and when you wake up you might feel a little better?” Chad says trying to comfort his little brother.

Carter nods and stands up as we all watch him. “Chad,” he whispers.

“Yeah, mate?”

“Please don’t die, I don’t want to lose you too,” he says.

My chest constricts and I inhale sharply as Chad stands up and walks over to his little brother wrapping his good arm around him. “I’m not going anywhere, you understand me? You, me, and Carlton, we’re sticking together forever, okay?” he says and I wipe a tear falling down my cheek.

“Promise?” Carter asks.

“Promise, now go get some sleep. I’ll be right here if you need me, okay?”

Carter nods and hugs Chad tightly and Chad kisses him on his head.

“I love you, bro,” Chad says as Carter walks off.

“Love you too,” Carter says and walks out of the kitchen and up to his room.

I sniff and so does Mum as we both wipe tears from our cheeks.

“Fucking hell,” Chad says running his hand through his hair and walking back to the table. “How am I supposed to tell them everything is all right when I feel like I’m falling apart?” he asks and Dad looks at Chad and shakes his head.

“It’s okay to fall apart Chad, that’s why we’re all here to be your support. You don’t have to be strong all the time,” Dad says.

I smile and nod as Mum continues to fuss about the kitchen.

“I’ve never even been to a funeral let alone plan one, I mean two. I don’t even know where to start,” Chad says rubbing his face in a frustrated motion. I put my hand on his knee for support.

“Don’t worry, I’ll help you with everything. I’ll even arrange it all if you don’t want to do any of it. It’s up to you Chad, whatever you need,” Dad says and I smile at him.

“Thank you guys, I don’t know what I would do without you,” Chad says. Then he looks at me and places his hand on top of mine on his knee and entwines our fingers again.

 

***

 

After lengthy discussions about funerals and ideas about what might happen with the twins, we all decided that we needed to head to bed. Mum and Dad are staying in the guest room and I’m going to take up position on the lounge suite. But right now, I’m walking Chad to his room. I just want to make sure he’s okay.

“Well, this is you,” I say as we reach his door.

“Yeah, thanks for today. Sorry, I’ve been all over the place,” he says and pulls me to him for a hug.

I exhale in relief to be finally touching him, and I embrace him back tightly and nuzzle into him. “You’re allowed to be all over the place, I just wish there was something I could do to help ease your pain.”

“There is,” he suggests and I look up at him and he swallows hard.

“There is?” I question and he nods.

“Stay with me tonight?” he asks and my heart starts to flutter.

“Are you sure that’s what you really want?” I ask and he exhales and nods.

“I’m sorry for what I said in Hawaii. You’ve been such a great support since we’ve been back. I just don’t want to be alone and I need to hold you if you let me?” he asks.

“Of course…I ended it with Danger. We broke up in Hawaii,” I say and he opens his eyes wide and his mouth drops open like he’s shocked and then his lips turn into a slight smile.

I smile in return and lean up and kiss his cheek noticing his breathing is rushed. As I pull back, he grabs my head with his good hand and pulls me to him kissing me forcefully. I’m shocked by his sudden action and the spark in the kiss doesn’t go unnoticed, but I don’t want to rush things with him. So I pull back panting and look into his lust filled eyes.

“You’re grieving and I don’t want to take advantage of you right now,” I say and he shakes his head as he breathes heavily.

“I need to not feel pain. I want to feel good, and you’re the only thing in my life that’s good at the moment,” he says.

My stomach twists and my heart starts to pound ferociously. I look into his eyes and I want to take his pain away, and if this is a way to it then I’m going to do it for him. I move into him pressing my body against his completely and run my hands through his hair pulling his mouth to mine. I part my lips letting his tongue in and in his usual gentle yet passionate way, Chad kisses me and I feel like I’m finally home. He starts to move us toward his door and we move through it and kicks it closed. Pulling his shirt up over his head, it gets caught on his cast and I giggle against his mouth as I pull back from kissing him and help pull the shirt off his arm. He moves in and tries to pull my shirt off but he’s struggling with one hand, so I help him along and then move in to take off my bra so he doesn’t have to. His eyes move down to my breasts and he smiles.

“You’re so astonishingly beautiful, you literally take my breath away, hot sauce,” he says making me giggle. I move in and unzip his jeans and they fall to the floor. He steps out of them and his shoes, leaving him in his usual grey brief shorts. I make quick work of removing my jeans and shoes and then move back in because I need to be kissing him. I run my hands through his hair as our lips connect and he moans slightly as I feel his erection forming against my thigh. The chemistry sizzling through the air is burning me up. I’m aching between my legs and it’s all for Chad. I move in and pull at his briefs sliding them over his arse and down his legs. They fall to the floor as our tongues collide. I move my hands back to my panties and shuffle out of them leaving us both completely naked. I move back in so our bodies join together. Feeling his hot skin against mine is what I’ve been craving. And it’s every bit as perfect as I remember. My heart is racing and three words keep running over and over in my head so I feel like I need to say it.

“Chad, I need to say something,” I blurt out breaking our kiss.

He breathes heavy and looks down at me and nods. “Okay,” he says and I look into his eyes running my hands through his hair.

“I love you,” I tell him and he smiles brightly catching his breath. “I mean, really love you, like walk over hot coals, lay down my life, you’re every-fucking-thing to me type of love you,” I say repeating the way he told me he loved me.

He sniffs and swallows hard. “It’s about fucking time,” he says and pushes his lips to mine making me giggle against his lips. He pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “I love you too. I always have, with all of me Ella. Every part of me is in love with you,” he says making me smile.

I run my hands up his shoulders and move in kissing him strongly, as I move him back toward the bed. He steps backward and takes my hint wrapping his good arm around my waist. I figure he won’t be able to support his weight with his broken arm, so I’m going to have to be on top, but I don’t mind. I push him onto the bed and he falls back with a salacious grin and shuffles up along the bed.

“I like Ella in charge, this is a good side of you,” he says and I grin.

“Well, lay back and enjoy. I want to make you feel good,” I say and he smiles as I kneel on the bed and move over straddling him.

“I know you’ll make me feel good,” he says as I move over the top of him and lean down kissing him. He runs his uninjured hand up along my naked back as I grind my pussy into his groin. He groans into my mouth and my clit is aching so badly I don’t even want to get worked up for this, I want to get straight into making love with him. I’ve waited long enough to be joined with Chad again. I’m still on the pill, and I don’t want to wait to get a condom. So I sit back up and move my hand down to his cock. He looks at me and runs his hand up my thigh. I move up and position his cock under me and look into his eyes as I slowly ease onto him. We both moan out in pleasure as my body joins with his. My hands move to his chest and I start to move my hips up and down on top of him. The sweet friction is making me feel emotional, being joined with Chad again I realise is all my heart ever wanted and now it’s actually happening, it’s just so perfect. His hand runs up my side and to my breast and he massages softly, but enough for it to be pleasurable. I let my head fall back as I ride him and work us both up.

His hand moves down my centre and straight between my legs to my clit, and I moan as he presses harder and it sends a shock wave straight through me. My body awakens at his touch and every molecule inside me bursts to life. I ride him feeling the warmth encapsulate me as the tingle starts to build at the base of my spine and then works its way through me. My body begins to tense up and I feel my climax building.

“Come for me, baby,” Chad says and I start to shake as he rotates on my clit harder and I moan out his name. Pushing down on him harder, my breathing hitches as my body coats in a fine mist of sweat. My eyes clench tightly as I see flashes of blinding light. I’m shaking as the heat engulfs me and I moan loudly. My nails dig into his chest as he rotates again and I push down on him, the sensation hits me strong and so fast it’s like a freight train pummelling through me at a high speed. It knocks the wind from me and I explode in an immense orgasm as I ride Chad. He groans as he works me down from my high. I’m panting and I feel a little dizzy, but I keep moving because I want him to feel as good as I just have.

My nails ease away from his chest and I begin to ride him at a faster pace bringing him closer to the edge. I want him to feel good, so I gather myself and put all my effort into making it happen for him.

“I love you, Chad,” I murmur and he groans and tenses his body.

“Say it again,” he says clenching his eyes shut like he’s right on the edge.

“I love you,” I repeat and he breathes heavy and starts to move with me, really getting into it. He groans louder tensing his body. His fingers dig into my hip as he helps me with my movements.

“Again,” he demands.

“I’m in love with you,” I say pushing down harder on him.

He tenses and moans as his body convulses and he pauses unloading himself inside of me with a drawn out moan.

“Oh, fuck Ella, you're incredible. I fucking love you too,” he says and I lean down and kiss him languidly as we both breathe harshly through our noses needing oxygen.

I pull back and look into his eyes and he looks at me through hooded love-filled eyes and he smiles. “Thank you,” he says and I caress his cheek and smile.

“For what?”

“For finally loving me back,” he says and I smile leaning in kissing him passionately.