After Rob had left, our parents went to the lounge room to talk about their upcoming tour. We, my band, came back into the music room to chat and generally get excited about what had happened tonight. Aston is sitting as far away from me as possible. I have Caleb on one side and Ella on the other as we sit on the floor in a circle.

“So this is going to be huge for us, I just know it!” Caleb says.

“Fuck yeah, as long as I get to wear my socks I’m happy,” Chad says making us all laugh. He’s so obsessed with his damn filthy socks!

“So when do you think we’ll hear about recording the CD and making changes to our songs to make them radio worthy?” Aston asks his voice soft and low is like music to my ears. He’s been very quiet for the last hour and definitely avoiding me. Not that I blame him, I pushed him away from me for crying out loud. That’s gotta hurt your feelings.

“Not sure, but we have to play it cool. I know how exciting this is, but we don’t want to come across as kids, you know? Well, I won’t but you guys might,” Caleb says and I roll my eyes.

“Caleb, just because you’re seven years older doesn’t mean we’re gonna act like idiots. Yes, we may show our excitement more than you, but that’s not a bad thing, right?” I ask and he chuckles.

“No, but sometimes when things don’t go your way Annie, you get all pissy and in this industry sometimes things are not going to go our way. We all need to be able to pull together and control our emotions, especially in public—”

“Are you saying this to the whole band or just me?” I ask getting slightly annoyed.

“To everyone Annie, but especially you,” he replies.

I huff and fold my arms across my chest. “Fine, I know how to behave. Why do you think I left tonight after we played? It was so I didn’t make a scene in front of everyone when the emotion got a bit much for me,” I state without thinking and then look over at Aston. He’s swallowing hard and looking down at his hands in his lap.

You’re a right twat, Annie Slade!

I’m such an idiot, there I go hurting poor Aston’s feelings… again! He’s going to hate me by the end of tonight and, to be honest, I don’t blame him. But, in reality, all I really want is for him to hold me and tell me everything is going to be all right between us. Even if it isn’t, a lie would be great to hear right about now.

“Well Annie, I’m glad you didn’t go off in front of Rob, but instead of leaving you should have just taken a breath and gotten over whatever it was. That could’ve blown it for us. That, and your little solo stunt. You’re just bloody lucky that you’re damned good at what you do Annie. I know it threw me when you kept going and I bet I’m not the only one,” Caleb says and I shake my head.

“Fine, I’m sorry. But you have to admit the new solo is way better than the old one. Right?”

Caleb rolls his eyes and nods. “Yes, but you should still run it by us first because we, and I emphasize we… we’re a band. We perform as a whole group. The word band doesn’t have the letter ‘I’ in it Annie. So don’t you ever pull that kinda shit when we’re performing live again,” he demands and I huff and slump my shoulders.

“Okay fine, Dad,” I say and he huffs.

“Call me whatever you want, Annie. You need to be smart about this stuff—”

“You calling me dumb?”

“No Annie, we’ve had this chat previously. You’re not dumb. In fact, you’re far from it. You are smart when you want to be, you just let stupid decisions rule you. Stop living with a ‘devil may care’ attitude and start living in the real world. The things you do and say affect others, Annie,” he adds and I only have to look over at Aston to know Caleb is right. I could get all moody about him calling me up on this in front of everyone, but that’s exactly what he’s talking about. I need to think a little more about my decisions and actions before I make them.

“Okay, I’ll be better. I’m trying to be anyway,” I murmur feeling a little deflated. My feelings of elation are wearing off and my thoughts move to Aston and how much I must have pissed him off to make him ignore me altogether. I mean when I brushed my pinky along his hand I was kind of hoping he would hold it, but instead he shrugged away and walked off. I know I need to sort things out with him, I have no idea how to do that if he’s avoiding me.

“Okay, well now that’s out of the way, I just want to say that if we go on tour we can’t let the fame go to our heads. We have to remember that we are family and family comes first. So anytime you have any issues or problems make sure you come and talk to me or whoever you feel comfortable with and they can talk to me. Either way, I want to help you guys as much as possible through this journey and know I will always be here for support or a friendly ear. Whatever you guys need, I will be here. Just think of me as your big brother,” Caleb says and even though he can be a dick, and most people think he is a dick, he’s not that bad after all. He does care about us and our wellbeing, so I just hope that if anyone does feel down or anything at any time they do confide in Caleb because I know I will.

“Thanks Caleb,” Ella says.

“Yeah, thanks, man,” Chad repeats as Aston and I say nothing.

I look over at him and he looks miserable, about as miserable as I feel. I just wish I knew how to fix this. Chad and Caleb start talking and I tune out. They’re laughing and having a great time while I sit here in my own little world thinking about Aston, and how even though he’s only a few metres away from me, I can still feel the hairs on my arms standing to attention and that all too familiar buzz running through me. I stand up and walk over to my phone to check out Facebook, mainly just to get away from the happyfest that’s taking place all around me. I want to wallow for a little bit.

“Hey, are you okay?” a sweet voice chimes near me breaking me from my dazed state.

“I’m okay, Ella,” I reply and she steps in front of me and puts her hand on my shoulder for comfort. I can hear her talking, but I can’t stop my eyes from wandering over to Aston, who’s sitting with the guys, but not participating in their conversation. He looks terrible and I know he knows I’m looking at him, but he won’t look back at me.

A sudden panic washes over me.

What if he never wants to talk to me again?

What if I’ve lost him for good?

I bite my bottom lip to stop it from trembling and I feel Ella pull me in for a hug, but I don’t react in any way. I just can’t stop staring at Aston. I can’t hold back the floodgates and a small sob escapes me and everyone turns to look as my hand rushes to my mouth and tears start to fall down my cheeks. Aston furrows his brows and I can’t take this anymore. I break free from Ella’s arms and run out of the music room. I just need to be away from the abundance of overwhelming cheeriness that’s in this room right now. I feel anything but cheerful and all I want is Aston.

Maybe I’ve been stupid all this time?

Maybe what I am feeling is actually something more than friendship?

I race upstairs and to my room without anyone following me, which I am grateful for. I walk in and slam the door shut. I didn’t mean to slam it, it just kind of happened. I walk over to my bed and wipe the tears away from my face. I hate that I can feel like this. It’s so confusing and I’ve never felt like it before. I have such torn feelings of wanting Aston to hold me so much it hurts, but the thought of him holding me also terrifies me.

I lean over to my bedside table and pull out my iPod from the drawer and put the buds in my ears. I lay down on the bed and try to get lost in the sounds of a really old band called ‘Orgy.’ Their cover of ‘Blue Monday’ plays in my ears and I sink into the bed, closing my eyes and getting lost in the heavy beats from the track.

Knock, knock.

I can just hear it above the music playing in my ears. I open my eyes and look toward the door. It’s probably Ella.

“Come in,” I say and take the earbuds from my ears and sit up on the bed. The door opens and Aston is standing in there in the doorway looking as terrible as I feel. I wipe a stray tear from my cheek and swallow a lump that’s formed in my throat.

“Can we talk?” he asks and I instantly feel a pull, like I want to run and jump into his arms. But I stay in my bed and simply nod. He walks in closing the door and then comes over and sits down on my bed next to me. Our legs are touching and I feel a spark shooting from my leg and right up my centre. I look away from him trying not to show that I’m actually feeling something really strong right now. He rests his hand on my leg and squeezes slightly.

“Annie, I don’t know what I’ve done to make you avoid me, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to think when you won’t even look at me right now. I’m your best friend. I’ve known you your whole life. Why are things awkward right now? What did I do?” he asks and his deepening voice only makes my insides giddy.

“I’m only avoiding you because you’re avoiding me? And you didn’t do anything,” I say and he exhales and huffs.

“Then why the hell won’t you look at me?” he asks sounding hurt.

I turn to look at him and his blue eyes shine so brightly that I’m a little awestruck by him. He’s filled out well since we were kids and for eighteen, he’s really muscular and toned and I’ve never really noticed that before. Sure, I knew his abs were amazing, but I never actually taken in the incredible beauty that is Aston. He is simply breathtaking.

I swallow slowly as we stare at each other. There’s a buzz pulsating through the air between us and it’s making my heart race a million miles a second. I don’t know how he manages to do that, but every fibre of my being is alive and tingling in his presence. And all I want right now is for him to touch me, so I can feel that spark that emanates from us when our skin meets. I don’t know what’s happening to my body, but my eyes skim down from his eyes to his supple lips and I inadvertently lick mine in response. I’m not sure what’s happening right now, but all I do know is that I want to be closer to him. I feel a magnetic need to lean forward like I’m drawn to him. He’s looking at me and he swallows hard and looks a little like he might be shaking.

He inhales quickly like he’s preparing himself for something. I keep staring at his lips and he purses his lips together and I watch them open and his tongue darts out to lick his lips.

“Annie, I like you,” he says quickly and I blink my eyes breaking his trance.

I furrow my brows and sit in shock for a second as my heart races and a swarm of happy butterflies dance and flutter around in my stomach.

“Say something,” he begs and I shake my head slightly coming back into the now.

“You do?” I ask suddenly feeling an overwhelming sense of undeniable happiness.

Maybe this is what I want, after all?

He nods and brings his hand up and his palm rests on my cheek as he caresses my face slowly. The shockwave I feel from his hand forces my eyes to close just so I can relish in his intimate contact. I nuzzle my cheek further into his hand and I open my eyes to see him smiling brightly and it simply takes my breath away. I smile back and we inch closer together. My heart rate is spiking even higher than I thought humanly possible as he inches his face closer to mine. I swallow and part my lips trying to breathe, but somehow I seem to have forgotten how to. He looks me in the eyes and I feel a strong pull toward him, like our souls are meant to be together for eternity. I decide to lean forward more showing him that I want this as much as he does. All my concerns are null and void at this moment because the only thing I want right now is for Aston to kiss me.

His hand moves from my cheek to the back of my head and he looks as nervous as I feel. I haven’t kissed anyone before, and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t either so this is a first for both of us. He gently pulls my head toward him and I close my eyes as he gets so close his nose is against mine. I can feel his fast and hot breath on my face. Slowly we inch together, his soft warm lips gently touching mine and it’s like a tirade of fireworks have gone off against my lips because they’re tingling so much. And it excites me. I have no idea how to do this, but I know you’re meant to open your mouth so I press my lips against his and then slowly open my mouth slightly. He moves in closer and his tongue softly enters my mouth. Usually, I’d think this is gross, but somehow, now that it’s happening to me it just feels so right. I move my hand up to his cheek and caress his prickly five o’clock shadow across his beautiful skin. A buzz of energy is surging through me and it’s no wonder people kiss all the time.

This is magical.

It’s fantastical.

It’s… perfect!

I open my mouth a little more and move my tongue against his. I think we’re doing this right.

It’s so soft and gentle and it really is making me tingle in places I never knew could tingle like that. The tingling sensation has gone straight between my legs where it’s pulsating and my lower stomach is almost aching with need. I don’t know what that means, but I sure do like it. I kiss him back and I get more excited with each moment that passes as we continue to kiss. We start to get a little more into it and it becomes more heated. His hands rush to either side of my face as he holds me to him and my hand rushes to the back of his head, running my fingers through his hair and holding him to me. My other hand runs up his arm to hold onto his bulging bicep and right now, I couldn’t be happier about how much time he spends in the gym with his dad. Because holding onto his strong arm, is making my legs weak. It’s lucky I’m sitting down.

Aston edges closer to me as we kiss almost frantically. I can’t believe this is happening and I’m so glad that it is.

It feels so right!

His chest connects with mine and we’re both panting so hard that our chests are rubbing together. It makes me throb even more between my legs and I’ve never felt that before, but it’s certainly making this experience even better. He leans toward me and I follow his lead and fall back onto the mattress. His substantial body makes its way over mine and I can’t help it as I open my legs for the lower half of his body to rest in between them. He does and I wrap my legs around him needing him closer to the throbbing need that seems to be going on between my legs. I need to fix the ache I have for him. He moans slightly and puts his full weight on me and I can’t help but let out a small moan in response. It shocks me and I open my eyes as we continue to kiss and he somehow knows that I’ve opened mine and he looks right back at me.

I thought it would feel awkward looking at him while kissing. But I get lost in his eyes as our kiss slows down from frantic and is now back to gentle and dare I say it, passionate, tender kissing. I run my hand up his arm and grip on tightly while the other runs through his lengthy hair. It’s not shoulder length long like Caleb’s but still long enough that I can grab hold of it. His eyes lock with mine and as I kiss him, the beautiful tension eases and now the slow, steady kissing is making me feel weak again and I love every second of it. I can’t help but notice Aston’s boner rubbing against me. I thought it would make me laugh, but instead it sets a fire inside me that I don’t understand. I really want to be touching him in every way right now.

I close my eyes again and just relish in the fact that I’m making out with Aston. To be honest deep down I always knew he would be my first kiss, and if I’m honest with myself, I know this will be the first of many firsts to come.

I run my hand through his hair pulling him to me even more as I deepen the kiss and my back arches slightly to feel more contact with him. He responds by slowly grinding his crotch into me and I gasp at the wonderful feeling engulfing my whole body.

How the fuck does that feel so good?

I grind up into him and he moans as his tongue dances with mine. I’m feeling really good and I’m wondering why the hell it’s taken me this long to kiss Aston.

If this is what kissing is like, I need to be doing this all the time with him!

He grinds into me again and I moan pulling my lips from his as the pressure is too much. I need some air. He doesn’t stop kissing me though as I rest my head back into my pillow. He proceeds to run little kisses along my jaw and then down to my neck, nipping and biting softly which is only making me pant even harder. He kisses back up my jaw and back to my mouth. I open and let his tongue in and then I hear it, my door opens with a loud bang.

“What the fuck?” Dad yells.