We arrived in Liverpool and we’ve just finished performing at the venue, tonight’s pub was much better than the one we played in Manchester. Well, let’s face it, anywhere is better than the pub in Manchester. The crowd was great and the atmosphere was buzzing. Since the road trip today Brax has been distant. He’s not avoiding me, but he hasn’t said much to me either, but then again I have been busy with Charli and getting ready for tonight’s gig.

I walk off the stage down the tattered steps as the crowd erupts in applause and I can’t stop smiling, this feels much better than the other night. Brax comes to my side and I smile at him and he smiles back. It’s a hesitant smile then he follows behind me while we walk through the green room out the back and toward the bus in a silence that’s so loud it’s deafening. There’s an awkward tension flowing between us. My shoulders are tight and I’m trying my best to not touch him as he walks close to me. He is taut in stature too, and it’s like we both want to say something, but neither of us is capable. My heart’s hammering in my chest because I really want us to talk, but at the same time I don’t know what to say. So I turn to him and place my hands on my hips. The others walk past us while Brax looks at me raising his eyebrow and his lips tilt up in the corner.

“What’s with the weird tension?” I ask.

He opens his eyes and chuckles. “Straight to the point, okay. Mason told me you were his girl and were off limits. If I knew what was good for me, and if I wanted to keep my job, I would keep my distance from you.”

My eyes open wide, my stomach lurches and my mouth drops open. “He did not!” I say and he grimaces. “That dirty snake.” I turn storming toward the bus feeling my body flush with an insatiable heat as the vein in my neck begins to pulse.

“Amber,” Brax calls out but I’m in a rage and Mason Hughes is about to cop the full brunt of my ferocity. “Amber stop!” Suddenly strong arms wrap around my waist pulling me toward his muscular chest. I struggle against him, but he’s too strong.

“Let me go,” I say as I fight against his grip.

“Amber, calm down!” He turns me in his grip to face him. Angry tears form in my eyes and as I look up at him, his gaze soothes me. Taking a deep breath, I stop struggling as he brings his hand up and gently caresses my cheek bringing my frenzied temper down a notch to a calmer more sensible level. Looking into his eyes he has the ability to ease me completely, and he has with a simple caress. I nuzzle into his hand as I swallow hard looking into his luminous green eyes. “It’s okay,” he whispers and I take a step to him needing to be closer. He wraps his hand around my waist and pulls us so our bodies are touching in every way which ignites a different kind of fire inside of me. His hand on my cheek as he looks into my eyes has me thinking of all the things I want to do to him right now that involve no clothing and a bed. Somehow he’s flipped a switch in me and I just want to feel everything he has to offer. He licks his lips and my breathing hitches. My heart is racing so fast I feel lightheaded as the sparks shooting off around us are like a Fourth of July fireworks display. The energy pulsing around me is like nothing I’ve felt before and I could get addicted to this feeling right here. I lean up to be closer to him and he moves down and we’re inches apart. His breath on my skin is sending goose bumps all over my body, and right now all I want is for him to lean in that bit closer and for his lips to meet mine. He moves closer and I close my eyes. The gentle breeze tickles my skin as his warmth wraps me up in the feeling of home. I feel his breath right against my lips and I purse mine ready for contact.

“Amber where the hell are you?” Hunter calls out. I open my eyes as Brax and I separate quickly. My heart is racing rapidly and I’m practically gasping for air as Brax looks at me and I see his broad chest is rising and falling just like mine. Hunter rounds the back of the bus and notices us looking at each other. “Well, c’mon you guys we gotta go back to the hotel…Wait, little lamb, are you okay? You look flushed?” I bring my hand up to my cheek as I try to control my breathing. Looking away from Brax, I probably making it obvious, as I look to Hunter and nod.

“Yeah, just a little warm is all,” I reply and rush past them to the front of the bus.

“What the fuck did I walk in on Brax?” I hear Hunter ask, but I don’t stay around to hear the answer.

I walk onto the bus with my heart still racing and my entire body tingling with delight. Moving to one of the seats, I sit down reeling from the almost kiss with Brax. I touch my lips wishing I’d felt his against mine, and I take in a deep breath wondering what the hell this all means. Brax and Hunter make their way onto the bus, and I look at Brax and smile. But he doesn’t look at me as he walks past. Instead, he keeps his eyes dead straight and walks away down the bus. The breeze that wafts from the force of his pace hits my skin, and I furrow my brows and look at Hunter. He moves in and sits next to me his face taut in an angry glare.

“Whatever is going on with you and Brax, no more okay?” I jolt back in surprise and raise my eyebrow at him.

“Excuse me?” I ask and Hunter runs his hand through his hair and shakes his head.

“Amber, I love you. I want to see you happy. I love Brax like a brother, but in no way will he ever touch you in any way other than as a bodyguard, do you understand?”

I scoff and fold my arms over my chest. “And why is that your decision exactly? Just because you’re two minutes older than me doesn’t give you the right to dictate my life!”

“No, it doesn’t, but when it comes to Brax…Amber, I know his demons. I know your demons and when you put them together, it would make for one rough time in hell. Do you get what I’m saying?”

I shake my head. “No, not at all.”

He huffs. “Okay, Brax is a great guy. I trust him with my life, with your life, with Charli’s life. But the guy is damaged, Amber. You don’t get sent home from a war zone with no battle scars, you get me?” I think I see what he means. Brax obviously has trouble talking about his time in the Army, and that stops him from opening up. Hunter thinks this would be an issue, obviously.

“Well, shouldn’t I find out for myself?” I ask and Hunter shakes his head.

“No, Amber, you don’t know what he went through. All the therapy he’s had to undergo—”

“Well, is he really safe to be around then if he’s that broken?” I interrupt and Hunter nods.

“Yes, he’s fine during the day.”

I open my eyes and furrow my brows. “What the hell does that mean?” I ask looking back down the bus because it’s night time now.

“He has trouble sleeping, that’s all I know, nightmares I think,” he says and I bite my bottom lip and nod.

“Oh,” I reply as a wave of empathy washes over me for him.

“Yeah, so just keep your distance, okay? Please?” Hunter asks and I look back down the bus and see Brax looking at me. I gnaw on my bottom lip and nod looking back at Hunter.

“Okay.”

He breathes out a sigh of relief. “Good, now buckle in, safety first.”

I raise an eyebrow and completely ignore him. No one buckles up on a bus.

Sinking down into my seat, I wonder about what Hunter has said. Poor Brax having nightmares about his time doing service for our country would not be fun. I feel sorry for him, and looking at him you would never know. It makes me want to know the things he saw and what he went through. Maybe one day I’ll find out.

Hunter strides to the front and starts the bus, driving us back to the hotel. I sit on my own as the other guys are rowdy being excited and still on a high from tonight’s gig. The whole way I think about the almost kiss and my heart is still beating rapidly from the moment Brax and I shared together. I gnaw on my bottom lip and bring my feet up to my seat wrapping my arms tightly around my legs and holding myself in a ball all the way back to the hotel. As we pull up the guys all file off excitedly, and I stand up and look back to Brax as he walks up to me but doesn’t look at me at all.

That annoys me—what the fuck, we almost kissed.

I know Hunter has put a stop to things, but an almost kiss has to count for something, right? I exhale and walk off the bus and into the hotel with the guys who are all being way too loud for this time of night.

As we make our way to the elevators the air is thick with tension. My shoulders are tight while I notice his breathing is rushed. His muscular chest rises and falls in quick succession. It's only then that I notice I'm breathing the same way. Our eyes avoid each other and I swallow hard as he pays me no attention. I’m pretty sure Hunter has said something to him and really I’m annoyed at that fact. Even though I know what Hunter said makes sense. If Brax is damaged then maybe I should stay away, but even now the pull I’m feeling toward him is strong. All I want to do is walk into his arms and have him hold me and lean down and give me that first kiss that I missed out on.

The elevator opens and we all file inside, the waft of the cool air conditioning flows against my skin giving me goose bumps as the guys are still rowdy and unruly. It’s starting to wear on me. I fold my arms over my chest as the elevator dings opening on our floor and we exit and move to our respective doors. I can’t help but watch Brax go into his suite next door to mine and I exhale wishing he would walk me to mine so we could talk this through. But he opens his door and walks in quickly without a second glance in my direction. His door shuts hard, and it’s like banging a nail into the coffin of my heart. I shake my head knowing whatever Hunter said to him, it must have been bad for him to completely ignore me. I swipe my card and enter my room. Clara is on the lounge watching a soft toned television and I smile at her as I walk in.

“How was the show?” she asks.

“Way better than the other night. How’s my girl?”

She smiles brightly, her wrinkles reminding me of my own mother. “Went out like a light.” She stands up walking toward me. “Well, I’m off to bed. I’ll see you in the morning. Sleep well sweetheart,” she says leaning in and kissing my cheek.

“Thanks, Clara, you’re a lifesaver.”

“No darling, this really is my pleasure. So thank you for having me. Goodnight,” she says and leaves the hotel room.

I watch her leave and then check on Charli. She’s fast asleep with her lady bug toy tucked under her arm. Her beautiful little face is so peaceful it makes my heart flutter. I gently kiss her forehead and then make my way to the bedroom, changing and getting ready for bed.

As soon as my head hits the pillow I’m thrust into thinking of what it would be like having Brax’s arms surrounding me and his lips on mine.

Shit—I’m in trouble!

 

***

 

The next couple of days are spent in my hotel with Charli and Clara. Hunter comes and goes along with Mason, but I don’t see Brax. Let me rephrase that, I see Brax a lot, but only in my dreams. It’s not until we have to leave for our next stop of Blackpool that I’m graced with his presence. It’s going to take just over an hour to get there from Liverpool. As I walk down the aisle of the bus, Clara follows on behind with me holding Charli and we sit down, as the other guys all shuffling their feet on the plush red carpet, move down to the back of the bus. Brax walks on and I see his dirty blond hair and his chiseled jaw. He truly is gorgeous. He looks at me and smiles again and my heart flutters at the sight. But he keeps walking past me making my smile falter as Hunter steps onto the bus behind him.

“Okay, are we all here? Are we ready to go?” Hunter calls out.

“Yes,” we all call out in unison and he chuckles and shuts the door walking to the front and getting in the driver’s seat.

The bus pulls away from the curb and I wriggle in close to Charli seeking some comfort while Clara chuckles at me. My skin prickles at the sense of someone watching over me. His cologne gives him away. I glance up to see Brax has taken a seat opposite me. I swallow hard as his eyes connect with mine. He raises his hand and gently runs a finger along Charli’s cheek bringing out a giggle. He maintains my gaze, his eyes shine as something passes between us. A spark? A connection? My heart pounds in my chest and I can’t break away from my stare. He must know the effect he has on me. By the quick rise and fall of his chest, I know I’m affecting him too, and this is not a one-way attraction. He shifts ever so slightly and I think for a brief second he’s going to reach out and caress my cheek the way he did Charli’s, but his hand drops to his side. It surprises me how much I want the same gentle caress on my skin.

Clara coughs clearing her throat breaking my gaze from Brax as she stands up and hands Charli to Brax. He looks at Clara raising an eyebrow and she smirks and walks off.

Subtle Clara!

Brax chuckles and smiles at Charli as my heart skips a beat seeing him with her. He stands up and swaps seats sitting down next to me placing Charli on his knee as she cuddles into him. I can’t contain my smile as I chuckle slightly while she grabs his nose again. Brax makes a kissy noise and she giggles.

“You’re good with her,” I say and he smiles looking at me.

“I had to look after my little sister when she was born, so I sort of remember how it goes even though it was a while ago.” I nod and sit back in my seat comfortably watching Brax with my daughter.

“She likes you,” I say and he looks at me and grins widely.

He tilts his head. “You think so?” I nod. “Well, I like her back. You cute little thing with your smooshy cheeks,” he says in a baby voice that melts my heart and makes me giggle at the same time. “Can I tell you a secret, Charli?” he whispers and I smirk as he looks at me and then back to Charli. “I like your mum as well.”

My breath catches as I look at him and wonder what he means by that.

“But shh don’t tell her, it will freak her out,” he says and I can’t help but smile a little.

He finally looks up from Charli and his eyes meet mine, my heart races and for a moment I think how easy it would be to kiss him right now. All I’d have to do would be to lean in a few centimetres and my lips would be against his. He smiles and moves his hand out to grab mine.

“I do you know, even though you’re angry at me most of the time, there’s something that’s drawing me to you, Amber. I’m sorry if I’m being too forward,” he says and then stops talking like he thinks he’s said too much already.

“No, it’s okay, I feel the pull too. I was in this with you last night when we…well, you know—”

“Almost kissed,” he clarifies.

I giggle. “Yeah, that.” I take a deep breath. “It’s just I have issues. I have demons, I have a daughter, I have a bandmate and father of said daughter who’s very attached, and I have baggage. Sooo much baggage, and I’m not sure I’m worth the fight through the storm, you know?” He grips my hand a little tighter sending a tingle straight up my arm.

“Amber, I have demons too. Big ones. Ones I’m scared to let anyone see. So I’m not asking for a wedding here, I’m asking for the chance to see how this goes, to see where it could lead. We’re both damaged, maybe we can heal each other?” Charli grabs his nose again making me giggle. My heart is racing and butterflies are swarming my stomach.

“So what are you thinking we go out on like a date or something?”

He smirks. “Or something. A date might be hard seeing as you’re on tour, but just give me the chance to get to know you and for you to know me. For us to spend some time together, other than me protecting you when we get off the bus.” I smile and suddenly Hunter springs to mind.

“Hunter could be an issue.” I bite my bottom lip.

He exhales and nods. “Yeah, we might need to be discreet about spending time together around him. He certainly doesn’t want me to be infatuated with you.”

I open my eyes wide. “And are you?” I ask my heart suddenly racing a million miles a minute.

He smirks. “Am I what?”

I hesitate but manage to say the word, “Infatuated?”

He smiles and brings his hand up to my cheek caressing me tenderly. “Utterly.”

I smile and let out a small giggle like a fucking school girl. “Well, that’s nice to know,” I say and he smiles and leans in to kiss me, but Charli giggles and starts to slap Brax in the face. I grab her hands and giggle along with her at her game. “Sorry,” I say and he shakes his head while continuing to smile at me seductively.

“It’s fine, as long as her mum doesn’t slap me in the face, I’m okay.” I bring my hand up and caress his cheek. His slight stubble under my palm caresses my skin as his warmth fills me with a longing.

“Maybe we can try that again when Charli is asleep,” I say and he smiles turning in my grip and kissing my palm.

“I’d like that.”

I bite my bottom lip and smile as he turns from me putting his full attention on Charli and playing a bouncing game with her on his lap. I sit back and watch him with her. He’s so good with Charli, and to be honest, you’d think she was his by the way he’s treating her. The ride back to the hotel doesn’t take too long and we’re there not too long later. Charli is having trouble staying awake as it’s way past her bedtime, so she’s nodding in and out in Brax’s arms.

“I can take her if you want?” I ask and he smiles.

“No, it’s okay I’ll take her back to your room and put you to bed,” he says and I open my eyes wide. “Put her to bed, I meant her,” he corrects himself and I giggle and nod.

“Uh-huh, sure you did there cowboy. Let’s go.” We shift off the bus toward the hotel lobby. “Is she asleep?” I ask Brax as he carries her and she’s nuzzled into his neck.

“I think so,” he replies.

“I can take my daughter from here,” Mason says storming with his arms stretched out, his eyes a firm glare and his nostrils flaring.

Furrowing my brows, I put up my hands to stop him. “Mase, stop! Don’t wake her. It’s late and I don’t want her sleep interrupted, I just want her put down into her cot and go to bed,” I say and he huffs.

“Bullcrap, I’m her dad, Amber. I can wake her if I want,” he says and moves in to take her.

“Mase, please! Stop and think. Do you want her to be upset and tired tomorrow?”

His hands fall to his sides lifelessly. “I just don’t see why Clara or you couldn’t be holding her? Why is Brax holding her?” he leans in and says harshly in my ear. The warmth of his breath sends a shiver down my spine, and not in a good way.

“Because they were playing and she fell asleep in his arms. That’s all, there’s nothing to it,” I say and he shakes his head breathing through his nose harshly, his teeth squeak as they grind together while he throws his hands in the air. “He can’t take my place you know that, right?” he hisses and I roll my eyes and slump my body.

“Oh my God, Mason, stop being dramatic. He’s just holding her not adopting her for crying out loud.” Charli murmurs against Brax’s neck and I lower my voice and she settles.

“Fine, just remember she’s half mine,” he says through gritted teeth and storms into the hotel and up to the elevators with Jayce and Cooper, who look at me and wince. I know they hate this situation as much as I do. But Mason has to learn that this happy family bullshit he wants with Charli and me isn’t going to happen.

“Are you okay?” Brax asks reaching out and caressing my shoulder. The tenderness in his touch soothes me.

I turn looking at him and nod. “Yeah, he just gets a little defensive when his masculinity is questioned. He sees another man encroaching on what he thinks is his and he gets all stupid. I wish he would see there’s no hearts and flowers or happily ever after’s for us. I just don’t feel that way for him.” Brax nods and starts to walk with me to the now free elevator.

“Well, he shouldn’t treat you like that even if he is jealous. It’s not fair on Charli.”

I nod as I press the button. The adrenalin is slowly evaporating from my system. We stand in silence because I feel embarrassed and Brax probably doesn’t know what to say. The elevator arrives and we walk out, our footsteps on the marble floor a deafening sound against the dead air. We arrive at my room and swipe the card. I hold the door open for Brax to walk in with Charli and I follow in behind.

“It’s just through here,” I say and point to her cot in the other room.

Brax walks in and gently places her down, and I lean in and pull up her baby comforter over her little body. She murmurs and wriggles slightly, but doesn’t wake up.

“Thank you,” I say and he smiles and caresses her hair.

“She’s an angel.”

“Yeah, she is,” I whisper and lean down and kiss her head.

We walk out into the main bedroom and the tension in the air has suddenly become thick with electricity. My heart is pounding in my chest at the thought of us actually being alone right now. My cheeks are flushed and my adrenalin seems to be spiking again. My arms are littered with goose bumps and I’m shaking slightly as he grabs my hand and spins me around to face him. The warmth of his hand sends a shockwave through my centre and straight to my clit. I gasp as I look into his eyes and clench my thighs together to dull the ache.

Brax is definitely affecting me.

He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me closer. My breathing hitches and my heart pounds. He looks me in the eyes and brings his free hand up to caress my cheek. The warmth of his touch excites me.

“I don’t care what Hunter says, or how Mase feels. I’ve needed to do this since the moment I laid eyes on you,” he whispers and he leans in so close I feel his breath against my lips. My arms wrap around his neck as I pull myself closer while my eyes search his. The sparks shooting between us warm my blood and the heat between us is blistering, as I lean up on my toes and he leans down barely millimeters apart. I close my eyes, his lips touch mine and it’s like fireworks explode inside of me. A celebration of epic proportions is igniting all around us and everything that was wrong in my life feels right. Everything is slipping into its rightful place once more. The world is shifting back to its right axis, and I’m spinning correctly once again. Kissing Brax is nothing and everything like I imagined it would be. It’s so much better and everything I want. I was fighting wanting him, but I know now that I want him with everything I have.

He pushes me back against the wall as his tongue slides against mine. His hands run up under my shirt along my skin igniting my flesh as his body presses against mine. This kiss is passionate and full of lust. This kiss is everything as we make out against the hotel room wall. His hand runs along my thigh and he pulls my leg up and I wrap it around his waist so he can move in between my legs. He grinds his freshly formed erection in between my legs and I pant into his mouth knowing that he’s as turned on by this as I am. Not having been with anyone for nearly two years, Brax is working me up quickly and I know that now we’ve started this, I don’t want to stop.

I move my hands from his neck and around to his shirt and begin to lift it up. He groans and pulls my hands from his shirt and stops kissing me, resting his forehead against mine. I mourn the loss of his lips and look into his sparkling eyes, a tingle shooting up my spine from the lust I see staring back at me. We both pant as we try to catch our breath from the passionate kissing.

“That was incredible. Best first kiss…ever,” he says and I look in his eyes and furrow my brows in confusion.

“Then why are we stopping?” I ask bringing my leg down from around his waist.

“Amber, I like you, a lot—”

“But?” I ask sensing he doesn’t want to take this further.

“But, I don’t want to rush this and risk ruining it.”

I swallow hard and shake my head. “We won’t ruin it,” I say and he chuckles and leans in kissing my nose.

He hesitates and takes a deep breath. “Good night, Amber,” he says and pulls himself away from me. He leans in quickly kissing me on the lips again and then turns and walks out of my hotel room without looking back leaving me completely unsatisfied, horny and confused. The clunk of the hotel door makes me feel heavy as I slump against the wall, but I guess he’s trying to be a gentleman, and I kinda like that about Brax.