Eventually, my arse becomes too numb and my overwhelming tiredness consumes me. Placing a sound asleep Charli back in her cot, I drag my feet into the bedroom. My heart is beating hard even after all these hours, and I want something to take the edge off. So I walk to my handbag and take out my anxiety pill container and take out two pills. Walking into the bathroom, I grab a glass and fill it with water, the water running from the tap squeals as it fills the glass. I take a sip and the refreshing liquid soothes my dry, sore throat as it slides down. I pop the pills in my mouth and swallow them with some more water. My heart rate slows just at the thought of taking the pills.

Looking in the mirror, it soon spikes again when I glance at my neck to see the blue bruising forming on my skin already. I run my fingers along the raised and battered skin and it aches at a mere touch. I exhale as I have no idea how I’m going to explain this to Hunter and Mase. I feel so strongly for Brax, but I also can’t help but be a little scared of him as well. I don’t know if I can get past his issues. I must admit I’m a little worried about seeing Brax today as I pull my eyes away from the terrible sight in front of me and turn walking out of the cold bathroom and back to my bedroom. My feet soothing in comfort walking from the harsh bitterness of the bathroom tiles to the plushness of the bedroom carpet. I slump my body onto the mattress needing some sleep, after spending most of the night awake terrified and cuddling into Charli, but I want to message Brax first. Leaning over, I grab my phone from the bedside table and unplug it from the charger.

As I swipe the screen, it makes a swoosh sound.

 

Me: I’m just heading back to bed, but I wanted to check that you were okay? I’m sorry I freaked out…

 

I hit send and lay down on the plushness of the bed, sinking into the mattress thinking I’ve never wanted to sleep so much in my life. My phone stays stationary in my hand, it doesn’t vibrate, doesn’t sound or light up with a return message.

Nothing.

I bite my bottom lip and swallow hard hoping that maybe he’s just asleep or in the shower when a sudden light tapping on my door startles me. Slowly I sit up in bed wishing whoever it is had a keycard to let themselves in, and then it pops into my mind it could be Brax wanting to come and talk rather than message. So I pick my feet up a little faster and walk to the door pulling it open with the tiny amount of reserve energy I have left.

I try to put on a smile for Brax, but when I look out, I see it’s Hunter. He looks at me and I try to lower my chin so he doesn’t see the bruising, but his eyes open wide as he grabs my chin and pulls my head back up. “What the fuck is this?” he asks running his fingers along my neck softly his face etched with concern.

“Nothing,” I say flinching away and walking back inside the room.

“Like fuck it’s nothing Amber. Did Brax do this to you? Is that why he left?” he asks with a sternness to his voice.

I sniff and walk in and sit on my bed. “He was asleep, he didn’t know what he was doing,” I say and pull my top up higher to try and cover the bruising.

“Jesus Christ,” Hunter says running his hands through his hair. “I’m going to fucking kill him myself. I don’t care if he was fucking possessed, he does not get to lay a finger on you,” he yells and I wince at his tone.

“Hunter it was his night terror…What? Wait…did you just say he left?” I ask turning to look at him the information only now registering.

“He handed in his resignation early this morning and he took off. No explanation just left.”

I tense up feeling a mix of emotions.

Is he running from me?

Does he feel guilty, and that’s why he left?

Is it because he can’t face me?

I think I deserved at least a goodbye.

Now, I’m angry.

“He didn’t even say goodbye,” I murmur under my breath and Hunter chuckles in bemusement.

“Seriously? After what he did to you, you want to say goodbye? Amber, we should be pressing charges, not having tearful, heartfelt farewells,” he scoffs.

Tensing up, I shake my head. I can’t believe he’s actually gone.

“No, he didn’t mean to hurt me. Hunter—”

“Yeah, but he did hurt you, and when I find him I’m going to ring his neck myself,” he says pacing the floor. “I knew this would happen! The moment I saw you two making googly eyes at each other. I knew he had trouble sleeping. I knew you would end up hurt as a result. Fuck, I should have kicked him to the curb when I saw it happening. This is all my fault. Your neck is like that because of my failure. In trying to keep you safe, I brought the danger straight to you. I’m a fucking idiot,” he yells and it breaks my heart that he’s blaming himself for all this.

“Hunter, just stop,” I say getting up and walking to him, grabbing his shoulders forcing him to face me. “I’m okay, a little shaken, but okay. Charli is fine, he didn’t go near her. If it wasn’t for her he…” I trail off wondering if Brax might have actually killed me.

“What do you mean?” Hunter asks looking at me breaking me from my thoughts.

“He heard her crying and it snapped him out of his terror. Charli saved us both,” I say and he half smiles.

“I knew that girl was special.”

I smile and nod. “He stopped, and he was so sorry once he woke up, Hunter. He didn’t mean to do this. Was it scary? Yeah, it was terrifying and I was so scared for Charli and me, but once he snapped out of it, I could see it wasn’t him in control of the rage. It was like he was possessed. Brax didn’t do this Hunter, his subconscious did, and I think maybe he needs some real help. Will you make sure he gets the help he needs?”

“No way, I’m going to hunt him down and set my lawyers onto him after I call the police. Amber, he can’t get away with hurting you. It’s assault,” he exclaims and I shake my head.

“No! Absolutely no police, no lawyers, and no going after Brax. He’d feel bad enough about what happened as it is. He’s done enough damage to himself, that’s punishment enough Hunter. I don’t want him reprimanded for this when he wasn’t in control of his body. You didn’t see his eyes, Hunter. It wasn’t him, he didn’t do this to me. Please, I’m begging you, I don’t want to press charges. I just want to try and forget it ever happened.”

“I don’t know…I don’t know how you can be so calm about this, Amber. He hurt you and then left the scene of the crime. That screams guilt to me.”

“Of course, he feels guilt. He knows what he did. He woke up choking me. The look in his eyes when he realised what he was doing…if you saw it, you’d understand. Hunter, I’m the victim here, so surely this is my decision, right?” He runs his hand through his hair and looks at me with pleading eyes. “He’s your friend, don’t forget that. You guys have been mates for so long. Don’t let this spoil your friendship. Please tell me you’ll make sure he gets help,” I say and he looks away from me and huffs. “Hunter, please,” I beg.

“Okay fine. But he doesn’t come near you or Charli again,” he dictates.

I roll my eyes. “That’s not what I want, but I get a feeling I might not have a say in that,” I announce barely a whisper as the pain rips through my chest that Brax probably won’t want to see me again. He’s avoiding my messages and he left without saying goodbye.

Why do I feel like we’re over now before we even had a chance to begin?

“Amber, I don’t know what was going on with you two, I don’t really want to know. But you’re better off. You can’t have a relationship with someone you can’t sleep next to, can you?” he asks and I purse my lips wondering if maybe Hunter is right and maybe letting my guard down and setting my sights on Brax was another huge mistake.

Luckily it ended before I got in too deep.

“Yeah,” I murmur and he pulls me to him for an embrace.

“I’m sorry, little lamb, I can tell you liked him. I know it must hurt, but this is for the best. Concentrate on getting better, looking after Charli and the band. I’ll get you a new bodyguard and everything will work out fine, I promise,” Hunter says embracing me tightly and I hug him back and hope that this sinking feeling in my gut disappears quickly. Along with the ache in my chest and the pounding in my head. I feel like I need a fix like I need to see Brax, but I know that won’t happen, he’s gone. He left, without saying goodbye and that actually pisses me off.

Hunter pulls back and looks me in the eyes. “I hate that you’re hurting, again.”

I half smile. “I’m okay. I just hope Brax can get the help he so desperately needs.”

“Me too. Now let’s talk about you. Do you need to go to the doctor? Does your throat feel constricted or anything?”

I shake my head. “No, I’m okay, I promise, just a little sore. Luckily, I brought some cute scarves with me that I can wear. I don’t want Mason or the guys to know about this, okay?”

“Yeah, I think that’s best,” he says as Charli starts to make her customary morning noises. We both look to her room and I smile, hearing her is like heaven to my ears. She’s an instant relaxant.

“I’ll get her, you relax. Order room service breakfast for us both, I’m not leaving your side today,” he says. Normally that would annoy me, but today I need the comfort of family and seeing as how he and Charli are all I have, I’ll take what I can get.

He walks off to get Charli and I sit back down on the bed and run my hands through my hair.

Brax is gone.

My heart thuds as my chest begins to ache at the thought of not seeing him. Who knows if I will ever see him again? I sniff as my eyes start to well and I close them to stop the tears from falling. I don’t want Hunter to see me cry. He wouldn’t understand.

“Lady bug is happy this morning.” Hunter’s voice startles me and I open my eyes taking a deep breath and turning to see him walk into the room holding Charli. I plaster on my fakest smile and nod. “Ordered breakfast?” he asks coming to sit next to me looking at me furrowing his eyebrows.

“Oh, right, sorry, I was just umm…I’ll do it now,” I say and lean over to grab the phone.

Hunter reaches out grabbing my arm and stopping me from taking the phone. Looking back at him he’s frowning and his eyes are drooping.

“It’s okay to be sad, Amber. If you need to cry, you don’t have to hold it back because I’m here. Let me be your support right now.”

I swallow hard listening to his kind words and as I look down at Charli and her sleepy little eyes gaze up at me my bottom lip trembles and my chest constricts. Hot tears pool in my eyes as Hunter’s arm reaches out and wraps around my shoulders pulling me to him. My breathing is harsh as a sob echoes through the room, and I collapse into Hunter resting my head on his neck and cuddling into him and Charli as the dam wall breaks and my tears fall hard and fast.

“There you go. You’ve been through something traumatic, Amber. Let all your emotions out,” Hunter says rubbing up and down my arm in a soothing motion.

The thing is I’m not crying because of the scare and the trauma of the attack, I’m crying because Brax left. He left without a goodbye. Did I mean that little to him? Was I not even worthy of a goodbye? I sob hard, so hard my body is heaving and I cling onto Hunter’s shirt needing any comfort I can get.

 

***

 

After I had my breakdown and Hunter consoled me for a while, we ordered breakfast. I didn’t eat much, mainly just played with my food, but I managed to get some bacon in. Charli is on my lap while Hunter is watching the morning news, and I look over to my mobile and frown. I really need to know if Brax is okay. Walking over I pick it up and sit down on the bed with Charli as she cuddles into me. Holding her is the comfort I need right now. Typing out my message my finger is shaking, but I somehow manage to get the message typed in.

 

Me: Brax, please! I just need to know if you’re okay?

 

I hit send and wait for the reply, but just like before, there’s nothing but silence through the dull hum of the television. Looking up at Hunter I notice him watching me.

“You know, I only want what’s best for you and Charli, right?” he says out of nowhere.

Standing up I walk back over to the lounge and sit down next to him and nod. “I know.”

“I’m sorry Brax left.” His frown and the deep sad look in his eyes shows me he’s telling the truth.

My body tenses as a wave of grief washes over me. “Yeah, me too,” I reply and he half smiles at me wrapping his arm around my shoulder again and pulling me to him.

“I’ll always be here for you and Charli though, little lamb. You know that, right?”

“I know, thanks, piglet.”

A knock at the door sends my heart into a fast rhythm. Hunter takes Charli from me as I race up to grab a scarf from my suitcase. “Shit, where is it?”

“Amber, calm down. I won’t answer the door until you find it,” Hunter says resting his hand on my back as I pull clothes from my bag frantically.

Finally finding the sparkly gold scarf, I wrap it around my neck covering my marks so whoever is at the door won’t see. They knock again and the sound against the door speeds my heart up even faster.

“You good to go, Amber?” Hunter asks looking back at me as he approaches the door.

I nod and casually walk back to the lounge suite even though my body feels heavy and my heart is racing a million miles a minute. I just hope I don’t look too suspicious. The click of the handle moving and the screech of the hinges catches my attention. Sitting up straighter, I look toward the hall to watch Clara walking in which eases my nerves slightly. She smiles at me her lips rising against her pink wrinkled face reminding me of how much I love her. I stand up and swallow walking to her.

“Morning sweetheart,” she says while I take her into a huge embrace and she starts to giggle as her arms wrap around me in surprise. I need her motherly comfort right now even if she doesn’t know why.

“Good morning Clara, it’s so good to see you.” Pulling back I try to hide my watering eyes from her. She looks at me and tilts her head.

“You saw me last night. Amber, is everything okay?”

I don’t want to answer because I hate lying to her and I would have to lie to her right now, but just as I go to speak Hunter walks in followed by Mason and all my thoughts vanish as Mason looks at me and starts laughing.

“Why are you wearing a scarf? It’s the beginning of September, you weirdo?” he walks up to me and gives me a hug unexpectedly. I embrace him back as Hunter places Charli on the floor.

“Got a little cold. Plus, it’s cute, right Clara?” I defend looking at Hunter who winks at me, giving me the affirmation that it was a good answer.

“Women,” Mason says and pulls back looking at me and then furrowing his brows.

I tense up wondering why he’s assessing me like that. “What?” I ask.

“Nothing, just you look sad?”

I exhale and Clara nods her head and grabs my hand for comfort as I can’t stop my bottom lip from trembling. My chest tightens and it feels like the room is shrinking like the walls are closing in on me and everything is becoming smaller.

“Amber, what’s going on?” Mase asks.

I swallow hard and look at Clara. “Brax left today.” It comes out barely a whisper as my voice cracks.

Clara exhales and her body slumps as Mason smiles brightly and stands taller. His happiness annoys me.

“Why’d he leave?” Mase asks.

My heart starts to race and my breathing increases. I look at Hunter to answer because I honestly don’t know what to say.

“Family issues,” Hunter says quietly and Mason’s face lights up with a grin that would put the New York City, New Year’s Eve Ball Drop to shame. Frowning at him, he looks away from me noticing my discomfort with his happiness and he walks over to Charli and starts to play with her on the floor. 

Clara places her hand on my shoulder and caresses it tenderly, the soft gesture making it hard for me to breathe. The gleam in her eye makes me think she knows there’s more to the story, but she won’t push. I might tell her when I’m ready, but not now, and definitely not with Mason in the room. She smiles and nods her head, a warm tear fills my eyes and I bite my bottom lip to stop it from trembling. She pulls me in for another hug and I grip on holding her as tightly as I can. I need her comfort right now, and she knows I’m hurting.

A tear slides down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away before Mason sees, but he’s pretty wrapped up in Charli right now to care about me or how utterly dead I feel inside. In the end, I guess I knew giving my heart to someone would lead to this. I didn’t want to get involved with Brax in the first place because I knew, in the end, he would leave.

They always do. Why would he be any different?

I close my eyes and clench onto Clara tightly, she doesn’t ease her grip on me knowing I need her. She knew more than anyone the connection Brax and I had, and now that’s gone and I’m left as an empty shell again with nothing left to give. My heart is pounding and I feel breathless, but I have to try and keep control of myself for the sake of Charli. I can’t fall apart again like last time. I need to put all my energy into her and make sure I get through this breakup—if that’s what this is—in one piece.

Charli.

I have to think of Charli.