Caleb

 

My head feels so heavy and my body is aching all over with intense pain that I can’t even comprehend. Especially on my left side. I have no idea what’s wrong with me and I can’t remember anything other than being at Aston’s house and now everything is black and I can’t seem to move. Loud beeping and dulled noises are filling my ears, but I can’t quite make out what they are. I think someone is holding my hand, but I can’t seem to wake up properly. I feel like something is drastically wrong, and right now all I can think about is Indi and hope that she’s okay.

“I love you, Caleb,” I vaguely hear her voice, but I can’t see her.

I want to get to her voice so badly that I will myself to open my eyes and see what the fuck is going on. The fog is lifting slightly as I hear her gently sob and it’s breaking my heart and adding to the pain I already feel tearing throughout my body. I try to move, but the pain that shoots through my left side makes me moan out in agony.

“Caleb?” Indi asks sounding panicked.

“Indi,” I murmur under my breath, my eyes still closed.

“I’m right here, baby, I’m right here. Can you open your eyes?” she asks and it was just the push I needed. I use all of my willpower and force my eyes to slowly open. The room is dimly lit and as my blurry eyes open an image comes before me. It’s of an angel and as my eyes focus, Indi’s face comes into view, but she looks miserable. Her eyes are puffy from crying and she looks so tired.

“Indi,” I whisper and she looks into my eyes and her bottom lip trembles as she bursts into tears.

“Oh God Caleb, you’re awake.” She brings her hand to her face to cover that she’s crying.

I bring my hand up and my entire arm aches, but I don’t care I need to touch her right now. I caress her arm and she breaks down falling back into her chair and clinging to my hand so tightly it hurts.

“Where am I?” I murmur while I blink rapidly trying to gain my bearings and adjusting to the pain I’m in. My head is a constant fog and by the looks of Indi I’m in a bad way.

What the hell happened?

“You’re in the hospital, you had a car accident. Do you remember anything?”

I swallow hard and furrow my brows bringing my hand up to my head and touching the spot where it hurts and then flinch from the sting.

“You have a laceration on your head,” she says. “Twelve stitches, don’t touch it,” she commands. I exhale and bring my hand back down to rest on her arm.

“Last I remember I was at Aston’s. I was drunk. Did I drive drunk?” I ask and Indi wipes her cheeks and nods.

“Yeah, but if you drove all the way from Oxfordshire you nearly made it home. You were found only about five minutes out from the hospital,” she says and a flash of remembrance flows through my brain.

“I think I was coming here to find you,” I whisper and she opens her eyes wide and bites her bottom lip.

“Really?”

“I was going to make a grand gesture,” I say and she half laughs through her tears and shakes her head.

“Well, this is a dramatic way of getting my attention.”

I half laugh and then moan in pain, grabbing at my side.

“Try not to move, you’ve had surgery.” She stands up and places her hands on my torso to keep me still. Having her hands on my chest is sending a shock wave through me even if it is through the bed sheets.

“Surgery?”

“Your spleen was badly injured…they had to take it out. I’m sorry Caleb. You had a small arterial bleed which took some time to locate, but they did and were able to fix it. You’re going to be fine, you had a lucky escape. But Caleb, it could have been much, much, worse.” She looks down at the floor then back up at me, her eyes glistening. “What were you thinking?” she questions with a raised voice. Is she mad?

“I just wanted to be near you. I’ve missed you so much, Indi. I know I fucked up—”

“Shh, sorry, we don’t need to talk about this now—” she says her voice a cool calm once again.

“Y…yes, we do. I’ve been without you for five weeks, Indi. Apparently I nearly died tonight. I need you to know I didn’t cheat on you. I didn’t leak our story, and I love you so much that I would die for you. I nearly died for you, Indi,” I say. I don’t know whether it’s the pain, the meds they have me on, or just the emotion of it all, but my eyes start to well up with tears. I groan and wipe my face as a tear slides down my cheek. Indi stares at me with her bottom lip trembling.

“How could you be so utterly reckless, Caleb?” she yells sounding equally upset as angry.

“I just needed to get to you.”

“Then do it sober, don’t fucking kill yourself in the process. I could have lost you, Caleb. I could have fucking lost you,” she says and then bursts into tears and leans down resting her head on my chest and cuddling into me. She’s seeking comfort right now and even though her leaning on me is painful I’ll take it.

“I thought I’d lost you. I gave you time like you wanted and you weren’t coming back to me. I just I missed you so much, Indi. I love you so much.” As she cries into my chest, I bring my hand up to caress the back of her head. I can’t stop myself from crying along with her.

My heart pounds so fast. I’ve been without her for five weeks and now I have her attached to me, clinging on for dear life like she never wants to let me go, I feel like I have no idea where we stand.

“Indi, I swear to you that I didn’t cheat on you. I slept with Sasha that one time. You wanted to be just friends, you made that abundantly clear and then you confused me. I was so overwhelmed, I got drunk. I can’t even remember calling her, and I definitely don’t remember sleeping with her. All I do remember is waking up next to her the following day and kicking her out feeling utterly sick to my stomach. I felt I’d betrayed you even though we weren’t technically together. I’m not making this your fault, not at all, I totally take the blame for my actions. But your mixed messages were doing my head in and I had no idea what I was doing. Then I saw Sasha again, but only to talk because I desperately needed someone to talk to. So in a weak moment I told her everything, the history of us and asked her advice. She told me to tell you how I felt, so I did. It was then that we made things official. After that, she started wanting to see me behind your back, and when I said no she didn’t like it. So you see, I never intentionally cheated on you, Indi. I love you too much—”

“So Sasha is the one who leaked all my past and our story to the media?” she asks quietly as her head lifts from my chest and she looks at me through tear soaked lashes.

“Yes, and I’m so sorry. I should have never told her any of it. I don’t know what I was thinking at the time, her leaking that to the media was totally my fault. But I was so confused. I needed some help, Indi, to try and understand and—”

“It’s okay,” she interrupts.

I look at her while she sits up and takes my hands in hers and holds them tightly.

“I don’t care anymore about what happened or what didn’t happen. I nearly lost you, and that puts things into perspective. You’re the love of my life, Caleb, and seeing you wheeled in here in agony, tore my heart out. I don’t want another minute to go by without you being in my life. I know we have some pretty significant issues and we’re going to have to work through them together. It will take time and patience, and some changes in behavior on my part, but if you want to give this a real go, then I’m in. I don’t even care if our love is the type to end us both, because watching you this morning and seeing you fade away, I think I’m already at that stage of love where if you weren’t around I wouldn’t want to be either. I’m in too deep, Caleb, but I don’t care. I love you so much that I can’t function without you,” she says. I try hard to keep my emotions in check, but right now nothing is helping my manly side and I start to sob hard as my body wracks with my emotion.

“Oh Caleb,” Indi says and then stands up and leans down hugging me. I wrap my arms around her as tight as I can manage which really isn’t tight at all, but the effort is there.

“I’m sorry I’m such a mess. I should be more of a man than this,” I blubber. She brings her hands to my cheeks and holds my head looking me right in the eyes.

“You’re all the man I could ever want.” She leans down pressing her lips to mine softly. A surge races through me which reminds me that I’m alive, even through all the pain and the shock she reminds me there is something to live for. As she leans down she accidentally pushes on my left side and I moan in pain against her lips. She pulls back as I wince and grab hold of my side.

“Shit sorry, I got carried away. Are you okay? Do you need more painkillers?”

I fake a smile, I don’t want her to feel bad about hurting me.

“I just need another kiss, with a little less leaning if possible?” I ask and she wipes her cheeks from the residual tears and smiles.

“That I can do.” She moves up so she’s in line with my head and leans over me kissing me tenderly.

“I’m so sorry I fucked us up.”

She sits back down on the seat and takes my hand. “I’m ashamed that I took flight again and didn’t listen to you first.”

I exhale and shift on the bed slightly trying to get comfortable, it doesn’t work.

“Stop moving you’ve had surgery.”

“Yes, ma’am. So does this mean we get to play doctors and nurses now?”

“You’ve just woken up from a four and a half hour surgery and that’s the first thing you think of?”

“It’s the only thing I think of when it comes to you, Indi.”

“Caleb, I should tell you something,” she says and I look at her and furrow my brows.

“It’s my kidney, right?” I ask as suddenly dread fills me. I don’t want to have to go on dialysis again or God forbid, try to find another donor.

“No, no, don’t worry about that. Your kidney is fine, but your spleen took a beating. They couldn’t do keyhole surgery because it was going to rupture so they had to make an incision,” she says and I pull back the bed sheets to see a giant gauze wrap around my left side.

“Right, so how big are we talking?”

“Big, and there’s also a risk of sepsis or bacterial infections. You’ll have to have re-immunisations and a course of antibiotics is running through you now via the IV. You’ll be here for possibly six days or so. Then have a nurse visit you at home for the next few weeks to monitor your recovery.”

“So how long exactly doc am I going to be out of action?” I ask and she smirks.

“Well, I’m not a doc but probably six to eight weeks,” she replies. I exhale and run my hand through my hair. The IV line follows me and drops onto my face and I huff and shake my head.

“That’s not ideal.”

“I know,” she says and squeezes my hand.

“Can I perform at all during that time?” I ask and she bites her bottom lip and shakes her head.

“No, you need to let your body fully recover.”

“Shit, Ind, Rob’s going to have a fit. We have gigs lined up for the next four months.”

“Well, perhaps you should re-think drink driving?”

I’m such a dickhead!

“I guess the cops are going to want to talk to me at some stage too?”

“Yeah, they’ll most likely be in tomorrow.”

“Fuck!”

“The good thing is – if there is a good thing – when they tested your blood alcohol levels they weren’t massively high. I think you had slept most of it off before you’d gotten in the car.”

I look down at my chest. “So a scar, hey?” I blurt out changing the topic.

“Yep,” she says and brings her hand up to caress my cheek.

“Chicks dig scars, right? Especially nurses,” I tease and Indi laughs.

“Oh yeah, very sexy,” she replies. “I’m sorry I didn’t answer your calls. I wish I had, then maybe you wouldn’t be in this hospital bed right now.” Her eyes well with tears.

“Hey stop that, I’m where I am because I made a stupid decision. I'm always fucking things up. Yes, we have communication issues and we need to work on that. We also need to work on trust and trusting each other. If we’re doing this, you need to trust me. I would never cheat on you, Indi.”

“Okay, on one condition,” she says and I smirk.

“Name it.”

“Sasha is a no go zone. You do not talk to her, you do not see her. If she calls you, don’t answer. If she comes to a concert, she gets kicked out. She has nothing to do with you, okay? I know you wouldn’t sleep with her, but just being in her company is a no go for me,” she says in all seriousness.

I half smile and look into her eyes. “Baby, Sasha is long gone. I basically threatened physical violence if she came near us again. I don’t think she’ll be an issue again, and if you see me with her, I give you permission to leave me.”

“Good ‘cause I wouldn’t hesitate. I won’t wait for an excuse next time, Caleb. I don’t trust her, and after leaking my story like that I have no time or respect for her.”

“I know, I was just as floored as you were when I realised what she’d done.”

“Did you hear about your two fan girls that came to my house and egged me because I broke your heart?” she asks and my eyes shoot open wide and I furrow my brows.

“What?”

“Yeah, two girls claiming to be your biggest fans, threw eggs at me and took photos. God knows where the pictures went, I haven’t seen them online. But that’s the reason why I moved over to Kenzi’s for a while.”

“I can’t believe that happened. I’m sorry, baby. I’ll find out who they are and make sure they never get tickets to our shows again.”

“No, you can’t do that. Plus, we have no idea who they are, so it is what it is. Your fans will be loyal and we cannot punish them for that.”

I gnaw on my bottom lip as anger washes through me that people can be so fucking heartless.

“Wait, you said I’d need nurses to come and look after me when I go home, right?” I ask and she looks at me and nods. “Would it be too soon if I asked you to come home with me when I’m discharged to care for me? I mean if you can take the time off work? It would give us time to talk and to work out where we want to go from here?”

“I was hoping you would ask because I already filled out my leave forms to come and stay with you,” she says.

I’m starting to really feel tired again and no matter how much I try I can’t keep my eyes open. I blink and close my eyes briefly and Indi caresses my cheek.

“Why don’t you go back to sleep. I’ll be here when you wake up, and by then you might be back in a ward and then everyone else can come in and see you?”

I open my eyes and look at her raising an eyebrow. “Everyone else?”

“Yeah, your parents, Colt, Lia, and the girls are here too. I know the guys and their parents are coming later too when you’re settled into your ward.”

“How long has everyone been here?” I ask and she looks at her watch.

“A few hours, but they just want to know you’re okay. Once they see you’re fine and fighting fit they’ll be happy.”

“Just don’t tell them I broke down like a baby and cried. I’ll never live that down.”

“Babe, I think it takes a real man to show his emotions like you did. It proves how much I mean to you and that only makes me love you more,” she says and then kisses my lips while holding my hand tightly. “Now go back to sleep. I’ll stay with you till you fall asleep, and then I’ll go tell everyone you were awake and doing well,” she says and I watch her as she relaxes back into her chair.

“Indi.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for everything,” I say honestly.

“I know, me too.”

She stands up and nuzzles into my neck and I bring my hand up to caress her neck as she caresses me.

“Marry me?” I ask and she chuckles and shakes her head.

“Caleb, you’re full of morphine. You’ve just come out of surgery and we’ve just had a very emotional chat, I don’t think now is the right time to ask me.”

“Well, I’ll ask again and that day you’ll say, yes.”

“Just close your eyes and rest. I love you, Caleb, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise,” she says while she squeezes my hand. I tighten my grip on hers and close my eyes and let the pull of sleep encompass me.