Chapter Eleven
Mark
I was irritable, no doubt about it. Every inch of me felt pissed off. I hated being sick anyway; that was guaranteed to put me in a bad mood because of all the stuff that I would miss at work, but this time it was so much worse. Something about Olivia and the super pushy way that she wanted to help me wound me up. It was almost as if she didn’t think that I was a grown-ass man, capable of looking after myself.
“Here, I have water for you,” she almost snapped as she brought me my fifth glass. “You better drink it now.”
I sat up from the bed that she’d made me on the couch when I refused to be in my room any longer, shooting her a glare that she made the annoying choice to ignore, and she tilted the glass into my mouth. “I can drink it myself,” I gurgled as she pulled the glass away, deciding I’d had enough. “I’m not a freaking baby.”
“Are you watching this?” She turned towards the television set and pointed towards the old Western that I had only half been paying attention to. “Because if not, can I turn it off? The gunshots are annoying.”
I gritted my teeth, trying my hardest not to take the bait. I was the sick one here, and this was my God damn house. Surely, it was up to me whatever I wanted to watch? “Do whatever,” I growled, “I don’t care.”
She grabbed onto the remote control and flicked through the channels rapidly, causing odd colored lights to flicker through the room in a headache-inducing manner. I gripped onto the pillow to stop myself from screaming.
Justine swanned in from her bedroom and gave me a withering glare. It chilled me to the bone. I still couldn’t understand why she only wanted to target me with her hate these days, but I was too weak and emotionally fragile to do anything about it. Right now, it took everything that I had not to lie down and give up.
I wasn’t the best sick person; it turned me into a freaking weakling. That was why I hated it so much.
“Hi, Olivia,” Justine says happily, changing her attitude completely. “Are you okay?”
I couldn’t recall the last time that she’d asked anyone that. Even during her one moment of vulnerability at my mother’s funeral, she wasn’t this thoughtful. What the hell had happened while I was away? It was good. I wanted to see my daughter happy, I just couldn’t figure it out for the life of me.
“Yes, I’m good. How are you?” Olivia genuinely seemed to care as she asked this. “How was school?”
“Oh, you know.” Justine shrugged and shut down a little. “School is school.”
While they talked to one another and completely ignored me, I decided to make a stand. If they wanted to be pointed with their behavior, well then, I could do the same. I had this idea in my head that I would stand up, give them both a look, then storm from the room. Yes, I was weak and it would be more of a wobble than a storm out, but I hoped it would prove a point. I wasn’t sure what the message was, but I had to give it a go.
Only, when I pushed myself into a standing position, an intense wave of fatigue claimed me. It seemed to come from nowhere and it knocked me down. I didn’t so much make a stand as I gave myself a powerful dizzying head rush which made my knees buckle. No sooner than I’d risen, I could see the ground coming for me once more. I was tumbling at the speed of light and there wasn’t a damn thing that I could do about it. I’d lost control.
“Dad!” Justine shrieked, sounding terrified. Well, I’d succeeded in getting her attention. “Oh no!”
I tried to brace myself before I hit the ground, but I didn’t have any power over my body to do so. I knew that I was about to hit the ground hard and have a lot of pain, and all I could do was wait. But… it didn’t happen. Instead, a soft pair of arms circled me and I found myself being embraced. By Olivia nonetheless.
“Nurgh,” I gurgled while trying to make a sound of some kind. “Urgnh.”
“Shh, shh, sit back down,” Olive replied in a calm and soothing tone. “Don’t push yourself too hard.”
I hated doing what I was told, it sucked when I felt so defiant inside, but I couldn’t do anything but obey. This fucking sickness was trying its hardest to crush my spirit before it killed me dead.
“Justine,” I said wearily, deciding to take a different tactic. “Why don’t you come and sit with me?”
I didn’t even look up to see the unimpressed look on my daughter’s face; I didn’t have to, I knew it would be there. Instead, I waited until the couch sagged beside me. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to think of anything to say to start up some form of conversation, but all I succeeded in doing was creating another coughing fit.
“I’ll go and get you something,” Olivia murmured. “I’ll be back in a moment.”
I wasn’t sure if she was being tactful or not, but I appreciated her going. Her presence in the room wasn’t helping me to speak to Justine, and it was embarrassing how much she clearly didn’t want to.
“So, Justine,” I said as casually as I could manage. “What’s going on with school? You never talk about it.”
She clammed up; I could see her shoulders rising up to her ears. “It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it.”
“But why not?” I was like a dog with a bone. Now that I knew there was something there, I couldn’t let it go. My nose wouldn’t stop sniffing the dirt, searching for what I wanted. “Is there something wrong?”
“No.” She looked glum though, and her head hung low. I could see that she wouldn’t tell me, even if there was. I wasn’t her person when it came to issues, which made sense. “Nothing wrong.”
Well, I tried. I had paid for her to have therapy anyway, where she could talk things through. If she had any issues, a medical professional would be so much better at dealing with it than me. What could I do?
“Okay, whatever,” I muttered, just as another coughing fit exploded like a volcano erupting.
“Here we are.” Soon, Olivia handed me a bowl of something warm. It smelled like chicken soup. “That should help you a bit. Justine, would you like some soup yourself? I can do you chicken as well?”
“Yeah, sure.” Justine paused for a moment. “Would it be okay for me to eat it here?”
At first, I was so touched by the fact that she wanted to stay sitting with me, even if it was probably more for the television screen than me, that I didn’t notice how she had asked Olivia for permission to do something. That wasn’t like her at all. The Justine that I knew behaved in whatever way she pleased.
“Sure, it is, sweetheart,” Olivia replied happily. “I’ll get it on a tray for you.”
I stared at Justine, trying to see past the parts of her that looked painfully like her mother, and I tried to actually see her. It was hard in my fuzzy state; I barely knew what was going on, but I could see emotion. Her expression was as stoic as ever; unless she was angry, Justine didn’t show much, but dancing behind her eyes was something else. It wasn’t all as straightforward as it seemed. I parted my lips, wanting to question her about her feelings, but as soon as that thought crossed my mind, I clamped my lips shut. What was the point in trying?
“You shouldn’t have to ask that,” I muttered, more to myself than anyone else. “It’s your house.”
“Hmm?” It seemed that Justine wasn’t really listening to me anyway, which was probably just as well. Much as it would be satisfying to share my bitterness with someone else, it wouldn’t exactly help things.
Olivia eventually came from the kitchen with some soup for Justine. My daughter sucked her soup back as if it was the tastiest thing in the world, encouraging me to do the same. I was pissed off, but not enough to turn down food that someone else had cooked for me. It was good, not that I’d admit it aloud.
Damn you, Olivia, I thought crossly. Why do you have to be so… so…?
I wasn’t sure what the word was. I could almost feel it on the tip of my tongue, but it wasn’t quite there. Funny how I never had any issues expressing myself when it came to my mom. I would give her hell over the slightest little thing, especially when it came to Justine. I guess I just didn’t understand her and she didn’t me, and neither of us were willing to try and get past that. It was just a shame that she ended up dying disappointed in me. I wished that I could have changed that. I wasn’t sure how, but if I’d known it was coming, I could have done something. Maybe even just had a proper conversation with her. Something to make sure that when she was gone, I wasn’t left feeling like complete and utter shit about myself.
“Right,” I murmured glumly while pushing myself into a standing position. “I’m going back to bed. I’m tired now, and the TV is doing my head in.”
Neither Olivia or Justine said anything; they simply let me go. Olivia stood up to stop me from falling as I staggered back to the bedroom, but not once did she tell me to stay. It wasn’t until I got into the room and I collapsed onto the bed that I realized what a foolish mistake I’d made. She wasn’t saying anything to me, and it wasn’t exactly bonding time, but Justine had been sitting next to me on the couch. That was progress.
You idiot, I scolded myself while I turned to stare up at the ceiling. What a moron.
I didn’t think that it would be like this; I wasn’t expecting the nanny to have such an effect on our lives. It was quite disconcerting to be honest, I didn’t know what to do about it. She made me uneasy and stripped some of the control away from me in my own home. If Justine didn’t seem to like her so much then she would be fired right away. Back on a plane to whatever small town she came from. Somewhere that was nothing like New York City. It was just a shame that she was doing such a good job with everyone but me.
She isn’t here to work with me, I reminded myself as I tried to make it a little bit better. Aside from this, our paths don’t need to cross. I’ll barely see her; I won’t even need to think of her.
But weirdly, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get her out of my mind now. She was stuck there with super glue, affecting my every thought and leaving me confused and a little helpless. Why had she crawled under my skin? As my eyes flickered closed, I hoped that it was just a temporary thing. Maybe she would vanish with this flu and all of this would be forgotten. When normal service resumed, I hoped that she would return to being the babysitter, nothing more. Not the annoying fly buzzing around my head.