Chapter Eighteen
June – Tuesday
“Knock, knock.” Mike smiled at my office cubical, already giving me a condescending look. He did this all the time, and I got the distinct impression that it was just to remind the rest of that we didn’t have fancy offices like he did. “Can I come in?”
“I don’t see any door stopping you,” I forced the fake smile on my face, but I wasn’t sure if he was believing it at all. He was giving me a curious look as if he didn’t quite know what was going on in my head. “What is it that you want?”
“Well, I just wanted to see how little June Powell was getting on with her interview? I know it’s a much bigger job than what you’re used to, and I just want to know how you’re handling it. It’s a little different to fish cleaning…right?”
I pumped my fists in fury underneath my desk. I was used to Mike brining out the asshole role every now and again when he felt like he wanted to remind us all of our places, but this time it got to me. He knew that I’d been begging for bigger and better stories for a very long time; he knew that I was very committed and would do what it took to get what was needed. The fact that he was patronizing me had me wanting to throw everything in his face…but just before I could spill it, something in my brain stopped me, sensing that it was the wrong thing to do.
If I told Mike everything now, I would leave the power in his hands. He could steal my recorder and notes and write the article himself, taking credit for everything. It wouldn’t be the first time it happened at this paper, and I really didn’t want it to happen to me. I’d worked too damn hard for that. I wouldn’t give it up now.
“I’m still working on it,” I told him through gritted teeth. “But I’ll have a meeting set up soon enough.”
No, I would present everything to him at the last minute, when he would have to present it as it was. That would leave him with no choice at all. I wanted my name next to the story about Roy, no one else’s, and that wasn’t just because I was developing some really strong feelings for him.
“Okay, well if it gets a little too tough, then you can always get me on board. Especially if you have already set up the meetings. I don’t mind taking over, especially if you have done all of the hard graft.”
I had to look down at the ground to stop myself from flipping out at that point, and while my eyes zoned in on my shoes, I spotted the mud still there, too much for me to have completely cleaned up, and I couldn’t help but smile to myself. I remembered everything about that night, in great detail because it was all that I’d been thinking about ever since, and it still had my heart fluttering like crazy.
“Well, I’ll let you get on with it then,” Mike gave up when he sensed that he wasn’t about to get a rise from me, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
Roy had been amazing that night, in every single way, and it had me wanting to be with him over and over again. I thought that I would return home afterwards and my senses would flood back to me, leaving me with nothing but regret – but that hadn't happened at all. How could I think that way when I was left so damn happy? How could I regret overstepping that line when it made me feel so good?
I’d discussed it with Hailey, of course, the very next morning, and after her squeals of excitement had died down and I’d told her all the gory details, on her insistence, we got down to what was really worrying me.
She’d reassured me that I had nothing to feel bad about and that she hadn't seen me so happy in a very long time, but the anxiety about it all was still there. I guessed that picturing Mike’s smug face when he found out what I’d done had me more afraid than anything else.
That was why the article needed another rewrite. I had to get it absolutely perfect – this really was my one shot, and now that I’d already caused complications for myself, I had to do everything else to the absolute best of my ability.
***
By the time everyone started filtering out of the office, I felt absolutely exhausted. I wanted to stay to work on my article for a little while longer, but my head was pounding and my eyes were spinning, so I had to make a move. I printed off the article to take it to show Hailey, knowing that she would tell me where I had gone wrong.
I tried to call her, but when she didn’t answer, I did the next best thing and headed over to the Hangout where it was likely she would still be working. It hadn't escaped my attention that I usually did my best to avoid this place, for fear of being around kids who I knew that I couldn’t help, yet over the last few days I’d been going there a lot, even working there at one point. Each time, I grew more comfortable around them all.
Maybe I did have maternal side in there after all; maybe it was finally coming out after all this time.
I took a second to think about Roy and his wife, desperately wanting a baby, but never getting one. That must have been heartbreaking for Roy, to not be able to give her the only thing that she wanted, and I wondered if that contributed to why he was so shut off. Maybe he felt like he’d disappointed one woman, then he’d lost her, and he didn’t want to again. I wasn’t sure if he even wanted kids anymore, he hadn't expressed that to me, but it must have been really hard for him to accept that it wasn’t ever going to happen.
I couldn’t help but wonder if he’d told me that to put me off him, to warn me that things could never get that far…but clearly, it hadn't worked. It wasn’t something that I was particularly thinking about in the immediacy of my future anyway, so it didn’t really matter.
As I walked through the doors, feeling a small sense of home passing through my system as I did, I asked the receptionist if could see Hailey.
“She’s gone home for the day,” she told me regretfully, popping her gum as she spoke. “But I can give her a message if you like.”
“No, it’s all right,” I sighed, clutching the article between my fingers. “I guess I’ll just speak to her later.”
I turned to leave, disappointment crashing over me, but before I could get to the door, I felt a tapping on my hip. I spun around and looked down to see the beautiful, wide-eyed girl that I’d actually gotten to know the previous week.
“Hi Ali,” I smiled, leaning down to meet her eyes. “How are you doing?”
“I missed you,” she told me, sending me a smile. “I’m glad you came back to see me.”
Of course, I had promised her that I would. Luckily, I’d managed to keep my promise without even realizing it. “Would you like to go and play?” I asked her, actually wanting to spend time with her, not even out of obligation. “Do you have any more puzzles or anything that you want me to help you with?”
“Can we have a tea party?”
As I sat among the teddies, sipping plastic cups of tea, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. I’d never seen myself at the type of person who would find this kind of stuff amusing; I always assumed that it would be totally boring and forced, but with Ali, it felt like fun. I was sad for the girl, especially that she’d lost her parents at such a young age, but I was also glad that I had been given the opportunity to get to know her.
“I think we better start packing up,” I told her regretfully. “We might have to get going soon.”
She jumped up and wrapped her arms tightly around me, which spread a happy glow inside of me, before setting about tidying up her toys.
“That’s amazing,” one of the Hangout workers said to me as I stood up. “I have never seen that girl even talk before, never mind hug anyone. You must have some sort of magic powers. Do you work with kids or something? Is that how you knew how to get her to open up?”
“No, I’m a journalist,” I smiled at her. “I just… I connect with her, I suppose.”
“That’s just incredible.”
As she shook her head in surprise, I couldn’t help but think that Ali was the one who was incredible. She’d been through one hell of a trauma, lost everything, yet she still managed to have a smile on her face. It made me feel guilty for all the times I’d blown my own issues out of proportion. I’d spent so much time getting in my head about things, when really I should have just been living my life in more of a carefree way.
“Does Hailey know about Ali?” she gasped again in shock, tossing her hair to one side. I got the feeling that if I didn’t shut this down now, she would end up making a massive deal of things.
“I’m on my way over to her house now,” I replied quickly. “I’ll talk to her about it then.”
I said a quick goodbye to Ali before rushing outside, not wanting anyone else to tell me that I was some sort of miracle worker, because I didn’t feel that way, at all.
To me, it seemed like Ali had chosen me – she’d decided to let me in, not the other way around. I didn’t want credit for that; I didn’t deserve it. I got the impression that Ali sensed how anxious I was on that day when I first met her, and she talked to me to make me feel better. Luckily, for the both of us, we just got along really well. She was a sweet kid, there was so much to like about her.
Maybe after I’d done this article about Roy, I would take Hailey up on her original suggestion and write a story about the Hangout. She was right; there were a whole load of heartwarming, life-changing stories in there, and one day someone would be privileged enough to tell them. I would be damn lucky if they allowed it to be me.
My mind buzzed with that information, and I found myself wanting to go over to Hailey’s right away to tell her everything, but I didn’t. I headed home first, instead.
I had a new sense of creativity flowing through my veins, and I wanted to use that in a productive way to make Roy proud of the story, too, especially as I’d promised to allow him to see it before it went to print, and that I was going to get it to him by Sunday. I wanted to get the article the exact right balance between his work and personal life, without revealing any of the personal details he didn’t feel comfortable sharing. It was a lot of pressure hanging over my head, but I would get there. I had never had the chance to discover it about myself, but I hoped that I was the sort of person who did their best work with a terrifying deadline hanging over their head.