Chapter Twenty-Three
Mark
Tuesday
I stared at my sleepy reflection in the mirror, wondering who the person was staring back at me. The features were the same, I could pick out parts of me that I recognized well, but I didn’t look like me anymore. Something had changed, and I didn’t know how to get me back. Maybe I didn’t even need myself back; I supposed if this situation had taught me anything it was that the person I was before Mom died wasn’t working out for me.
Anyway, I shook my head rapidly, needing to get my thoughts back on track. No time to go back to bed.
I hadn’t slept much anyway, and it was almost time for everyone else to get up so I wanted to do something nice for them. I wanted to make Justine and Olivia breakfast as a surprise. I always left it to Olivia, and now that things had shifted between us, I didn’t see why I couldn’t do some things for a change. Okay, so the meeting that we had yesterday didn’t quite go to plan, but Justine had to come first. If the only way that I could keep Olivia around was to promise to keep my hands to myself, I could do it.
We’ve slept together once, I reminded myself. We got this out of our system. It’s going to be fine.
I crept through the hallway and brought the oven to life, then I set about making an English-style fry up for everyone. As I cooked, I hummed to myself, probably too loudly because it wasn’t long before a sleepy Justine staggered out of her room, rubbing her eyes and looking at me like I had lost my mind.
“What are you doing, Dad?” she asked me with an expression so confused, I almost laughed.
“I’m cooking.” I handed her a spoon. “Do you want to help? The beans need stirring.”
Justine dragged a stool over to the oven and she got to work right away. I continued to hum my song and Justine joined in with me. It wasn’t even a tune really; we were making it up as we went along, but it was funny and made us both laugh. It felt like a real quality moment together, which was nice. I wanted more of these; I yearned for them more often. It wasn’t hard really; I could easily incorporate it into my life if I tried.
“Is there anything else that needs stirring?” Justine demanded. “I’m the best cook ever.”
I gave her a plate. “Why don’t we plate stuff up instead? We want it ready for Olivia when she…”
Justine did exactly as I asked without a second of complaint. This wasn’t the girl who argued everything. She was happy to assist me; she actually wanted to. I was blown away by how good she was being.
“Woah, what’s going on here?” Justine and I were so wrapped up in what we were doing that we didn’t even notice Olivia coming out of her bedroom. She looked all sleepy and disheveled, but utterly adorable as well; she looked fucking wonderful, actually. She almost hurt my heart. “Are you two… cooking? Really?”
“Oh, take a seat,” Justine replied with a grin. “I’ve pretty much got it all ready for you now.”
“Oh, you?” I teased and nudged her hip. Justine laughed loudly at my accusation. “You did it all on your own, huh? Well, that’s just lovely, that is! I suppose I just stood here and did nothing like a useless lump!”
“You said it,” Justine replied with a shrug. “Not me, but yeah, pretty much.”
While Olivia laughed that lilting sound, I felt a familiar jolt of lust race through me. It was hard not to feel that serious desire around Olivia, which was why I didn’t want to agree to keep away from her. I mean, was she trying to drive me insane by wearing that oversized shirt and giant socks? With her hair scraped back and her throat all completely exposed, it was damn near impossible to clamp my arms to my sides.
I gritted my teeth together and concentrated on the food. If I just didn’t look at her until this sensation had passed, then it would all be fine. It was seeing Olivia that made it a challenge. If I could keep my eyes off of her, then it would all be okay. I could look over her, through her, anywhere but at her. And if I could simply ignore this racing heart and intense butterflies, then that would be wonderful as well. Nothing useful could come from these crazy sensations, which was something that we’d already found out for ourselves.
“Thank you,” she said softly as I handed her the plate, and of course, my eyes instantly snapped to hers. The magnet between us dragged my gaze in, and my entire body flip-flopped. “That’s nice of you.”
Urgh, this wasn’t going to be easy. I wasn’t sure I could do it. I couldn’t go about ignoring her the whole time; I needed to see her because she was the nanny… unless I was away, of course. Maybe what I needed to do was get myself assigned to another work trip. Traveling wasn’t my favorite thing in the world, but if it put an ocean between Olivia and me, it was a great way for me to keep my hands to myself. I couldn’t touch her if I was in another country. That was exactly what I should have done last time. I was in a mess for a reason.
As we ate, I stewed over that plan, figuring it was the safest way. I would speak to Holden about it and sort it out. Not a long trip, I wanted to be back for Justine soon, but just enough for me to straighten my thoughts out. This was for her as well… mostly for her, just to ensure that Olivia stuck around to help us both.
“I’ll take that.” I slid Justine’s plate away from her. “I’ll get cleaned up while you two get dressed. I made all the mess, after all… unless, you still want to take the credit, Justine?”
“Oh no.” She licked her lips and jumped up. “You were a great help, Dad, honestly.”
For a moment, Olivia and I forgot all about our weird tension, and we laughed together at Justine’s joke, but then it rapidly became clear that we were very much alone, and the atmosphere came flooding back. It felt thick and heady; it almost filled my lungs thickly and made it very challenging for me to breathe.
“So, I think I better go.” Olivia practically ran away. “I, erm, yeah, I guess I’ll see you later on.”
I watched her go, my heart sinking in my chest. I guess I wished that she would jump on me and just freaking kiss me already, but this was for the best. We had to keep our distance. Which was why I needed to get away. I felt more determined than ever to go on a trip somewhere now. I would get over Olivia; it would be easy.
***
“Okay, so now you want to go on a trip?” Holden shook his head and chuckled. “I mean, obviously, I’m very glad that you do because the Japanese have some further stuff to discuss with us, but I’m shocked.”
“Yeah, well…” I shrugged, trying my hardest to play it off. “I need a change of scenery.”
“Things didn’t work out with the nanny, huh?” Of course, he could see right into the heart of the problem. “Well, that’s a real shame. I was rooting for you crazy kids and your inappropriate romance.” Holden cocked his head curiously at me. “How bad is it? Do you need to go right away or have you got until the end of the week…?”
Too much could happen in a week; I’d already shown myself that anything could happen in a freaking day. I could not stick around and wait. Not without going nuts. “No, I need to go today. As soon as possible.”
He sucked in a breath. “Ooh, that bad? Is she gone forever?” I shook my head. “Urgh, even worse. Okay well, I’ll get your flights all sorted, and you can get going. I’m coming too, but not today, I have things to do…”
“No, that’s fine. Yep, sort me out, thank you. And I’ll go and get myself packed. I’m looking forward to this.”
I left the office quickly and drove back home. All the way there, I tried to plan what I was going to say. Surely, I would see Olivia; she was there so much, and there was a chance that she would demand some answers. Maybe she’d pretend that it made no difference, but if she wanted to know, then I needed an answer. What would I say if she asked me and threatened to leave all over again? She would get another job easily.
It’s a last-minute thing… it needs to happen… it… oh, bullshit, she would see right through that. Maybe it was better for me to be at least a little bit honest. I could explain that we needed some space…
I got myself really worked up; I felt all dizzy and confused as I got the elevator up to the apartment. The stress balled up so much in my back that I was stiff and tense. But then I quickly saw that Olivia wasn’t alone. She was helping Rosa clean the place up. In a way, that was good. Being alone got us into trouble, but it also meant that I couldn’t explain myself at all. I half wanted to let her know why I had to go so she didn’t hate me.
“Erm…” I started as soon as she looked at me. “I have a… a change of schedule. Yeah, I’ve got to… erm, there’s a business trip that’s just come up today, and I need to get going right now. Today, unfortunately.”
“Oh, right, is it on the calendar…” Olivia grabbed her cell phone to look at it. “I can’t see it anywhere.”
“No, it’s a real last moment thing. It just came up. I’m really sorry about it.” I couldn’t look her in the eye, not if I didn’t want to kiss her goodbye. “It’s Tokyo again, things weren’t fully completed last time and since I didn’t go to Australia…” I was giving too many details. I needed to stop; the words were flying out of my mouth too quickly. “Anyway, will you tell Justine that I can video call her when I get there to explain everything? I know she’ll be shocked, but I will contact her as soon as I can.” Well, maybe she wouldn’t be shocked by now…
“Sure, sure.” Olivia looked blown away, and I felt terrible. I darted my eyes towards Rosa, trying to indicate that I wasn’t explaining myself for a reason. “Is there anything else I need to know while you’re gone?”
I shook my head. “No, I don’t think so. Thank you though. I will… erm, I’ll stay in touch to let you know.”
“Yeah.” She sounded strained and stressed. This wasn’t what I wanted at all. Urgh, I wished I could drag her into the bedroom to explain and… maybe something else. Not that I was thinking about that. “Sure.”
We kept our eyes locked together for just a couple of seconds before I darted towards my bedroom to get my shit packed up. Thank fuck I was going; I honestly didn’t know how much longer I could keep my hands to myself. This trip to Tokyo couldn’t have come at a better time. By the time I got back, this would be all blown over, and everything would be fine. I wouldn’t even think about this anymore; it would all be in the past.