Chapter Twenty-Four
Olivia
Friday
“Thank goodness it’s Friday!” Justine called out as she stepped into the apartment looking bright and happy, just like she had done all week long. Things were seemingly going so much better at school for her, which was incredible. She didn’t tell me too much, but the little things she said were much more positive. “It’s weekend time, yay!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at her mirth. “You know, it’s been like a weekend for you all week long with the sleepovers in the living room and the late-night movies. What makes a difference today?”
“Well, the fact that it’s Friday!” Her sassiness came flying right out. “So, no school tomorrow!”
She flopped onto the couch and reached across to eat from the bowl of chocolates that had been sitting there for days. Ever since Mark left, we had pretty much made this our own place and it felt good. I felt properly relaxed. I supposed it was easier to get settled down without the sexual tension absolutely filling the place. I hadn’t realized quite how much of an issue that was until now. The tension rolled off me in waves.
“Alright, alright, well Mrs. Stedman is coming up for dinner tonight and to watch some movies with us. I told her it would probably be Disney since we’re on a marathon, so we should get ourselves ready.”
“Does she know that it’s a sleepover?” She grabbed the blanket and pulled it over herself. “Is she staying for the night too? Because I don’t know if there’s room for more than me and you.”
“No, no,” I chuckled. “She doesn’t have far to go home so she’ll leave, but we’re having another day on the couch, right? I’m really enjoying our late-night chats, aren’t you?” Justine nodded. “Okay, great.”
“When is Dad coming back?” Justine asked me curiously. “He hasn’t bothered to update the calendar and every single time I ask him when we video call he doesn’t really answer me. Has he said anything to you?”
I knew that was an issue, as did Susan. She picked it up right away at Justine’s last session, but I wasn’t sure what I could do about it. Maybe it really was a business emergency that he had to deal with, and he didn’t know how long it was going to take before he could come back, or perhaps he was avoiding me. I wasn’t sure. Either way, he hadn’t given me anything to go on, which made it very frustrating. I couldn’t answer Justine when he hadn’t told me either. It irritated me that he had seemingly gone back to hardly caring about anyone else.
“I don’t know.” I gave her a shrug. “Maybe you should call him now and try asking again.”
Even though it was fifty percent my fault, I didn’t want to take the full blame. If he had made the decision to run away from what had happened between us, then it was up to him to make the excuses up.
Justine grabbed her cell phone, and she held it out in front of her face. Usually, I would bother to check the time difference to see if it was a suitable hour, but she’d already done it now. It was far too late. If he didn’t answer Justine then it was okay; she understood now that he couldn’t always speak until later on…
“Hey, Dad.” My heart skipped about ten beats as I realized that he had answered. “Where are you?”
I busied myself in the kitchen so I didn’t have to listen to his end of the conversation, but still I could hear his tone of voice. It sent shock waves through me; I couldn’t stop that happening however hard I tried. This space was supposed to be a good thing, I hoped it would help me stop feeling all of these confusing things for my boss who I definitely couldn’t be with, but now I wasn’t sure. The relaxing times would be over soon enough.
“Dad is going to be back on Tuesday!” Justine called to me. “He said to let you know.”
He was still there on the other end of the line, so I answered quickly before she could turn the camera around. The last thing I wanted was to see his face right now. If his voice sent me wild, then his face would be the killer. I could almost feel my insides coiling desperately at the thought of his eyes upon me.
“Erm, yeah, that’s great.” Was I stammering? I felt like the words were struggling to get out of my mouth. Tuesday: that left me a little bit more time to get sorted out. “Let him know that I’ll see him then.”
With that, I scurried down the hallway as if I was headed towards the bathroom. I just needed a moment alone to think. This was damn near impossible. Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to stay; I wasn’t sure that was my smartest move. I could have been in another job now, getting to know a new family. I would have missed Justine, of course, but I wouldn’t have this hanging over my shoulders. I would have moved on to something new.
Just breathe, I reminded myself once I was locked away in the clean, white bathroom. I still have four and a half more days. Anything could happen in that time; maybe everything will be so much better.
But I couldn’t really see it; I didn’t think that these feelings would go anywhere. They were chemically ingrained in me. How could I shake that off? I kept trying and trying, but I wasn’t getting anywhere. If this was a battle between my head and my heart, then my brain was on a losing streak. Rational thought had absolutely nothing to do with this; it couldn’t jump in the way no matter what happened.
“Olivia!” Justine called, yelling me back before I was really ready. “Where are you? I’m done on the phone.”
“Just coming,” I panted desperately with shaky blurred vision. “Hold on, one moment.”
I grabbed onto the sink, leaned in while I splashed some cold water on my face, then I made my way back outside, trying to calm my body down all the time. None of this was supposed to be so hard; I was an idiot.
“So,” of course, Justine spotted nothing. Today she looked happy after her call. “What are we making for dinner tonight? Mrs. Stedman loves lasagna, doesn’t she? Should we make that? I can cook now, remember?”
I laughed and nodded at her. “Sure, whatever you want. I think we have all the ingredients in for that.”
“And cupcakes too! We both love cupcakes.” Justine jumped up and down. “Can we?”
I preferred focusing on this than my own issues, so I nodded. “Sure, let’s cook whatever, okay?”
***
I glanced down at Justine’s sleeping body and smiled as she snored. She made it all the way through The Lion King and Pocahontas but only made it through the first ten minutes of The Little Mermaid. I left it on though; Mrs. Stedman and I watched it all the way through. It was a wonderful moment; we spent some time talking all the movies that we had loved ourselves as kids. It reminded me of a much nicer time before my parents were taken from me, which was pleasant. Actually, I found it good to stop trying to push them out of my mind. I’d spent a lot of time pushing forwards, trying not to think of them, but maybe now I didn’t have to…
“Well, I think I’m all Disney’d out,” Mrs. Stedman said as she stood up. “But thank you for inviting me.”
“No, you’re more than welcome. Thank you for bringing fizzy apple juice and caramel apples.”
I walked her to the elevator to say a proper goodbye to her, and as she hugged me, she whispered into my ear. “You don’t need to look so jittery all the time; it’s all going to be okay. Trust me. Life has a way of working out.”
“What do you mean?” I asked while leaning back stare at her. “What will work out?”
She gave me a knowing wink but didn’t say anything. I had a funny feeling that she was referring to Mark, which left me anxious and even more freaked out about what life would be like when he came back. If other people could see that there were feelings between us, then we were in trouble. Lots of trouble. It could even mean that Justine had spotted something, which wouldn’t be good. I assumed she would have said something if she had, in her usual blunt way, but perhaps she didn’t quite know how to process it all yet. A bit like me.
“Now, I’m off, but I’m sure I’ll see you around.” She glanced over to Justine and smiled at the sight of her sleeping. “Now, you tell this girl that I will see her soon and to keep being good, okay?”
“Oh, I will. She’s doing really well, isn’t she? I’m so happy with how well she’s doing. To think, a few weeks ago I would have never thought this possible! She seemed to hate me then. Now we’re having a sleepover.”
That wasn’t the only thing that seemed impossible. Her and Mark spending time together, Mark being more relaxed, me and Mark ending up in bed together… oh God, all of it had changed so damn dramatically.
Mrs. Stedman squeezed my hand and then she jumped into the elevator to go. As I watched her leave, I realized that she would also be really hard to leave if it ever came down to it. When Mrs. Stedman was around, I didn’t feel quite so lonely. Maybe she wasn’t the first person who I would have picked for a friend, but she had turned out to be a good one. I liked her… I liked everyone around here; I liked the life that I had here.
And that is why I cannot go anywhere near Mark again, I reminded myself. That is why I need to continue working on keeping myself away from him. It’s the only way we can all living like this. If we hook up again, even if we really want to, then it’ll be a nightmare. Neither of us wanted that. That stupid damn chemistry!
I sat down on the couch next to Justine and I tucked her up further in the blankets, smiling down at her. She looked so happy and at peace. I wondered if her mother was up there somewhere looking down on her daughter, glad to finally see her happy. I hoped so, because it was a shame that she wasn’t here to see her grow up.
No, that was seriously weird to think about, especially considering what had happened since. I suppose because Mark had brought her up to me on the night before he left, she lurked in the back of my brain again. No, instead I tried to think about what Mark might say if he could see Justine right now. I didn’t think he would be mad at us for sleeping on the couch, especially if he saw how happy that made her, but he would probably have something to say about it to me. Unless he doesn’t ever want to talk to me again.
Still, if he did want to talk to me again, I would try and push for some more time for him and his daughter alone together. She had missed him since he’d left for Tokyo, even more than usual, and I didn’t want the good work that they had put in together to slide. I hoped that I would be able to do it in a way that didn’t end up in an argument. I supposed by this time, anything was possible!