Chapter Fifteen
Adam
Sunday
The smile that spread across my lips as I woke up was the brightest it had ever been. Usually waking up from a restless night of sleep left my groggy and irritable as the sun shone in through the cracks in my curtains, but not today. No, today all I had to do was roll over onto one side and I could see the most beautiful face that I’d seen in a very long time.
Okay, so I knew that it was wrong. There were many times last night when I could tell that we’d crossed over the invisible line and that there was probably no going back, but as it turned out, I found Lindsey irresistible and I knew that being with her would be more than worth the risk…
And fuck me, wasn’t it just? So much for no chemistry between us! As soon as I’d opened up that barrier between us, it flowed violently between us, undoubtedly knocking us both for six. If I’d known that was going to happen… Well, I wasn’t sure what I would’ve done.
I pushed myself up into a sitting position and watched Lindsey sleep for a moment. She spread out happily across my bed, with her limbs everywhere as if she didn’t care who was in her way. That suggested she’d slept alone for a very long time…a thought that made me oddly happy considering she was just a hook up.
She was just a hook up, right? There was no way that it could ever become anything more. Not when I’d brought her into my life by paying for her company. Not only that, but she knew my vulnerabilities, my weaknesses, she knew my family. Of course with any relationship that would have to happen eventually, but I certainly wouldn’t allow it so early on. No way.
I didn’t want Lindsey to wake up with me watching her like a creeper, so I forced myself off the mattress and into my en-suite bathroom to have a shower. Sleeping next to her had given me a raging boner anyway, and I didn’t want her to assume that I wanted more – even if I did. I hoped that the time under the hot jets of water would calm me down enough so that I could be presentable when I finally went back in there to see her.
As the water hit my head and I rubbed shampoo into my hair, I realized I was still smiling. There was just something about Lindsey that made me feel happy. It hadn’t been there before, but I got the impression that was my fault. I was so closed off to the idea of letting anyone in, even a little bit, that it freaked me out. Even with girls, I always went back to their homes for our flings because I didn’t ever want to give the impression that I was in for anything more. With Lindsey, for some reason, it was easier. I couldn’t explain it at all.
Don’t fall, you idiot, I warned myself pointlessly since that would never happen. This wouldn’t become something serious, even if it happened again. Damn, I wanted it to happen again! Just keep it casual. All will be fine.
Eventually, I stepped out of the shower with a much calmer body, but a mind that raced just as furiously, and I stepped back into the bedroom to see Lindsey waking up. With her fists rubbing the sleep from her eyes and her blonde hair all mussed up from the unexpected sex last night, she looked stunning. All I wanted to do was scoop her up into my arms and plant kisses all over her. Only I couldn’t because we still had this invisible line between us. Even if we thinned it a bit the night before. Or a lot.
“Morning,” I said thickly. “How are you this morning?”
Her eyes moved up to meet mine. She looked shocked, but in a good way. I gave her a bright smile to tell her that I didn’t want things to get awkward between us. As her lips curled up into a sweet smile, I felt like punching the air and cheering. At least things weren’t totally ruined. For some reason, I didn’t want things between us to turn sour now.
“I’m good, thank you.” She pulled the sheet up around her. “Surprised, but okay.”
“Do you want to have a shower?” I stepped towards the door and grabbed some clothing from the counter near there to give her some much needed privacy. “I can cook you breakfast, if you like?”
“Oh, sure.” She looked grateful. “Thank you, Adam.”
I moved into the kitchen rapidly and set about cooking Lindsey something nice to eat. I went a bit overboard, cooking her a full breakfast to distract myself from the fact that the woman was naked in my shower. Flecks of hot water were cascading over her pale, naked skin, luring me in, tempting me, wanting me…
No, I shook my head rapidly from side to side, trying to get rid of any untoward thoughts. That wasn’t the way for me to behave right now – I needed to keep my cool. I couldn’t act like a sex crazy douche bag or I’d send her running for the hills.
“Woah,” I suddenly heard a voice calling out from behind me. “This is a bit much.”
“You were quick,” I commented while plating up the food. “It’s only just ready.”
“When did you learn to cook like this?” Lindsey’s eyes practically bulged out of her head as she took a seat at my dining table. “I thought it would be, like, toast or something.”
I laughed loudly but didn’t answer the question. It was probably only a rhetorical one, anyway. “Just eat,” I said, taking a seat. “Taste it first, it might be horrible.”
At first, Lindsey didn’t even pick up her fork. I could see her salivating at the food, but something was holding her back. I cocked my head to one side and watched her curiously. There were clearly thoughts racing through her brain and I wanted to know what they were. It wasn’t Brandon and his shitty comments, was it? The thought that his spite towards me had affected her so deeply coursed through me so violently I wanted to throw up.
“What’s up?” I asked her quietly, needing to know. “Are you okay, Lindsey?”
She glanced up at me with shock in her eyes as if she didn’t realize I was watching her. “Oh, sorry.” She dropped the fork with a clatter and stared at me. I could sense that she was about to open up about something which made me drop my fork, too. I wanted to give her my full attention because it seemed that she really needed it. “I’m sorry, this food really does smell good. I just don’t know if I should eat it or not.”
Oh God, is she vegetarian? I glanced down at the meat on the plate with sheer regret. What an idiot I am! “Oh yeah. I should have asked you what you like first…”
“Oh no, it isn’t that I don’t like it. It’s just…” She bit down on her lip, and I could swear that tears filled her eyes. “I really do want to get on in acting, you know, and I’ll admit that I’m struggling a bit. My agent, Vivian, told me that it’s because I need to lose some weight.”
“What?” I exclaimed in shock. I’d heard some insane things in my time but this just about took the biscuit. Lindsey was one of the slimmest girls that I’d ever seen. No wonder there was such a terrible weight loss culture among actresses.
“Lindsey, you do not need to lose weight,” I insisted. “I have never heard anything so ridiculous. You’re beautiful, and slim, and have a lovely figure. You really do not need to get slimmer.” I shook my head in disgust. “If a director wants you to be skinnier, then don’t do the job. It isn’t worth it. You don’t want to be one of those so-called role models that are too slim, anyway. You’re too good for that.”
Lindsey looked stunned by my outburst, which was hardly surprising. I’d shocked myself a bit, too, but I stuck by it. I didn’t like the fact that Lindsey had been told something so potentially damaging. It was ridiculous that anyone should be told such a thing.
Her face hardened and for a moment I thought that I’d said the wrong thing, but then she picked up her fork and she grabbed some food to stuff it into her mouth. “You’re right,” she said after she swallowed the first mouthful. Her bright smiling lips cheered me up. I’d gotten through to her with my rant. “I shouldn’t be bothered by stupid comments like that. I want to get by on my talent anyway, not on my looks. That’s why I turned down a nude role.”
“You…you turned down a nude role?” I gasped in shock, liking the thought of that. But then again, maybe one that was just for me would be better. “Did you really?”
She didn’t answer me, but she did smile and continue to eat. I could see a cheeky twinkle in her eyes that I really liked. I wanted to explore that side of her more, but I wasn’t sure that I would ever get the opportunity to do that…
***
As I pulled up outside Lindsey’s home, an overwhelming sense of loss overcame me. It crushed down on my chest as I twisted to watch her get out. Except she didn’t move. She had been silent on the whole journey over which suggested that she was just as torn up as me.
Why was I glad that she didn’t want this to end just as much as I didn’t?
The seconds ticked past, I could almost hear them, and during that time all I wanted to do was part my lips to say something that would make it all alright again, but I didn’t know how. I wasn’t sure what words there were.
“Is this it?” Lindsey finally asked in a small voice. The sadness that laced on her tone shredded my chest apart, making me cringe at my idiocy. I should have been the one to speak.
“Well, I don’t think I’ll make you see my family again,” I laughed hollowly. “But there is something that you could do for me?” I wasn’t sure what she wanted from me, so I decided to try and keep it on a semi professional level.
“I have this Christmas dinner thing next week if you’d like to come along?” When she didn’t answer right away I felt compelled to continue. “Again I would pay you, this would be another arrangement. It’s just this thing with some friends… I haven’t taken a date with me for three years.”
The realization that it wouldn’t involve anyone from my family brought a smile to Lindsey’s face. The tight knot in my chest loosened as I realized that it wasn’t against me.
“Yes,” she eventually said. “I would love that, thank you.”
“I’ll text you with the details.”
This would be great; I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t thought of it before. Probably because I didn’t like all the areas of my life to collide, and this was the first step towards potentially making this happen. Still, I didn’t want to think too much about that, I wanted to keep it happy.
I leaned in and kissed her on the mouth, allowing my lips to linger there for far too long. She didn’t pull away and nor did I, not until I really had to. Even then I felt sad as I watched her walk away.
I’m getting in too deep, I thought as I turned the engine on. I need to be carefully if I don’t want to end up in a mess that I cannot get out of.