Chapter Twenty-Five
Adam
Friday
I couldn’t stop my feet from moving as I paced up and down the front room anxiously. An icy snake coiled through my system, making its way through my organs and sending nervous butterflies flapping all over me.
“Will you stop it, Adam?” Lindsey giggled as she watched me darting around like a frightened deer in headlights. “Everything is going to be alright.”
I gave her a look. “Are you serious? Do you not remember what happened at the barbecue? It’s going to be a disaster. I usually try to avoid my family at Christmas, and now I’m bringing you into the mix.” I groaned loudly and let my head fall into my hands. “How can we get out of this? There must be a way.”
Lindsey moved up from the couch where she was sitting and rubbed my arms gently. The reassuring action made me stop in my tracks; her soft touch felt nice against my skin for a moment. There was something calming about her, something that affected my mood and brought it right down for just a second.
“Trust me, Adam,” she breathed quietly into my ear. “It’s going to be fine. You have nothing to worry about. Let your father and brother behave how they want. Just don’t react to it – it seems that’s what they want. Just focus on your mom and me. If they are going to be assholes, then it’s up to you to make it okay. This is Christmas, after all.”
I turned my neck to stare into those deep blue eyes of hers. They danced over me as she examined my expression. “When did you get so wise?”
Lindsey laughed appreciatively and pressed her lips against my forehead. I closed my eyes and gave into the sweet gesture, which was more like a girlfriend than a girl I was paying. The money hadn’t been mentioned today, I assumed we were way past that now, so everything that happened was just us.
Either that or she was an amazing actress who needed an Academy Award.
“I suppose you’re right. I just need to go in there calm.” I breathed deeply, trying to steady my insides. “If I’m calm and don’t let them affect me, then it’ll be okay.”
“Exactly. You just need to keep your cool. The day depends on that. Think of your mom, she’s worth more to you than the others anyway. Brandon and your father will look foolish if you simply ignore their attempts to rile you up, won’t they?”
Admittedly, I liked that idea. I wanted them to look foolish. “I suppose you’re right.” I grinned at her, grateful that she was so damn smart. “It might be easier said than done, but I’ll do it.”
“I believe in you. You can do it.”
Christmas shouldn’t have been this way. I knew it wasn’t like this for other people. Everyone I knew looked forward to the holidays, but I found them a huge source of anxiety. Why couldn’t I just have an easy family to deal with?
Well, at least I had a family.
“Should we get going?” Lindsey asked me gently when it seemed that I’d finally calmed down enough to see sense. “We don’t want to be too late, do we?”
I nodded, wishing I could just drag her up to bed and we could spend the day there. For me that would be a much better version of Christmas. The idea was so tempting it was hard to resist. But I couldn’t. I had to do what I needed to do.
“Yeah, come on then, let’s go.”
I dragged my feet walking towards the front door, but it was pointless. I couldn’t put off the inevitable forever. I was going to have to just face this.
***
My nerves didn’t go anywhere the entire car ride over. I tried to outwardly appear calm because I didn’t want to freak Lindsey out. She was acting cool, too, but inside, she was probably more terrified than me. We both had our masks on and neither one of us wanted it to slip.
“Here we are,” I gushed as I pulled the care to a halt. “I suppose we better get this over with.”
Lindsey grabbed my hand and stared into my eyes for a moment giving me an intense look. She didn’t say anything, but she didn’t really need to. I could see that she was going to be there for me no matter what. I just hoped that my family didn’t test her patience to the limit. I didn’t want them to push her away just when things were looking so good.
After we got out the car, I took Lindsey’s hand in mine as if she was my real girlfriend, much more ease than I felt on the first night we were together at that God awful dinner. I allowed that to fill me with a bit more confidence.
The door swung open the second I’d stopped knocking, and Mom revealed herself on the other side as if she’d been waiting there for us. She extended her arms and instantly went for Lindsey to pull her in for a hug first. Maybe I should’ve been a bit offended by that, but I was just so glad that they got along.
“Oh thank goodness you’re here.” It seemed that Mom assumed we might not turn up. She knew me better than I first thought. “Come inside, come and grab yourselves a drink. I have some mulled wine.”
Lindsey stepped through the door as Mom pulled me in for a hug. As I looked over her shoulder my heart sunk as I spotted Brandon and Helen already here. And by the looks of it, my darling brother was already making a beeline for Lindsey.
I had to pull apart from Mom so I could save her.
“You’re here,” he started, acting as if he was surprised. I narrowed my eyes angrily. I hated the assumption that I couldn’t keep Lindsey. The only reason she would’ve run already would have been because of his behavior. “Good to see you again. I hope today is a more dignified event.”
I breathed deeply to remain calm. I didn’t want to act out already, not when Lindsey had warned me that my behavior was key to the day being a good one. My fists pumped together. I didn’t like it much, but I just about managed to keep it inside.
“Shall we go into the living room to exchange gifts?” Brandon continued. He sounded disappointed that I hadn’t reacted angrily. “Helen’s really keen to start opening presents.”
I bit down on my bottom lip so I didn’t make a nasty comment and nodded. We moved into the living room where some lovely wrapped parcels waited under the tree. I already knew that the items in my bag weren’t as well wrapped, which would just be something for these people to criticize me about. Anywhere outside of this house, I was a strong and confident person, but inside these walls with these people, I fell apart.
“I have some gifts in here,” I mumbled while pulling them out. I figured we might as well get mine done first because they would probably be the worst.
“Actually, I have some, too.” I turned in surprise to see Lindsey pulling some smaller items out of her own bag. This was the last thing I expected, I didn’t even really want to bring her here. She certainly didn’t need to purchase some gifts, as well. I gave her a wide eyed shocked look, but she gave me a serene smile back. “It’s not much, but I hope it’s okay.”
Dad, Brandon, and Helen all looked at Lindsey like she was a crazy person, but thankfully, Mom jumped in and saved the day by easing the tension quickly. “Oh that’s lovely, Lindsey. I have something for you, too, under the tree.”
“You didn’t have to do that.”
As we took our seats around the tree and people started shredding the wrapping off their presents, I couldn’t help but notice that people were barely acknowledging my presents, they were all too intrigued by what Lindsey had purchased them. She’d done better than me. I knew these people well, I’d known them my whole life, but somehow Lindsey had picked out better gifts than me. She got Helen a small, designer wallet, Brandon received a monogrammed handkerchief, Dad got a swish business card holder, and Mom got a set of luxury bath salts that she went crazy for.
I was so impressed with what everyone else got from Lindsey that it took me a while to notice that she hadn’t gotten anything for me. Not that I minded, actually. She got the presents to impress everyone else. Her presence was enough for me. I just liked having her here with me. She made me smile.
My scarves for everyone now looked really unimaginative. I felt disappointed in myself for not even thinking what everyone would really like…but then again judging by the presents I’d received myself, no one had put much effort in for me either. They didn’t know me well enough to get me anything I liked.
Material things really didn’t matter to me, anyway. Watching Lindsey interact with my family in such an awesome way really did. She just had them warming to her, and I wondered if she knew how utterly irresistible she was. As I leaned back in my seat to watch her, I felt my heart falling. I knew that love was potentially on the cards for the first time in my whole damn life.
What the hell would Max think? I wondered with a small smile playing on my lips. He would absolutely destroy me for becoming everything I said that I wouldn’t.
“Right.” Finally once the chatter died down a little bit, Mom stood up from her seat with a smile on her face. “I’m going to set the table for Christmas dinner. Is that okay with everyone?”
A chorus of agreement rang out from all of us except Helen. Now that presents were done, she had her face glued to the screen of her cell phone again, texting God knows who. Her rude behavior was utterly ridiculous. If anyone else acted in such a way it would be a crime, but because she was Brandon’s wife my dad took it as okay.
“I’ll help you.” Lindsey surprised me again. When was I going to realize that she was just a really awesome person? “I can set up the table or dish up?”
At first I thought Mom might refuse because she’d never let any of us help before, but then I remembered that actually we’d just never offered. Guilt pressed down hard on my shoulders as that hit me. We always just let Mom do everything. That was to be expected of the others, but not me.
“That would be really lovely, thank you.”
“I’ll help, too.” The idea was appealing as it took me out the room of everyone I hated. A bit of help in the kitchen was much better than being stuck with them. At least that at I got to be with Mom and Lindsey. “Let’s do this.”
I could feel eyes prickling on the back of my neck as I moved, but I didn’t turn around. Let the bitching commence as soon as I left the room, it didn’t matter to me. They were just assholes who wouldn’t ever like me whatever I did. It was starting to hit me that I didn’t need their approval, which was a freeing, liberating feeling.