CHAPTER TEN
Ellie
Two days until the wedding and I was sitting in my gynecologist’s waiting room. My legs were crossed and my foot bounced frantically. I had no idea why I was so antsy. I had done this same song and dance every year since I was thirteen. But this time I was walking in a changed woman down there. I was also going to have to ask for an STD test and about birth control. All things that were like giant flashing arrows pointing down at me screaming that I was now having sex. And that I was planning on it being a regular thing. But then again, I was almost a married woman. So it shouldn’t have really made me feel freaked out in any way. Still, for some reason, there was this weird feeling in my gut. I tried to focus on the regular things about the visit. I had already peed in a cup like I did every year. I was waiting for them to call me back, like always. I was flipping through a magazine that I wasn’t even paying attention to, just like everyone else around me.
See, nothing out of the ordinary. You are just like everyone else here and you are going to talk about things that most of these people are going to talk about.
“Ellie,” the nurse called out smiling at me. She was older and had been there as long as I could remember. Her hair was always wrapped into a French twist. Today, she was wearing muted pink scrubs and I thought that it seemed a bit dull and blah. But her smile was always kind and her tone was always pleasant. “How are you?” she asked like we were old friends as we navigated the corridors to my doctor’s wing of the building.
“Good,” I answered trying to hide the shakiness of my voice.
“I ran into your mom the other week. She said you’re getting married soon.” Her eyes lit up in excitement. The way that most people’s did when they hear you are getting married. Sometimes it was a way of covering up their jealousy for you. But in her case, she was genuinely happy for me. Being the mayor’s daughter made me somewhat of a mini-celebrity around town, especially with people over forty.
“Yes, only two more days.” We walked into the room and she closed the door behind her.
“Well, congratulations,” she said gesturing for me to sit.
“Thank you.” I climbed up on the table and waited for her to fire off the usual questions.
After all was said and done, and I had confessed that I was no longer a virgin, she asked if there was anything I needed. I told her I that I needed an STD test. I didn’t miss the blink of confusion in her eyes at my request. I didn’t know how I should even explain to her the reason. But luckily, she just moved the conversation along. She informed me that they would do a blood test and have the results in a few days. Then she gathered her supplies and drew my blood. I was never squeamish around needles or blood. But for some reason, my stomach felt queasy and I had to turn my head away. When she was done, she left me to get undressed.
I fidgeted with the stiff paper gown as I waited. I hated those things. It seemed if I tugged it down enough to cover my front then my butt was exposed. Guessed it didn’t matter anyway, seeing as the doctor was going to spread me wide open and look into my deepest cavern.
“Hello, Ellie,” Doctor Davis said as she stepped into the room after knocking once. I nodded and gave her a timid smile.
She was in her late thirties, with bleach blond hair cut into a stylish bob. Something I would always dream of doing to my hair but would never get the guts to. Her tall frame was curvy, the complete opposite of mine.
“When was your last period?” she asked looking down at her tablet.
“Um,” I hesitated as I reached for my phone.
I kept track of my periods on my phone, but never really remembered when I had them. They were regular enough. But when it came to tracking the day or week, I was too scatterbrained to keep up with how long ago it was. I rattled off the dates to her and she nodded with pinched lips. She looked up at me and smiled, but it was tight and didn’t reach her eyes. I began to sweat, wondering what was wrong.
“Well, congratulations. It seems like you are about seven weeks pregnant.” The world around me stopped, as did my breathing. My head was dizzy and I felt like I was on the verge of passing out. “Ellie. Ellie. Are you okay?” I realized that she was now holding onto my shoulder and calling my name.
“Are… are you sure?” I asked in a harsh whisper. “But I didn’t have sex seven weeks ago.” I didn’t understand. I was still a virgin then.
“Quite sure about the pregnant part. Your urine test came back positive, and with the last date of your period, the seven weeks is a close guess. Most likely you conceived about two weeks after that. But we can do an ultrasound if you would like us to. Are you sure you’re alright?”
“Water, please. I don’t feel so good,” I said, not able to focus on anything. She leaned me back against the exam table and I heard her steps retreat to the door.
Next thing I knew, I was being helped back up to a sitting position and there was a bottle of cold water in my hand. I chugged down half of it, but my mouth still felt dry. How could this be? There had to be some sort of mistake. My heart was still racing and I could hear the blood pulsing in my ears.
“But, he wore condoms,” I choked out the last word. At this point, I was thinking out loud. And for some reason only thinking of Diesel. And as the reality of what she’d said sunk in, it hit me that there was no doubt it was his. But if it was true, and obviously it was, I didn’t understand what was going on.
“That’s good that you were being safe, but sometimes things happen. Condoms can break.” Her voice was meant to be reassuring but didn’t help me feel better at all. “Normally we don’t do an ultrasound this early, but I think in this case it would be a good idea.” I nodded, clearly still in shock.
Leaning back down I managed to get my legs up in position. She gently poked and prodded me before wheeling over a cart with a monitor on it. She explained to me that the weird wand thing she was holding up was going to have to go inside of me. I swallowed hard and waited. It wasn’t that bad. After having Diesel inside of me, it almost seemed like nothing.
“Ah, there we go,” Doctor Davis said after wiggling the thing back and forth a few times. It was an odd sensation and focusing on it made me almost forget the purpose of all of this. I shifted my gaze to where she was pointing on the monitor. I had no idea what I was looking at. There was a tiny blob by her fingernail and I thought how strange it looked. “That is your baby, Ellie. Looks like you are about seven weeks along.”
I felt numb. I wasn’t happy or sad or angry. I was just nothing. My brain hadn’t had a chance to catch up with everything. Even as the doctor cleaned everything up and handed me a picture of the baby—my baby—I still felt like I was in some alternate universe.
“Why don’t you sit here for a bit. I’ll have a packet of things for you to read over waiting for you at the front when you check out. I’ll also write you a prescription for some prenatal vitamins. I recommend you start taking them right away.” I could feel her eyes on me the whole time, watching, waiting to see if I was going to break. “Call me if you need anything or have any questions. If not, then I’ll see you in about two months for a checkup.” Then she was gone and I was alone with a strange silence.
“Okay,” I breathed out into the empty room. I got up and dressed with a heaviness that seeped through every inch of my body.
I stared down at the picture one more time before tucking it in the side pocket of my purse. It was mine and for some odd reason, I wanted to hide it away from everyone. Not because I was ashamed, but because it was special.
Once I got home and locked myself in my room, it started to sink in. I was pregnant and there was no doubt that it was Diesel’s baby. For some crazy reason, knowing it was his made me feel excited inside. I would have a part of him forever. The big question that followed… what was I going to do now? I was to be married in two days. Two days! I needed to talk to Steven. But would it be fair of me to ask him to help me raise another man’s baby? Should I still even get married? Would Steven still want me? And I couldn’t forget about the man that made all of this possible. He had the right to know. How was I going to tell him? I didn’t even know where to find him to tell him.
I cried myself to sleep, putting off all the things that I needed to do. Tomorrow I would tell Steven and maybe even my parents. Then I would figure it all out from there.