CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
Ellie
I rolled over and yawned. The bed next to me was empty, but I knew it would be. The last thing I sort of remembered was Diesel saying he had a meeting and I knew those could sometimes take a while.
Then the sound of the shower running caught my attention. A smile spread on my face knowing that he was naked on the other side of the wall. I never thought that I would be so sex-starved. Then again, it probably took the right person to open me up.
Thinking back on what had happened the day before, I felt a shudder race through my body. My cheeks reddened remembering all the things that I had said. I waited for the panic and guilt to hit, but it never did. It felt right. And I loved it. All the dirty things he said to me and the response it got from my body.
The water cut off and I rolled back over, facing the cracked bathroom door. I was desperate to catch a glimpse of him naked and dripping wet. I blindly reached for my phone on the nightstand to check the time. My hand brushed up against something velvety and I turned my attention to see what it was. I gasped when I noticed an open ring box. And sitting in the middle of that ring box was the most delicately designed ring. Perched right in the middle was a decent sized, clear, sparkling diamond. Tears filled my eyes as it all registered. There was a folded piece of paper sitting in front of the box. I snatched it up, my eyes still glued on the ring as I moved the paper into my view. As I unfolded it, I noticed there was writing in the most awful, yet beautiful, cursive chicken scratch. The way the letters were jagged, but at the same time fluid, fit Diesel to a T. My smile grew as I read the words.
You will not leave this damn bed until you are wearing this on your finger.
It was so perfectly him. I was too caught up in the note and the ring that I didn’t even notice him sit down on the bed beside me. I warmed inside when he splayed his hand on my exposed belly. In all the shock and excitement, I hadn’t even realized that the sheet had slipped to my waist. My naked top half was on display. I should have felt uncomfortable and exposed. Vulnerable even. The old Ellie would have but then, she wouldn’t have gone to sleep naked in the first place. But somehow it felt completely natural. I felt no shame or awkwardness baring myself to him.
I didn’t wait for him to ask me to marry him because I knew he wouldn’t. The words on the note said it all. I didn’t have a choice. Not that I wanted one. I nodded my head at him and he snatched the ring up, all but shoving it down on my finger.
“Mine,” he growled as he kissed me hard. He was claiming me. Owning me. Loving me.
“Love me forever?” I asked in a tentative whisper. Parts of me were still insecure and skeptical. I had spent many years being docile and unsure in life. That wasn’t going to change that overnight.
“I promise,” he said in a strong voice that told me he meant it from the bottom of his soul.
I cried, like a little girl. The endless tears running down my cheeks, dripping down onto my breasts and belly. They were happy tears. For the first time in my life, I felt loved completely. I felt safe and I felt wanted. He held me and I got lost in the feeling of his lips on mine.
After a while, he broke away and explained that the lockdown had been lifted. I wasn’t really sure what that meant. Then he explained that I should probably get dressed and go find Reagan before she left. Loch and Reagan were going back to their house. Knowing those two, it would be a little while before we saw them again. They would be lost in each other in their privacy. Just like I desperately wanted to be with Diesel.
I loved the way he knew that I would want to run and tell someone. And of course, Reagan would be that person. Jessica popped into my mind, too. I thought about telling a few of the guys, but I was sure it wouldn’t be the same as having a girly moment with the chicks. Squealing was bound to happen soon.
He laughed as I jumped out of bed and pulled on the closest articles of clothing I could find. Which ended up being one of his old tees, with some graphic design on it that was almost unreadable, and a pair of leggings. I didn’t even bother with underwear. I headed for the door, but he pulled me into him before I could leave. He looked down at me with hungry eyes before he gripped my hair so hard it tingled. My neck arched back so I could meet his eyes. His mouth was on mine in a punishing kiss that left my lips feeling bruised when he pulled away. I stood there stunned and dazed wondering what that was all about.
“Like you in my shirt, pixie.” He smirked, released his hold on my hair, then opened the door and waited for me to go through first.
I shook myself out of my lust filled stupor and headed into the hall. He smacked my butt as I passed by him, it wasn’t hard and I loved it, despite the surprised yelp that came out of me.
“Kitchen,” he said as we made our way down the hall. I could feel his eyes watching my backside as I waddled along.
I’d gotten big. My belly felt like it was growing every second at that point. I didn’t have much longer left to go and I wondered what it would be like once Fate was finally born. I had no doubt Diesel would be an amazing father. Seeing him with Grass showed me that I never needed to have doubts.
Then, I started to freak out. I had no idea what to do with a baby. What if I wasn’t a good mother? What if I didn’t give her what she needed because I had no clue as to what it even was that she needed? I was young. I was unprepared. And to top it all off, I was a killer. Something that I knew I would have to live with. Both her parents were killers. Would we turn her into some sick psychopath? Would she hate us for bringing her into such a tainted world?
“Baby,” Diesel’s voice broke through my thoughts. It was only then that I realized I’d stopped walking and was now holding the wall for support. “I can practically hear you thinkin’. Stop. We will be fine. More than fine. And that little girl will have the love of a hundred families.”
And those were all the words I needed to hear. I let my worry wash away from me as he took my hand and pulled me into the kitchen.
“Oh my God! Let me see it!” Reagan said as soon as she saw me. She rushed over and I looked up at Diesel with a raised brow. I wondered exactly how many people knew. I followed Diesel’s scowl over to Bocca, who only smirked and shrugged.
“Damn big mouth,” Diesel mumbled, as he shook his head at Bocca. But I knew he wasn’t really upset. I giggled as Reagan grabbed my hand to inspect my new ring.
“Wow. You did good, D.” Reagan winked at him then pulled me in for a hug. “I’m so happy you came along,” she whispered into my ear and my smile spread as wide as it was allowed.
“Congratulations, momma bear.” Bocca pulled me in for a quick hug before clapping Diesel on the shoulder.
It was then I realized that it was seven at night. I’d slept most of the day away. I helped Reagan finish up dinner while the guys sat around the table, talking and drinking beer.
“He’s going to keep you knocked up. You know that, right?” Reagan winked at me.
My cheeks heated in embarrassment. And as soon as she spoke those words I could feel his seed leaking out of me, making my thighs sticky. It should have felt dirty and had me running for the shower. But as I rubbed my thighs together, I realized that I loved the feeling of it there. I loved that he had marked me as his in just about every way that he could. And the ways he hadn’t yet, I knew he would soon. A shiver ran down my spine and I looked over my shoulder at Diesel. His eyes were on me, hunger dancing in his ice blue orbs like he had read my thoughts.
“Let’s just get through this pregnancy and see,” I said, turning my attention back to Reagan.
Inside I had no doubt that he would do his best to try and keep me knocked up. With all the trouble that I’d had with this one, would it even be a good idea to have more? Did I even want more? One flutter of my heart and I knew I would give Diesel as many munchkins as he wanted.
Most everyone who had a place outside the compound had cleared out that night. There had been no party. No celebration that lockdown had been lifted. Which, given that these guys liked to use an excuse to throw a party, told me that just because we were let out it didn’t mean we were safe.
Later that night, Diesel held me in his arms as we watched a movie in bed. Our little girl was kicking up a storm. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see his lips twitch with a smile every time he felt her.
For the next couple of weeks, he was gone most of the day. He would kiss me and search in my eyes to make sure I was alright before he headed off. His days seemed long, and most nights he wouldn’t get home until well after dark. I missed him, but I wasn’t worried. When he came back, he always wrapped himself around me like it was the moment he’d been waiting for all day. I loved the smell of him when he came into the room. The sweat, dirt and motor oil always filled my nose and spread a fire through my veins. He was always exhausted. After he hauled himself into the shower to clean, he would spend the night holding me in his arms. Some nights he took the time to worship my body, memorizing every curve and peak with his tongue. Other nights, he would be so desperate to get inside of me that he would go at me to the point that I couldn’t hold myself up anymore. It was the perfect balance of everything I craved and needed.
“Let’s take a ride,” Diesel said one morning as he walked back into our room. I had just stepped out of the shower and was perched on the edge of the bed, trying my best to get my shorts hooked onto my feet. I was all belly and at that point, I couldn’t even bend over to get my bottoms on. He took one look at me and raised an eyebrow. His request, or demand rather, temporarily forgotten. “Where the hell are your panties woman?”
Little did he know, I had given up the extra article of clothing a while ago. It was enough trying to get one thing up my legs. Plus, he just kept ripping them off of me, anyway. I figured that way it would be easier.
“Focus,” I said, rocking to stand. He was there to help me up in a flash. Then he was kneeling on the ground to help with my shorts. His rough hands sending goosebumps all over my legs as he pulled them up. “Ride?” I reminded him why he came bursting through the door.
“Yeah,” he said still distracted. He shook his head, chasing away his heated thoughts. I giggled at him and slapped his chest. “Come on.” He reached down and grabbed my hand. “I want to show you something.”
Excitement raced through me and I felt flutters all over my body as I wondered what it could be. He tucked me into my car, which I had missed. It had been months since I was in it. He slid into the driver’s seat after making sure I was safely buckled in. His large frame had to crumble to fit in. I laughed and he shot me an unhappy look, which made me laugh harder. I saw his lip twitch like he was holding back his own laughter.
“You ready?” he asked, his face turned to me. His expression was something new; a mix of boyish charm and a nervousness that was hidden just below the surface. I searched his eyes, wondering what the heck this was all about. But he gave nothing away as to what was to come.
“As I’ll ever be…” I breathed out.