CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
Ellie
It took Reagan almost two weeks until she got fed up with me staying holed up in my room. I only came out to use the bathroom and shower. I was a mix of depressed, scared, lost, and confused. I hadn’t seen Diesel that whole time. Granted, I didn’t exactly go out trying to find him. But I had hoped that he would come to me. Every time there was a knock on my door, I perked up with a hopeful breath. Only to have disappointment every time Reagan stepped inside. Even still, I was grateful for her. She came and kept me company and brought me food. She must have understood my need to be cut off and hiding.
But then, one day she busted into my room, grabbed my hand, and dragged me through the clubhouse. She pushed open a door off of the kitchen and then we were outside. It was an area that was walled off on three sides by the huge building. A courtyard of sorts. There were a bunch of lounge chairs and picnic tables. There were also a few swings and children’s outdoor toys. I breathed in a lungful of fresh air and smiled for the first time in a long time.
“Now sit,” she said as she gently pushed me down into one of the chairs. “No more hiding. Got it? I get that this is a completely different world than what you are used to, but you are safe here. These men, scary as they might seem, are good men. And sitting up in that room all by yourself can’t be good for you and the baby.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just—”
“No.” She held up her hand to stop me from talking. “I get it. But from what you tell me, you walked away from everything to live your life. And I’m sorry to say, you are not living. This may not be the life you thought you would have, but it’s not that bad.” She gave me a smile like she knew from experience. I wondered what her story was.
“Okay, you’re right. So what now?” I asked. She was right. I wasn’t living. I was hiding and wallowing.
“Well, for starters, fresh air and some sunshine. Then, well… I didn’t get that far.” We both let out a little giggle. It felt good to laugh.
I liked Reagan. She was a no-crap kind of girl. Over the past two weeks, she had filled me in a little about the club and the guys there. I knew names but wasn’t so sure about faces other than the ones I had seen. Like Bocca and Lake. Lake was the one who scared the daylights out of me the night I drove up to the gate. I won’t ever forget the feeling of having a gun pulled on me. But I wasn’t mad at him. I understood that he was doing his job and protecting the club. I remembered that night when he figured out I was just a tiny, scared girl, he did his best to calm and comfort me.
I knew Cal was the president and Loch, Reagan’s man, was the vice president. I got that Diesel was the enforcer, however, I had no idea what that even meant. I quickly learned the girls that shared the rooms around me were the club girls. Reagan called them something, but it wasn’t a name I liked to think about or would ever say out loud. She explained the purpose of having them there in a way that made sense at the time. This whole world was strange and new. I hadn’t decided yet if it was bad or not. I also had no idea how I’d fit in it.
Jessica, one of the club girls, had been nice to me in passing. I got the feeling a few times like she wanted to reach out to me and say something. Maybe something comforting or relative, but I had no idea because she would always clam up, smile, and give me a nod. The rest of the club girls sneered at me and gave off a very unfriendly vibe. It didn’t happen much. For the most part, the only time so far they had caught me, was when I was making a mad dash out of my room and into the bathroom.
“So, I was thinking, you could use some new clothes.” Reagan looked over at me sympathetically. I looked down and saw my shirt barely covering my swollen belly. I pulled it down but it didn’t help anything.
I had packed a few things before I took off from home. But most of those clothes were getting smaller and tighter every day. My growing belly would soon be splitting seams. I shrugged and looked back up at Reagan. She was right but I didn’t have much money left.
“I guess you are right. I have a little money left.” I looked down in embarrassment. This was never a place I thought I would find myself in. No money. No home. No security.
“No, no.” She waved me off like I was being silly. “We got it. And before you argue like I know you are going to, it’s boss’ orders.” She gave me a pointed look. I understood enough by then to know better than to argue with what the boss man said.
I was about to say something when one of the side doors burst wide open. The metal made a loud crack noise that echoed through the air as it hit the brick wall behind it. A curly headed little boy came bounding out into the yard, giggling as he ran towards the swings. His little legs obviously not carrying him quick enough as he reached out his arms grabbing at the air.
“Dammit, Grass!” I knew that voice even before I saw his face. “Wait for me.” Diesel stepped out, his long legs doing a half jog as he caught up with the boy, snatching him mid-leap. Diesel picked the boy up and tossed him in the air as if he weighed nothing. The little boy giggled and held out his arms. Which then fell naturally around Diesel’s neck as he pulled the boy into his body.
Oh crap!
Did he already have a kid? My mind went crazy. Maybe he had a whole life here. Maybe he had a girl or ‘old lady’ or whatever already. Even from the distance, I could see the small smile on Diesel’s face as he looked at the boy. And a light in his eyes I hadn’t seen since the night we spent together.
I was going to be sick. I held my breath hoping the chunks would stay down. I started to get up but Reagan grabbed my arm firmly and I held still in a panicked state. They hadn’t seen us yet and I felt like I was watching a movie or spying in on someone’s life in a very private moment. Why didn’t Reagan tell me any of this?
Just then a big guy, who I remembered seeing the night I had pulled up, walked out. His stride was wide and the dust swirled around his boots with every step he took. His legs seemed even bigger in the daylight. He was just big and thick all over. A wall of muscle like I had never seen before. He had a slight scowl on his face as he walked over to Diesel and the boy.
“Grass, what have I told you?” He knelt down in front of the boy, who was now firmly planted on the ground. “You need to listen to Uncle D. He tells you to wait, you wait. Understand?”
The little boy’s lip quivered as the man spoke in a firm but concerned tone. A tone I recognized, but not from my own father. A tone I had wished to hear all my life, because behind its scary bark, was love. This was a tone of a caring and slightly scared dad. As the realization set in, I let out a slight sigh and sagged back into my chair. I heard Reagan chuckle lowly beside me. I wanted to hit her. She saw the whole thing happen and by that reaction, I could tell she knew what was going on in my head. She left my mind to wonder on for her own amusement. I wanted to be mad at her, but I just couldn’t.
“Tank!” Reagan yelled out before I could turn to her and say anything. All three of them turned and she waved them over. I watched the hard and almost angry mask fall over Diesel’s face as his eyes met mine. A mask he seems to have mastered, there wasn’t even a flicker of light at all in his eyes. There wasn’t even a hint of the Diesel I knew.
Tank slapped Diesel on the back, forcing him to step in line as they all walked over. Diesel’s feet seemed to drag heavier with every step he took closer to me. His jeans were so dark they threatened to be black. His deep gray shirt was tight and looked soft and worn. My stomach flip-flopped inside my body and the vibrations seemed to shoot through every limb. My knees went weak even though I was sitting. I swallowed hard, finding my mouth suddenly dry as a desert.
I forced my eyes to look down at the little boy now standing directly in front of me. His hands were behind his back and looking at me with a coy smile. The little boy was so cute and a spitting image of his dad.
Big scary bikers I didn’t know what to do with, but kids, kids I was completely comfortable around. I flashed a wide smile and ducked my head a little.
“Hi there,” I said in a light tone. His face lit up as he tilted his head to look at me face on.
“Hi,” he said as he brought his little hand up and waved frantically. “I’m Logan, but everyone calls me Grass.” He said proudly. I wondered why they would call him that. I would have to ask Reagan later.
“Tank, Grass, this is Ellie. Ellie this is little four-year-old Grass and his dad, Tank,” Reagan said. I didn’t miss how she stressed the word dad. I wanted to roll my eyes and chuckle at the same time.
Tank, yeah that’s definitely a fitting name.
“Nice to officially meet you, Ellie.” Tank’s low and deep voice pulled my eyes up to meet his. He held out his hand and I slipped mine into the massive paw. My hand looked so dainty in his. After a gentle but firm shake, we released the hold. At first look, he seemed terrifying. But there was a warmth about him. And I could tell by the lines on his face that he smiled a lot.
Diesel hung back as the rest of us made small talk. I did my best to not look at him but I could feel his eyes on me the whole time; watching like a hawk. After a while, Grass got bored standing around and asked his dad if he could go swing. After Tank said yes, Grass turned to me and asked if I would push him. How could I say no to that cute little face? No way I could, and seconds later he was holding my hand leading the way. Truthfully, I was grateful for the exit. It was too awkward being that close to Diesel and too intense being under his microscope. Once I got Grass settled in the swing and started to lightly push him, I chanced a glance at where Diesel had been. Only he was gone. I should have known.