CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
Ellie
The first thing that hit me was the smell. Sterile and almost cold. Could a smell be cold? My brain must have still not been right. Then I felt something warm against my hand and side. Next, the low ramblings of what sounded like a news anchor telling a story.
I tried to play catch-up in my mind, but it all was blank. Like big spaces of time had been punched out. I knew who I was. I knew that I was pregnant. I had a feeling that I was in a hospital. I sensed that something had happened to me, but I couldn’t recall exactly what.
But when I heard his voice, suddenly putting all those lost pieces in place didn’t matter. I felt our baby kick and I heard him tell her that he was her daddy. His voice was light and sweet. He sounded… hopeful and happy. It confused me and made my insides flutter with delight all at the same time. I wanted more than anything to open my eyes and witness the sight. But my eyes were heavy and I couldn’t pry my lids apart. I felt my fingers move and I was able to open my mouth.
“Diesel,” fell from my lips so low I wondered if I even spoke at all.
“I’m here, baby,” he said and I felt him move away from my body.
My hand went out, reaching for him. Was I dreaming? He said he was here, but why did it feel like he was going away. His hand slipped into mine before I could panic. His lips pressed against my forehead, warm and soft. Finally, I got my lids to open. A small smile spread on my dry lips. It hurt but I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to sit up but I was afraid to move. His blue eyes gazed down into mine. He looked tired. I wondered how long I had been out. His eyes smiled down at me a little wet like he might cry.
“Hi,” I whispered as my smile spread. He let out a breathy laugh.
“Hi, pixie.” He sat down gently on the side of the bed.
“I missed you,” I said remembering that he had gone on a ride with a few of the guys.
“God, I fuckin’ missed you too, El.” I could hear the relief in every word as they rushed out of his mouth.
“Yeah?” My voice came out louder but cracked.
“Yeah.”
“What—” My brows knit together in confusion. “What am I doing here? What happened?”
He explained everything the doctor had told him the best that he could. Mostly, he kept telling me that both the baby and I were going to be fine. I wanted to hold onto that. I wanted to believe that. His voice was tight as he talked and asked me what I remembered. Bits and pieces kept coming to me the longer I’d been awake, but it was all still fuzzy.
“Still no leads on the abduction of Mayor Sommers’ only child, Ellie Sommers.”
The words from the TV pulled my attention. I felt Diesel stiffen beside me but my eyes were glued to the report about… me. About me missing?! Abducted? What the heck was going on?
The screen cut to a shot of my father and mother giving a press conference. Only they weren’t talking, they were standing off to the side looking almost sad as a man stood at the podium, talking.
“At this time we are unable to determine if the body that was recovered is Ellie Sommers or not. We are still working on identifying the remains. Right now, all evidence points to that it could be her. Her jewelry was found at the scene. Along with a few other personal items. But until we know for certain, we will keep searching. The tip line is open. Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.”
“Wh-what?” I was stunned. I probably shouldn’t have been, because I knew my father. I knew that he couldn’t just let me walk away without some sort of story to give the people. I realized then that he was truly heartless.
A badly done picture from a sketch artist flashed up on the screen. The person looked like everyone and yet no one at the same time. I had no doubt that it was meant to look that way. I turned away from the TV as the tears fell from my eyes. I couldn’t lie, it gutted me. It hurt deeply to find out that your parents didn’t really love you.
“Ellie, look at me.” I moved my eyes to look at him. I could see regret written all over his face.
“You knew about this?” I swallowed hard.
“Yes, but you were going through so much, I didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell you,” he said holding my hand tighter. “I’m sorry. I only wanted to protect you.”
And there it was. He wanted to protect me. I may not have liked that he kept it from me, but I loved the reason why. When I looked into his eyes, I knew I could never hate him. I knew that I couldn’t live without him. I knew that he was the exact opposite of my parents. Of Steven. Of everything that I’d run away from.
“I love you,” I said without thinking.
He blinked in shock and I almost regretted saying it. I didn’t want to scare him and I hoped it wouldn’t make him run away again. But the words were true. I loved him. Maybe I had since the first second I’d seen him. Then again, maybe I was only in love with the idea of him at first. But now, I loved him with every part of my heart.
“Fuck. I love you, too, baby. So fuckin’ much.” He bent down and kissed my lips lightly. I melted at that moment. Words I never thought I’d ever hear from him, but deep in my soul, always wished to. “God, when I thought you might leave me… I couldn’t breathe. I was so scared, pixie.”
“I’m here.” I moved his hand to my belly. “We’re here. It’s okay.”
The happy mood was interrupted by my memories flooding back in. I shot Tammy. Sure, she’d been crazy and was about to shoot Diesel, but I still shot her. More than once.
“She’s dead, isn’t she?” My eyes focused blankly on the wall.
“Shhh. Don’t.” He brushed the hair away from my face then moved my head to look at him. “Don’t do this to yourself. You did what you had to do. Always remember that.”
I nodded not completely feeling comfort in his words.
My body felt heavy again and all I wanted to do was just close my eyes. Maybe sleep would be the answer to my problems. I could forget it all for a little while. I let myself drift off without another thought. It seemed to have been too easy.
But my mind kept going even in my slumber. So much had changed in just the last however many hours. I was now a killer. It kept replaying over and over again in my dreams. Only this time, I was on the outside looking in. I was further, yet closer at the same time. It was strange and warped. I wanted desperately to run from it. But I was stuck watching the real horror show.
I faded in and out constantly, never fully being able to pull myself awake. Voices filtered in and out and I recognized most of them. Every time Diesel’s voice was there, low and hushed like he was trying not to wake me when he talked. I could feel his hand in mine and I found it so comforting. Just knowing he was here, right beside me, made the pain of what I’d done almost bearable. He kept willing me to come back to him while everyone else reassured him I was okay.
“I was thinkin’ we should name you Kick-ass.” Surely, I didn’t hear him right. There was no way he was serious. “Kick-ass Fighter Monroe. Yeah. You gonna help me get your momma on board for that one?”
“No,” I said letting out a little giggle. “Monroe? And wait…no, just no.” I smiled as I opened my eyes to look at him. His face held a light, boyish charm as he smiled back at me.
“What? It’s a fuckin’ awesome name, pixie. You can’t even deny that.” That was the moment our girl decided to throw a hard kick that made me flinch slightly. “See, she likes it.”
“No, she’s protesting it.”
“Fine. Danger?” he asked with a serious look on his face.
“No.”
“Heartbreaker,” he said, smirking, as he moved onto the bed beside me. He propped up on one arm and kissed my head.
“Definitely not.” I laughed. It felt good. For a moment I felt light and happy. The heavy events that surround me were tucked away for now.
“Come on. You know I belong to a motorcycle club, right? She’s got to have a cool name or the other kids are going to make fun of her.” He fake pouted and I loved this side of him.
“And by that you mean, your brothers are going to make fun of you?” I countered. He grunted like he didn’t want to admit that I was right.
“Fate,” he said, his voice and face turning soft.
“Fate,” I agreed as he bent down and kissed my lips. It was sweet but possessive at the same time. It was perfectly him. He was strong yet soft. He could hold me up and cradle me at the same time. He could kill a man and still be able to open his heart to me.
“Fate Rose Monroe.”
“Why does she get your last name?” I said poking him in the side. In all truth, I wanted her to have his name. Mine meant nothing to me anymore. But I couldn’t help doing my best to get to him. I loved this playful side of him.
“Not mine, babe. Ours.” He winked at me.
“Huh?”
“Ours, as in yours and mine. I said you were mine, I fuckin’ mean that shit. You will be my wife soon.” He was smiling but his tone was dead set. There was no room for discussion. He wasn’t asking. And I really loved it. I wouldn’t have turned him down even if he did ask.
He snuggled into me, holding me close to his body, as we mindlessly watched reruns of old sitcoms on the TV. It felt freakishly normal. If this was what life would be like, I could get used to it.