CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Diesel
I slammed the door to my room so hard that half of the stuff I had on top of my dresser crashed to the ground. I paced my room like a caged wild animal. Hell the space was so small, it only took four steps before I had to turn around and walk the same line again.
What did this all mean? She was here. She’d tracked me down for some reason. She said she didn’t know where else to go. Whatever was going on must’ve been bad if she came running to me at a place like this. It was obvious that she was pregnant. It couldn’t be mine, though. I wasn’t even close to being drunk that night. I knew I made sure to wrap my shit each time. But then again, I didn’t check the condoms after. I was too concerned about her. Hell, as tight as she was, I wouldn’t be surprised if the damn thing broke.
I’d spent weeks looking for her. Deep down I knew going back to the bar and asking around wouldn’t lead anywhere. But I had to try. And maybe, part of me was wishing that she might have been looking for me, too. I couldn’t get her out of my mind. It was driving me mad. Then the club went on lockdown and things were too fucking crazy. She still was always in the back of my mind though, hiding in the deep dark parts that I closed off.
But all that didn’t take away any of the shock that I had. I couldn’t believe she was there.
She should have been married already. And I wondered why the hell she was here when she had him to take care of her. It had to be his baby. Maybe he wasn’t happy about the baby. The idea that he would turn his back on her because she was pregnant made my blood boil. I swore if that was the reason she was here that I’d hunt him down and beat him until he wasn’t breathing anymore. I became enraged at the thought that he had hurt her. Or just tossed her out on the street.
Fuck!
She was here and she was scared. And I had just made the biggest asshole move and walked away from her.
A knock on my door pulled me out of my thoughts. I didn’t stop pacing as Loch stepped in, not giving a fuck that I didn’t invite him in. After a long stretch of silence, I stopped and shot him a look. Did he leave her alone out there? This was not the place to leave the lamb unattended. Fuck! If anyone touched her I was going to rip their head off.
“Reagan’s with her,” he said calmly like he had read my thoughts.
I breathed a tiny sigh of relief. Even though I wasn’t ready to face her yet, I didn’t want anything to happen to her. I just needed a moment to get my fucking head on straight. Somehow, I doubted it would only take a moment and I wondered if it would even happen at all.
“Somethin’ you want to tell me?” he asked, but it was less of a question and more like an amused demand.
“It can’t be mine,” I said a little more gruffly than I meant to. I scratched the side of my cheek with the back of my thumb. Loch’s eyebrow rose skeptically.
“So you know her, then.”
“Yeah.” I paused, knowing there was no way to get out of not telling him something. “Met her a few months ago. One night. It was one night. And I wrapped that shit up.”
“A few months ago is when you started actin’ a little off,” Loch said, not breaking eye contact. There was no judgment in his voice and I held back a sigh.
I thought I had been less obvious. I tried to keep my stuff close to the vest. It was my shit and mine to deal with. But Loch always seemed to see through the bullshit. And Reagan, too. The two of them together was my worst nightmare. But I knew it was all out of love.
“It’s not mine,” I said trying to believe it as it came out of my mouth. Only this time the words came out a little less convincing.
It couldn’t be mine. There was just no way. I lived my life the way I did so I’d never go back to that place. I vowed a long time ago that I would never feel the way I felt years ago. I lived for me and I only let people get as close as I would allow them. I was the one in control.
“Then why’s she here?” He was trying to figure it all out as much as I was.
“I don’t know,” I barked.
“Then I fuckin’ suggest you get out there and find the fuck out.” His tone was verging on being an order.
I shook my head and sat on the corner of my bed. My arms rested on my knees and my head hung down. I needed a shot before I went out there. Who was I kidding? I needed a whole damn bottle. I thought that I had forever said goodbye to the thought of ever seeing her again. Now she was here, but not in the way I ever expected.
“What am I gonna do? She sounded like she has nowhere else to go. I can’t just send a scared, pregnant girl away.” My hands were shaking but I couldn’t figure out why.
“She can stay tonight. I’ll have Jessica fix up one of the extra girls’ rooms. I’ll talk to Cal once we figure what is goin’ on with her, and we’ll go from there.” He paused and I could tell without looking up that he was studying me. I was always the cool and collected guy. Right then, I was anything but. “You gonna tell me the story or am I just goin’ to have to wonder about the whole thing?”
“The whole situation was just fucked up from the beginning. I should have never got involved. But…” I didn’t know what to say next. There was just something I couldn’t let go of when it came to Ellie.
“But she got to you. And stuck with you,” Loch said like a man very aware of that feeling. I looked up and met his eyes. But I still couldn’t say anything. “Take a moment and collect yourself. Then you need to get out there and deal with this. She’s damn scared and I’m sure she had no idea what she was walkin’ into. Either she’s got guts to come here or she’s very stupid.”
“Not stupid.” I shook my head. “Just naïve… innocent.”
Loch nodded as if he’d already figured out the answer. He was trying to see how well I knew her. Truth was, I didn’t know her at all. But what I had seen left me wanting to know more. However, I was blindsided by her at that moment and I didn’t know what to do. There was a big difference between wishing for something and getting that wish. Especially, if it came with unexpected extras.