CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Ellie
Reagan and Jessica took me to the girls’ lounge area. Thankfully, Tammy was gone by then. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I didn’t even know what I had done to set her off. I was only standing there making dinner when she came in and started mouthing off to me. And I stood there like a frightened, weak mouse not doing anything.
I was glad she was gone, but at the same time, she’d lost her place to live. For that, I felt truly sorry. I tried to shake it off. After all, she was the one who did it to herself.
“So, what should we start with first?” Jessica asked, breaking me out of my thoughts, “Pretty Woman or Dirty Dancing?”
I laughed despite the heavy feeling all around. Reagan and I both said Dirty Dancing at the same time. We all settled into the couch and I began to relax. Not five minutes later, Lake came walking into the lounge and straight into my room. I craned my neck around wondering what the heck he was doing. Panic hit me as he walked out with a box full of my things.
Was I being thrown out too? Had something happened and Tammy was staying now and I was going? Oh, no. I started breathing faster and couldn’t catch my breath. Reagan put her hand on my shoulder as Lake came back. I swallowed hard and stood up. It was strange seeing someone else packing up all of my belongings. Granted there wasn’t much, and with the big box he had, almost everything was packed.
“Wh-what is going on?” I said, clenching my heart and willing it to slow down.
“Just doing what I was told, Ellie,” he said hefting up the box and walking past me. “Talk to Diesel.”
So that was what I planned on doing. I was freaking out and my mind was spinning. I rushed through the kitchen and into the bar, Reagan and Jessica hot on my heels. I saw him walking down the hall away from his room, smiling at Lake as he passed him. I looked around nervously, noticing most everyone was watching TV or sitting at the bar. I didn’t want to have words in front of all the brothers, but I needed to know what was going on. Diesel caught my eyes and walked up to me.
“Why is he taking my stuff that way?” I asked meekly.
“Because, baby,” Diesel said lifting my chin up to look me in the eyes. “Go, enjoy your girl time. But when you go to bed, you do it in my bed. I want you there tonight, tomorrow, and so on. I want to come back and crawl into a bed with you in it. I want to smell you every time I move in my room. I want to see your girly shit cluttering the counter every time I take a piss.” He kissed me hard, right in front of everyone.
I giggled and smiled when he pulled away. His tone was one that let me know I had no say so in this. Not that I would have said no to him.
“Okay,” I said, my cheeks turning bright pink.
“Okay.” He nodded. He pulled me in for a quick hug and placed a light kiss on the side of my head. “Gotta go, pixie.”
I nodded and turned to watch him walk to the door, falling last in a line of about seven of the brothers. Before he went out the door he turned and looked at me.
“Just in case anyone didn’t fuckin’ get that. You’re mine.” He shot me a smirk, turned, then was gone.
I’m his.
I could live with that.
“Wow,” Jessica whispered beside me. “That was so sweet.”
My version of sweet and hers must have been totally different. But it was definitely wow. And found myself swooning hard. I suddenly couldn’t wait for him to get back. His bed was going to feel lonely for the next few days. All of my worries melted away for the moment. I smiled so hard that my cheeks hurt. Then I remembered how many people were all around. I blushed, ducked my head, and ran back to the girls’ lounge. We resumed the movie, ate popcorn, and had a good time.
“So what’s it like?” Reagan asked halfway through the next movie. I looked at her like she was crazy. What the heck was she talking about? “You know, being with him?” I giggled and blushed.
“It’s…” I started. I had never really talked about such things before. “It’s nice…” No, it was far from nice. It was raw and amazing. It felt like we bared our souls for one another every time we came together.
“Nice?” Reagan snorted. Jessica laughed beside her.
I wondered if he had slept with Jessica. I didn’t really think of that before. But for some reason, it didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. Maybe it was because Jessica wasn’t throwing out knowing looks, or rushing to answer the question for me. She never rubbed it in my face that she had been there before me. I couldn’t fault people for their pasts, right? Diesel clearly had one. Jessica was more than likely part of that. After all, I had one too. Granted it wasn’t as colorful as theirs. But that was just life. We are who we are.
“Okay,” I giggled. Truthfully, I had been dying to talk about it with someone. “It’s mind-blowing. I mean, I know I don’t have any experience, but when I’m with him there is nothing else around. I forget my own name. He makes me feel special. Like I am the only one ever. Which, ya know, is kinda weird, right?”
“No, I get it. Loch is the same.” We all giggled like a bunch of school girls.
“Those two,” Jessica said, pointing her thumb at Reagan. “They were so stupid about each other, and so stubborn too. That’s what took them so long to finally get together.”
“It’s true. We both kept trying to keep each other at arm’s length and have this casual thing going on. But man, he was the only one I wanted. The only one I could see in a crowded room.” She smiled sweetly lost in her thoughts of Loch.
“He claimed her, put her on the back of his bike, and took her home,” Jessica said playfully rolling her eyes. “We didn’t see them for like a week after that. Then they showed up attached at the hip and fuckin’ like bunnies in every room they could.” Reagan nodded, shamelessly, and smiled.
“What about you?” I asked Jessica. I wondered if I should have bit my tongue, I didn’t know what it was like being a club girl. But I had heard Reagan mention something about her and Axe having an on again off again thing.
“Eh,” she shrugged it off like it was nothing, “Haven’t found the one, ya know?”
“Axe will get his head out of his ass one day,” Reagan said trying to sound comforting.
“No, it will never work,” Jessica replied, looking a little sad. “We like to pretend when we’re together that we are in some magical world where neither of us had a fucked up childhood and that we’re normal. And after a couple of weeks, it just doesn’t work and we go back to our normal. The real normal. Where we just don’t belong to anyone, period.” She let out a heavy sigh and my heart hurt for her. We turned our attention back to the movie after that.
I wondered if Diesel and I would work out. I wondered if we were in some kind of bubble being forced together. If it wasn’t for the pregnancy, would he have even ‘claimed’ me? I’d spent so much time thinking about the person I had met in the bar and spent the night in a motel room with. But what if that wasn’t who he really was. What if that was just one side of him? I felt like it was. But the question was, was that a side of him that was true and he just kept it hidden for whatever reason? Was that the real Diesel, before life got too heavy for him? And the biggest question that bounced around in my brain, could I ever be enough for him?