Epilogue
Diesel
I held my little girl while Ellie slept in the hospital bed a few feet away. They were both truly beautiful. Ellie was exhausted. And I was thankful that the birth went perfectly.
I remembered standing there, holding Ellie’s hand, completely amazed at her as she pushed our daughter out into the world. I may have been a complete fucking wreck on the inside but I managed to keep calm. I just wanted everything to go right. With all that had happened during the pregnancy, I was worried that the birth might be hard. Or that something would happen to either one of them. Yes, some of that did stem from my past. Until I held my little girl in my arms, a huge part of me feared that it would never happen.
Our little girl was perfect. The doctor held her up to me not even a minute after she came out. Without hesitation, I cradled her into my body. Not going to lie, it was the grossest yet most beautiful thing I’d ever seen or been a part of. With my lips right next to her ear, I whispered how lucky I was to be holding her. I told her how much I loved her and how she had the best mother in the world.
The moment Ellie got to hold her was a sight I would never forget. Watching the absolute joy that came over Ellie’s face and the tears that streamed down her cheeks did me the fuck in. I knew at that moment I was complete. The hole that was in my life that drove me into darkness for too long was finally filled.
Fate was sleeping deeply on my chest. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She wasn’t even a day old and she held my heart.
There was just one thing I needed to do. I carefully reached for my phone and toyed with it for a minute trying to find the nerve to hit the call button.
I hadn’t talked to my parents since I walked out of the hospital all those years ago. That was on me. I couldn’t handle anything and I pushed everyone away. Then I joined the club and I knew my dad wouldn’t approve. Even though he was states away, it still wouldn’t have looked good to be the state chief of police and have a son who was on the other side of the law. I figured it was just best to let sleeping dogs lie. It in no way meant that I didn’t miss them.
They had always been great parents. They supported me whenever I needed it. They were always there for me and had I let them, they would have stood by me through it all. I did have some regrets when it came to them. But now was the time. I dialed the number and hit send.
“Hello?” My mom’s voice rang through the speaker. It was just like I always remembered it, light and welcoming.
Knowing what time it was, I imagined her and my dad had just sat down to breakfast. My dad was probably reading the paper or going over notes in preparation for the day. He was more than likely having oatmeal that my mom would make him eat. She always tried to sneak fruits and nuts into it, and he would do his best to eat around all of them. I almost chuckled at the thought. I knew they would probably never change. I pictured my mom with a confused look on her face as the phone rang, not used to getting calls that early in the morning. And my dad more than likely didn’t even notice, too into what he was reading.
“Hello?” Her voice rang out again in my ear making my eyes water with joy and guilt at the same time.
“Mom?” I cleared my throat, trying to rid the giant lump that had formed there.
“C-Caleb?” Her voice sounded as choked up as mine. “Is that you?”
“Yeah. It’s me,” I said, clearly unable to get my words out. “I’m sorry.” I didn’t realize until that moment how much I’d fucked up. And how much I really needed them.
“Oh, baby. It’s okay. Marv! It’s Caleb!”
“I heard.” I could hear my dad in the background. I knew he was only a few feet away, but yet my mom still yelled with excitement. His gruffness not intended to be mean.
“Put me on speaker mom,” I said. I heard shuffling in the background. And I could almost see in my head, my mom getting up and going to my dad’s side of the table and handing him the phone to do as I requested.
“Son,” my dad said once he got it all sorted out.
“Dad.” There was a pause and I knew I needed to fill the silence. “I have something to tell you guys.”
“Are you okay? Did something happen to you? Where are you?” My mom started to turn frantic.
“Mom, no. I’m fine. Perfect, actually. Hold on,” I said and took my phone away from my ear. I snapped a picture of Fate against my chest and sent it to them. “Check your phone. I sent you a text.” I hoped that they would be able to figure out how to do that with me still on the line.
“Oh my…” my mom whispered and I knew they had gotten the picture.
“Meet your granddaughter, Fate Rose Monroe.” I could hear the pride in my own voice.
“She’s… Oh, Caleb, she’s so beautiful,” Mom said.
“Yes, she is.” Dad’s voice broke. He may have been tough, but I knew he had a big heart. “She looks just like you, son.”
“I’m a grandmother.” The excitement was thick in my mom’s voice. I could just see it coming. She was going to go overboard on everything to spoil the little one.
“I love you guys. I know I’ve been a shitty son the past few years, and I am truly sorry. I can never make up for that. But I hope we can mend fences and move on. My life… our life just wouldn’t be right if you guys weren’t in it.” I blew out a harsh breath.
There was more, so much more, that I needed to say, but this was not the time. I hoped that this was just the beginning and that one day we would be able to sit down and talk.
“We love you too, Caleb,” Mom said. “We have missed you so much. Not a day goes by that we don’t think about you.”
“Looks like we will be planning a trip to North Carolina soon, then,” Dad said, shocking the shit out of me. But, then again, he was my dad, and I shouldn’t have been surprised that he kept tabs on me.
“You know where I’m at?”
“I know everything, son.” I smiled at his implication. Well then, there was no need to go into it. “Take care of that little one. I’m glad you called.”
“We’ll see you soon, Caleb. We love you,” Mom said.
“I love you guys, too. I promise I’ll call soon,” I said. I hung up after a round of goodbyes.
Fate squirmed in my arms. Her little arm reached out as she moved her nose against my chest. A little squeak came out of her mouth.
“Nope, can’t feed you, little one. Don’t have the right equipment.” I ran my finger over her fine hair before standing up.
“She hungry?” Ellie asked, her eyes only half open.
“Yeah, baby,” I said as I settled Fate into Ellie’s ready arms.
I watched in awe as Fate latched onto Ellie’s breast like a pro. I’d seen Ellie feed her several times already but it never got old. Ellie smiled at Fate, then looked at me. Her smile grew as she watched me taking it all in.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you, too. More than I ever thought I could love someone.” I kissed her head, breathing in her warm sent.
I would never get tired of her. I truly was a lucky fucking man. I would never forget it and I would spend the rest of my life letting my girls know just how much I was grateful for them.
Ellie
I still remembered the first time Diesel held our little girl in his arms. Fate Rose Monroe came two weeks early but was as healthy as could be. She came out a fighter, with lungs powerful enough to fill the whole room with her screams. She wanted all of her uncles and aunts to know she was here.
Diesel held her against his chest, gunk and all, as soon as they handed her over. I should have been mad or jealous that he got to hold her first, but the sight of them melted my heart. He whispered into her ear right before they took her out of his arms to clean and check her over. I would have given anything to hear what he told her. After she was ready, the nurse handed Fate back over to him, wrapped in a generic white blanket. His eyes never left her as he lowered her down into my waiting arms.
She was small, but the doctor said she was healthy and a perfectly normal weight. Diesel’s hand didn’t leave her body as she wiggled against my bare chest. She was so beautiful. So perfect.
I blinked my eyes back into focus. The picture that had me lost in my memory was a still image of that day in front of me. At the time, I hadn’t even realized that Reagan had been in the corner of the room. I vaguely remembered asking for her to be there. She snapped a picture of Diesel holding Fate right after she came out. She printed it off for me in black and white and it now sat on the dresser, directly across from the rocker and crib, where we could see it all the time. The look on his face was pure happiness.
I looked down at my sleeping angel. At three months she was a chubby and happy baby. She had my green eyes and her daddy’s dark hair. She had his brow and my cute freckle speckled nose. She was the best mix of both of us.
I may not have been perfect. And Diesel may have done a lot of unquestionable things, but we were everything good for her. We vowed to always be there for her. We promised to make everything right in the world for her. We loved her more than I ever thought was possible. And not only did she have us, she had a whole army willing to do anything for her.
It was funny to think back on the last year of my life. I started out as a shell of a person, nodding my head at whatever my father wanted me to do. I did it without even realizing it. At one point, I thought I was going to have to do it all on my own. A single parent that didn’t even have a job at the time. But in the end, I was lucky. My girl was lucky. It may not have been the perfect life in some people’s eyes, but it was more than I could have ever asked for.
And they were all there three weeks ago when Diesel and I said our vows. The day was absolutely perfect. Reagan took Fate in the car and Diesel put me on the back of his bike for the first time since he’d claimed me and we drove to the compound. All the while, I had no idea what was going on. When we showed up, the whole club was standing around outside the back. Reagan dressed me in a simple, white dress and did my hair with baby’s breath weaved into it. I said yes to my man as he stood there in his black jeans, black v-neck tee, and his cut holding our little girl. The ceremony was small and filled with everyone we knew and held dear. It was perfect and everything I could have wished for.
“Hey,” Reagan said softly as she popped her head through the cracked door. She moved to stand beside me after I waved her in. “God, she is so adorable.”
“Yeah,” I said, smiling down at my bundle of joy. “But I guess I’m a bit biased, huh?” We whispered out soft laughs, then Reagan bent down and kissed Fate on the forehead.
“Uh, she’s giving me baby fever.” We laughed again.
“Is that such a bad thing? I know Loch is a bit… older… but I think he’d be able to handle a little one,” I said trying to be delicate about it. There was about a fifteen-year gap between them, but it never seemed to matter. They were good together, and you could tell he loved her with everything he had in him.
“Eh, we talked about it once,” she said, brushing it off. “We both agree that now is not the time.”
I understood what she meant. There were things going on with the club that I still didn’t have full knowledge about. And I probably never would. However, I knew any of them would do everything to keep us safe. That was what I held on to. I put my trust in the club. It was a lot for me to do after everything that had happened with my father and Steven. Even after the Tammy thing. But I decided that if I didn’t give them my all, then why should they do the same for me. So I did what any so-called old lady would do, I was there for my man and his brothers if and whenever they needed. Yes, I had learned a lot over the last few months. With Reagan and Jessica’s help of course.
“We’re gonna head out,” Reagan said, reminding me that I had a house full of people. I’d been lost in the little bubble of the room with my girl. I got up and placed Fate down in her crib, watching as she stirred slightly, but never fully woke. I hugged Reagan and followed her out to the living room.
Ethel, Reagan’s grandma, was there. I’d finally gotten to meet the colorful old woman. She always surprised me with all of her crazy, unfiltered comments. I was pretty sure she had a thing for Bocca. And Brand. Okay, yeah, and Diesel. But I didn’t mind. She was harmless. Despite the crazy, she was amazing. She was always checking on us and bringing food over. I loved to cook, but having a baby just took it out of me. I knew it was still early, and I was still getting used to being a mom. I knew that things would level out eventually. Right then, my goal was getting Fate to sleep through the night. Luckily, Ethel would also stay for a few hours when she would drop off her goodies. She would shoo me off to the bedroom for some much needed nap time while she watched over Fate.
I said my goodbyes as Ethel, Loch, Reagan, and Bocca left. Tank was trying to chase down an overly sugared up Grass and Diesel was clearing up the last of the dishes.
“Aunt Ellie, look I can fly!” Grass yelled as he jumped off of the couch towards me. Tank caught him mid-air, scolding him about jumping off of the furniture. I laughed. He was just being a five-year-old.
I still remembered the day we celebrated his fifth birthday. You would never have known we were on lockdown and poor Grass had been stuck in that place for all those months. The guys did the place all up with balloons and streamers, and I made him a huge chocolate cake.
“Sorry,” he mumbled as Tank set him back on his feet on the floor.
“Damn Ethel. Feedin’ him cookies behind my back,” Tank said with mock irritation. He pulled me into a hug as I laughed. “You doin’ alright?”
“Yep, everything is perfect,” I said smiling over at Diesel as he walked into the room.
I loved the way Diesel’s serious face turned soft the instant he saw me. Every single time he looked at me. I loved the way all the air seemed to get sucked out of the room when he walked into it. That man took my breath away and I loved him with every part of me.
“Okay, let me get this wild man out of here,” Tank said, scooping up Grass. “See you in a few hours.” He tipped his head at Diesel and he shot Tank a nod back as an answer.
I knew Diesel was going over to Tank’s house to work on his bike. Really, it was just an excuse to sit around and drink. I thought their friendship was absolutely adorable. Although, I’d never tell him that. Using the word adorable or cute with bikers was apparently a big no-no. I loved that Tank and Grass lived only a few houses down. I was sure that was a big reason Diesel bought this house.
They said bye, Grass hanging off of his dad and throwing his arms around my neck before they left.
Once the door shut, the house was almost too quiet. I didn’t realize how I had become custom to all the hustle and bustle at the compound. Not that I was complaining. I liked having our own space.
“You still bummed about the teaching position?” he asked me.
I had recently heard that one of the teachers at the local school might be retiring soon. Turned out she wasn’t quite ready to let it all go. She was going to hang on another year. I was a little down, but it also gave me extra time to stay home with my little girl. Even though Diesel told me I didn’t have to ever work if I didn’t want to, I felt a little sad that I couldn’t be in a classroom.
“Maybe just a little,” I said as I smiled at him. I didn’t want him to feel bad about anything. After all, it wasn’t his fault.
“So, when I was gettin’ shit at the grocery store, I overheard Mrs. Darby talking. She’s the one who runs the daycare.” I nodded to let him know I was listening. “Anyway, she was talking to Mrs. Troy about starting up some kind of day camp or something.”
“Oh, yeah?” I curiously perked up.
“Well, I butted in and asked her about it. She told me a bit about it and I said it might be something you’d be interested in. Long story short, she told me to tell you to come by one day so she could tell you about it. See if it’s something you’d be interested in,” he said, looking a little proud of himself. My smile grew as I stared at him.
“Wait, you talked to her?” I playfully asked. Diesel wasn’t a man of many words, especially if you weren’t in his inner circle.
“Yes, for you.” He chuckled lowly. “For you, I’d do anything.”
He captured my lips, effectively ending anything else I might have had to say. I rose up on my toes and threw my arms around his neck, kissing him back harder.
“Fate asleep?” Diesel asked, pulling me into his body.
“Yes.” I smirked up at him.
“Got twenty minutes then, huh?” He suggestively wiggled his brows at me.
There was never a lack of sex with us, and it never got old. He always seemed to know just what I needed at any time. Sometimes, he was rough and demanding. While other times, he was soft and attentive. It was always the best balance of push and pull with us.
So for the next twenty minutes, he worshiped every part of my body, bringing me over the edge two times and filling me to the brim with his seed.
Reagan had once said he was going to do his best to keep me knocked up, and he was doing his best to prove her right.
The end