RYAN

 

Tillie walks out of the room with her glitter-encrusted notebook that I made sure to add extra glitter to, just to show her I’m not lying down without a fight. But something in her looked broken. I’d touched on something—a nerve or some raw emotion I was unaware of.

Maybe it was enough to send her packing?

Maybe not.

I’ll have to wait and see.

First things first, though, I want to see how she’s doing. “So Oliver, how’s Miss Marks going with our PR?”

He tilts his head with a frown wiping some glitter from the desk. “In all honesty, Ryan, better than you ever did.”

I jolt back in shock as the room all look at me waiting for my response.

I don’t have one.

Oliver knows his shit. So if he thinks she’s doing better than me, then this means war!

I’m going to prove she’s shit at her job and I’m going to push her out in the process!

 

ONE WEEK LATER

 

Typing up a bunch of information on myself, describing my medical information and sprouting other crap about how I have to leave the band due to medical issues, I send the file to a reporter anonymously. I know this is low, but let’s see how Tillie handles the PR when it’s really hard to deal with.

On the drive to the office, I’m grinning all the way. A certain amount of shit will have hit the proverbial fan by now and Tillie should be in full breakdown mode. She’s probably left the job already, not knowing how to handle this shit storm I’ve created. I’m so elated that I’ve thought this up and that this will finally give her the push out that she deserves. I’m smiling so much my cheeks hurt. But as I pull up to the office the media are all pulling away.

I’m confused.

It should be a media circus here—cameras and reporters everywhere, Tillie floundering not knowing what to say—but instead, everyone’s leaving and there’s just nothing happening at all.

What the fuck?

I get out of my car and walk up to her as she says her final farewell to the last reporter. She’s smiling and looking completely calm and collected. Not the frazzled, crying mess I was expecting.

“What’s happening?” I ask.

“I told them all you’re working on your health. That you’ve started a fitness regime and your diabetes is already off the radar. Your blood pressure is under control and your fatty liver is being taken care of with diet, exercise and no booze. The band is behind you one hundred percent and helping you with your new lifestyle. Oh… and every Wednesday we will be posting progress reports on how you’re doing, including showing you doing yoga to center your energy and tone your body.”

Opening my eyes wide, I scoff. “You what now?”

“People are signing up to a subscription called Recovery of Ryan. We already have two thousand people signed up, Ryan, so we can’t let them down now can we?”

“Here you go, off on one of your tangents again, doing stuff without our permission.”

She shrugs. “The rest of the band said yes to it, so majority rules.”

“You’ve gotta be kidding me!”

She smiles. “Nope. And seeing as it’s Wednesday, our first post is going to go live today when I take you to yoga and live stream it.”

“You can’t make me do this, Tillie!”

She smiles tilting her body to the side. “No… I can’t, but like I said 2K have already signed up to witness your transformation. You don’t want to disappoint your fans now, do you?”

“You’re a witch, Tillie Marks,” I chide and storm past her.

“So, I have you under my spell then, Ryan?” She giggles.

“Not. Fucking. Likely!” I hoof inside leaving her giggling behind me. This was supposed to test her skills, not backfire and make her turn it around on me.

Fuck! She is good. Too damn good.

I walk inside and go to the kitchen to see Nate making a coffee.

He looks at me and smirks. “Tillie certainly owned you, hey?”

I huff. “Yeah, maybe she did, this time. But don’t you worry, I’m going to get her back, just you wait and see.”

Nate snorts. “Man, you two together are hilarious. A great source of entertainment. Keep it up, I’m loving the back and forth between you two.”

“Fuck off, Nate, go find someone else to piss off.”

He frowns. “Wow! You’re so grumpy lately. Not the usual guy running around in his briefs yelling and laughing at the world. Where’s that guy gone?” he asks, and I wonder the same thing.

“I don’t know, man… I don’t know.” I turn and walk out without a coffee and head to the place that always clears my mind. The fire escape.

Making my way to the rooftop eases my nerves, just by opening the door and letting the sun’s rays beam down on my face. I’m so on edge lately, and I don’t really know why. Yes, Tillie being here is annoying me but there’s more to it, I just don’t know what yet.

Strolling over to my usual bench seat I plonk myself down and stare out across the city below. It’s strange that a bustling city can be calming, but mix it with the rolling hills in the backdrop and anything is possible. The squeal of the door hinges doesn’t pass by me and I take a breath wondering which one of my band mates, most probably Lunar, has come up to give me a pep talk this time. It could even be Oliver, and I’m really not in the mood. I just want to be here alone, so I don’t bother turning to see who it is.

“It’s time to go to yoga,” Tillie’s voice startles me. Out of everyone, I was least expecting her, here, in my space. But I don’t have the willpower to argue right now, and especially not in my space. I don’t want to ruin the harmony of this place so I stand up to face her and flare my nostrils.

“Fine,” I say and stomp toward the exit. She turns walking with me, but we say nothing for the entire journey back inside, down the hall and out to the car.

Tillie can push me around all she likes, but the least she can do is let me drive to the gym.

“I’m driving,” I state and she raises her eyebrow and nods throwing me the keys.

I step up to the driver’s door and slide in. She glides into the passenger’s seat and closes her door. I must admit I still feel weird every time I get in a car, but I push it aside as I start the engine and reverse it to head off to the gym, which is only about five minutes away.

The car ride is completely silent the entire way, tension ripples through my body, into my fingers that grip harshly onto the steering wheel. So harshly, my knuckles turn white from the tension on the wheel. I don’t know what to say to her. She obviously doesn’t know what to say to me either, so we both say nothing as I pull up out the front of the gym.

Stepping out, I shut the door and lock her car. We traipse up to the door and walk in. An instructor leads us to a small room while telling us that Tillie booked a session just for us so no one else would be in the room. I look at her and half-smile. I’m grateful for that, even though I know this is going to be seen all over the internet, I still don’t want people in the room watching me.

“So guys, I think it’s best if I start with Ryan first to test his flexibility, and then Tillie you can join in,” the instructor announces.

“I’ll let you know before I live stream, Ryan,” Tillie informs, and I nod.

“Okay, so first things first, we’re going to stretch. So follow my movements,” the instructor says. I roll my eyes as Tillie giggles to herself, the sound is actually kinda cute and my cock twitches in my sweat pants annoying me.

Swallowing hard, I follow the instructor and stretch and bend. My muscles are tense but it’s actually kinda fun.

“I’m going to start streaming now, Ryan,” Tillie announces.

I look to her and nod figuring I will enact my fiendish plan at just the right time.

She holds up her cell and starts the live streaming. “Day one of Ryan’s yoga class and he’s doing great,” Tillie says as the instructor tells me the next move is called the Downward Dog. I smile pressing my ass right up high in the air, tensing my butt cheeks and letting out a massive fart. The sound resonates through the sparse room, bouncing off the walls and reverberating loudly with its harsh echo. The room falls silent as I look up expecting a horrified Tillie but she’s smiling and suddenly bursts out laughing as tears glisten in her eyes. The instructor laughs too, and I grunt as Tillie tries to control herself.

“Sorry guys, in case you missed that, Ryan farted. Yoga is supposed to be beneficial for your body, it’s obviously helping Ryan’s digestive tract.” She giggles. “A lot of people are saying that was a very healthy sounding fart, Ryan.”

I smirk. “Must be all the Kale shakes Danger is making me drink.”

She giggles again and it actually makes me feel okay. Even though my plan backfired, yet again, seeing her laugh is lighting something inside of me. I just don’t know what.

She stops streaming and puts the cell down with another giggle. “There were twenty-four thousand people watching, Ryan, and there’s thousands of comments. I couldn’t keep up with them all.”

I tilt my head at her words. I had no idea people were so interested in me getting healthy.

“Tillie, if you want to come over and join in for partner yoga now?” the instructor asks, and I tense up.

“What the hell is partner yoga?”

“It’s when you do yoga with a partner.”

I tense up and shake my head. “I have to touch Tillie?”

Tillie scoffs and rolls her eyes. “I don’t have rabies, I’m not gonna give you a disease!”

“No, I know. It’s just—”

“What?”

“I don’t fucking know… Okay fine, let’s just do this,” I say as she comes over and sits down on the mat in front of me.

“Right, so this first pose is quite challenging, but I think it’ll be fun for you two. Tillie is a pro at yoga it should be okay to manage, it’s called the Buddy Boat pose. I want you guys to face each other, grip on to each other’s forearms, place your feet against each other’s then raise them up until your legs are up in between you forming a triangle. Your arm’s holding each other will stop you from falling backward. This is a good test of core strength and in trust.”

I raise my eyebrow as it sounds completely ridiculous, but Tillie looks excited so I figure I’ll give it a go. So I reach out grabbing her forearm. Feeling her silky skin under my calloused hands sends a wave of warmth straight through my very soul. It surprises me, so I clear my throat from the lump that has formed in it.

“You ready?” Tillie asks. The smile on her face accentuates the little dimple on her left cheek, and for the first time it makes me want to study every inch of her face. Her glasses are off and she looks pretty with them on, but with them off she really is quite striking. I’m a little alarmed about the way I’m thinking of her right now, as my bare feet touch hers and we struggle with equal smiles as we pull our legs up between us. It’s hard and I’m really not this flexible, but after a bit of maneuvering and some slight help from Tillie, we’re positioned like we’re supposed to be. Bums are on the ground, legs in the air, hands gripping on for dear life so we don’t fall over. I smile wide knowing that with a bit of help and some self-confidence I can do anything.

“We’re doing it, Ryan,” she calls out and I chuckle.

“We are, we’re awesome,” I call back as my hands begin to sweat slightly. They slip on her forearms and our balance topples sending us flying to the side. We collapse onto the mat, legs tangling into each other and we both laugh as she basically falls on me. It seems all the tension from earlier is gone, as we lay on the floor laughing at each other. She unwraps herself from me and lays down next to me as we both look up at the ceiling.

“Wanna do another one?” I ask, and she looks at me and smirks.

“That’s the spirit,” she says jumping up and pulling me with her.

“Okay, so for this one, Ryan, we’ll have you lying on your back. Tillie you stand over Ryan as he braces his knees to his chest. You’ll lay on his feet, they will be placed on your hips, and Ryan you’ll grab Tillie’s arms for extra support. When you feel like you have her weight you will extend your legs almost so Tillie is flying in midair.”

I take a deep breath, Tillie will be completely over the top of me. One wrong move and she falls right on me.

“Oh, fun,” Tillie chimes and I purse my lips as I lay on the floor. Tillie gets into position and I grab her arms as she lays down on my feet. Taking a deep breath, I lift up wobbling and shaking. My legs are strong and can hold her, I just don’t want to drop her.

“You can do this, Ry,” she encourages looking down directly at me. Unlike the first pose, I can see her face perfectly this way, even though she’s a distance away from me, this feels more intimate. She’s looking right at me and smiling.

It’s distracting, and her beautiful smile is doing something to me. My insides are shaking and I can’t seem to focus on anything as my mind becomes a jumbled mess. I hate her, but something in me in this moment is making everything in me want to drop her, so she lands on me and I can wrap myself around her.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

She pulls her bottom lip into her mouth chewing on it and I’m done for. It’s the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen her do and my knees go weak. She plummets toward me and my body reacts before I can even think about what I’m doing. She falls toward me with a squeal, so I grab her rolling us over, my hand swoops under her head so it doesn’t hit the floor as I spin her and land on top of her. I’m panting hard as I stare into her eyes and she’s looking at me furrowing her brows like she’s wondering what the hell just happened. Her chocolate eyes bore up at me sending sparks through the room in all directions. My heart is racing so fast I feel nauseous as my stomach flips and my pulse races frantically. Electricity is surging between us, sparking off in all directions igniting the room in an inferno of epic proportions as my chest squeezes tight making it harder to breathe.

This can’t be happening.

Not now.

Not with Tillie!

A lump forms in my throat as she looks at me up through her hooded lashes and I break free from the trance. My heart rate is sky high, my blood pressure must be through the roof as I jump up, leaving her on the floor while I pant rapidly trying to catch my damn breath.

“Time’s up,” the instructor says bringing me back from my panic.

As I turn Tillie’s slowly getting up off the floor and she’s avoiding looking at me, and I quietly thank the instructor and turn, walking out of the room. I know we have to share a car ride back to the office, but right now I can’t look at Tillie and need to get away from her as I head for the car. I jump into the driver’s side and wait. Tillie arrives not long after and I start the car without saying a word and head off down the road. The tension in the air is thick. Both our shoulders are tight and squared to the front. There’s no movement as we both attempt to not look at each other, the silence stifling through the car like a blast of frigid air.

“So… that was fun,” Tillie finally breaks through the stillness, her voice quiet and soft.

I look at her and manage a smirk. “Yeah… it actually was better than I thought it’d be.”

“See, you shouldn’t close your mind off to new things. Sometimes something new, even though it’s scary, can be wonderful.”

“Are we still talking about yoga here, Tillie?”

She shrugs. “Well, life in general I suppose, and maybe with me too. Look, Ryan, I know me coming in to help out was a big shock, but I’m not really that horrible… am I?”

I sigh and scratch my forehead. “Horrible no, but you stole my job. It’s something I worked damn hard at, Tillie. Something I was proud of, you know what I mean?”

“I know and I’m sorry to have taken that from you. But shouldn’t you have the band’s best interests at heart?”

“What? I do, Tillie! Why would you even say that?” My fingers clench, white-knuckling the steering wheel.

“Then Ryan, you have to know I do a better job than you, surely?”

“Ha! Cocky much!”

This bitch, really!

“Not cocky, Ryan, not at all. I’ve had training that you haven’t. I know this industry. How to work the media. How to spin things. How to showcase you and the guys. It’s not a competition, Ryan, it’s just the facts… Recoil needs me.”

With a scoff, I turn the car harshly around the next corner so she slides over into the passenger’s door. She lets out an ‘oomph,’ and I shake my head.

“This conversation is over!”

But the war… the war is still on, and I’m going to win.