The room is massive. I mean the size of half a football field, and from one end to the other the floor is lined in an obstacle course of inflatable products. My mouth drops open as laughter and cheers filter through the air from the college boys currently residing on the field. Alex steps up to me, places her hand under my chin and lifts my jaw closed as she chuckles.

“It’s cool, huh? The kid’s room is big. But the adults’ area… is massive.” She gestures with her hands. “This arena is so much fun and the games are epic, Nate.” Her hand goes to her hip. “Oh… and I’m gonna whoop your ass, sexy boy.”

I raise my eyebrow at her and shake my head slightly as she pulls me toward a big barrel. She thrusts her hands inside pulling out some red socks and I chuckle as she throws a pair at me. I catch them, almost dropping our precious tequila bottle and she giggles.

“Careful now, no dropping the liquid courage. Put the socks on, gotta obey some rules,” she says pulling off her pixie flats and sliding on the red socks.

I place the bottle on the floor and kick off my boots, then pull on the red socks. They’re a tiny bit small, but as she says we gotta obey some rules… I suppose.

“Okay, you ready?” she asks bouncing up and down on her toes.

“How many times have you been here?”

“A lot… c’mon, race ya to the top.” She takes off to the start where the first inflatable is bright yellow with a blow-up arch over the entrance with START written in big green letters. Alex bolts for it jumping up onto the inflatable cushion and begins racing inside the arena. I chuckle at her enthusiasm and shake my head.

What have I got to lose?

I run forward with the bottle of tequila in hand, making sure the lid is on tight. I jump up onto the cushion and it is squishy beneath my feet. I wobble from side to side as I chuckle slightly walking in and look forward to see further inside the inflatable. As you walk in there’s what looks like a rock climbing wall, all inflatable of course, and I shake my head and chuckle noticing Alex is already nearly at the top.

She looks down to me and grins wide. “Gonna have to move quicker if you’re even going to consider yourself a competitor, boss.”

“I’m at a disadvantage, Alex, I have a bottle,” I call back.

She grins. “I would call that an advantage, but hey, I might be a closet alcoholic but you’ll never know unless you catch up to me,” she says climbing up higher.

I chuckle and shove the bottle half way down the front of my jeans and start climbing up the wall. It’s actually quite hard and I’m not weak by any means. I’m super fit, I work out, I lift weights and I train hard, but fuck this shit is awkward even for me. Alex looks down and chuckles at me as she scales the wall and stands at the top. “Ha ha sucker, see you at the next inflatable,” she says and rushes off.

I chuckle while continuing to climb, digging in and making my way quicker. She’s igniting the fighter in me and I want to actually compete with her not just be left behind like fucking always. So I race to the top and stand up to see two slides at the other side leading me down to the next inflatable. Grabbing the bottle from my pants, I hold onto it and slide down the slide. A smile creeps onto my face and I have to admit for a childish place this is actually pretty fun.

Sliding into an open ring-like area, I glance around to see little pillars. I’m not sure if they’re for people to stand on, hide behind or something else when suddenly a ball comes flying out of nowhere and slams into my side. Dinging sounds and the pillars light up pink. I furrow my brows and shake my head.

“What the fuck?”

I hear Alex giggling from somewhere in the ring. “It’s like dodgeball, and hide and seek all at the same time. I’m pink, you’re blue, the first one to get to four wins… aaand go,” she yells from a direction I can’t tell due to the sounds echoing off the walls. Another ball hurtles toward me, hitting me on the arm. The pillars light up pink and I scoff.

“Hey, I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t even know we were playing. You don’t play fair, Alex.”

“Life’s not fair, boss,” she replies running out from behind a pillar and throwing another ball at me. I dodge out of the way catching the ball, a dinging sounds and the pillars light up blue.

“Don’t I know it,” I murmur.

She goes to hide behind another pillar and I throw the ball at her, but it misses and hits the pillar instead. I quickly dart off to the left to hide behind a pillar.

“It’s true though, Nate. Sometimes life throws your curveballs. But you have to roll with the punches.”

Furrowing my brows, I pick up a ball that’s on the ground near me. “So what is this? Life lessons one oh one while playing hide and go dodge?”

“Something like that. You need to know that even though you’re having a hard time and feeling down, she’s not off gallivanting either.”

That ache in my chest is back and I wince as I rub my pec trying to alleviate the sting. It doesn’t help. “And this is supposed to make me feel better?”

A ball flies past my head and I duck out of the way. Looking in the direction from where it came I notice her arm sticking out slightly from behind the pillar. I hurtle the ball at her and it smacks her arm. The pillars light up blue as she yelps out an ‘ouch’ and falls to the floor.

“Shit,” I bolt toward her and as I turn toward the pillar I’m smacked by two balls at the same time, one in the leg, the other in the stomach. I groan as the pillars ding and light up pink with a consistent dinging. I squint at her as she smiles up at me with an evil grin.

“Gotchya, boss.”

“You evil little pixie.”

“All’s fair in hide and dodgem.”

She stands up and grabs the bottle of tequila from my hand unscrewing the lid and takes a very long swig. I laugh as she hands me the bottle and I take another sip too. The bottle’s nearly empty but the buzz is definitely there. I’m a mixture of emotionally depressed and tipsy, not to mention slightly confused as to why Alex brought me here in the first place, but I’m soldiering on.

“C’mon the next one should be fun in our inebriated state,” she says grabbing my hand and pulling me through the rest of the ring and out the other side into the next inflatable.

It’s another ring but in the middle is a long inflatable tube. I look at it wondering what the fuck this one’s about. Compared to the last ring this one looks quite boring. Alex smirks at me and grabs the bottle placing it down on the inflatable floor and then walks over picking up an inflatable rectangle. She hands it to me and then picks another one up and smiles so wide it’s contagious.

“Right, let’s duel, compadre.” She jumps up on the inflatable tube balancing like a pro and waits for me. Nodding once, I hop up on the tube and exhale.

“So, I’m supposed to hit you with this stick and knock you off, right?” I ask and she nods.

“You can trrry,” she says squinting her eyes and smirking at me.

“Alex, I’m not sure I’m up for thi—”

Without warning she smacks the inflatable rectangle into my side sending me off balance immediately. I wobble to the right but catch my balance and stand back up glaring at her.

“Alex… chill. This is meant to be fun, remember?”

She sighs, grins and hits me again which causes me to wobble once more.

I glare at her again and her smile falters and then she whacks me again. I wobble almost falling off and glare at her so fiercely I want to claw her eyes out. “What the fuck is your problem, Alex?”

She smiles and lowers her stick. “You! You’re moping around, being a sad sack of shit, when you’re obviously such a great guy. You have so much to give the world.”

“Me? I have nothing to give the world, Alex… absolutely nothing. God, I can’t even keep the one woman I thought was right for me.”

She smacks her stick into me again. I tense up and smack her back, but she doesn’t budge which pisses me off even more. “Fuck, what do you want from me?”

“I want you to listen to yourself.”

“What?”

“Ria told me about your self-doubt, but I see it too. I see it every day when I tell you a painting has sold and you don’t believe me. I see it in the way you look at your brother and the way you carry yourself around him. How you shrink down like you think he’s better than you. You have to stop it! Just because Ria believed in you and she left you, doesn’t mean you’re not worthy of being the amazing person that you are. Just stop… I believe in you, or I wouldn’t be here.”

“You think you know me?” I ask and shove her again, but again she doesn’t budge.

How the fuck does she do that?

“I know you’re hurting. I know you miss her. But Nate, you need to keep going, missing her doesn’t bring her back into your life. She misses you too—”

“Not helping—”

“Just because you miss someone doesn’t make your decisions easier, or the path clearer. Nate, you gotta let go.”

Those words hit me like a ton of bricks and a pain ripples through my chest so fierce it takes my breath. “No, I use the pain as my muse, Alex, without it I have no art.”

“Bullshit! You were talented before Ria, you don’t need her.”

My nostrils flare and I jab Alex right in the stomach. She wobbles slightly but remains steadfast. “I need her, Alex.”

“Nate, let her go,” she says hitting me across my left side causing me to wobble hard.

“No,” I call out.

“Let her go,” she says starting to pummel me with the stick. I wobble so hard that I lose my balance and fall head first onto the cushioned ground and bounce hard.

“She’s letting you go, Nate,” Alex says still standing on the tube.

My breathing becomes harsh and fast as rage burns through me so smoldering hot I can’t control it. I groan out loud as I stand up and start to pace.

Alex jumps down from the tube and watches me as I walk back and forth on the puffy mattress ground.

“Nate—”

“No!” I say bending down and picking up the tequila bottle and smashing it down onto the rubbery surface. Somehow the bottle smashes and a shard of glass pokes into the inflatable arena.

“Oh shit!” Alex says as she rushes forward grabbing me. The flap of broken material starts to flutter violently as air gushes out at lightning speed.

“Nate… run,” she says and grabs me, dragging me out of the arena and onto solid ground. The inflatable arena starts to wobble and deflate as I open my eyes wide and look to Alex. She pulls her lips in tight and tries to hide her amusement.

“Holy shit, Nate, you’re fucking bad-ass,” she murmurs.

“Fuck! I totally just blew up an inflatable arena didn’t it?”

She chuckles and nods. “With fucking tequila, no less.”

Augie runs in and stops next to us as I stand up straighter and breathe heavily.

Fuck! I could be in deep shit for this.

“Fucking hell,” Augie says a little out of breath. “What happened?”

Alex shakes her head looking over to the group of college boys. “Those fuckers were drinking tequila on your inflatables, Augie. It had to be them those little fucking brats,” she says.

Augie nods and puffs out his chest. “Yeah, little bastards. Right they’ll pay for this. Thanks, Alex. What would I do without you?” He steps off toward the college kids.

She turns to me and takes a deep breath. “Quick, let’s get our shoes and skedaddle.”

We put them on in a mad rush and race out of there as quickly as possible, laughing all the way out onto the street. Quickly we duck into the car heading away from Inflatable Land before Augie and his boss can catch up with us. My security detail gets into the driver’s seat chuckling to himself after witnessing what went down, but he keeps to himself as he pulls off from the curb rapidly.

“Holy hell, Alex. You think I’m the bad-ass? I think it’s you,” I say and she chuckles.

“No, it’s definitely you Mister I-Like-To-Hulk-Smash-Inflatables-With-Tequila-Bottles.” She giggles to herself as she says it.

“How do you know Augie, Alex?” I ask.

She smiles. “The shelter I was staying at when Ria found me used to bring the women here as a group, for confidence building and group mentoring. We came here once a month and Augie was instrumental in helping us all come out of our shells. Because he’s such a decent guy and we all came from terrible relationships with men, he helped us remember that not all men are the evil incarnate. Augie’s a great guy, not just with kids, but in general. I owe him a lot. I owe a lot of people actually.”

I shake my head slightly. I had no idea. Here’s me thinking Augie had a crush on Alex and it’s actually that he adores her and helped Alex get back on her feet. Shows how wrong you can read a situation.

“I feel bad for breaking his inflatable now.” Shaking my head at my actions, I wince and exhale. “They’re gonna review the security footage.”

She looks at me pursing her lips and nods. “Yeah, they will.”

“Do you think they’ll press charges when they realize it was me?”

She shakes her head. “Nah, I’ll calm them down. Plus, we can get your PR girl to smooth shit over, right?”

Running my hand through my hair, I nod. “Yeah, Tillie’s good like that. I’ll pay for the damages. I’m not a complete dick…” I run my fingers through my hair. “It was fun though, even though I went a little smashy in the end. I’ll get onto Tillie when I get back home and fill her in on what happened. A decent sized check will help smooth things over, I’m sure.”

She half-smiles and nods. “What I was saying still stands though, Nate. Ria… she’s trying to do the best she can with a crappy situation.”

I let out a bemused laugh. “Yeah, well, I just wish I knew what triggered it all. She says it was my jealousy, but I don’t buy it. I feel like there’s more she’s not telling me. I just…” I let out a long drawn out breath, “… I don’t fucking know. I can’t make her talk to me if she doesn’t want to. If she doesn’t want me then what can I do?”

She wraps her arm with mine and leans into my side. “I know more than you think I do. But I won’t betray her trust, and I won’t betray yours either. Just know that things happened for a reason.”

“Geez, that makes me want to know even more, Alex. You’re not helping as usual.”

She winces. “Sorry, I just wanted you to know she has a side too. And I’m sure one day it will all come out. I hate being in the middle, but like I said I’m not going to betray either of your trust.”

“But I’m the favorite, right?” I tease with a smirk and she rolls her eyes.

“Matt’s my favorite,” she quips. I groan and fake puke while she giggles. “So what do you wanna do now?”

I shrug. “Go back to Robert and his mullet and have a work pizza night?”

She nods with a great big smile and pulls me toward her with a chuckle.

 

RIA

 

A gentle knocking at my door startles me. It’s late and I’m not really expecting anyone, although I know security will only let close friends and family through so it can’t be anything dangerous. Wrapping my robe around my upset stomach, I stand up feeling sweaty and pasty and walk to the front door. I’m still feeling nauseous and I know that the sickness isn’t passing, but I guess it’s not going to in my condition. Taking a deep breath, the cool marble on the base of my feet feels like heaven as I grab the handle of the door and slowly open it. My eyes open full when I see Alex standing on my doorstep.

“Alex… hey.”

“Hey Ria… sorry I know it’s late. I would’ve called, but my phone died and I wanted to give you a progress report on Nate. He’s had a tough day, and I told him what you wanted him to know.”

An ache fills my heart knowing that Alex has told Nate that I’m moving on without him.

I’m not. Not at all.

He’s all I think about.

Every day.

But I can’t bring myself to tell him of my condition, it’s too scary. I don’t know how he would take the news. Our relationship is so young and throwing this bomb on him, well it’s too soon to make him deal with this. This whole thing, it’s not fair and so it’s best to let him go. Let him move on with his life. He deserves to live a full life, to be free and happy for as long as he can without having to think of me and what’s happening to my body.

“Is he okay?” I ask stepping aside for her to come inside. She smells of alcohol and I wonder if it means they’ve been drinking together.

Alex moves inside and I close the door behind her as she looks me up and down with a frown. “Not really. He’s trying to be brave, but he’s mopey and misses you like crazy. I tried to get him out of the gallery for a bit tonight by taking him to Inflatable Land and well, he broke a tequila bottle on the arena and cut the inflatable, effectively destroying it. The cops showed up at the gallery about an hour after we left—”

“What? Oh my God…” my hand flies to my mouth and my eyes bulge practically out their sockets, “… is he in serious trouble?”

Alex grabs my arms as I sway slightly as she leads me back down to the couch. “No, Tillie came down and sorted it. He had to pay for the damages and a fine, but it’s all sorted and he’s not allowed to go back for six months,” she says as she sits me down on the white plush sofa.

Taking a deep breath, I swallow hard. “Why did he break the bottle?”

Alex slumps her body. “Because I told him about you—”

“Why I’m sick?” I tense up.

“God no, I wouldn’t do that to you. Just what you told me to say. That you’re moving on and he needs to let you go.”

Sinking down into the plushness of my sofa, I clench my eyes shut trying to fight back the tears threatening to fall. “So he didn’t take it well then.”

She rubs my knee. “No… you’re all he paints about, Ria. All he thinks about. Pretty much all he talks about.” Clenching my eyes tighter a fat tear falls from my eye. “Look, I don’t want to tread on any toes here, but… are you sure shutting him out is the right move?”

I glare at her. “Yes. He’s so young, I don’t want to bog him down with this. He needs to live his life and be free to be the rock star that he wants to be… no… that he should be. I shouldn’t be responsible for him putting his life on hold.”

“He wouldn’t be putting it on hold, he’d be looking after you. Putting you first, Ria. I know him well enough to know he would want to look after you, help you through these next few months while you’re—”

“Alex, he wouldn’t want this. We haven’t even said I love you. Why would he want to take on this responsibility? It’s no small task. There’s so many doctor’s appointments and other stuff that involves money. I know he has plenty, and for that matter so do I, but I don’t want to burden him with this. It’s not a small thing Alex, he didn’t sign up for this when we got together.”

“But how do you know? You don’t know unless you tell him, Ria. Please, just tell him—”

“Alex, no. It won’t change anything. It will only scare him, terrify him in fact. What’s the good in that?”

She shakes her head and swallows hard. “I hate seeing him so cut up about you. I hate watching you miserable without him.”

“I loathe being without him, Alex. I miss him so much it’s killing me, but this is the only way I can see going forward right now.”

“I’m gonna be honest, I think your way is wrong. Terribly wrong. I think he’s stronger than you give him credit for. I think he’d want to know, and I know he’d be the best support you could ever have. I think you doing this without his help is stupid, and you’re being a stubborn fuck. Sorry, but someone has to say it.”

Looking down to my hands in my lap, I nod and sigh. She’s probably right. Everyone misjudges Nate and I detest that they do it.

Oh God… now I’m doing it too.

He could handle this.

I know he could.

He’d support me, help me through the worst of the sickness and take me to every single appointment I needed to go to. Hell, he’d hold my hair while I puked. He’d rub my back, and my feet. He’d be here every second of every day if I let him. But that’s the thing. I want him to be his own man. I want him to not give up his life for mine. I want him to continue with Recoil and his new gallery, and I worry if I tell him what’s going on that he will throw in the towel to be with me full time. I can’t risk that. I just can’t. I need him to forget about me and mine.

“I’m sorry, Alex. I’ve made up my mind. Nate means everything to me, and because of that I’m able to let him go. I can’t bring his future down because of this. His future is only just starting. I’ve reached the pinnacle of my career… see where I’m going with this?”

Alex shakes her head and exhales. “Okay, but I can’t guarantee that he isn’t going to go off the deep end when he does find out. And you know he will. It’s inevitable, Ria. You can only hide it for so long before... you know?”

Closing my eyes briefly as I picture Nate’s face, I smile slightly remembering the good times. “I know. Hopefully by then, he’ll have moved on and it won’t be an issue.”

She scoffs out a bemused laugh and tilts her head. “You’re delusional.”

“Quite probably,” I reply.

Alex smiles finally and pulls me to her embracing me in a tight hug. “I know this is hard on you, Ria, but sometimes asking for help isn’t a bad thing.”

“I ask you for help.”

She rolls her eyes. “Yes, but sometimes you need a man’s help… the man’s help.”

“I get you, but I’m not wavering. I love you for trying, though. I’m so glad I have you, Alex.”

“Oh Ria, for everything you’ve done for me? It’s the other way around… I’m so freaking lucky I have you. I’m so happy you asked me to help Nate. I think he’d be lost without me to be honest. Matt’s helping him, but I think I’m a good ear when he needs it. And a good kick up the backside, too. Plus, a little bit of a female presence in his life with some positive affirmations being sent his way is a good ego boost for him, I think. Poor guy has some serious self-confidence issues.”

“I know, he’s so broken. His life has been one rejection after the other and I’m another one to add to his list. I fucking hate that I’ve done that to him. I wish there was another way, I really do. I wish I could make him feel like he wasn’t a reject, that if I could, I would have him in my life in a heartbeat, every step of the way. He is good enough. He’s more than good enough. I just wish he knew that.” Another fat tear forms in my eye and slides down my cheek.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep looking after him. He’s such an amazing man, Ria, I know why you like him. He’s a really good friend to me, and after this short amount of time with him, I’m so fond of him already. Nate’s such an incredible guy, and I don’t know why people think he’s a douche. Sure, I see he can be a little pigheaded and stubborn, but underneath it all he’s super caring and loyal. And man he just really likes you… I’m pretty sure he loves you, Ria.”

I flop my head back onto the headrest of the sofa and exhale. I know how he feels, I’m pretty sure I love him, too, but that doesn’t help this situation. It only makes it harder.

“I know. Alex, please, tell me you’ll watch out for him… like a sister. Keep him in line, but be kind to him and be there for him.”

She nods and continues to cuddle me. “I’ll keep doing what I’m doing. He means a lot to me already, Ria. He might not think so, but he’s one of my closest friends. I don’t have a lot and I don’t let people in easily as you know, so he doesn’t really know how closed off I can be.”

“I know. I can’t believe how far you’ve come. From that broken, shy girl I first met at the shelter to the amazing confident woman you are now, Alex. I’m in awe of you.”

“Well, that might have something to do with this A-lister actress who brought me out of my shell, told me I could be someone, reminded me I had a life to live and I should live it. You might know her, I think she needs some of her own advice right about now?” She looks right into my eyes and I half-smile.

“I hear you. I know I’m a little lost. This has thrown me a bit. The news is well… life changing. But you can either let it drown you or you take it day by day and deal with it as best you can. That’s what I’m doing, Alex… I’m dealing.”

Alex shakes her head and looks over to the bench where the bottles of vitamins and other medicines are lining the benchtop. “Are they helping?”

I shrug. “A little but not much. The nausea is a real killer. It’s all the time now and nothing’s really helping. The swelling and aches I’m getting a handle on, and the tiredness comes and goes, but doctors have said it will probably only get worse before it gets better.”

“Ria—”

“I’m not telling him!”

“Okay, I won’t say anything more about it, and you know I’m always here for you. But please, call me if you need anything. Anything at all. Even someone to hold your hair while you puke.”

“Thank you Alex, you’re a true friend.” Even just saying the word puke is making me want to puke. My stomach is so unsettled these days. I freaking hate it.

She pulls back from me and looks me up and down. “Have you eaten today?”

“A little.” I fake a smile.

“Did you have dinner?”

The thought of food makes my stomach spin and I curl my lip up in protest shaking my head.

“Ria, I’m pretty sure you’re losing weight. I can see it in your face.”

I take a deep breath trying to settle my churning stomach. “I’m fine.”

“How ‘bout some crackers? Something dry and small, but at least it’s something?”

I nod. Alex stands and walks toward the kitchen as I stay on the sofa feeling like all my energy is gone just from the toll it’s taken on me to have a conversation. “What do you think Nate is going to do when he finds out, Alex?”

She turns back to look at me and purses her lips. “I think he’s going to be angry you didn’t tell him. But I think he will step up whether you want him to or not. You won’t have a choice. He’ll be back in your life and things will be how they’re meant to be.”

My body tenses at the thought of Nate being dragged back into my mess. Thinking of him ruining his life for me makes my stomach churn. Bile creeps up my throat and I gag as I jump up and bolt for the downstairs bathroom trying to hold it in until I reach the toilet.

“Ria!” Alex calls out as I reach the bathroom and throw up nothing but bile and acidic liquid into the bowl while my eyes water thinking of Nate.