ALEX

 

Watching Matt leave, I feel a sense of safety washing over me. Like I will always be protected with him no matter what. I like this feeling. It’s a feeling like he would do anything to make sure I’m happy. Which makes me pleased that I have him in my life now, and I’m so glad to have a decent friendship with someone finally.

Looking over to the kitchen table, I figure I better clean up from dinner and then I’ll head straight to bed. I know it will be another big day at work tomorrow. So I go about tidying up and then get changed into my shorts and shirt, and hop into bed. The one place in my apartment that’s void of color, where I can switch off for the night and truly try to tune out.

But as my head hits my pillow and I pull the duvet up to my chin, my thoughts are with my parents and my grandmother, and as I close my eyes an image of my ex Kyle comes to mind which sends me off into a very restless sleep.

 

***

 

Waking up, I feel like crap, less chipper than my usual self after spending all night lost in dreams of my parents and being completely alone in the world. Even though I’m feeling flat as hell, I’ll put on a brave face for Nate because he needs to be uplifted. So after getting up, having a light breakfast and getting ready, I head to the gallery like normal.

Walking in, the bright sunny light cheers me up, but not to the extent I was hoping. Most of Nate’s artwork is somber and moody, so looking at the art brings my mood down another notch as I glance at the walls. Sighing, I look over to Robert the cleaner and nod my head in a gesture of ‘good morning,’ and he stops mopping the floor to look up at me with a bright smile.

“Morning Alex my sweet, you look particularly beautiful this morning,” he says, and to be honest, typically those words from an older man I would find kinda sleazy, but from Robert I know it comes from a good place. He’s a great guy. Looking down at the two piece dress suit I have on I wipe my hands over the silky fabric.

“Oh, this old thing… nah, but thank you. How’s the wife and kids?”

“Oh Lord, keeping me insane as ever.” He chuckles as he goes back to mopping, and I continue walking toward the studio and Nate.

I giggle as I pat Robert’s shoulder and pass him moving into the studio. Nate’s hunched over a canvas looking disheveled with a day’s growth of beard on his face, which is unusual for him. He’s actually becoming a little out of control. Sighing, I walk over and take up the stool next to him as he continues to paint almost as if he didn’t even see me come in.

“You’re taking this moody artist thing a bit far don’t you think?” He shrugs and continues to paint. “Nate, I know you miss her, I know you’re sad, and I know it’s working for your paintings, but you gotta look after yourself. Are you eating?”

He nods, gesturing to the granola bar that’s half-eaten on the bench next to a full cup of coffee.

I exhale. “And did you have any dinner last night?”

He points with his brush to the trash can which houses a pizza box. I chew on my bottom lip and nod. Well, that’s something at least.

“Okay, I can see you’re in the zone, I’ll leave you to it… oh, master painter extraordinaire,” I tease and he lets out a stifled chuckle.

“Thanks, Alex, I appreciate your concern. I’m doing fine. I promise. No need to send in a doctor just yet.”

I puff out a gust of air from my mouth which flicks my hair from my face. “Good to know. But I have one on standby if you need him, just say the word.”

“I’m fine, honestly, but I love that you care so much. Thank you. Now go… do some work.”

I salute him exaggeratedly. “Yes, boss.”

Stepping off, I move out to open the gallery and generally run the place for the day. I sell a few paintings, work on the accounting, and make sure everything is flowing smoothly.

Nate stayed in his studio all day and didn’t come out once, which concerns me. I checked in on him occasionally throughout the day, but he was always too lost in his canvas to even notice me, which is good. Keeping distracted is good… for the moment.

It’s now closing time, and after selling another few paintings, I close up shop. During the day Logan messaged me a few times which helped to make the day go quicker, but I couldn’t stop thinking about Matt and how he’s going with Jaci. I really want to message him to find out how he’s doing with her after last night, but at the same time, I don’t want to crowd him and ruin our new friendship by being that clingy friend. So I decide to not message and go in to check on Nate instead.

Walking into the studio, Nate’s still busy painting, and I huff slightly. “Right you, go home!”

He looks at me and raises his brow. “Excuse me?”

“Get off your ass, and go the fuck home. You look like shit. You’re running yourself into the ground and to top it off you stink. Go home. Shower. Eat. Have a good sleep. Come back tomorrow refreshed to start again. This will all still be here I can assure you. I’m not taking no for an answer, Nate. I’ll kick you in the nuts if I have to.”

He takes a deep breath. “Okay,” he says putting down his brush. “I’m pretty tired, so sleeping will be a plus.” He chuckles.

“See, Alex knows best. Now get off your pretty little ass and get the fuck out of here. Robert and I will lock up. Go on… off you go, little rocker boy.”

Nate stands and moves over to the sink, washes out his brushes and rinses his hands. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“You don’t, you really don’t. I’m totally awesome and deserve a raise,” I tease.

“I don’t even know what you’re being paid,” Nate replies.

“Well, with what the gallery is making it’s enough to keep me on after my year’s payment is up. So you’re stuck with me. Can’t get rid of me that easily.”

“I have a feeling I’d be lost without you, Alex. Even if the gallery weren't making money, I’d still keep you on,” he says with a smile and his eyes sparkle.

My stomach does a little flutter and a tear forms in the corner of my eye, but I quickly blink it away—that’s the nicest thing he’s ever said to me.

“Wow! Thank you… that’s so sweet of you to say.”

“I mean it, Alex. You’re not just my employee, you’re my friend, and you’re helping me every day whether you know it or not. I couldn’t be here without you.” He walks over to me and gives me a gentle hug. I wrap my arms around him and cuddle him right back.

“Ria’s an idiot,” I murmur.

Nate chuckles as he pulls back from me. “I’m going home, see you tomorrow?”

“Like clockwork. Have a good rest, Nate.” He walks out of the studio, and I exhale a loud sigh wondering why the fuck Ria’s letting a guy as fucking awesome as Nate just walk out of her life. He loves her so much, and he’d be so good for her and the baby if she just told him the truth. Stubborn woman!

Doing a quick once over in the studio and a general tidy up, I glance over to see Robert cleaning the windows while he casually whistles to himself. God knows how he finds shit to clean all day, but he manages.

“Hey Robert, you good to lock up for the night?”

He peers over at me and nods, his mullet bobbing up and down making me wanna chuckle, but I resist. “Sure thing darlin’, you head on home. I’ll shut up shop.”

I give him a quick wink, grab my keys and cell and head for my car. I feel like I need a little help, a little bit of guidance after my restless night and confusing day. So I head for the one place I know will make my mind a little clearer. To the one person who always makes me feel more at ease. He settles me without even having to try, and I love him for it.

Pulling up at the Japanese Teppanyaki restaurant, I know he’s working at tonight. He always works this shift. Getting out of the car, the sun is fast disappearing in the sky bringing out the deep hues of the night sky, and there’s a slight chill in the air as the night takes hold. I love this time of day. There’s something calming about it.

Making my way inside the restaurant I know so well, I head straight to his iron griddle. I smile wide taking in the bald Asian man dressed in a chef’s outfit. It’s a stark contrast to his usual orange monk attire, but hell, I’ve seen Whisper wearing many different things throughout the years. I take a seat at the table that’s currently only seating one other person.

Whisper spots me with a sly smile but continues his conversation with the man at the table. “So, you see, I do your taxes at end of financial year for you, too. My business card at end of table. White one, not black one. Black one for Fung Shui. I do that for you, too. Green card for dog grooming. You have dog, you sexy boy?” Whisper asks. The guy furrows his brows at Whisper, and slowly stands up and walks away to another table. I chuckle and shake my head, placing my hands together in front of me on the table as Whisper sighs. “Ah… his ju-ju bad anyway. I no help him. His demons too large, too large. Alexandria, it so good to see you. It been a while… you look sad, though… demons come back?”

Placing my elbows on the table and my chin in my hands, I nod. “Yeah Whisper, I’m thinking too much.”

He reaches out with his basting brush and slaps my hand leaving some kind of greasy sauce all over my skin. It makes me feel lighter as I giggle instantly. “You no think! Demons of past stay in past, Alex. Your parents, your gran, even Kyle, they all bad memories. You need to let go before you can move forward. You remember my mantra for when you feel demons coming?”

“Cool, calm, collected?” I ask.

“Yes. I tell my two new sexy boys this all the time. They get it now. I helping them with Fung Shui. They just like you, harbor demons. They both so sad. But oh God, so sexy, sexy boys.”

I burst out laughing then lick the sauce from my hand while he continues to cook up something on the hot plate. “Whisper do you think I’ll ever be able to love someone again?”

He stops his movements and looks me right in the eyes. “Oh Alex, my darling girl. The love you have is waiting for someone. Someone who need to be loved and doesn’t know who he looking for until you swoop in and surprise him. You are blessing and he will figure it out. Patience needed for your man, Alex. I see friendship before love. But your love… it be unbreakable. Trust it… trust him… trust yourself. A love unwavering like the ocean tide, stronger than a thousand currents.”

I smirk and nod. His faith in love is always refreshing, but I’m not so sure it’s just something he says to try and make me feel better, or whether he truly believes it. “Thanks, Whisper. We need to find you someone to love.”

“My time will come, Alex. It written in stars. I have patience, you should too… You want chicken or beef?” he asks, completely changing the subject and flipping some protein over on the hotplate.

“Surprise me.”

Whisper nods with a wink as my cell beeps. I look down and notice a text from Logan. I half-smile hoping it was from Matt, but read the message anyway.

 

Logan: So my day sucked balls. My day did, not me, just to be clear lol. How’d yours end up?

 

Whisper chuckles saying, “The message from a man? See, your stars aligning already.”

I type back a reply while shaking my head. “Yeah… maybe.”

 

Me: I dunno, I bet you secretly love ball sucking. It’s your night time hobby, right? ;) My day was okayish… busy, just having some dinner with a friend.

 

“Teriyaki beef for you, Alex, delicious and nutritious,” Whisper tells me placing the plate in front of me.

“Thanks, Whisper, you’re awesome.” I pick up my chopsticks as another message comes in.

 

Logan: Nope, no balls enter this mouth, thank you very much. lol Unless they’re covered in chocolate or something lol Okay this is officially a weird conversation, but I like it lol Anyway I hope you have a nice dinner with your friend. I’ll try not to message too much and interrupt you… Have a ball-licking good night ;)

 

I burst out laughing and I start eating. Suddenly, the seat next to me is occupied, and I look up to see Whisper sitting there rather than behind the griddle as he looks over my shoulder to my cell seeing I’m in the Lovepessimist app, and he nods.

“Ah huh. I internet dating guidance guru, you know this, yes?”

I nod shoveling food into my mouth like there’s no tomorrow. “I know.”

“Then if you ever need advice on internet dating I your go-to guy. I give discount on account we friends.”

Smiling, I roll my eyes and try to hold in my laugh. “Thanks, but I have a friend who’s doing it with me. We’re kinda helping each other through it.”

This food is delicious!

Whisper looks at me and tilts his head assessing me, then a sly smile creeps on his face. “Mmm… your ju-ju change when you mention friend, Alex.”

I sit taller and furrow my brows pausing my intake of food as my chopsticks halt at my lips. “Well, he’s a new friend. He’s interesting and funny, kinda odd, but you know me I attract the odd ones to my life.”

“Odd? No. Intriguing, captivating, fascinating… yes. The fun people, Alex.”

“Yes, you’re definitely right there, Whisper. You and the twins are definitely all of those.”

Whisper raises an eyebrow and tilts his head like I’ve said something that interests him, but he says nothing more as he continues to read my conversation with Logan over my shoulder. “Logan, he sound like X-men.”

I giggle. “Hopefully, he doesn’t have titanium claws or the chops on his face.”

Whisper laughs. “Hahaha… you so funny. I give you discount on dog grooming. Special this month for you?”

“Whisper you know I don’t have a dog,” I reply shoveling in the last of my meal.

“Oh, yes… taxes then?”

“Thanks for dinner and for making me laugh. It was great catching up with you again. I’ll see you soon, for sure.” I slip him some cash for my dinner.

He reaches out grabbing my hand. “Alex, remember, the ghost of our past only haunt us if we let them. You be cool, calm, collected when you feel the demon creep in. The ju-ju will help, pretty girl. Remember, okay?”

Nodding, I lean in for a hug, and he cuddles me back tightly, rubbing my back in a circular motion. I’m not sure if that’s his way of hugging or just some other weird Whisper ju-ju trick he has going on, but it makes me feel calmer instantly. I don’t know how he does it, but he always makes me feel better. Lighter. Freer.

“Thanks, Whisper.” I kiss his cheek and then turn, making my way outside to my car.

Heading home doesn’t take long, and once I’m back in my apartment, I figure what better way to relax after a long day than a long hot soak in the tub. It will be nice to try and relax a little further after my dinner and chat with Whisper. I grab my iPod and dock, some candles and cell, and make my way to my bathroom.

The room isn’t massive by any account, but it’s big enough to house an old style four claw bath, shower, toilet, and basin. Putting the iPod on and letting the soft sounds of my man Ed Sheeran waft through the bathroom as I strip down and turn on the tub. The smell of lavender and jasmine bubble bath floods the room as I pour it into the water, and it foams up nicely.

This is just what I need.

The tub fills, and I light the candles placing them around the tub giving the room a romantic feel. I think of Logan and wonder what he’s doing right now and whether he’s thinking of me at all. I bite my lip at the thought, and place my cell on the window ledge right next to the bath and sink into the piping hot water. The silkiness hits my skin, and I relax instantly. The warmth caresses me, sweeping over me like a tidal wave of comfort while it rolls over my skin as I sink further and further into the tub. Sighing, I close my eyes, resting my arms on the top of the bath’s edges, relishing in the joy I’m feeling right now after a long day.

My cell buzzes.

Lifting my head, I reach for my cell and carefully bring it over to see who it’s from. I glance at the name, expecting it to be from Logan, but it’s Matt. My body is instantly more awake as I see his name, and I smile wide as he asks how my day went. I’m not sure why, but I feel like this is what I’ve needed tonight—to hear from Matt.

Is it weird that I feel like I’ve missed him? I don’t know, but anyway, I need to write back.

 

Me: It was okay… just worked mainly and then I sent Nate home to shower and hopefully eat. He seems to be going downhill…

 

I hit send and wait for him to reply as I lift my leg up and watch the droplets of water and bubbles drip from my skin. It always seems so sexy when the women do it in the movies. My cell beeps, and I bring it up to check his reply.

 

Matt: I made him a big dinner, and we had a decent chat. He seems okay… quiet, but okay. Thank you for looking out for him.

 

Sighing, I feel better knowing he’s doing okay with Matt by his side too. Knowing Nate has support at home as well as at work with me, is good.

 

Me: Of course, I’m glad you’re with him, too. With us both looking after him it’s a good thing.

Matt: How’s it going with Logan?

Me: Good. It’s going slowly, but we’ve been talking throughout the day, mainly about balls… don’t ask lol. How’s things with Jaci?

Matt: Umm can’t say I’m not curious about your ball conversations lol Things with Jaci are going well, and it might sound weird, but I feel a kind of connection with her if that’s possible?

 

Opening my eyes wide, I take a deep breath. I feel a little weird reading that. But I’m not sure in what way. I’m happy for Matt, but at the same time, I feel like I want to keep him all to myself. It’s an odd feeling like I know when Jaci and Matt finally meet, if they hit it off, our friendship will eventually fade, and it’s only just beginning. I want to spend more time with Matt before I lose him to Jaci, or someone else if it’s not her. This feeling is foreign to me. I have friends, lots of them, but none I’ve ever felt so protective over.

Placing my cell back up on the window ledge, I reach down and pull the plug letting the water flow down the drain and letting the stress of the day drain away with it. I hop out of the bath and reach for the towel, drying myself off, and then make my way back out into the main room and over to my bed where my pajamas await me. I get dressed quickly, and pull my hair out of the bun it’s been in all day letting my colorful hair cascade around my face. Small strands of wet hair stick to my cheeks as I crawl into bed. I think of Matt and our short conversation and realize I didn’t write back to him. I figure I probably should, so I type out a quick message as I fall into my pillows and sink into the softness of my bed.

 

Me: That’s great. I’m heading to bed. Had a huge day. Hope you have a good night. Sweet dreams…

 

I hit send, and place my cell on my pillow. My eyes close, and it’s not long before my mind wanders off into that half-asleep realm where my thoughts are all about Matt. Here’s hoping I have a more peaceful sleep tonight rather than the troubled one of the night before.