ALEX

 

My body aches, but in a delicious way as my eyes slowly open. Light filters in from the open curtains sending in rays of light from the morning sun. Dust particles sprinkle through the air giving the morning a magical feel as I lay here basking in the afterglow of the events of the night before. Matt’s arm is draped over my naked body, still clinging to me almost as if for dear life, as my back is pressed against his very naked front. I can feel all of him, including his morning erection, and I chew on my bottom lip wondering if I should take advantage of that again this morning.

Our relationship has changed irrevocably, in one way or another. We’re best friends, but we’ve now crossed a line and slept together. But what we did last night wasn’t just sex, not for me, it felt like more. I don’t think you have sex like that with just anyone. At least I don’t.

Closing my eyes, I relish in the moment a little longer. I’m not sure exactly how long I’ve wanted this for. But being here, in Matt’s arms, feels… so right. I just hope he feels this too.

I slowly move my hand to lace my fingers with his hand that’s resting on my stomach, and he takes in a deep breath like he’s just woken. He murmurs slightly, shifting his weight and squeezes my hand in his, then leans in kissing my shoulder gently.

“Morning,” he whispers.

Smiling, I turn my head slightly to look at him. Matt’s eyes are still hazy, and his hair is all disheveled.

He looks perfect.

I roll over, facing him and he smiles at me, looking in my eyes. “Morning,” I murmur back.

He brings his hand up, moving some hair behind my ear and caresses my cheek in a kind gesture. It’s tender and sweet, and I nuzzle into his palm as he weakly smiles at me.

“So… we’re still best friends, right?” he asks out of nowhere, and I pull my eyebrows together more in shock than anything else.

Is he serious?

We had an amazing night together. I thought we shared a deep emotional connection, and yet he wants to stay just friends? I’m a little stunned. But this is Matt, and I have never been on his list, so I guess, I have to remember that I don’t meet his rules.

I’m not the girl he wants.

I was there last night when he needed me, and that’s all this was. I look away from him and swallow hard. “Ah… yeah, of course. We’re always friends, Matt. But I, ah… have to go to work. So I better get going,” I say and turn from his grip.

Realizing, I’m butt naked, I need to find some clothes. So I make do and grab the top cover of his bed, and pull it over me and hop out of bed then wrap it around me to go about finding my clothing. Matt furrows his brows, leaning on his elbow watching me cautiously like he’s a little stunned by my actions.

“Didn’t Nate give you the day off? I thought we could hang out together?” he asks.

I find my panties and try to pull them on up and under the massive duvet while trying to hold it on me at the same time. I’m confused and a little hurt that he wants to go back to normal after last night, and I just want to get out of here. “Yeah, but Ria’s paid me for seven days a week, so I don’t want to take advantage,” I say and let the last two words hang in the air.

He nods and clears his throat as he sits up in the bed, the sheets falling showing his perfectly toned body. I cringe slightly, as all I wanna do is go back over and jump back into bed with him.

But I can’t, Matt clearly doesn’t want that.

This was obviously a one-time deal.

“I’m so sorry, Alex. I needed comfort last night. I was weak, and I shouldn’t have done that to you,” he says, and my stomach sinks.

He’s regretting last night?

I turn away from him simply nodding and grab my bra, dress, and shoes and swallow hard. “It’s fine. What are friends for?” With my back turned to him, I head out of his room before this gets even more awkward. My breathing is short and sharp as I race toward Nate’s old room.

I’m not going to cry!

I won’t allow it.

It feels like Matt used me, and I hate that he did that. I thought I was worth more to him than that, but if that’s what I am to him, then I guess he does mean more to me than I do to him.

I need to distance myself from him.

I drop the duvet and get dressed quickly, then race out of his house.

Matt makes no attempt to come and find me or stop me, and I leave without a word from him. It’s not until I get out the front of his home that I realize I don’t have my car or any means of transportation. So I sigh, shaking my head. Taking off my heels, I start the long walk to the gallery. I could call a cab or an Uber, but I’d have to wait for them to get here and risk Matt coming outside to find me. I don’t want that. So I head off down his street, in bare feet, with a sinking feeling and a nervous stomach.

 

***

 

The gallery is quiet for a Sunday, but I’m glad. I’m not my usual chirpy self today, and even though I’m nice to the few customers that do come in, I’m not on my game. Nate isn’t here, which is good. Seeing him would only remind me of Matt, and right now I don’t want that. I’m just trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life.

Sure, I have an amazing job, I have a bunch of good friends and people surrounding me, but right now, I feel like maybe I need to reevaluate. LA is great, but I’ve had nothing but bad luck here. The last three years has certainly looked up, but it’s starting to go downhill again, and I’m not sure I can take another beating. I’m strong, I’ve survived much worse than being denied by my best friend, I know that. But I’m beginning to feel like maybe moving wouldn’t be such a bad idea? I know Ria paid me to be here for a year, but I haven’t spent the money. I was wise and banked it, so if needed, I could pay her back for the hours still owed. It would suck having to bail on Nate, but I know Ria could find him someone equally as awesome as me. Hell, I could help him find someone before I left, I’m not that much of an asshole. But anyway, it’s just something to think about. The option is there if I need it.

I’m running through some invoicing when the door chimes letting me know someone has come into the gallery. I head out to the store front to see Ria, and I smile wide as she smiles at me weakly and opens her arms to me for a hug.

My forehead creases in confusion, but I move over and embrace her as she rocks me back and forth, her swollen belly protruding in between us.

“Nate’s been on the phone to Matt all morning,” Ria says, and I exhale and sag in her arms.

“Oh,” I murmur, and she nods pulling back and looks at me with a concerned look while leading us over to the red love seat.

“First of all, are you okay?” she asks, and I shrug.

“I have no idea. I don’t know what I’m thinking.”

She nods as we sit down, her a little more awkwardly than me, as she reaches out grabbing my hand. “Well, they were still on the phone when I left. I think Matt’s as confused as you are if that helps.”

I scoff. “I don’t think he’s confused at all. He made it pretty clear it was a one-time thing, and it was only to make him feel better. That we’re just friends at the end of the day.”

She purses her lips and winces. “I know the friendship means so much to him, he doesn’t want to lose that with you.”

“I know. I also know he has those stupid ten rules and I don’t fit them, so what hope do I have?”

“Without sticking around to find out what Matt was saying I don’t know. All I know is what happened, and as soon as Nate told me, I came to you, because I knew you’d need someone to talk to, too.”

I nod and tighten my hand in hers. “Thank you. I feel like such an idiot for going to his house last night. I’ve fucked everything up.”

“No. I don’t think you have. This could be the start of something, Alex. You and Matt both need to think about what you want.”

Shaking my head, I flare my nostrils in annoyance. “Matt told me already, he wants to stay friends. I was stupid for allowing myself to feel something for him.”

Ria scrunches her face in dissatisfaction. “Well, if that’s the case then you need to think about whether you can realistically carry on a friendship with him, especially if you have feelings for him.”

Sighing, I nod. “I know.”

“I love you, you know that, right?”

“I do. I love you, too. Thank you. I know you’re right. I need to cut ties with him, don’t I?”

She runs her hand up and down my arm tenderly, but it does nothing to soothe me like I wish it would. “It will hurt… it will be hard… but I think for your health, Alex, you have to do what’s best for you.”

Nodding, I swallow hard and take a deep breath knowing this is probably the right thing and that I will, at some point, have to let Matt go.