I feel like shit. Like fucking shit and as I walk through the side door of the house. Matt is in the living room playing on the Xbox.

He looks up at me and raises his eyebrow with a chuckle. “What the fuck are you wearing?”

Walking past him, I grunt. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Matt pauses the game and turns facing me as I head for the stairs. “Whoa, whoa, whoa… what’s going on?”

As I reach the bottom of the stairs, I grab the banister and slump my head with a deep sigh. “I told Ria about Mom and what happened… why I can’t read and then… she kissed me. But then she pulled back saying she didn’t mean to and that we’re just friends.”

Matt furrows his brows as he stands up and walks over to me. “Wait, so she actually kissed you then what? Threw you out?”

Looking up at him, I shake my head. “She kissed me, then I left.”

Matt nods. “This is probably because of her very public and very bad break up with Kade from Backlash.”

Jolting back, I gasp. “Wait? What?”

“Didn’t you know? Zaria dated him for like a year and then he cheated on her and left her for a groupie.”

“How did I not know about this?” I ask while running my fingers through my hair.

“Exactly? The whole world knows about it, it was headline news for days. But I guess you never really watch the news do you?”

“No, not really, especially celebrity news. You know how I feel about gossip and the paparazzi.”

Matt smirks. “You love to spread gossip yourself but never want to see it in the headlines.”

“Exactly,” I say and we both chuckle. “Right, I have to shower and get out of these fucking ridiculous clothes.”

“Yeah, you’re kinda freaking me out dressed like that.”

I slap his shoulder and head for the stairs, my feet feel heavy on the wood. Making my way to my room, I go straight into the en-suite. I smell like chlorine, and I’m pretty sure I can smell Ria’s hair scent on me. It’s driving me crazy so I need it gone.

Taking off her stepdad’s clothes, I turn on the shower and move in under the scorching hot water. It almost burns my skin but I don’t mind. I want it hot, it makes me feel. Facing the wall, I sigh and rest my head against the tiles. Thinking back to not that long ago when Ria’s lips were on mine. Her soft supple lips caressing against my skin, her tongue dancing with mine.

My cock hardens as I think of her and my hand moves down gently stroking it. It throbs in my grasp and I know she wouldn’t appreciate me thinking of her as I touch myself, but fuck, she’s doing my head in. She can’t kiss me like that and not expect to work me up, especially if I’m never going to get to touch her again and all I’ll ever have is the memory of kissing her.

My cock hardens completely and my breathing deepens as I pull on my cock a little faster and with a lot more pressure—I’ve gone from stroking to full on tugging.

Fuck it! She’s in my head and all I can see is her behind my closed eyelids. Ria in that white bikini, or her in that tight little dress. I wonder what she’d look like naked and beneath me, writhing in pleasure as I ram my cock in her.

A groan echoes through the bathroom as my cock throbs and my legs begin to shudder. A tingle starts at the base of my spine and radiates through me. Tugging faster and faster working up to my peak, I groan as the hot water pummels my side. My eyes clench as my balls pull up tight, my body trembles and my back arches. I moan out loud, panting hard as my cock jolts and hot come spurts out covering the wall while still thinking of Ria.

My forehead’s leaning against the wall and I sigh finally pulling back and moving under the water completely. My skin is tingling and the water feels like pins and needles. Feeling relieved from the sexual tension I wash down the wall, but I also start to feel bad because I’m pretty sure Ria would hate me thinking of her like that.

I clean myself off and finish my shower, spending an unusually long time in here. I just needed some time to myself. I don’t know what Matt has in store for me for the rest of the day, but knowing him it will be food and Xbox. Guys’ time. That’s what I need. Some down time with my bro to unwind from the stress of today.

After getting out of the shower, I dress and go to head downstairs. Opening my door, a smell hits me the instant I open my bedroom door. It’s intense and I open my eyes wide wondering what the fuck Matt’s up to as the sounds of bells and soft ocean sounds play through the house. My brows crunch together as I wrinkle my nose and shake my head slightly, wondering what the fuck is going on. Heading down the wooden stairs I notice puffs of smoke billowing out of something.

“What the fuck?” I murmur to myself as I slowly take the stairs one by one. A very short, bald Asian man comes into view standing in our living room holding a bundle of herbs that are lit and smoking, as he waves them around, in some kind of strange dance while he hums to himself. He’s wearing a full orange monk robe attire, and he’s moving like he’s either having some kind of seizure or possibly a mild stroke. Shaking my head as the smell of the burning herbs assaults my senses, I raise my eyebrow at him. He suddenly stops and halts all movements turning toward me and opening his eyes brightly glaring right at me.

“You!”

I jolt back slightly shocked by the harshness in this strange man who’s in my living room’s tone. “Me?”

“You ruin my ju-ju, come here!” he demands, his nostrils flaring like he’s super mad as he waves his smoking wand of crap at me.

I look around the living room for a sign of Matt, but he’s nowhere to be found and I feel like I’ve walked into the fucking Twilight Zone.

“Umm… who are you?” I ask and he pulls his hand up and gestures like a zip.

“Shhh… you ruin good karma. The qi in room is paramount. I fix your bad ju-ju. You’re bad karma big boy, yes?”

I shake my head furrowing my brows. “What the fuck?” I murmur under my breath again.

“Shhh… no swearing in house. It banned. Only good qi from now on, sexy boy,” he says then waves the herbs in front of my face. The smoke burns my eyes and filters up through my nose making me cough and splutter as he starts to run around the room again wailing and chanting as he dances like a maniac.

He’s half Jackie Chan, half kind of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I can’t figure him out. Or figure out why the fuck he’s even here. I stand on the spot watching him as he runs about the room waving the herbs and filling the room with smoke. I wouldn’t be surprised if the smoke detector goes off as he waves the herbs over the furniture for some reason which I’m still not sure of. He comes back over to me and runs the herbs up the middle of my body as he hums, vibrating the stem as he goes.

I open my eyes wide taking a step away from him as he closes his eyes like he’s absorbing some kind of energy. I don’t know whether to take off running or burst out laughing as he lets out a deep breath and sags his body looking me in the eyes.

“You have bad ju-ju. Me and Korean Fung Shui will help you!”

I tilt my head in confusion. “Isn’t Fung Shui Chinese?”

He opens his eyes wide and shrugs slightly. “Ahh… maybe. But this sage burning stick help with the bad karma in your negative space. I rid house of bad qi and bring in only positive energy. Yes, sexy boy?”

I furrow my brows further wondering a couple of things. One, why does he keep calling me sexy boy and two, if he’s some Fung Shui master, why is he using, what I’ve seen on TV as a Native American sage burning technique for a Chinese ritual and calling it all Korean?

Who is this guy?

Matt walks in and I open my eyes wide at him as he smiles at me and nods. I glare at him looking from him to the Korean guy who’s still too far into my comfort zone as he looks me up and down like he’s assessing me.

“Matt! What the fuck? Who is this?”

“This is Whisper,” Matt says with a giant smile.

I duck slightly and hush my tone. “Why are we whispering?”

“No that’s his name?” Matt says as the Korean bows his head.

“What is?”

“Whisper.”

I furrow my brows. “What the fuck? I was whispering!”

“Whisper, is name given to me by ancestor of years past,” the little monk guy says and I raise my brows and tilt my stature.

“Oh, you’re called Whisper? As in that’s your actual name?”

“Yes, like a cool ocean breeze. I am but breath of air, mist on wind. I roll on ocean… cool, calm, collected.”

Flaring my nostrils at the utter weirdness of this guy, I chance a glance at Matt and shake my head. “Riiiight… and what are you doing here?”

“Oh that easy one. I here to make your house invite only good qi. Reflect all sha qi. Bring in only happiness and joy so you be calm and joyous in everyday life.”

Matt grins wide like this is the best idea he’s ever had while I shake my head.

“Nope… no, Matt. What were you thinking?”

“What? This is good for you, Nate. You’re so stressed and everything’s going a little wonky for you right now, a little Fung Shui can’t hurt to help boost your energy, right?”

Whisper nods and waves his sage stick around me again and I push his hand away from me.

“No, this is stupid. This shit doesn’t work—”

Whisper puts his fingers up in a zipping motion again and opens his eyes wide. “No swearing, sexy boy. You keep only good, to reap good, you understand? Calm, cool, collected. Breathe in with me now, yes?”

I look at him as he takes in a deep breath. “No,” I reply and he frowns, slumping his body. “Where did you come from?” I ask as Whisper continues to take deep centering breaths.

“Craigslist,” he simply replies.

I look to Matt and roll my eyes as he smiles and nods like this is still the best idea ever.

“Give him a go, Nate, I think he’ll give the house a better energy flow which will help you.”

“Yes! Must help energy,” Whisper says and turns suddenly racing off into the living room again. I jolt back with his sudden movements and watch him as he picks up pieces of furniture and starts rearranging. Small things at first. A vase here, a pot plant there, and I watch with a frown as Matt smiles and grins the entire time, nodding like he understands what’s happening.

“Ah, this… this will give high energy and flow to stairs, yes?” Whisper says picking up an indoor ficus and moving it right to the edge of the staircase. I wince and purse my lips wondering what the hell kinda quack this guy is, and does he actually know anything about Fung Shui at all? Because to me, putting a tree at the bottom of a staircase is not only going to stop flow, it’s going to be as awkward as fuck for us to get around.

“Really?” I ask under my breath.

He moves to the coffee table and stands looking at it shaking his head. “No, this no do. I move it to create harmony, it flow through room.” So he pushes it up and against the wall, where it will be of completely no use at all and is basically in the way of everything. I shake my head as Matt nods his and I continue to wonder what fucking twilight world I’ve walked into.

Has Matt lost his fucking mind?

“Matt!” I ask and he chuckles.

“This is great. Whisper is a fucking legend!” he calls out.

Whisper’s head shoots up glaring to Matt and Matt winces and shrugs. “Sorry Whisper, no swearing, got it.”

“Good, sexy boy, you get it. You have good ju-ju, you make brother more… cool, calm, collected.”

Matt nods and smiles. “I will, with your help, Whisper.”

“Oh, the things I teach you, young sexy boy, we go far, we go so, so far.”

I scoff and shake my head looking at Matt as he believes all this shit Whisper is sprouting and start to walk off. “This is bullshit. I don’t need this,” I say as I head outside, but as I pass my toe stubs on the moved coffee table. “Mother fucking fuck balls!” I call out jumping up onto one foot and bouncing around.

“No swearing. I bathe you in sage, it heal your toe,” Whisper says, racing over to me to wave his stupid herbs all over my tense body.

I swat at him and tense my muscles trying to get him away from me. “Enough of the hippie shit, Matt, I’m going outside to cool off. Get him out of here and open the goddamn windows to let this smell out!”

“Oh yes, we open window, let the flow through. I have more work to do yet, sexy boys. We go to bedrooms and rearrange flow in there. I fix your house up in no time. I have your luck changing so quick, you think I magician… hahaha.” He laughs so obnoxiously it makes me feel like it’s forced, and I kind of want to laugh with him because he’s so damned ridiculous. But after the day I’ve had, I need to cool off, and even though his sage is giving me a kind of buzz, I’m positive his ju-ju will not be the thing to change my luck.

 

TWO DAYS LATER

 

It’s been two days and even with the so-called good luck ju-ju from Whisper, I haven’t heard a thing from Ria. I’ve been trying to get on with stuff and work with the guys, but I’m struggling to keep my thoughts in check. Ria is coming in to the office today to go over the theme of the music video. I’m nervous about seeing her as I pace the boardroom waiting for Ria and her entourage to show up. Everyone’s watching me as I pace up and down the room breathing quickly.

“Why are you so antsy?” Ryan asks.

I look at him and sigh. “I think I might have fucked up my friendship with Ria, but I’m not sure. I just have to wait and see how she reacts to me today I guess.” And as I finish talking she walks in with her people. Her presence fills the entire room and I smile as she looks over at me and half-smiles but then looks away while taking a seat next to Tillie.

“Tillie, be a peach and fetch me a drink… the usual, sparkling water, splash of lemon, three cubes of ice, and don’t forget the straw,” Ria demands.

I furrow my brows at her as she sits at the table looking at her nails. Shaking my head, I don’t get it, I thought she was going to try and be less diva and more Ria? And what the hell is her fascination with straws?

Tillie stands up and walks out to make Ria’s drink as I move to my seat and sit down. Ria isn’t looking at me or acknowledging me in any way. My heart’s pounding so hard I want to yell at her to look at me, but Oliver breaks my internal panic.

“So Zaria, we’ve devised that the music video will be in a lover style, shot in a sexy manner between you and Danger. It will be about you two as a couple, where you will be quite intimate and loved up in a hotel room.”

I tense up noticing Lunar doing the same, as Danger and Ria nod along while Oliver continues to discuss the intricacies of the music video. My mind isn’t taking anything in knowing I’m going to have to watch Danger getting it on with Ria and it’s doing my head in and I can’t focus. That along with the fact that Ria is completely ignoring me, I’m feeling pretty fucking deflated right about now and I’m fairly fucking sure I’ve ruined our friendship.

“Okay, I think that’s it. If there’s anything else that comes up we’ll call you, Zaria,” Oliver says and somehow I catch that, realizing that I’ve spent the entire meeting zoned out imagining what positions Ria and Danger are going to be in and how the fuck did I manage to ruin everything.

I want to talk to her but everyone is here. So I figure I have to let it go and talk to her another time as we all stand up and mingle around the boardroom. I can’t handle her blatantly ignoring me, so I walk out of the boardroom across to the kitchen alone. I’m miserable and back to feeling inferior and not good enough when a hand touches my shoulder. I jump slightly turning to see Ria frowning. She pulls me to the corner and into the pantry so no one can see us.

“Are you ashamed to be seen with me?”

She furrows her brows and flicks her eyes in what appears like actual shock. “What? No!”

“Then why are you avoiding me and why are we hiding in a cupboard?”

She exhales. “Shit! I’ve done this all wrong. I thought… well, I didn’t know if you had told the others we were seeing each other out of here.”

“We’re seeing each other?”

She opens her eyes wide. “Shit! No… I mean… me teaching you how to read. I didn’t think you’d want them to know that.”

“I don’t.”

“That’s why I was being like that. I didn’t want to make up some sort of false excuses as to why we’ve been hanging out.”

“Couldn’t we just say we’re friends?”

She tilts her head and harumphs. “Yeah… I guess we could.”

“You don’t have to avoid me. You’ve made me feel like shit, Ria.”

Her eyes droop and mist up as her lips turn down. She looks genuinely upset by that remark as she reaches out and pulls me to her in a tight embrace.

“I’m sorry, I thought I was doing the right thing keeping your secret. What I didn’t see was that I could keep your secret, but show our friendship anyway.”

“I thought the kiss ruined things between us,” I say as we pull apart from each other.

She swallows hard. “No, it confused me for a bit, but we’re still friends. A little blip like that won’t stop our friendship.” She emphasizes the word friendship and I’m really bummed by that.

“So when can I come over again?”

She smiles. “Tonight?”

“Yeah, sure. I feel like I’ve learned more with you than I have with any of my past tutors.”

She grins overly wide. “I’m glad.”

“I’ll see you tonight?”

“Yeah, come by when you’re ready.”

“Okay.”

She leans in hugging me once more then turns quickly leaving me in the cupboard like a dirty secret. I shake my head wondering what the fuck just happened as I clear my throat and step out to see Matt standing there smirking.

“What?” I ask.

“Zaria just came out of there.”

I shrug. “So what?”

Matt chuckles and nods. “Okay, keep your fling to yourself.”

“There’s nothing going on—”

“You were in a pantry together—”

“We were talking—”

“You were doing something with your mouths—”

“Grow up, Matt,” I chide and push past him as he continues to chuckle to himself. I head back to the boardroom with Matt following as everyone’s saying goodbye to Ria. She seems to notice me walk in and makes an effort to smile at me and nod an acknowledgment this time in front of everyone. I smile back feeling better that she’s at least trying.

“Okay, well, I better be off. I have an interview I need to get to, but I’ll see you all when I see you,” she says waving her hand to her assistant, Mindy, who picks up her things and they head for the door. She walks up to me, leans in kissing my cheek, squeezes my hand and I smile at her as she winks and continues on out the door. The room is silent as everyone looks at me with wide eyes and I exhale and roll mine walking over and taking a seat.

“What?” I ask and Lunar chuckles.

“A kiss on the cheek?” she asks.

“It’s a friendly gesture,” I say.

“Mm-hmm,” Lunar and Tillie both murmur.

“Just keep it in your pants until after we’ve filmed the video, then you can cause trouble. Okay, Nate?” Oliver tells me and I furrow my brows at him.

Great! I love that he thinks so highly of me that I would use and abuse Ria. Thanks, Oliver. NOT.

I shake my head and exhale. “Yeah,” I simply reply in a clipped tone.

“Speaking of keeping it in your pants. What kind of intimate stuff are we talking about here, Oliver, for the video?” Lunar asks.

Danger shifts as I watch Lunar observing him from the corner of her eyes.

“There will be some body contact.”

Lunar nods and sighs. “Kissing?”

Danger sits up taller. “I know Zaria would be fine with kissing, but I’m not really happy to do that. If we can get away without it I’d prefer it that way.”

Lunar tries to hide her smile and I actually feel a little bit of relief. Not just for me, but for Lunar as well.

“Okay, I’ll see what I can do,” Oliver says.

“They won’t have to be like fully naked will they?” Lunar asks.

Oliver smiles. “No.”

“It’ll be fine, babe, you’ll see,” Danger comforts Lunar.

She nods and takes his hand in hers, he pulls her hand up to his lips kissing the back of it tenderly. I exhale wondering if he is the right guy for her after all. My adoration for Lunar is fading the more time I spend with Ria, but it doesn’t mean I still don’t want the best for Lunar.

“Okay, let’s get out of here,” Oliver says and we all nod standing up.

The others file out and Matt comes up to me.

“I’ll see you at home?”

Pursing my lips, I shake my head. “Nah, I’m gonna go out for a bit.”

Matt grins but says nothing just patting my shoulder and walks off.

 

***

 

Stepping up to Ria’s front door she pulls it open wide with a great big smile. I grin at her as she lunges forward and takes me in a bear hug. My cock twitches as I hug her back, but I try to push past it as she pulls back grabbing my hand.

“C’mon, let’s head outside.”

I nod and follow her, closing the door behind me as we move to our usual spot out by the pool. We take our seats on the sun lounges as Marianna automatically walks over with some drinks. She must have been preparing them when I arrived otherwise she is a superwoman.

“Thanks, Marianna,” I say and she smiles at me with a wink then heads back inside.

“So, do you wanna study some more?” Ria asks.

“Actually I tried to write you a note, I’m not sure how good it is though.”

She sits up. “Oh my God, really?”

I nod, pulling the note out of my pocket and handing it to her.