ALEX

 

My hand is shaking as I try for the third time to apply the mascara to my lashes. Taking a deep breath, I steady my hand and curl up with the brush and apply a thick coating finishing my makeup for the night. “Finally,” I murmur as my stomach churns. I’m nervous as hell and feel a little nausea. Tonight is my date with Logan, and I’m not sure I want to follow this through. I know Matt will be there and that thought alone is helping me prepare for this.

My cell buzzes and I glance down to see a message from Logan, and I tense wondering if he’s bailing last minute.

 

Logan: I’m really excited to meet you. I’ll see you soon…

 

I let out a long breath and feel a little calmer like maybe this could be a good thing. Turning around, I look at myself in the mirror one final time and frown at myself. I don’t feel pretty. The hair, the piercings, it’s all there to disguise how hurt I am inside, and how alone I feel. My stomach flips and my chest tightens as my breathing starts to increase rapidly. I begin to think about texting Matt to call the whole thing off when a knock on my door startles me out of my panic. I swallow hard, and smooth down my little blue dress and take a deep breath while heading to my front door. I pull it open to see Matt standing there. He’s wearing tight jeans, a hoodie, and a leather jacket over the top. It’s a weird combo, but somehow it works. He’s generally looking pretty freaking hot. Then I look down to see him holding a bunch of flowers. I relax instantly as I look at him, and he smiles so wide taking in every inch of me.

With a small sigh, I raise my eyebrow at him and nod. “Looking rather dapper, rock star.”

He continues to stare at me, and I furrow my brows as he says nothing and just grins.

“What? Do I look that bad?” I ask running my hand over the dress, stress invading my body again through every available pore as I look myself up and down.

“No, Alex. You look stunning,” he says, catching me off guard. I look up and gasp slightly as he smiles at me.

I try to muffle my scoff. “I don’t feel stunning,” I murmur.

“Trust me, Logan’s a lucky man. Now hurry up and let me in, your flowers are gonna die,” he says handing me the bunch of flowers in his hand.

“My flowers? Wait… aren’t they for Jaci?”

“I have some for her, too, but I wanted to give you a bunch as a pep up and a ‘you can do this’ type of thing. So here, especially for you, doodle bug,” he says placing them in my hand.

My stomach flips, and I chew on my bottom lip as my nerves float away. Matt really is trying to make this easy on me, and I love him for that. “Thank you, you’re amazing. They’re beautiful.” I look down at the freshly cut bouquet of daisies and daffodils. He even knows what type of flowers I like. I’m not your traditional roses and lilies type, I like the more understated flowers. Matt is amazing. I take a deep breath and reach up on my toes, wrapping my arms around his neck and embrace him tightly. “Thank you, this means so much that you made an effort to ease my nerves.”

“Of course, Alex, we’re in this together. We’re a team!”

I pull back and nod. “Yeah, we are. I’ll just put these in some water, and we can go.”

He looks over to my art area. “You’ve been painting?”

I glance to the half-filled canvas and nod. “Yeah, couldn’t sleep last night. So I started painting. I do it when I’m stressed or nervous mostly.”

Matt walks over to me as I place the flowers into a vase with some water. His hand reaches out and gently caresses my back. “If this is too much for you, Alex, and you’re only doing it for me… you’d tell me, right?”

I turn to look at him. We’re close, I can feel his warm breath tickling my chin, and a tingling starts in my tummy as I stare into his eyes. “We gotta get back on the horse sometime, right?” I whisper, my voice is extremely breathy.

He nods and swallows hard as he looks down to my lips. I inadvertently lick them, and he suddenly breaks away from me and clears his throat. “We should get going if we want to make it there before them.”

I take a deep breath while nodding my head. “Okay then, let’s go meet our Pessimistic lovers,” I say, and he chuckles walking out of my apartment with me to his car. I notice the security detail in the car behind us, and I gnaw on my bottom lip as we hop into his car.

“Do you think being in a restaurant is going to be an issue for you tonight?” I ask, and Matt smiles crookedly.

“No,” is all he replies.

I furrow my brows at why he thinks he will be able to get away with being in a crowded restaurant without being noticed, but we’ll see. Hopefully, he’s not crowded by minion fans. That wouldn’t be good for him, or Jaci, I’m assuming. Unless she likes attention, then she’d probably love it.

We arrive at the restaurant and pull around the back, rather than the front. I’m a little confused, but then something in my mind clicks. “They know you’re coming, hey?”

He nods. We get out of the car at the back entrance, and he pulls his hoodie over his head grabbing the flowers from the back seat as his security detail follow us. We continue to the back door of the restaurant and ring the bell. A chef comes to the door, greets us in a very pleasant manner, and then walks us through the kitchen into a separate dining room like he’s done it a thousand times before.

It’s a small room where there are two tables set up and spaced apart. The room has one big chandelier in the middle, and the walls have draped red curtains hiding the room from the rest of the restaurant. I chew on my bottom lip and look to Matt. He takes off his hood, and I inhale deeply as the security guards take their positions subtly in the room, looking like they belong there as staff, not necessarily security.

Looking around the opulence of the room, I take in the romantic atmosphere. It makes me feel even more anxious about it all. “This is really beautiful, Matt.” I look up to the ceiling. “But like, for a first date, don’t you think this is a bit… extravagant?” I ask.

“I like to impress.” He smiles.

I tilt my head. “Well, yeah, but Logan’s going to think I came up with this, and that I can afford all this…” I wave my hands around, “… extravagance. What if he expects this from me all the time?”

Matt frowns. “Shit! Sorry… I didn’t think. Well, if it goes well with Logan, whatever you guys want to do for your future dates I’ll pay.”

I screw my face up and scoff. “Matt!”

“Is that not the right answer?”

“No… so not the right answer, Matt!”

“Excuse me, Mr. Levine, your date has arrived. She’s coming through now,” the waiter interrupts us, and Matt looks to me with creased brows.

I huff. “It’s fine, go… have a good night.” I walk off to my table leaving him to be with Jaci. He watches me walk away and I take a seat at my table, picking up the bottle of champagne from the bucket and opening it. I don’t care as I pour myself a glass while waiting for Logan.

I take a sip, watching for Jaci to walk in. Matt looks nervous as he holds the bunch of roses in one hand, and wipes his other hand on his jeans. I snort slightly as I take another sip of the crisp, cool liquid. Suddenly, she rounds the corner, the champagne sticks in my throat and I choke on it slightly. I cough and splutter—so much for trying to remain unseen as she walks in like a freaking super model.

Her hair is flowing down her left side in a beautiful brunette braid highlighting the way her cheekbones round her slim, pale face perfectly. The mulberry lipstick plumps her lips in such a way that makes even me want to kiss them. And as I look from her flawless face, down her curvaceous body to the below knee length white lace dress she’s wearing, I think she screams virtue and innocence. Everything about her is the total opposite of me as I sit here in my short blue dress, showing cleavage, with my aqua hair, tattoos and piercings, and I can’t help but think of the two women in the room and how polar opposite we are in every facet of the word.

Taking another sip of the champagne, I bite my lip as she looks to Matt. I’m far enough away that I won’t be able to hear anything they’re saying because of the soft melodic music playing over the speakers, but they stare at each other for a second or two, and I wonder if they’re going to spend the entire evening just looking at each other.

“Say something, Matt,” I murmur into my champagne glass, and as if on cue he steps forward handing her the flowers.

She smiles wide, a little too wide and her eyes seem to sparkle like she’s realized something.

Crap! Maybe she knows who he is.

Her eyes enlarge, and her grin so ridiculously wide she almost looks like a cartoon character. With that, I watch Matt’s body visibly sink like he’s not happy. I chew on my bottom lip wondering what’s going on. When she grabs his hand and attempts to pull him toward where she came in, Matt stills, tensing his body. I sit up taller as he shakes his head and her smile falters, but she nods and they walk to their table to take a seat.

I try not to be obvious about watching them because I don’t want to seem like some sort of weird stalker or anything. So I turn and look down at my cell realizing that Logan is now officially five minutes late. Great.

I sigh and take another sip of my champagne. My stomach is unsettled as Matt and Jaci start their date, and I can’t help but feel a little annoyed that Logan isn’t here. Maybe he isn’t going to show at all. As I twiddle my thumbs, I risk a glance over to Matt to see him talking with Jaci—it appears to be going okay. She laughs, and I sink a little further into my chair.

Another ten more minutes passes, and now Logan is officially fifteen minutes late. I’m a glass of champagne down, and Matt and Jaci have had bread brought to their table. Soon the menus will come out, and I’ll be here on my own like the loner that I am.

Damn it.

This was a mistake.

My stomach’s in knots.

I look over to Matt with Jaci, she laughs again, and I can’t take it anymore. I stand up, grab my bag, and head for the main entrance when the waiter walks in with a man. A really attractive man. A man that looks a lot like the profile pic of Logan. He’s looking concerned, and a little sweaty, as he pants out of breath.

“Ah… Alex, your date has arrived,” the waiter announces, as I glance from him to Logan who looks at me with sad eyes.

I bite my lip and nod. “Thanks.” The waiter walks off, and Logan stares at me taking a deep breath. His chest is rising and falling making me aware that his body is most definitely toned under his shirt. His jaw clenches and the slight stubble on his face is a stark difference to Matt, but I like it. It gives him a rougher edge, but his face still holds a boyish charm. He’s very good-looking, and his lips turn up in a half-smile.

He reaches out for my hand, and I let him take it. “I’m so sorry,” he simply says, and I take a deep breath and nod.

“I was just about to leave,” I reply, honestly.

“I’m glad you didn’t. I’d have been a dick to have missed seeing you. You’re rocking, Alex,” he says, and I stifle a laugh.

“Thanks… I think. Well, I’m really hungry so do you wanna…” I trail off not knowing what else to say as I look back at our table.

“Fuck yeah, I’m starving.” He drops my hand and walks past me toward the table.

I clear my throat and raise an eyebrow slightly while taking a calming breath, and walk over to the table where he’s already sitting, and grab my seat.

“Oh… bubbly, yes,” Logan cheers pouring himself a glass and then he puts it back in the bucket without offering me any. I grit my teeth and pull the bottle out, pouring myself a drink. “So, I guess you wanna know why I was late?”

I shrug and know Logan’s going to be taking over the conversation tonight.

“I was working in the gym, pumping iron, trying to get my body shredded for tonight. I wanna look good for you… you know what I mean,” he raises an eyebrow, “… and I lost track of time. Then when I realized I was running late, I literally like ran here. Well, from the car anyway. You know guns get the girls and all that,” he rattles on without stopping then raises up his arm, flexes his bicep, and kisses it.

I inwardly cringe while faking some sort of half-assed laugh—I’m sure I just threw up a little in my mouth.

“So this place is nice. Did you set up this special room for us?” he asks then takes a long gulp of his bubbly.

“Yeah, thought it would be nice to have our own space for our first-time meet and greet.”

“Wow! You went all out for me, Alex, I like that. A woman who knows how to spoil her man. Plus, you’re fucking hot as fuck! That bad girl image, fuck me. I gotta keep myself in check right now, let me tell you.”

I clear my throat feeling extremely uncomfortable about how open Logan is being. It’s nice he finds me attractive, but there’s no way I’m sleeping with him tonight. He can get that idea right out of his head, and unless he reins himself in we may not even make it to dessert.

“So ah… why internet dating?” I ask.

“I can never keep a woman, and I don’t know why. They always seem to think I’m too full on or something. I don’t know where they get that idea. I think I’m pretty calm actually.”

All I can do is smirk at him.

He tilts his head. “Why are you internet dating? Can’t imagine why you can’t find someone easy enough.”

I sigh. “I haven’t dated in a long time… trust issues.”

“Ah… well, you can trust me, honey. I might be brash, but I know how to take care of my woman.”

“But I’m not your woman,” I specify.

He winks. “Not yet, sweetheart, not yet.”

I let out a small chuckle. “You have a lot of confidence, you know that?”

He shrugs. “You gotta in my line of work. I deal with some badass people. So you need to be confident, or people will walk all over you.”

“You don’t think you’re compensating?”

He laughs. “I like you, Alex, you’re a fighter. And no, honey, I talk big, I look big… sweetheart, I’m all big… in every department.”

“Including your ego.” I snigger.

“Especially my ego.”

Logan waggles his eyebrows and I roll my eyes. He might be a complete egomaniac, he might be self-centered and definitely not for me, but he will be interesting company for the night.

“You’re a tattooist. Can’t imagine you get too many badasses in that line of work.”

“When it’s a biker club’s tattoo parlor…ah, yeah you do.” He smirks.

I gasp with a slight duck down as if that’s going to shelter me from my next question. “Are… are you a biker?”

He laughs, shaking his head. “No honey, don’t worry, not a patched member. Just work for them in their parlor. No links to the club other than that.”

“Holy shit,” I murmur and his massive grin falters slightly.

“They’re not bad guys. They took in my mom when she wasn’t doing so well. I grew up with them. They treat me real good, but I’m not one of them, and they would never hurt anyone I cared about. They look out for family. They’re actually real good guys, Alex. You shouldn’t be scared of them ‘cause the law tells you to be. That’s very self-righteous of you.”

I clear my throat and nod. That’s true. I shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. People judge me because of the way I look, I shouldn’t judge his friends because of the badge they’re given. I know bikers are all about family, it means everything to them.

“Okay, fair call. Maybe I’ll come in and get a tatt from you one day.”

“I’d love that, I really would.” His smile is genuine, and I can see that he truly loves his job and that slinging some ink into my skin would actually give him some real pleasure. I figure this is a safe zone, tattoos is something we both know about, so I think we can start there.

“Can you show me some of your work?” I ask, and his face lights up.

“Sure.” Logan pulls up his sleeve and rests his arm on the table showing me his forearm which is covered in a complete sleeve. The artwork contains every tattoo style imaginable, not artistic like mine, but very old school and mostly black and gray. Not my style, it has no vibrancy, no life. The portraits and symbols are very mishmash like someone threw random pieces together. It hasn’t been planned out at all. For an artist like me it’s kind of a nightmare, but of course, I would never say anything.

“So, this right here…” He points to what I’m assuming is Donald Duck. It kind of looks like the character, but the likeness isn’t quite there. “This was the first tattoo I ever did. That’s why it’s so shit,” he says with a slight chuckle.

I smile and nod. Ah, that explains it.

“The first one you ever did was on yourself?”

“Yeah, didn’t wanna fuck up anyone else’s skin, so I thought I better do it on myself. Thank fuck I did, ‘cause Donald is a piece of shit. But in my defense, I was only sixteen.”

“You started tattooing at sixteen?”

He nods. “Biker brat and all, I was working in the shop then. Being the tidy up lacky and shit. They were teaching me the basics until I became an apprentice, and actually grew my skills and became proficient at drawing and slinging ink. Now I do stuff like this.” Logan rolls up his sleeve a little higher to show me a portrait of a young boy, maybe in his teens. I furrow my brows trying to figure out if it’s a portrait of him or not. It looks like him, but not quite, but the portrait is amazing. So lifelike.

“Wow! Logan, that’s beautiful…” I pause when I see the date underneath, and I run my finger over the obvious memorial. Swallowing hard, I look up at him to see his usual cheery smirk gone.

“Carter… he was fourteen when he died. I just started working at the tattoo shop and wanted to do the portrait for him, but all I could manage was fucking Donald Duck and a shitty one at that.”

Swallowing hard, I sigh, and move my hand from his arm to his hand and squeeze it gently in a show of support. “He was your friend?” I ask.

He shakes his head. “My brother.”

My chest tightens, and I lace my fingers in with his. “I’m so sorry.”

He shrugs. “Lymphoma, bitch of a thing. Mom was…” he pauses for a second and changes direction. “Well, the club was there for us yet again, we’d be lost without them, Alex.”

I nod once feeling so sad for him. Logan obviously puts on this ego trip to hide his pain. Poor guy.

“Anyway, I waited, I drew, I studied, I got to be the best I could to give Carter the tribute he truly deserved.”

“It’s beautiful, Logan, really. Your artistry is incredible. Especially compared to the Donald days,” I tease and he lets out a loud chuckle.

“Thanks. It took me hours to make sure his likeness was perfect. It’s him… before the treatments started. Before the cancer really took hold. It’s how I want to remember him. He was a good kid.”

I squeeze my hand in his as the waiter comes over. “Your menus for tonight. Have a look over them, and wave your hand in the air when you’re ready and I’ll come over and take your orders.”

“Thank you so much,” I reply taking my menu and our hands separate as Logan takes his. I pull in a deep breath and look down at the menu thinking this all looks super fancy. I’d rather have Mexican any day.

Logan chuckles slightly, and I glance up at him and smirk. “So, you ah… come here often, Alex?” he asks, and I grin.

“Umm… honestly, I’ve never been here before. A friend recommended it to me, but the menu seems kinda fancy to me now.”

He tilts his head and shrugs. “You only live once, right? Might be fancy but it’s worth a try. I mean it’s gotta be okay if rock stars like it here, right?”

“Wait, what?”

He tilts his head toward Matt and smirks. “Didn’t wanna say anything in case you totally ditched me for the famous guy over there in the room, but I’m pretty sure that’s the bassist from Recoil with the bombshell.”

I sink into my seat slightly and sigh as Logan looks back to me and chuckles. “But hey, don’t worry, you’re way better looking than her. And, to be honest, Recoil kinda suck anyway. Their music is so… meh. It’s not hard enough for me, you know what I mean?” he asks, and I have to try really hard to not burst out laughing.

I nod and continue to look over the menu, figuring if there’s some kind of steak I’ll order that to be safe.

“God, I hope they have steak. I need some meat.” Logan looks up at me and opens his eyes wide. “Shit! You’re not a veggo are you?”

“God no. I was just thinking the same thing. Steak sounds good.”

“Ha, you and me…” he points to me and then himself, “… we’re gonna get along just fine, Alex,” he says throwing his hand into the air and looking for the waiter. He comes over and looks to Logan who smiles at me as if asking for my permission to speak. I giggle and nod as he straightens his shoulders and clears his throat. “Okay, so we’re not fancy people. We’re average run of the mill, so we don’t need bells and whistles. Just a couple of steaks, medium, with some awesome potatoes and veg. Can we get that?” he asks, and I giggle.

The waiter looks to me, and I nod and smile. “Of course, sir. Anything else at all?”

Logan looks to me so I blurt out, “And some garlic bread… with cheese!”

Logan’s eyes widen, and he nods. “Hell yes, I’m loving this idea. And don’t be stingy with the garlic, if we’re gonna stink we may as well both reek.”

The waiter nods and turns to walk off, but I gain his attention once more. “Oh, and one more thing…” he turns around and nods, “… can you bring us some beer, please? No more champagne.”

“Yes ma’am,” he says as Logan chuckles, sits back in his chair and folds his arms over his chest.

“Ah, Alex you know me so well already. I'm not sure if we should stay for the steak or whether I should just take you home right now.”

I chuckle, rolling my eyes. “Easy tiger. Remember to keep your massive… ego in check.”

He grins. “Kidding… ish.”

I shake my head and glance over to Matt who’s looking at Jaci like he’s lost, deep in thought. I hope they’re getting along well.